If I could find out how
To make you listen now
Because I'm starving for you here
With my undying love

"Breathe"- Paramore

Amber herself knew that she had done many, many stupid things in her life. She had always been the biggest bitch in high school, had never let herself feel guilty for any of the horrible things she'd ever done. Though, as she lay alone in the bed in her apartment, the blankets twisted around her legs from tossing and turning, she suddenly hated herself.

Corny was a good man. Sure, he'd made her miserable as a teenager, and he'd made some rather irresponsible decisions years ago, but everyone did. He'd taken responsibility for his actions, and, for the past two years, had been nothing but supportive and loving to Amber. She knew he deserved better than to be lied to, especially by his fiancée. He deserved better than another man kissing his fiancée, and sure as hell deserved better than the fact that she couldn't stop thinking about that kiss.

It was so bizarre, to feel his lips on her after more than six years. His kiss was soft, somewhat sloppy, like it had always been. She'd always hated kissing him all those years ago; it was like he wasn't completely sure what to do with his tongue, and always seemed to search aimlessly for her own. She hated the fact that she could still feel his kiss, despised the idea that her lips still trembled when she thought about it.

It wasn't that she had liked the kiss; that wasn't necessarily what it was. There was just something different about his lips, something different from Corny. It made her feel a different kind of beautiful; when Link had kissed her. It made her realize that she was still a young, gorgeous woman, and not just to her fiancée. It made her feel like she was seventeen years old again, spinning and twirling on Corny's show, flirting with him but making no real commitment to him at all. Not almost twenty-five, not engaged, and certainly not pregnant.

She wanted to marry Corny; there was no doubt in her mind about that. It simply scared her, when she thought about it. She was only twenty-four, and had spent the better part of her teenage years following her mother's laws so religiously that she'd barely had a chance to date anyone but Link. She'd had a few flings in college, but they'd been nothing serious, and the thought that Corny would, in all actuality, be the last person she ever kissed, scared her.

She hated the way her thoughts sounded, even to her. She loved Corny desperately; loved him like she'd never loved another human being in her life. She wanted to feel his lips on her, his fingers on her skin. She wanted him to hold her, make love to her, kiss her for the rest of their lives. She wanted to be with Corny, no matter how much he thought anything else. And above all, that was all that really mattered. That was exactly why she decided that tomorrow had to be the day she told him about her pregnancy. Despite the fact that she still hadn't really clarified her own feelings about it, and the fact that he might get mad at her for keeping that from him, too, she needed to do it. It was the only thing she could think of that would give her a chance of salvaging the relationship that she had single-handedly fall apart.

She found herself on his doorstep close to an hour later, feeling abnormally jittery as she climbed the stairs. Her fingers moved to the doorknob and she turned it, but it didn't budge. Instead of reaching into her purse for the key, she let a manicured nail press the doorbell and waited outside, frowning to herself.

This was insane, she knew. She'd been practically living here for almost a year, and now she had been reduced to a strange houseguest. She felt her cheeks burning as the door opened, and Sophie looked up at her, brows furrowed and fists rubbing the sleep from her eyes, her small robe knotted around her waist.

"Amber?" She looked genuinely confused, though Amber couldn't be completely sure that wasn't because she was still half-asleep. She blinked twice, turning away from the door and trudging back through the living room, leaving Amber to open the screen door herself and slip in. Sophie had collapsed onto the couch, her cheek resting casually on the cushion as she watched a cartoon on television. Amber took a few steps inside, feeling unusually stupid for being so nervous. The fight had been just last night; she'd only been gone from this place for a few hours, and still, it felt different here.

"Where's your daddy, Sophie?" Amber glanced at her, and Sophie propped herself up on one elbow, watching her.

"Shower," she answered softly, then let her eyes trace over her. "You didn't stay here with Daddy last night, did you?"

Amber swallowed hard, and shook her head slightly.

"No."

Sophie frowned, and slowly pulled herself into a sitting position, her dark eyes still focused on the blonde woman.

"I didn't tell him, Amber." Her voice was solemn; so eerily adult-like that it sent chills up Amber's spine. "About you and Link, I mean." The corners of her lips turned into a frown, "I promised you I wouldn't."

"Okay," she felt the word slipping from her lips, barely loud enough for the child to hear, "I believe you."

It wasn't hard to believe that one of the current council members had seen them, and spread the news like wildfire. There was barely ever a time when she found herself completely alone in the studio, and there were lots of places for someone to hide. She pursed her lips, and Sophie turned her attention back to the television.

Amber stood for another moment, and finally heard the shower shut off. She heard the bathroom door open, and he entered his bedroom. She gave Corny a moment before moving to the door, rapping it softly with her fingernails. She let her hand move to the knob, holding her breath for a moment. When it turned in her palm, she sighed softly and pushed it open, slipping inside.

He stood with his back to the door, wearing a pair of lounge pants and a plain cotton t-shirt, his hair still damp from the shower. She fiddled with her fingers quietly for a moment, watching him.

"Corny, I need to talk to you." Her voice was soft, apologetic. Her lower lip jutted out, and she thought for a moment that she might cry. It was slightly ridiculous, but her hormones were in sudden overdrive. She placed her fingers on her hips, watching him. "Look at me, please?"

He turned slowly, his eyes brushing over hers, and she smiled softly at him.

"Hi," she whispered somewhat foolishly, her cheeks pink with humility.

"Hi." His voice was dry, monotone. He watched her, and she took a step closer to him, swallowing hard.

"I'm sorry," she spoke softly, "for everything. I wouldn't-I mean, I didn't…" her voice faded, and her eyes dropped, brushing the floor before looking back up at him. "I love you. You know that, don't you?"

He set his face, clenching his jaw. He looked so much like a stubborn child at that moment that she had to make an effort not to smile. He looked prepared to speak, and then sighed softly, letting his tongue dart out to wet his lips before rocking back on his heels silently.

"Well, I do." She frowned, slightly discouraged by his silence. "And you know it's not easy for me to apologize, Corny."

"I can't help it, Amber," he sighed dejectedly, "I can't stop thinking about it. Why would you let him kiss you?"

"I didn't let him!" She suddenly felt defensive, "It just…I was in shock, Corny. I wasn't expecting it to happen, and by the time I realized what was going on, it was over!"

He shook his head, swallowing hard. He looked at her, her blue eyes brimming with tears. He sighed finally, dropping his head.

"It's not that I don't believe you." His voice was low, "You haven't lied to me since you were seventeen," he finally let a hand reach up to brush a strand of hair from her face, "it's just that Link is…" he was quiet for a moment, "Link is everything I'm not, Amber."

She furrowed her eyebrows, watching him.

"That's exactly why I love you." She knew she had to speak suddenly; he was faltering, and she could see it in his eyes. "Corny, I don't want Link. I don't want him to be the one I come home to, the one that kisses me goodnight." She frowned suddenly, guilty tears forming in her eyes, "I don't want him to be the one that loves me, Corny. I want it to be you. And I don't care how Link feels about me, because I love you, not Link."

She pressed herself onto her tiptoes, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. She rocked back on her heels, looking up at him worriedly.

"Do you still love me?" She knew the question was ridiculously absurd, and as stupid as she felt asking it, part of her dreaded his answer. She had never known unconditional love; Velma had merely tolerated her when it was appropriate to do so. She felt tears welling in her eyes, and he frowned slightly, letting his hands move to her face, his thumbs stroking her cheek.

"I guess so," he sighed, smiling softly, then teased, "You're too pretty to stay mad at, anyway." He pulled her closer to him gently. She sniffed, letting her fingers work around him, resting on his back as he held her to his chest. "And I'm sorry, too. For all of those things I said. It's not your fault, Amber, none of this is. I was just upset."

She sniffled again, nuzzling into his chest. Just for right now, she would let herself pretend that was true. She pulled back slowly and smiled softly at him, taking his hand in hers, motioning for him to sit on the bed with her. She stroked the back of his hand with her fingers, her heart suddenly pounding in her chest.

"There's something else I need to tell you." Her voice was soft and low, because she wasn't completely sure how to deliver the news. She'd never thought about this, growing up. She'd never envisioned what it would be like to tell her husband that they were expecting a child because she'd never planned on getting married, and certainly not on having a baby.

His face tensed slightly at her words, and his eyes watched her. She let her top teeth chew on her bottom lip for a moment, and finally let her jaw go slack.

"Corny, I'm-"

The words suddenly stuck in her mouth. She tried to find them, tried to work her tongue around them, but she couldn't. Her heart was racing, and her cheeks felt flushed. She tasted the bitter dryness of steel in her mouth, and felt the familiar churning in her stomach. She bolted from the room suddenly, barrowing down the hall, barely making it to the bathroom in time before the bile pushed up her throat, and into the toilet bowl. She felt hot tears burning her eyes and wiped them away with the back of her hands, her stomach muscles heaving as she emptied her belly.

She groaned slightly, pulling the lid down and slumping over it, letting her fingers work to flush the toilet as she felt his fingers on her back, tracing down her spine.

"You're sick again?" Sophie was the one to ask the question, and Corny looked back at her, bending slightly to let his fingers massage Amber's shoulders slightly.

"No," she moaned the words, "not sick."

She felt both pairs of eyes watching her; drilling into the back of her skull, and let her head fall against the toilet lid, her forehead resting on the cool plastic.

"Not sick?" Corny asked quietly, his fingers brushing lightly through her hair, "You look pretty sick to me."

"No," she sighed, pathetically, not even bothering to raise her head, "Not sick. Pregnant."

There was a deadly silence between the three of them suddenly, and Amber sucked her breath in, tears still burning her eyes. She remained slumped in her position, and heard Sophie squeak suddenly.

"You mean, you're having a baby?" She glanced up at Corny for confirmation, but he simply regarded her with wide, uncertain eyes.

Amber nodded silently, still not raising her head. Corny cleared his throat after a moment, and turned to Sophie, speaking to her in a soft voice.

"Soph, go watch TV for a minute, let me talk to Amber." She turned away suddenly and hurried into the living room. Corny stood silently behind Amber, before slowly allowing himself to sink onto the floor next to her. It was hard, with the still throbbing pain in his back, but he positioned himself against the claw-footed tub and the toilet, letting his arms reach around her.

She finally pulled her head up, studying him with eyes of crystal blue, using the back of her hand to wipe the smeared mascara from her face. Her jaw began to tremble and she steadied it, averting her eyes from him. He watched her quietly, stroking his fingers down her arm.

"I'm sorry," she muttered quietly, slumping over him and onto his chest carefully. He let his fingers run down her back, pushing the blonde hair from her face.

"What are you sorry for, babe?" He let his lips brush the top of her head, and she pulled her head up to look at him.

"For not telling you sooner." For not telling him about the kiss, or the pregnancy. For lying to him, for continuing to think about the way Link's lips had felt on hers. For every stupid mistake she'd made when it came to their relationship, because the guilt alone was driving her out of her mind.

"How far along are you?" He wondered, still stroking his fingers down her back. She sniffled, biting on her lip.

"About twelve weeks." Her voice was barely even a whisper, and she felt his fingertips pulling gently on the ends of her golden hair. She rested against him for a moment, and finally his hands worked to her shoulders, pulling her away from him so that he could look at her face.

He watched her with wide blue eyes. She suddenly wondered if their baby would have eyes the color of cobalt, like him, or glass, like her own; wondered if its hair would be the wispy blonde of hers, or full and dark like Corny's.

"I just want us to be okay," she found herself whispering the words to him.

He stroked his finger down her cheek, watching her.

"We're going to be fine, Amber. We fight, that's what we do." He smiled softly at her, "That's what we're good at. Although now, I guess we'll have to fight a little less."

He let his hands trace down her front, letting his fingers run over the small bump in her abdomen before looking up at her face.

"I thought maybe-" he let himself nod slightly, "but I didn't want to say anything." He let his fingers play there for a moment, rubbing small circles over the bump beneath her clothes. "Are you happy?"

She let herself think about the question for a moment, and swallowed.

"I think so." It was an odd answer she knew, but if anyone understood its connotation, it would be Corny. He nodded his head, letting his eyes watch her stomach.

"I don't know anything about babies," he admitted softly, his lips turning into a slightly flustered grin.

"Me either."

"Well then, I guess we'll have to learn together." He tilted her chin up, brushing a soft kiss over her lips. "At least I'll actually be able to meet this baby before she turns five." He added the last comment with a slight chuckle, and pressed his cheek against the top of her head. "You're going to be such an amazing mother, Amber." It was almost as if he'd been reading her mind. She let herself smile softly, and rested against his chest again, her lips turning into a simple frown at his words.

She had always told herself that if, or when, this happened, she would be strong. It was different with Sophie; the two of them had already established a relationship before any type of emotional connection was made. But with this baby, all of that would be intricately tied together; the deep roots of connection had already been planted. And though Amber would only admit to being fearful of the actual birthing process, the stretch marks, and the mood swings, she was beyond all of that.

What truly terrified her was the thought of turning into her own mother.