=[ANDRÉ]=

holes in my apologies

She's running now. I guess there are probably tears streaming down her face, tears she doesn't want me see. My breath is heavy—I know I have to reach her, to explain myself, and I know it's going to be hard. How am I going to tell this beautiful, amazing girl why she'd seen me kissing another? How am I going to tell her the kiss meant nothing and look sincere saying it?

After a while, she slows down. Meena turns around and looks at me. The hurt is visible in her eyes. She turns back around, now staring at a blank locker, most likely hers. She fumbles with the lock, but gets it open. I watch as she reaches for her purse, and it reminds me all too much of the day Tori was being forced to leave. I run toward her, stepping in front of the locker.

"Don't leave okay? That kiss was all a part of the act." My heart's pumping as I speak. It was the first thing that popped into my head.

"You're not that good of an actor 'Dré, no one can fake a kiss like that," she replies, not interested. She's not hearing me out. She can't leave me, not now.

We'd met at the mall. It wasn't the most romantic place in the world to meet a girl, but I wasn't searching the mall for a potential date. My grandmother was convinced no regular pharmacy carried her "special brand" of medicine, that only the big place with tons of miniature stores would have it. So, she sent me to the mall. I planned on buying things for myself; I'd just buy her medicine at CVS later and peel off the label.

I'd already bought some jeans, cologne and shirts. So, to complete my day at "the big place with miniature stores" I'd need some shoes. As I turned the corner to the shoe department I saw her. She was beautiful. She didn't go to Hollywood Arts and I could tell by the way she'd told the guy she was taken in such a classy way, she wasn't a North Ridge girl.

She'd introduced herself and and I'd said my name as well. We sat down in the food court with sodas from McDonald's and just…talked. After an hour or so I left with her number. That's all I'd gotten for myself—and I forgot Grandma's medicine.

After that, and everything we'd been through the last few weeks, I knew how special she was. I couldn't let her go.

"Sikowitz wanted us to kiss, he thought it'd make the show more believable," I tell her now.

"As much as I want to believe you," she says sadly, "I—I just can't, André."

"Well then, say you'll call me later and say you forgive me for kissing her, even though I did it because Sikowitz wanted me to, and say you'll stay at Hollywood Arts and tell me what you're in for?"

She closes her locker then. Gives me a peck on the cheek and promises she will. When I yell bye in her direction I finally feel like everything is okay.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see Tori Vega exiting out the back door crying. "Tori!" I chase after her, but she only goes faster. It hurts even more to see her cry. In the few years I'd known her, she never cried.

Could…is it possible that I caused this?

Girls are so confusing. I'm actually the one confusing myself, I think. I mean, I like Meena a lot. Maybe I even love her. But then there's Tori…and every time I'm around her, I just can't contain myself. I keep kissing her. It's like some cosmic force just pushes me to her, and brings me to kiss her, to forget about my girlfriend. Why?

My life is a mess.