Disclaimer: I don't own anything Marvel. I just own Anna.

Chapter 10

Dear Bucky

Getting dropped off on Asgard wasn't all too eventful, thankfully. Anna, with all of her belongings still remarkably intacs and in her possession, went straight to Heimdal to get sent home. Because he hadn't been looking for her out in the universe like he normally did with Thor, he hadn't known about anything that had gone on with her. When he'd asked her what had happened (he knew something had happened because she was in her Guardian uniform and injured), he'd apologized profusely for not having done a better job.

After assuring him she didn't blame him for anything, he sent her back to Avengers Tower, langing her on the flight platform. She practically ignored everybody she passed on her way to her room. She had plenty of time to explain to them what had happened to her later. For now, all Anna wanted to do was to get a good night's sleep.

Over the next month, while Anna worked to train after she was fully healed from the crash on Xandar, she compiled her notes into a more professional document, and wrote reports for Coulson so that when she returned to SHIELD, it would all be ready for him to view in the easiest way possible. During her free time, Anna tended to drift towards her Avengers family, though the majority of that time she aided in searching for information on her missing husband.

One thing she hadn't exactly expected was to spend as much time with Clint as she had. Anna had, of course, known Clint for many, many years. She'd met his wife and his two children, though not as much as she would've liked. Laura was an unbelievably sweet woman, with the tolerance of a saint for having to put up with her husband in this line of work. She was practically raising their children on her own, and she put up with having to move out of the blue after Clint had gotten mind controlled by Loki.

It was an incredible secret that only Nat and Anna knew about amongst the Avengers. It was for their own safety. But when Anna and Clint were alone, she'd ask him about his family. She swore that man was never more happy than when he was with, or talking about his family.

"Think you'll have more kids?" Anna asked him, kicking up her feet as she drank a beer on the common room couch. Clint had brought it to her when he found her sitting alone in there with nothing on the tv. They casually talked for a bit before Anna asked him this question.

"Laura and I have been talking about it a little lately, but who knows," he said. "Those two rugrats run us ragged as is."

"They take after you," she chuckled. "You're a pain in the ass."

"I resent that," he begged to differ.

"No, you resemble that," Anna corrected. "You're a good dad though. A lot better than mine was, that's for sure. They're lucky to have you."

"You think you want kids?" Clint asked.

Anna coughed on her drink. "Me?" she asked.

"Yeah, you're great with mine," he said. "And I've seen you with other people's kids. You think you want them?"

It was a good question. "Honestly, I never really thought about it," she answered. "I always kinda saw myself doing this forever, and I didn't exactly want kids to go through what I went through. I enjoyed it, but that didn't mean it was the right thing to have done. And my parents weren't really very good at that part of their job."

"That doesn't mean you'll be like them," Clint said. "Trust me. When you grow up with the example of what you don't want, it makes you want to be the opposite for your own kids."

"I mean, I love kids," Anna said. "And I guess I'm not against the idea, but, I mean, the only person I could think of ever wanting to have kids with would be-"

"Bucky."

"Yeah," Anna said, biting the inside of her mouth. It was a nervous habit she'd somehow picked up in the last couple weeks. "Who knows if he'd even want me if we found him. Or if he'd even want the same thing."

"You ever think about what you'd say to him when you do see him again," he said.

The emphasis on his words hadn't gone unnoticed. "Hell no," Anna laughed. "I barely even believe it and I lived it. It's not like you can just say, "Oh hey, I'm a time traveling spy that married you because she thought you were going to die so why the hell not?" Yeah, that's go over so well."

"Maybe try writing it down," he said. "Sometimes it's easier to compose it that way. Just think about it."

Dear Bucky,

I'm going to write this letter as if you've come to remember everything in your life. Whether or not you do, or if you ever even read thing is another story, but this is something I need to do. Dealing with emotions hasn't always been my strong suit. So for once I'm going to try and take a set in the right direction for myself. And if it helps you too, then I couldn't be happier.

The first thing I should do, before I explain everything is apologize. I'm so sorry for what happened. Bucky. The situation we were in was incredibly difficult, and whether or not I made the right decision in the end could be debated. But what's done is done. For fear of chancing history beyond repair, I did what I did, or let it happen rather. It broke my heart to think I let you die, but it's shattered me to find out that Hydra found you and did what they did to you.

Perhaps the concept of time travel won't surprise you, or see as far fetch with everything that you've been through, but that's how I originally arrived back in the 1940's. Meeting you was purely coincidence, despite the face that I knew Steve in our present time. Steve made no indication that he knew me back then, as to not confuse me seeing as it hadn't happened yet. Which trying to explain is even more confusing.

Everything I did was to make sure history didn't change, and so that I could get me and my men back home safely. Falling in love with you was never part of the plan. I knew you would die. I didn't know exactly when, but I did know you would. I couldn't stop it. I didn't know how, and I couldn't risk the future. I hope you understand. I tried what I could.

Because I knew what would happen I vowed to try and make what life you had left was the happiest. And you made me the happiest woman in the world. You showed me a love I never knew I could feel. I owe you so much, and I feel as if I gave you so little. I only hope you feel the same as I do. I love you, Bucky.

I miss you so much. I wish you would come home. Though, you probably don't know where that is. For me, home is where the heart is, and you will forever hold that. But if this isn't the case for you, all I want is for you to try and live on and be happy. You deserve the world and more.

I don't expect you to be the same person I married all those years ago. Hell, I'm not the same woman. But for me, you are still my Bucky. You will forever be my Bucky. What you've done, what you've been through doesn't change any of that.

And as hard as it is to believe, I know exactly how you feel. I was manipulated by a man once into doing some very terrible things. People died. People I cared about died by my hand because I was under that person's control. The thing about being under mind-control, the part nobody talks about is that you're still in there. Some small piece of you is awake watching everything you do. It's like being a passenger in your own body. And no matter how much you try to break free, you lose to that controlled part of your brain that doesn't belong to you anymore. And it happens over and over again. And it makes what you do feel so much worse because you're forced to do it, but they make you want to want to do it.

It took me a very long time to come to terms with what happened. As much as it feels your fault, it isn't. I can't tell you that enough. It is not your fault. You need to learn to forgive yourself for what you did. But that is something you need to learn to do on your own.

I've been looking for you, but I know that if you don't want to be found, there is no finding you. If that's what you want, I can't stop you. I won't stop you. I want you home, but I don't even know if you could even forgive me for everything that's happened. If you can't, I understand.

You never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don't.

Forever yours,

Anna

I might do some more letters to Bucky if anybody is interested in those. If people want to see some specific things said or done in there as well, just let me know and I'll see if it fits. I just thought since Bucky's not around yet this might be a good way to incorporate something involving him. On another note, I also really enjoyed writing some one-on-one Clint/Anna time.

Thanks to the following for their reviews on the previous chapter:

Thunderstrike16 - I don't think I'll be doing it, but that doesn't mean there won't be contact between them. There's already so much from here until Civil War, and I'm very anvious to get to a reunion between the happy couple.

Jedi Jesla777 - I know, I tend to say "Lord help us" all the time. (Usually because of my dad lol). I never thought about Rey and Goose meeting, but that's definitely something to think about. And the "pager" It's not exactly the same, but it is similar. Just much more modern, since it's been like 20 years sine CM gave it to Fury and between GoTG. It's a cross between that, and one of those older slide phones.

S. Arke - It's always been my goal to try and make sure everything that is cannon is cannon here too unless absolutely necessaary to change it. Unfortunately, there is always going ot be some typoes and misspellings in my stuff (I blame the dislexia), but I do hope to go back and replace the chapters with fixed works. Eventually. Right now I"m more concerned with getting chapters written ahead of time since I'm moving next month. I've currently gotten all of this month and next months updates written, but I want to get more done. I'm so happy you like the story though!