And, I live.

Hello, again! I had such a hard time writing this...I know what I want for this story. I can put all the major scenes in my head and I'm satisfied with it, but when I actually write it out, it just isn't right. That's a big reason it took me so long to write this. I was just never satisfied with the chapter till now.

Anyway, I have created another planning sheet for this story, and I will probably finish this within the next few chapters. There is only so much I think should go on, and then I have an epilogue, of sorts, planned, in case readers don't like the ending.

Well, once again, if you have any questions or concerns, review or pm me, and I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Disclaimer: I do not own Love Live!

I ran and ran, not realizing Honoka-chan was calling me from somewhere behind me. Or rather, I did hear her, but I just wanted to be alone.

I couldn't believe it.

She didn't love me anymore? Is that the reason she walked away from me? Because she didn't love me anymore? Did I do something that made her lose interest in me? What caused her to suddenly not have feelings for me anymore? Or has she stopped having feelings for me for a long time and just never said anything…?

But then again, I did break up with her. On a whim, as well.

I stopped running when I thought about the day I broke up with her. She looked rather indifferent when I told her, and had a fixed smile on her lips as if she had been preparing herself for that moment. That was the last time we spoke to one another with any kind of sincerity. Well, if our conversation that day had any sincerity at all.

It was also the last time she looked at me so lovingly.

I always loved the way she would look at me, and only at me. She looked at me as if I was the only thing that she ever knew. She paid such close attention to everything about and around me, that I sometimes wondered if she could read my mind in any way. Sometimes I thought that she had been spending too much time with Nozomi-chan.

"I hope she treats you well…"

Those were the last words she said to me that night before she walked away to who knows where. That was also the last time she ever laid her hands on me. The feeling of her calloused hands rubbing against my cheeks and skin; the feeling of her lips on mine one last time; the tugging ache in my chest as our distance grew all hit me the same time my knees hit the floor.

I felt arms wrap around my shoulders and felt my face get pressed against something soft.

"It's okay, Kotori-chan. I'll always love you." Honoka-chan whispered against my head. "So don't cry anymore." rather than cry about what Umi-chan had just said, I was crying about what happened that night.

Her calm composure, her fixed smile, her expecting eyes, and her seemingly practiced words and gestures…

I cried harder at the thought.

Had she seen our break up coming and had resolved her feelings before that night?

Thinking about that made me wonder what kinds of feelings Umi-chan had been hiding before we broke up. How little did I know about her in those last few weeks, months even, of our relationship?

I stared out the window, seeing Kotori on the ground with Honoka comforting her. Seeing her now, on the ground, most likely crying, made me want to comfort her, but I didn't have that right anymore. I don't even think I have the right to ever speak to her again.

'I don't love her anymore.'

"This is for the best, right?" I asked, only to receive the silence of the empty student council room. I sighed before going to sit back down in front of the piles of papers to continue approving or rejecting all these request forms. "Ugh, I had no idea there were this many clubs at this school." I groaned as I read over the papers before signing them, making adjustments, and setting them in separate piles for 'approved', 'rejected', and 'to be revised'.

I groaned again before slumping in my seat, closing my eyes. I hadn't realized how tired I was till now. My eyes burned when I closed them, and if I kept them closed for too long, my brain refused to let me open them again. I blinked several times, trying to see if the burning sensation would cease, but to no avail.

After another fifteen minutes of reading, signing, and organizing, I received a text on my phone. I reached over to my bag to retrieve the device to see it was from Tsubasa.

[Tsubasa] Hey! I just finished dance practice with Erena and Anju. Did you want to hang out for a bit?

I glanced over at the clock and then at the papers in front of me.

[Me] Sure. I am still at the school. Where do you want to meet?

I sent before stacking the papers and putting them in bins and setting them on the side for tomorrow. My phone dinged, notifying me that she had just replied.

[Tsubasa] Why are you still at school? Well, you can tell me when I get there. I'll be by the gate. See you soon!

I smiled a bit before slipping my phone into my bag. Her cheerful nature always seemed to brighten my day, even when she wasn't present. I put away the rest of the papers before locking the student council room and returning the key to the teachers' room. I made my way outside and was immediately drawn to the individual dressed in white, who was standing by the gate.

'Heh, that white uniform really does stand out…'

She happened to turn her head and see me, and waved to me with a huge smile on her face. I returned it with my own smile, which I was pretty sure she noticed.

I haven't spent a great amount of time with Tsubasa, but in the little time we have hung out with one another, I feel like I've been able to learn quite a lot about her, and vice versa. She reminded me of Kotori, in the way that she knew how to spark up a conversation, and she could be quite pushy if she wanted to. Not that I minded.

"Ready?" she asked me when I was within ear shot.

"Yeah."

It wasn't that rare that I would be stared at in the streets. I would pass a number of crowds that would turn to look at me and whisper and gossip to their companions. Usually it was because of my uniform, and the fact that I went to UTX, but after Love Live, a lot of people recognized me as the leader of A-Rise. Now that I hang out with Umi now, it seems that we get more stares.

It isn't surprising though.

Tsubasa from A-Rise, and Umi from μ's. Both having competed against one another in Love Live, which has gotten increasingly popular in a short amount of time. Because of this, the two of us are kind of famous, especially in Akihabara, where there are posters with our faces on them everywhere. It bothered me in the beginning, but I gradually got used to it. Umi didn't seem fazed by any of it either, so I guess she had gotten used to it too. That, or she never minded from the start. But from the short amount of time I had spent getting to know Umi, I highly doubt that she was never bothered by the attention.

Speaking of Umi, I've always seen her as a very attentive individual, who prided some form of perfection, and was never distracted by anything, but today, she seemed a bit off. I always caught her either looking at one of those year old posters, or nodding off. We had stopped at a park and she seemed to be nodding off again.

"Umi, are you okay?" this was unusual. She isn't normally this tired, and the school year had just started. There was no way she had to study for exams and stuff already.

"Hm? Y-Yeah, sorry. Tired, I guess." she sighed and settled into the bench a bit, closing her eyes and sighing again.

"Umi, what were you doing at school this late?" she didn't give me any sort of response. "You don't have after school practice anymore, and you shouldn't have archery practice today. Today should be...student council?" I asked. She nodded, her eyes open now, while looking at her hands. "But you're just the vice president, right? Plus, the year just started. There shouldn't be a lot of work. You look exhausted." and then she surprised me, yet again.

She turned to me and rested her forehead on my shoulder, causing me to stiffen a bit. We were silent for the longest time, and I tried to relax under her, although I didn't want to move too suddenly. She might think I'm uncomfortable and she'll move away (which wasn't the case). I managed to completely relax under her without her moving from her spot on my shoulder. As I calmed myself down, I heard her breathing evenly and softly.

'Is she sleeping?'

I tried to roam my eyes around, trying to find some sort of sign telling me whether or not she was asleep. After listening to her breathing quietly for a little while longer, I accepted the fact that she was out like a light in the middle of a park, on an old bench, and using my bony shoulder as a makeshift pillow.

I watched her for a while, her chest and shoulders rising and falling evenly as she soundly slept. A lock of her hair fell from her ear and became part of the dark veil that covered her face. I figured it wasn't too late just yet, so I sat there just watching the other people in the distance. There were elderly couples taking strolls at their own pace, there were children running around, talking up a storm, there were groups of girls and guys hanging out with one another before they went home, and of course, there were young couples.

I glanced down at Umi and wondered how she and Minami-san used to be. From what I know, Minami-san is a rather touchy-feely person and is always open to physical contact, while Umi, on the other hand, is not. Did Minami-san constantly initiate hand holding and hugs while in public? Or did she contain herself for her and Umi's moments of privacy?

Then I thought about my relationship with Anju.

Anju and Minami-san were similar in the way that they both love to be in physical contact with their loved ones. When we were away from prying eyes, Anju always sat next to me, shoulder to shoulder, and would often lay against me or spontaneously kiss me. But although she was touchy-feely, she maintained a more professional distance from me when we were out in the open and only sent me sideway glances. It was enough for me, though.

I smiled at the fond memories.

When I was with Anju, my heart always felt full. Just having her near me was enough for me to feel content; and whenever she smiled, the butterflies that were fluttering softly in my stomach would begin to beat their wings more rampantly. When she laughed, I never wanted her to stop. When she sang, I only ever compared her voice to that of an angel's.

And when she broke up with me, I could feel nothing but this deep, aching pain that persists to this very day.

I glanced down at Umi again and wondered what I felt with her.

Yes, when I was with her, I felt more happy than I ever had in these past few months. She brought this light back into my life that had gone away when Anju started dating Erena. She made me feel warm and safe, and it always felt right to talk to her about what I was feeling.

But was this love?

I groaned a bit and started moving, feeling the ache in my neck. That would be a pain tomorrow. I turned my head a bit and noticed the object under me began to stiffen. I opened my eyes and blinked several times, trying to take in my surroundings and remember what I was doing before I had fallen asleep.

Tsubasa…

With the realization that I had fallen asleep while out with Tsubasa, I shot up, immediately regretting it due to the uncomfortable stiffness in my neck, and the white spots that blocked my vision for a solid ten seconds. I blinked again and met Tsubasa's bewildered expression, most likely wondering why I had shot up the way I did.

Then I felt my face heat up slightly.

The object I was sleeping against…

I had fallen asleep on Tsubasa.

"A-Ah! I am so sorry I fell asleep on you, Tsubasa! I was just, uh, really tired today from all the work, and last night I didn't get too much sleep because I was studying and before that I was-"

"Hey," she put her hands out in front of me, telling to me to stop my rambling. "It's fine, really. You looked exhausted, so I figured I'd let you rest." she smiled understandably and I relaxed.

"Yeah, I guess I haven't gotten much sleep lately." I slumped back against the bench. The sun has nearly set.

"Why not? The year has just started and you haven't gotten much sleep? How many assignments do you receive from class?" she tried to joke a bit.

"Not just that. Yes, there is classwork and homework, but there is also the Student Council work, and I still attend the Archery club, so I need to train for that, still. I'm also going to college next year and I'm going to be inheriting my parents' dojo afterwards. They aren't really here to care for it, and my grandpa is very sick. My grandfather has also gone away somewhere and will most likely not return. My cousin also doesn't care much about a life with the dojo, so I know she wouldn't want it. There are more responsibilities with it all, and I guess I've been neglecting proper rest."

"Well you can't just do everything on your own." she reprimanded lightly. "Aren't you only the vice president at your school? Where's the president?"

"It's Honoka."

"Oh…right." she seemed to think a bit before asking, "Is she neglecting the work?"

"That's half of it...I think. The rest is that I drive her and Kotori away." I slumped further into the bench. "I can't see them together… not yet. Well, maybe not ever."

Yes, I still love her.

I groaned and threw my arm over my eyes, thinking about what I had said just a few hours ago to Kotori and Honoka.

"I do not love her. I have said it. Now leave."

I couldn't believe I actually said that. No, I couldn't believe I even thought that! The hurt on Kotori's face, and the anger on Honoka's both burned into my memory. Not ever did I think about hurting either one of them, and now I had just hurt them both. My feelings are everywhere. I couldn't think straight anymore.

I thought about Tsubasa and our current relationship. When I thought about her, I felt warm and safe, and felt that I was able to talk to her about so many things. But when I thought about Kotori, my heart would always beat faster, my palms would get sweaty, and I would become a stuttering mess. Like I always have. My thoughts about Kotori were much more intense, and much more constant than the thoughts I had about Tsubasa. That would mean I love Kotori, right? But what about Tsubasa? Did I love her?

After Tsubasa deemed it was too dark to be outside, I had walked her to her house before walking over to Yuki-nee's house. Tsubasa said she would either call or text me about something tonight, and it got me a bit nervous because she didn't specify what it was about. She saw that I was worried and told me it was nothing bad, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.

After a quick dinner with Yuki-nee, Satoshi, and grandpa, I took an even quicker shower before drying off and checking my phone. I hadn't gotten anything from Tsubasa yet, so I changed and went back outside to spend a bit of time with grandpa. Satoshi said he needed to sleep early because he has to get up early for work, and Yuki-nee insisted she sleep with him, so it was just grandpa and I.

We talked a lot about the past, but also the present. He told me about how shy I was and how he was proud at how much I had grown. Then he told me some funny stories from his time at the hospital after he befriended some other patients there. He was a lot more lively now, and I was very happy about that. I missed this side of him.

"So, how about you, Umi?" he asked me with a soft smile. I watched as the wrinkles on his face seemed to bunch together into waves.

"What about me?"

"You seem to be troubled lately." ah, was I that obvious? It seemed like everyone knew something was up with me. He seemed to hear my unsaid question and said, "You don't sleep till very late, and you space out quite a bit. You also spend an awful long time after from home." he chuckled a bit before continuing. "I had to calm Satoshi-kun down so many times because he was afraid you had been kidnapped or something." I smiled when I heard that. Satoshi is such a great person. I'm so glad Yuki-nee hadn't married some jerk.

"So?" he looked at me expectantly. "What has been bothering you?" he probably wouldn't let me go until I told him. He was stubborn like that. But it's not a bad thing.

"You see...I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago. Afterwards, she started dating someone, and I also met someone. That someone...makes me feel safe. It feels like I can spill all my secrets to them, and I know they'd be safe." I smiled, and he did too. "I thought I loved this person, but when I thought about my ex-girlfriend again…"

"You realize you still love her." he finished for me.

"Yeah…" I slumped on the table and buried my face into my arms. "I don't know what to do, grandpa!" I whined, and he chuckled and pat my head slowly.

"Why don't you just talk?"

"Talk?" I looked up. His hand was still on my head. "Talk with who?"

"With the two girls who are constantly in your head, silly." I lifted and dropped his hand on my head. I winced under the weight, but it was't uncomfortable.

"Talk to them about what?" he sighed and I heard another voice in the room.

"For someone who I used to say was the smartest in the world, you sure are a bit dense, Umi-chan." Yuki-nee giggled before sitting in the chair next to me.

"Dense? I don't get it." grandpa shook his head with a smile, and Yuki-nee just laughed again. "Also, aren't you supposed to be asleep?"

"I'm just not tired, yet. But Umi-chan, why don't you just talk to these two girls so you can sort your feelings out with one another?" oh. Talk. Right. "Normally, it's easier to think about something when you have two heads put together. Maybe they're feeling the same way you are, and are just as confused as you are. You might just kill two birds with one stone! Just open up, and talk to them."

It made sense. I guess I could talk to Tsubasa, but Kotori? I wasn't so sure about that. The relationship I have with Tsubasa is still unclear, and it would make sense for me to question it. But with Kotori? Our relationship is as ex-girlfriends, and now, estranged friends. Also, after what I said to Kotori today, I doubt she would want to talk to me. I also doubt Honoka would let me talk to Kotori.

Yuki-nee must have sensed my troubled thoughts and poked my cheek. I turned to look at her, and her finger just sunk further into my skin.

"Just sleep on it, okay? Also, know that you don't have to talk to either of them right away. It's up to you, whether or not you want to talk to them at all. If you don't think you're ready to talk about your feelings, then don't force yourself to. Ne?" she smiled again, and so did grandpa. Their smiles were contagious, and I smiled back.

"Mm. Arigatou, Yuki-nee, grandpa." Yuki-nee nodded before patting my head again and getting up, yawning while doing so. She kissed grandpa on the cheek and bid us good night.

"Should we go to sleep too?" grandpa asked me.

"Yeah...we should."

After helping grandpa into his bed, I went back to my room and checked my phone before going to bed. And there it was, a message from Tsubasa. I ran to brush my teeth really quick and turned out my lights before climbing under my covers and checking my phone.

[Tsubasa] Hey, Umi. I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow like we did today? I wanted to talk to you about something. I promise it's nothing bad! I hope to see you tomorrow!

I smiled as I read it. Maybe Yuki-nee was right. Maybe we do think the same.

I typed my message really quick before sending it to her. I set my phone on the little table beside my bed and close my eyes.

Tomorrow, I will discuss what is in my heart.

"Goodnight, Tsubasa!" she yelled from down the hall.

"Night, okaa-san!" I yelled back. I went to my room and flopped on my bed with a sigh. Today was a long day. I sat up and rolled my shoulder a bit. It ached a bit, probably from when Umi fell asleep on it.

Umi…

I felt different around her. I always felt safe and protected, and I never felt judged or forced. She is always ready to hear me talk about what's in my head, and always gives her honest feedback regarding the subject. Being with her feels different from when I was with Anju, and I'm not sure what that means.

I heard a ping, and I looked at my phone to see that I had gotten a message. I smiled while reading it. I guess we have a similar issue at hand.

[Umi] Hello, Tsubasa. Actually, I have been meaning to talk to you as well. I have archery tomorrow, so I will text you when practice is over. See you tomorrow.

Is this love? I wasn't sure. All I know, is that what I'm feeling is real, and I didn't want to pass it up.

Tomorrow, I will confess what is in my heart.

I apologize for the huge delay, but yeah. That was the chapter. I feel like it lacked something, but I don't know if it actually is, or I'm just overly critical of my work.

Also, before the next chapter is posted, I'm going to be going back to edit my previous chapters. I'm not sure if you all will get notified of a "new chapter" or not, so I just wanted to let you all know in advance.

Once again, thanks for reading!