But who needs tea, when you can have delicious champagne? Oui? Oui?
Or not because no one actually buys champagne these days since Italian shit is cheaper lol. This made France VERY SAD.
"OH WHY WILL NO ONE BUY MY BEAUTIFUL CHAMPAGNE? IT IS LIKE, SO TRES BIEEEEN."
After crying forever and baking a million pastries out of grief, France decided that he needed to get revenge on those UGLY, FAT, STUPID, GAY Italians.
"HON HON HON I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO!"
So France put on his robe and wizard hat and set off for north Italy. (that was a disguise in case anyone recognised him, NOTHING CAN BE ALLOWED TO RUIN THE PLAN) When he arrived at Italy's house, he sneaked in because the idiot always left a spare key under the mat. He could hear laughter and splashing and shit from upstairs, so he followed where the sounds were coming from.
He slammed open the bathroom door and THERE THEY WERE. BATHING IN DELICIOUS PROSECCO SPUMANTE. (not frizzante because that would just be gay) France was beyond angry.
"WHAT DO YOU FUCKERS THINK YOU'RE DOING!"
Both Italies stopped their playful frolicking and started crying.
"WE SURRENDER! VEEE~ DOITSU COME HELP MEEEEE VE~"
"CHIGIIII SPAIN COME AND SAVE ME!"
With all that shouting and wailing, France got scared too and started surrendering AS BLOODY USUAL.
"I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
"NO I SURRENDER!"
All this surrendering disturbed Rome, who came upstairs VERY ANGRY. Especially because Germania had just pwned his ass on WoW.
"ALRIGHT YOU FAGGOTS. I will decide once and for all who has the greatest wine."
So Rome tried samples of each of them.
"I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION that you are all fucking gay. Now stop being annoying, I raised you all better than this!"
"No you didn't, you were pretty shit as a grandfather."
It was Rome's turn to start crying. (leave him alone! He's had a hard enough day already with Germania being a Germanic bastard ffs)
"ALL I EVER WANTED… WAS TO BE THE FAIRY PRINCESS. BUT NO, YOU HAVE ALL JUST RUINED MY DREAMS. I AM GOING BACK TO MY LAPTOP NOW, MAMA GREECE WANTS TO CYBER WITH ME."
France was all FUCK IT, I'M LEAVING so he streaked past the naked Italians, groping them as he went past. Even though he knew that Spain and Germany were probably going to rape him for it. (if they could get over Dora the Explorer and stop putting their dicks in dogs, that is!) Next time he was going to go beat up Russia for buying so much yucky Italian wine. What could go wrong with that plan?
OH WAIT.
NAPOLEON.