Chapter Ten
I was sitting there for close to half an hour, just beginning to calm down when I had to try to ignore the knock at the door.
"Leandra?" I didn't want to talk to Carlisle at that point.
"Go away." I mumbled, knowing he heard me. I knew what he was going to talk to me about, and I knew his reasons why, so I didn't need to talk to him. I wanted to deal with my sore emotions on my own for a little while.
"Leandra, may I come in?" He asked.
"Please go away." I repeated, "I don't really want to talk to anyone right now." And I definitely didn't want to open that door until all the strange people in the house were gone. In here, I was safe from all the people out there. My family included. In here, I could just be alone.
"I'm sorry," He spoke again, "But it's important."
I groaned, but turned. Crossing the room, I unlocked it and pulled it open.
"What did I do now?" I snapped, "Was I not breathing the right way? Am I not allowed to have the window-"
"Leandra." Alice, thankfully, shut me up. I was actually glad she shut me up, as she and Carlisle weren't the only ones standing there. I couldn't believe how big these three new guys were. Darker skin, short, dark hair and dark eyes. They actually seemed as surprised to see me as I was to see them. One, obviously deeply confused, frowned and looked over at Carlisle.
"Uh.. Whatever it is, I didn't do it."
"Oh, this is rich." The front-most newcomer spoke, incredulously amused, "You've got to be kidding me. You cannot be serious."
Alice gave me a small, sad smile as she gestured into the room. Hesitantly, I stepped back to let her, Carlisle, and the three others into my room.
Puzzled, I watched the three newcomers frown a little, looking around my room as Carlisle closed the door behind them all. This made me very uncomfortable. I watched them, unsure about these guys. They were pretty well built. Studying me now with obvious confusion as I stepped closer to Alice.
"Who are they?" I asked quietly, looking to Alice, "I really didn't do anything."
"Something's come up." She started, "A decision was made tonight."
"Okay?" I wasn't getting it. Glancing to the newcomers again, but they were starting to get amused by how uncomfortable I obviously was. Smirking at me, which only made me more nervous. Stepping even closer to Alice as if to prove it, now half a step behind her.
"She's human." The same newcomer spoke up, looking to Carlisle again.
"No shit." I grumbled.
"Leandra." Alice corrected me quietly, "This is Jacob." She gestured to the front-most of the newcomers. The one doing all the talking. He looked to me again, and without him even having to move, I stepped back another half step.
"We're aware that she's human." Carlisle spoke. Repeating what I'd said in a much nicer way.
Jacob went on, "Though you can hardly tell under all the stink."
"Stink?" I frowned, "I don't stink."
"Not you." He replied, "But the group of bloodsuckers you're living with does." I assumed he was talking about the fact that my family were vampires. I narrowed my eyes, so not up to being talked down to tonight. The condescending note in his tone pissed me off. Not to mention the insult he'd just flung at my family for no reason. As mad as I was at them, I really didn't approve.
"Shut up, or get the fuck out of my room." Instead of being offended like I hoped they would be, they were all even more amused. Laughing a little at my sharp tone.
"Whoa." The guy to Jacob's side laughed, "Calm down there, little ankle-biter."
"Bite me, asshole." I countered.
"I wouldn't say that around here, kid." Jacob joked at me, inciting more laughter from the three of them, but he was just pissing me off even more. He was being obnoxious and snide, and I wasn't impressed. Neither was Alice or Carlisle. I didn't like being picked on.
"Focus, Leandra." Alice sighed before I could take a swing at him. Taking my shoulders in her hands, she turned me away, leading me over to my bed. I sat down, watching as she sat beside me. She looked to me, making sure I was listening to her before speaking again, "The decision was made tonight. About the newborns." My heart dropped a little.
"The.. Uh.." I glanced toward Jacob and the others watching near the door. I didn't know if it was okay to say the word, "The ones in Seattle?"
"Yeah." She answered, "Those ones."
"What are you going to do? What was the decision?"
"We're not going to them." She answered, "They'll be coming here." My eyes widened a little.
"Here?" I asked, surprised, "Like.. Here? If they can cause that much trouble in Seattle, what can they do here?" Most everyone I cared about was here, my family included, "Nobody would live through that, and the town would be even smaller."
"The town wouldn't exist anymore." Jacob pointed out incredulously.
"Exactly." She replied to me, ignoring Jacob, "Which is why they won't get this far."
"So.. She lives here?" Jacob asked again, "With you?"
"No." I countered sarcastically, "I live in the fucking yard. I'm just here until it stops raining."
He snorted, "What, is she-"
"Jacob." Alice spoke up, slightly irritated, interrupting him. He was fueling me, and I was fueling him. Whoever this was was irritating me. Quickly.
"Is she like your pet or something?" Jacob asked anyway, "This has to be some kind of joke." Alice sighed, obviously annoyed.
"Hey, shut up." I frowned at Jacob, "I'm not some pet." Jacob looked to me, and my voice quieted, "You don't know everything. They're all I have."
"So explain it to me." He said, and I looked down, "How does a group of bloodsuckers keep a human around without wanting to pounce and kill it? What? Are you waiting for her to age? Like whiskey?"
"That's uncalled for." Alice told him.
"How is it uncalled for?" Jacob asked, laughing again, "You're vampires. She's a human. What am I supposed to think?"
It was silent for a bit, and I looked over at Carlisle. I nodded, letting him know it was alright to explain it if he wanted to. I assumed Jacob was here to help, considering he knew about my family, but that really didn't make me like him as a person.
And if he didn't see the full picture, he might assume something. While Carlisle began explaining, Alice looked to me again.
"They're coming here." She murmured to me, "Which means we need to stop them before they get this far."
"Mikah says it's dangerous for you." I murmured back, "You can't go find them. You could get hurt."
"That's what Jacob is here for." She went on, "They're going to help us, but we're going to need to work with them a little. Before the newborns show up, we need to train."
"Train?" I frowned.
"Work with them." She explained, "Learn all we can learn about what it takes to.. Fix the problem safely."
"Oh." I muttered, "And Jacob is going to help with that?"
"Yes." She replied, "We need their help if we're going to be as safe as possible, so please try not to make him angry."
"Sorry." I sighed, "I don't think he's mad at me yet, though. No matter what I say, they just laugh. I don't like the way they talk to you."
"It's the best chance we have." She reasoned.
"Weird." I looked over at Jacob's comment, "I didn't peg you all as one for charity." He glanced to me, and I narrowed my eyes again. I bit back the response I had about shoving something up his ass. Like Alice had said, I didn't exactly want to piss them off if they were somehow going to help my family.
"Well, does she know about you?" Jacob asked.
"We didn't tell her." Carlisle answered.
"She knew about it before, and remembered." Alice added.
"What do you mean?" Jacob asked, frowning.
"She's gifted." Carlisle explained, "She has an ability. Like Alice's, but slightly different. She knew about us before we actually met her."
"That can happen?" Jacob asked, impressed, "While she's human?"
"Certain gifts have the potential to manifest while human, yes." Carlisle replied, "Most of the time, however, it takes a strong personality trait while human to intensify by being turned to form the ability, but sometimes, very rarely in fact, it happens beforehand. This type of ability is very rare."
"And she's okay with what you are?" Jacob asked, "She's not.. Like held prisoner?"
"No." I told him incredulously, "They wouldn't do that to anyone." He huffed, but didn't seem convinced, so I spoke again, "Say that again, I'll knock your goddamn teeth out."
"She's feisty, isn't she?" One of the other newcomers chuckled, looking to Jacob.
Jacob looked to Carlisle, "And you're having us meet her, so you can bring her along tomorrow?"
"Yes." Carlisle answered.
"Afraid she might burn the house down?" He chuckled, "Can't find a fitting babysitter for the precious little pre-leech?" I wasn't sure I liked that name, not that I understood it much. Alice didn't either, given the look on her face when I glanced over at her.
"Not at all." Carlisle replied, seemingly ignoring that name. Probably to keep things civil as he continued, "We trust her completely in that aspect, but I fear who might show up while we're gone. If there are newborns targeting the area, I'd rather keep her safe with us as long as possible. This way, we know for sure that she's protected."
Jacob nodded slowly, sighing.
"Alright." He finally said, shrugging a little, "Bring her along tomorrow then. I'm not sure why you think you need my permission."
"We thought it'd be best not to catch Sam off guard." Alice explained, "Human, vampires.. Treaty?"
"Right." Jacob muttered, "Well, I don't think it'll be a big deal, unless she's bitten between now and then. Bring her. We'll be there." That seemed to relieve Carlisle. Alice as well, given the sudden ease of tension beside me.
"Thank you, Jacob." Carlisle replied, "This is very much appreciated."
"Thank you." I told him quietly as well, and he looked to me. He didn't seem okay with me, but that was probably only because I was a human living in a family of vampires. Why would he care anyway? Who the hell was he to judge?
"Is that it?" Jacob asked.
"Yes." Carlisle nodded a little. With a nod, the three of them turned, leaving my room. Silently, I flipped my middle finger at their backs.
"Leandra." Alice captured my hand, "They're helping us. I knew this isn't ideal, but it's the best way to protect the town."
"I still don't get why you have to be the ones to fix this." I frowned, "You didn't cause this."
"We can't just sit back and ignore it." She explained, "Them being this close to us makes it our responsibility."
"Why?" I asked, "That doesn't seem fair."
"This is our home." She replied, "We have to protect it." That I understood.
"And that's why Jacob wants to help?" I was figuring it out, "Because it's his home too?"
"Exactly."
"How can he help, though?" I asked, "Sure, he's big, but-"
"That's a long story." She told me, "One I'm not sure they want me to explain to you. I will say, though, that they're more than capable of helping." I nodded a little, accepting that.
"I get it," I said, "But they said I stink."
She laughed a little, "He's talking about our scent. It allows those that can pick up scents like that know that you belong with us, remember?"
"Wait.." I muttered, "He can smell your scent?"
"That goes along with the long story," She answered with a glance to Carlisle, "But yes. They can. I think you'll figure it out tomorrow. We just needed you to meet them first, so they were aware of you before we brought you."
That made sense, so I nodded. It was silent for a moment, and she sighed.
"Leandra," She murmured, "About what happened earlier-"
"I don't want to talk about that." I mumbled, "I'll just get mad again, and I don't want to do that."
"I think you need to understand." She reasoned. That was open invitation to complain again, which I took without much more resistance.
"It's not fair." I argued, "You're making him leave because he was worried about me. He said. He said he wouldn't have gotten that close if he wasn't sure he could, but that doesn't matter. All Jasper cares about is that he did at all. To him, it doesn't matter why he did what he did."
"You have to think about it from his side." She told me, "You have.. No idea how fragile you are. One wrong move, one wrong breath around him could be your last. Everything can go completely wrong in a split second, and if none of us are there to protect you, it's over. Just like that. Jasper doesn't want to see you get hurt or killed because you weren't careful enough. He thinks you both are taking this way too lightly, and aren't realizing how important it is to stick to the rules."
"But Mikah-"
"Mikah is overestimating himself." She shook her head a little, "It doesn't take much to give in to the urge, Leandra. If he's not one hundred percent aware of himself every moment you're within his reach, he wouldn't even see the slip coming, much less you. Jasper.. He's only worried. He doesn't trust Mikah enough with your life to let this slide that easily. We don't want to lose you."
"I know." I muttered, looking down.
"You scared him tonight." She went on, "You scared all of us tonight. When he found out you were outside alone, it was bad enough, but to find out you were standing that close to Mikah, with nobody around to protect you, well.. That made it ten times worse.
"The reason why doesn't matter when it's your life you're gambling with. If Mikah snaps, and we're not there, there's absolutely nothing we can do to help you. Nothing will help you in a situation like that. I know you don't want to think of him like that, but it's the truth."
"I don't want him to go." I mumbled, "Please don't make him go." She sighed, looking to Carlisle. I did as well, waiting for what he said next. I could tell that he was just as convinced as he was before, but I could understand a little better why.
"I'll be talking with Cole tonight." Carlisle finally said, and before he was even finished saying that, I was whining. He spoke again, "Just listen."
"It's not fair!"
Alice tried, "Leandra-"
"No." I said, "It isn't fair. One mistake, and he's out of here? What happens next time I mess up?"
"That's different." Alice replied, "Just listen to Carlisle."
"I already know what he's going to say." I grumbled, "I'm tired. I get it, okay? I get it, but I don't like it. I just want to go to bed."
Alice tried again, "Leandra-"
"Is that it?" I repeated Jacob's words, "Because if it is.." I trailed off, turning over. I kneeled up and pulled back the blankets on my bed. With a sigh, Alice looked to Carlisle. He understood, but sighed as he nodded.
Alice stood up, slowly moving for the still-open window. I laid down as she closed the window, locking it and fixing the curtains. With that, I rolled over. Facing the wall. They must have taken the hint, because they didn't try again. Leaving my room, closing the door behind them as they left.
Outside, it started to sprinkle rain. Light drops hitting the window. I decided that despite being able to hear the music continuing out in the rest of the house, I'd attempt to sleep. Part of me just wanted to curl up under the blanket, so it was a win-win.
I looked toward my window, giving one last look outside before letting my eyes close.
I didn't sleep that well that night. Kept awake by my own emotions. I managed to snooze now and then, but it was nothing like the way I'd been sleeping the last few days. I'd fall asleep for a little while, but wake myself up and the second I was awake enough to focus, I'd get mad again.
I had to wonder, though. Why couldn't I stay asleep? Something kept waking me up, and it wasn't because I was emotional. I was worked up. Edgy, and definitely tired enough to sleep, but it wasn't working.
Apparently, we were leaving to go meet Jacob early the following morning. I still hadn't quite recovered from the events of the night before. I was still bitter and mad, and by the way nobody approached, I knew I had every right to feel this way.
I stepped outside, trying to wake up and searching the trees briefly. I knew better, though. They weren't here. I only got madder with the thought that because they couldn't be here, they'd probably go to Seattle anyway. Because Mikah wasn't allowed to be here, he'd probably go looking for Jack for me. Maybe as a way to make it up to the family. If he got hurt because of this..
"Leandra?" Jasper's voice beside me on the porch had me looking over briefly, "Can I talk to you?"
"No." I grumbled, turning back into the house. He had nothing important enough to say that I needed to hear.
"I'm sorry." He sighed after me, "Your safety was more important."
"You never even gave him a chance." I argued anyway, "You just made him leave because you don't like him. How fair is that?"
"That isn't why I insisted for him to leave." He replied, "Leandra, you mean too much to us to let it slide that easily. He could have killed you." I'd heard that before.
"You never liked Mikah, even when he was human." I accused, "You've always hated him."
"Before," He explained, "It was about my ten-year-old sister drowning herself in a crush on a sixteen-year-old boy. You fell too hard too fast, and I wasn't comfortable with that. Not without knowing him and definitely not without knowing what his intentions were with you."
"It wasn't just about that." I countered, "He gets me like nobody else does. Not even you. Now, I don't even get that, because you think Mikah's just like every other newborn you've met before."
"Well-"
"That's like saying I'm like every other ten-year-old kid you've met before." I said, "It's not fair. It's stupid, and it just plain sucks."
With that, I rounded, and continued on into the house. Passed Alice in the doorway, ignoring her sad gaze following me.
"You're making a mistake, shorty." Emmett sighed as I passed him in the hallway. I returned to my room, knowing we still had a few minutes before we had to go. I chose to spend those few minutes laying across my bed.
I didn't even bother closing my bedroom door. It didn't do any good when I wanted to be alone anyway. Glancing to the clock as I laid on my bed, it was almost seven in the morning.
I couldn't help being so bitter. I'd just gotten him back, and without even a hint of a chance of holding onto him, he was gone again. Just yanked away because Jasper didn't want to give him a chance.
I couldn't have been laying there longer than thirty seconds, before I was suddenly startled into jumping up by a light shake to my shoulder. Scrambling forward in my surprise. Nearly running into the wall before I flipped over in a light sort of panic.
I hadn't had that reaction in awhile, so it surprised me.
"Leandra?" It was Esme. She had been seated next to me on the bed. Carlisle stood next to her, and they both were very concerned, "Are you okay?" When had they gotten here?
"Yeah." I took a breath, calming down, "You just surprised me. Why?"
"Because I've been here for over three minutes trying to get your attention." Well, that was a pretty decent reason to be worried.
"You were?" I asked.
"Didn't you hear me?"
"No." I replied honestly, but I didn't want to say much else.
Giving a glance around, I was once again the focus of attention. My bedroom doorway crowded, Alice the closest of the group there. I hadn't known anything about Esme being there. Looking to the clock again, six minutes had gone by since I'd last looked at the clock thirty seconds before.
My head ached a little, and it worried me to realize I didn't remember anything beyond coming in here and laying on my bed. I couldn't remember anything about that much time passing. Not falling asleep or any thoughts I'd had while laying in here. It felt a lot like a few months ago, when I'd go through those short self-forced naps as a result of that sleepless week.
"Sorry." I muttered, still confused.
"Are you okay, sweetheart?" She asked again.
"Just tired, I think." She wasn't buying it, looking up at Carlisle, who was equally as concerned. I didn't want Esme to worry, so I sighed, "Are we going now?"
"Yes." She replied, seeming to let it go for now as she stood up, "I'll be the one carrying you." I nodded a little, scooting off the bed.
That had definitely been weird, but I felt fine, aside from the small headache I had. I was a little tired, but I definitely wasn't tired enough for a self-forced nap. I rubbed my eyes, and that seemed to help a little.
Once again, I was specifically told to stick with Esme. I was too tired to wander this time, so I just sat down on a fallen tree, knowing after awhile, standing would get uncomfortable.
I felt so much more physically comfortable now, however, considering I didn't have to wear that stupid dress again. Jeans, and a hooded sweatshirt was my outfit of choice, and I'd be happy if I never had to wear anything else again.
Edward was off getting Bella, so we just had to wait there. I shivered, mid-yawn. I was definitely tired, but I felt off. Too tired for the situation, but oddly fearful. The way I felt now had nothing to do with Mikah. I knew that much. In fact, I hoped he stayed away. For his own safety, I realized. What did that tell me? How could how I felt about the whole situation change that drastically?
"Leandra." Jasper was back to try again, "I was a little hard on you, and I want to apologize." I stayed silent.
I shrugged a little, reaching over and beginning to pluck the loose bark from the tree I sat on. Just to avoid looking at him. I honestly didn't even really care so much about that part anymore. Of course I cared, but it seemed so unimportant compared to everything else.
He seemed concerned now by my silence. I wasn't accusing him anymore. I wasn't angry. I obviously hadn't accepted it, but I wasn't telling him off.
"Leandra?" He prompted.
"Jazz." Alice came to his side, "I'd leave her alone for now." Jasper looked to her, "She's going to be a bit sensitive if I'm right about what happened to her." I glanced up, and she met my eyes. That was enough to tell me that she understood. She did know, but I sure didn't. What was she talking about?
"What happened?" He instantly asked, even more concerned. Alice looked to him, giving him a look, and I could look back down. Taking her advice, Jasper turned. Moving away from me, with a concerned glance back at me.
"Leandra." Esme had overheard, kneeling down in front of me, "Are you okay?"
"I don't feel very good." I admitted quietly. Which was true. I still felt sick. It felt oddly like the way I felt in the hospital the day Ken found me. I didn't know if it actually meant something, but it was definitely there.
"I know, sweetie." She sighed. I felt something like this after my usual bad nights as well, so it was easy for her to recognize my emotion, but this was a little different.
"Why are we here?" I asked, "I'm so lost."
"If we're going to stop the newborns, we'll need to learn the best ways to do that." She said, and I looked up, "Jasper's going to teach us." This worried me.
"How many of them are there?" I asked, my tone still quiet.
"We can handle it." She assured me with a smile, "Especially with Jacob's help. We just want to be careful, honey. That's all." Her confidence helped. A lot. Either that, or maybe I was just at my limit to how much I could worry about. Something else had taken most of that worry.
"Are Mikah and Cole going to help?"
"We're still discussing that." Esme replied sadly, "Not because we don't want their help, but because we don't want to put them in direct danger, despite how eager they are to help." I nodded a little.
"Glad to hear she's talking to someone." Alice muttered, stepping over, and I fell quiet again. It didn't seem like a sarcastic comment, but a genuine one. Sitting next to me on the log, I allowed Alice to fluff my hair a little. It was a comforting gesture, so I didn't see why I shouldn't. I just rested my chin on my drawn up knees, wishing I could feel better.
When I shut up, she sighed as Esme stood up and Carlisle stepped closer.
"What is it?" Esme asked her, "What do you think happened?"
"Think about it." Alice requested, "Did you recognize anything about what happened back home in her room?" It took a second or two, before Esme seemed to understand.
"Oh." She murmured, looking to Carlisle.
"What?" I asked, looking over at Alice, "What happened?"
"I'll explain it to you a little later in better detail," She replied, "But.." She hesitated, looking to Carlisle briefly before she spoke again, "You saw something."
"What did I see?" I frowned.
"You saw something."
"Oh." I got it then, but then I frowned again, "But I wasn't asleep."
"I know." She smiled a little.
"I think I'd remember that." I doubted what she was telling me, "I don't remember anything."
"Seems to be a common pattern, doesn't it?" She asked in return, and I realized she was right. She smiled again, "I'll explain it a little more later, when we have more time, but I'm pretty positive that's what it was." Esme, smiling as well, sat to my other side. Could me seeing something have anything to do with why I felt so different today? I had a feeling it did.
I recalled easily how different I felt over a year ago, when I'd first had that dream about my family. I felt as different now, and equally as puzzled as I was then. It was one thing to dream about something like that while I was asleep, but for it to happen while I was awake? It was so weird to me.
My attention was taken by Emmett hitting the ground, Jasper standing where they'd both been standing, so I stashed those clues away for later. I didn't like seeing Emmett get hurt, given my deep frown. Before I could speak up, however, Edward chose that time to show up with Bella, and our conversation ended as he led her over.
"Hey." Bella greeted me, and I did try to smile, but I really didn't feel up to it. I knew I had to look horrible, as tired and emotional as I was, but she didn't comment on it. She saw herself the argument I'd been in the middle of the night before. That was probably more than enough for her to understand, as embarrassing as it was.
I chose to stay sitting as Esme stood up, until I saw what was coming.
Edward hadn't been here longer than a few minutes, until it got suddenly tense. Esme turned, and I looked the direction they were looking, amazed at what I saw coming over the ridge at the other end of the clearing.
Wolves. Lots of large, very large wolves. I stood up, and quickly stepped closer to Esme nervously, glancing up at her as she hugged me into her side.
"I remember them." I murmured under my breath, gaining both Esme and Carlisle's attention, "From last time. That's Jacob."
My eyes were on the reddish brown one. Its ears flattened a little, but that was it. The familiarity was undeniable. I'd seen them before, and once my initial fear faded, I could concentrate a little better on that familiarity.
"The big black one." I murmured, still under my breath, "That's Sam. I remember him, too. I remember all of them. I remember this."
Carlisle and Edward stepped forward, and I willingly stayed with Esme. Remembering these wolves didn't make it easier to like them. They were huge, and I had to admit, I was scared. One of their paws was easily bigger than my whole head.
Carlisle spoke briefly to the wolves, and I knew the wolves could understand him. Even without Edward reading their thoughts for him. I gathered as Jasper stepped forward that he'd be the one to teach them all about what it would take.
It didn't take long at all for both he and Jasper to talk to them, and when Jasper and Emmett faced off again, I watched this time. I hadn't been paying any attention before.
As soon as they met, I thought they would hurt each other, but almost immediately, Emmett hit the ground, and I frowned.
"Hey." I whined, "Don't do that." A grumble rolled through the group of wolves to the side, and I glanced over at them. The sound rather intimidating.
"They're training, Leandra." Esme murmured to me, "He's okay." Sure enough, Emmett stood back up with a huff. Not at all pleased, but unharmed. She laughed a little, "Just stay over here." I nodded. I'd stay out of the way, but I still didn't like it.
Jasper moved close enough to me at one point, and I kicked him in the leg as hard as physically possible, but being careful not to hurt myself. He turned, looking down at me in surprise. Glancing between where I'd kicked him, and my stern look. A smirk came to his face which I couldn't help feeling amused as well. It was kind of funny.
"Ow." I laughed a little. I wasn't seriously hurt, and both he and I knew that, so it was funny.
I let the training continue after that, staying out of the way and watching. I didn't like it, but I wouldn't interrupt anymore. Not as much, anyway.
"Easy." I whimpered with a wince, "Geez." This was hard on me, and Esme hugged me. Probably to keep me from running over and checking on them. It was hard to watch, but I also understood why this was important.
At one point, I looked over at Carlisle standing there observing. I was close to him, so I knew it was okay to move over to his side. I wouldn't be going far. Hesitantly, I stepped forward, and though Esme watched me, she didn't follow.
He glanced at me briefly as I came to his side. This wasn't easy for me, but some part of me knew I needed to do this.
"I'm sorry." I just came right out and said it as he looked at me again, "For.. Everything lately. For blaming you, for being so mad." I looked down, "I know why you wanted to help my mom, and I know why you told them to leave. I know why. I guess I just didn't want to."
"I completely understand." He replied, "Leandra, I didn't expect this to be easy. You've got to understand. You came to us, needing a drastic change. That drastic change completely changed everything about your life. That takes time to adjust to, and as much as I want to say we'll always get along, it's just not that simple. You may not always agree with the things we do, whether it be for your safety or in your mother's case, to help another. You may not agree with everything, but that's okay. Compromise is important." I nodded a little.
"Compromise is important," He went on, "And that's why I didn't send Mikah away." Surprised, I looked up, "I spoke to Cole early this morning about the possibilities of taking Mikah in."
"For good?" I asked, shocked.
"Preferably." He smiled a little, "The issue is your safety, but also your happiness. The solution took a bit of time to come to terms with, especially for Jasper, but I think it's definitely attainable.
"Once all of this is over with," He went on, "Once the situation in Seattle is handled, we'll look into it a little more. This way, Jasper is under complete control of Mikah while we teach him all we know about what it takes to resist a human. Jasper is in control of him, meaning discipline, careful observation, and diet."
I looked forward now, watching Jasper watching those paired off. He'd be willing to take Mikah on all the time?
"Why?" I asked, unable to help it.
"You've suffered so much." Carlisle replied with a sigh, "We changed your life, Leandra, but there was only so much we could do to make you truly happy."
"I was happy." I argued immediately. I hated that he thought I wasn't grateful.
"The bond you have with Mikah is something we've been waiting for." He explain, "It's something that obviously means a whole lot to him as well, if he went to such lengths to find you. It proves that you mean a lot to him. The kind of bond he has with you is something nobody is going to take lightly. Least of all, him. We're going to have to face it that sometimes, things really are as simple as they seem.
"The very last thing I want to do is let you down." He went on, "The moment he came back, we noticed a difference in you. A change in you that we've been worried was lost forever. He's reached you. Cutting a bond that strong from your life, no matter how much we don't like it, would have been a very big mistake. This is the best solution."
"Why didn't you just say so?" I asked, looking back up at him.
"You hardly gave me a chance." He replied simply, and wincing a little, I shamefully realized he was right, "You were upset. I wanted to give you the chance to calm down and come to me before attempting to go to you. I knew that would no doubt do the most good when it came to making progress on the issue. Until you calmed down, there would have been far less progress than there was just now."
He took a breath, before he spoke again.
"As for the situation with your mother," He murmured, "I feel like I owe you an explanation."
"No you don't." I shook my head a little, "I was being stupid. I know why you did what you did for her."
"I'd still like to give you an explanation." He insisted. I nodded, letting him know I was listening. Even if shame kept me from looking at him. He took a few moments, probably gathering his thoughts, before he sighed.
"Choosing who to add to my family was something that came as a big responsibility to me." He began, "Something I've always refused to take lightly." Was he including me in that? I didn't have long to wonder about that as he continued.
"I turned Edward at the request of his dying mother." He told me, "I saved his life, but not without a whole lot of personal conflict on my part. Not because I didn't want him to survive, but because I knew what I was doing by doing so." I listened intently, "Next followed Esme, who I just couldn't bear to let go. I couldn't. I needed to save her."
I didn't know whether to speak or not, so I stayed quiet, but the way he said spoke seemed full of more emotion than I could understand. I glanced up at him. I wanted to tell him that I was glad he did save her. I couldn't even begin to imagine what he'd be like without her.
"I turned Rosalie next," He went on in my silence, "In hopes that this life could be just a little better than the one she was leaving behind. She brought Emmett to me, and for the first time, I saw her hope. She needed this more than I can begin to describe. She needed me to save his life, so to speak, because she couldn't bear to let him go. Of course, my reasons don't justify my actions, but that's another discussion entirely.
"The point is," He murmured, "There are certain times when my compassion speaks to me the most. I care more for people than quite a few are able to comprehend, and that compels me to do everything I can for those suffering."
"Like you did for me." I muttered.
"You deserved someone to come through." He nodded a little, "You finally made the effort to reach out, and as I told you then, you deserved for someone to come through for you. If anything, just one time when you weren't let down. Do you remember?"
I looked down, biting my lip. I remembered that in full, terrifying detail. How scared I was when I ran, but I also remembered what it felt like to have him be the one to come through for me.
"Yeah." I mumbled, "I remember."
"You needed someone." He pointed out, "But so did your mother. At most, I only expected to try to understand her story, but the more I listened, the more I felt for her and what she's endured.
"I wanted you to listen to her story, because I knew it was something you needed. Not only closure for you, but for her as well. I wanted you to talk to her, to listen to her, not just for your benefit, but for hers as well.
"You needed this more than I'm sure you realize, and if I could help you with that closure in any way, I'd do whatever it took. Talking with your mother, Leandra, is something you needed. Whether you realize it or not, that gave you what you needed to move on."
"I did." I admitted, "Realize it, I mean. I did."
"I have a reason for everything I do." He told me quietly, "I'm hoping one day you'll learn to trust me." I glanced up, watching as he gently patted my shoulder and walked away. Apparently, it was his turn to work with Jasper.
"Carlisle?" I called, and he paused, looking back at me, "Do you think I could ever learn how to be like that? Like you?"
"I have no doubt that you can." He replied with a small smile, "Everyone deserves a second chance, Leandra. Especially those that reach for it." Like I did. With that, he continued on. I watched after him, already thinking hard about everything he said.
Edward paused to speak to Carlisle quietly. It didn't seem like a bad thing, as Carlisle only nodded in confirmation. With that, I also turned. Moving back to Esme's side. I felt horrible about being such a bitch lately. Especially to someone like Carlisle.
Seeing the look on my face, Esme hugged me into her side. Once again, I honestly tried, but I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without Esme in it. I turned a little, and returned the hug tightly.
"Thank you." I mumbled, looking up at her.
"For what, honey?" She asked, smiling a little.
"This." I replied, hugging her tighter. She smiled a little more, lightly kissing the top of my head. Glancing over at one of the wolves watching me, I watched it right back. Knowing these wolves were supposed to be the ones helping my family, I had to trust them to keep their word.
By the time it was over, I'd gotten tired of standing. Sitting on my log again, watching everyone else. As interesting as it was to watch, I couldn't help feeling a little eager to go home. I was tired.
I watched the wolves leave, standing and stretching with a yawn. I decided to save my questions for home. I had a few, and not just about what Alice talked to me about when this all started, but I'd rather be home first.
I squeaked as I was suddenly lifted from behind. I recognized Emmett's arms around me, like a lifted backwards bear hug, so I just laughed a little.
"That was a good try." He told me with a smirk, "Defending me like that."
He tossed me up and flipped me around, holding me in his arms, almost cradling me as I looked up at him as I struggled to sit up. I didn't exactly appreciate the awkward position. Taking the hint, he righted me.
"So." He said, "What did you think of the wolves?"
I shrugged a little, "Bet they all have fleas." He started laughing, "What?"
"Be nice, shorty." He chuckled, "They're helping us."
"I know, I know." I grumbled.
"In her defense," Alice stepped over, "Jacob wasn't very pleasant to her yesterday."
"Oh?" Emmett asked, interested.
"He called her some not-so-nice things." She explained.
"Like what?"
"Ankle-biter," I reported, "He called me a pet, whiskey, and he called me a pre-leech." Emmett narrowed his eyes, looking to Alice, "That one doesn't count, though."
"Why doesn't it count?" He asked.
"Because I don't know what that one is supposed to mean."
"Good." Emmett muttered with a quiet chuckle, "Don't listen to him, shorty. At least you don't have fleas."
I stretched again, unable to help yawning.
"Tired?" He observed.
"Yeah." I replied, "I kept waking up last night."
"We're about done here." He assured me, "Then you can go home and sleep."
"Or try to." I corrected. Keeping me in his arm, he turned. Looking toward the rest of the family.
"Any objections to running her on ahead?" He asked, "Kid's bushed."
"We'll be along in a moment." Carlisle replied with a nod, giving him permission.
I didn't protest to shutting my eyes. It felt good to do so, resting them.
"Don't drop me." I told him, "I don't want to die. I haven't seen Hawaii yet." He actually had to try to keep from dropping me. I hadn't heard him laugh like that in awhile, which only made me laugh a little.
"Why can't you ever say this kind of stuff in front of everyone else?" He asked, "They'll never believe me if I tell them what you said."
"Because you're special." I immediately replied, keeping my eyes covered.
"Dang it, shorty." He chuckled.
I was dropped lightly onto the couch, landing with a slight bounce. After being carried to New York and back, being carried that short distance didn't bother me in the slightest.
"I thought I said not to drop me?" I barked at him. Unfortunately, he knew I was joking.
"Sue me." He said, poking his finger against my forehead.
"I just might." I pouted, looking away.
"Good luck with that one." He chuckled, sitting next to me. It was silent for a minute or two. For once, the TV wasn't on. Finally, he looked over, "Did you really see something?"
"I don't know." I replied honestly, "If I did, I forgot what it was. I just know that I was laying there for like thirty seconds, before Esme was there saying she'd been there for three minutes. With nothing in between."
"How does that not freak you out?"
"I'm pretty used to weird by now." I muttered, "If I try to figure it out, I'll just drive myself crazy. Even more crazy, I mean."
"You're not crazy." He replied, "You're my sister." I laughed a little at that reasoning. Like just because I was here, I couldn't be crazy.
"Then I should be surprised that I'm not even crazier." I countered. He sighed a laugh, hugging me into his side. I looked up at him, "If Carlisle didn't make them leave, where are they?" He knew who I was talking about.
"They went south." He replied easily, not bothered in the least, "They wanted to find the rest of Cole's coven."
"The rest?" I asked, surprised.
"You didn't know?" He asked, "Apparently, Cole has his own coven. Well, I guess it's not much of a coven. Just a group."
"The difference would be..?" I prompted.
"Coven, the leader is in charge." He explained, "Just a group, like Cole is doing, whoever has the best idea for fixing a certain problem is in charge. When there's no problem, everyone just does their own thing. Free to come and go as they please. It was Cole that brought that group together, so I guess in a way, he's the leader, but that doesn't really count."
"Oh." I said, nodding. That made sense.
"It's the best option for those nomads that don't want to fully commit or take on the full responsibility of a coven, but like the company." He went on, "And a pretty good idea, if you ask me."
"So why'd they go find them?" I asked.
"Well, Mikah is a part of that group." He reasoned, "He wanted a chance to see them one more time before joining us in a couple of days."
"Oh yeah." I should have figured that out.
"Just for a day or two." He assured me, "I think you'll live that long without him."
"Maybe." I added. That wasn't a joke, unfortunately. I even heard the truth in that one worded response. He looked over, about to respond, when his phone rang. Frowning, he reached into his pocket and pulled it out. I peered over curiously, not recognizing the number. It wasn't from around here, that was for sure.
I watched him answer it, as puzzled as I was. Understanding came to his eyes almost immediately.
"Yeah," He said, "She's right here." He held the phone out to me, and at first, I backed away from it. I didn't especially want to talk to anyone without knowing who it was. The last thing I wanted was for Jack to call.
"It's Alyssa."
"Oh." I muttered, taking the phone from him. Putting it to my ear, "Hey."
"Leandra." She sounded tired.
I sat up, "How's it going over there?"
"Not good." She admitted quietly.
"Why?" I asked, suddenly nervous, "What happened?"
"We left." She replied, "Last night." Worried, I looked over at Emmett. He had heard what she said. Nobody had been there to watch them, and something had happened.
"Why?"
"I threw a toaster at Sean, my mom's boyfriend." She admitted, and I blinked a little in surprise. Alyssa wouldn't do something like that unless she had a reason.
"You threw a toaster?"
"Yeah." She confirmed, "B-But I had to. I don't care if it hurt him. He hit Alex, so I just grabbed the toaster, and threw it at him."
"Is Alex okay?"
Before I'd even finished asking that, I picked up his voice from behind her, "Hi, Leandra." I couldn't help laughing a little.
"He's fine." She said, "Still a little mad, but fine. Thing is, Sean was picking on Emily, and she's been pretty sick lately. So Alex told him to leave her alone, and I guess Sean didn't like that."
"Jerk." I frowned, narrowing my eyes a little. I looked over as everyone else got back, coming in the door. Silently, as they could see the phone in my hand, but Emmett stood up to explain.
"Mom, though, wasn't so happy about what happened." Alyssa went on, not knowing about the audience she had now, "She got mad at me."
"She got mad at you for defending Alex?" This woman just got worse and worse the more I heard about her.
"Yeah." She repeated, "Me and her fought a little, and I knew when I wanted to throw something at her too that we had to leave. That, and she told us."
"She told you?" I asked, "To leave? She told you to leave when Emily's been sick?"
"Emily's gonna live. It was just a cold, but now it's just a cough." Sure enough, I heard said cough in the background, "It's gotten better from what it was. Mom said she never signed on for this, and told us we had to pack our stuff and leave. That was just fine by me. We'd be better off without her, anyway."
"I can't believe that." I wanted to hit the bitch myself.
"Mom of the year, for sure." She laughed a little, "But I'm not surprised. I expected it, but we would have left anyway. I stayed as long as I could, but I couldn't let Sean just get away with hitting Alex. I was standing there, and the toaster was just in my reach, so I.. Just grabbed it, unplugged it, and threw it across the kitchen."
"It made a really cool sound against his head." I overheard Alex add from beside her. I shook my head.
"Wait.." I sighed, "Does your dad know you left?"
"Probably not." She replied, "I haven't seen him yet. I don't think my mom would bother to tell him."
"Why not?" I asked, worried now, "You guys are out there on your own? Why didn't you call him first?"
"I don't have his number memorized, and I never wrote it down." She answered, "I was hoping you might be able to give it to me? This is my first time at a phone."
"Where is she now?" I looked over at Carlisle's concerned question. He'd obviously overheard.
"Where are you now?" I relayed the question, and she hesitated.
"General store somewhere." She replied, "First one we came across that let us use their phone." With a nod, I knew that Carlisle had heard, "We spent the night at a bus stop, Alex and me taking turns sleeping, so we could watch Emily. We started walking awhile ago, and three other places before this one wouldn't let us use their phone." She paused for a sigh, "I had the paper with Emmett's number, so he's the first one I could call. Sorry it's probably really early there-"
"It's okay." I stopped that apology right in its tracks, "I was up already. What's the name of the store?" She repeated it, and I looked over as Carlisle turned, his phone in his hand.
"Let her know to stay there." Carlisle told me, "I'll call their father."
"Carlisle's going to call your dad for you." I repeated for her, "So stay there."
I heard her sigh, "Thanks. I know he'll probably be pissed at us for leaving, but I'd rather be back with him than with her any day. I hate him, but he's my dad, you know?"
"I get it." I assured her, and I did.
She laughed, "Jon's going to be mad." She paused for a moment, before speaking again, "I gotta go. The guy wants his phone back."
"Let me know what happens, okay?" I requested.
"Okay." She agreed, "As soon as I can."
I sighed as she hung up first. I handed Emmett back his phone before I could throw it. That reminded me, though. I looked over at Carlisle where he stood talking on the phone.
"Talk to Jon." I told him, and he glanced to me, "Mikah said that Jon would take the money, even if their dad still won't." He gave a nod, letting me know he heard me.
"I guess my mom could be worse." I muttered, sitting back down next to Emmett with a sigh, "How did they put up with that for as long as they did?"
"Everybody's situation is different." Emmett replied, "They'd probably ask the same thing about your mom. It's about trying to see the other side of things for awhile. Trying to empathize with someone else's situation."
"Empathize?" I asked, unsure of what that word meant.
"Feeling for them." He explained, "Understanding what they're going through. You know what they call that? When you let yourself empathize with someone?"
I didn't, so I shook my head.
"Compassion." He answered, "Compassion is caring about someone else. Genuinely caring. Feeling bad when they feel bad, and that's a very good thing to have."
"It is?"
"Hell yes." He laughed a little as if it was obvious, "It means you haven't lost all of your humanity. There's hope for you, shorty."
"Is that why you kept pushing me to let my mom talk at me?"
"You just needed a little nudge." He smiled a little, but he didn't deny it, "Compassion, empathy, sympathy. It's all part of humanity, shorty. It's why you cried while listening to your mom. You cried for her, and what she was going through trying to make you see how much it hurt her. You saw that, you responded to that, and that proves that there's hope.
"It's stuff like that that tells us you're not a bad person. No matter what kind of thoughts run through that head of yours, you know the difference between right and wrong. You just haven't had the best role models in your life until now. Nobody to teach you. You're learning." He seemed so confident about that.
"So." I looked over as Alice landed next to me, "We need to chat."
"Have I ever told you that it makes me nervous when you're excited?" I asked, much to Emmett's amusement.
"No," She replied simply, "But it's easy to tell."
"I don't remember anything." I told her, "Like I told Emmett. I just laid on my bed, and like right after that, Esme was there asking if I was okay. Nothing in between."
"How did it happen when you first had a vision about us?"
"Well.." I sighed, "I was just laying there, and I woke up from it. I know I was asleep, because I could tell when I woke up, so today was different. All I could remember is the way I felt. I couldn't remember anything about why I felt that way."
"Did you feel any different today?" Emmett asked, and I hesitated. Looking down.
"Yeah." I eventually admitted, "I did." I frowned, "But if I can feel different, why can't I remember why I feel so different?"
"I'm pretty sure that has everything to do with how your brain works." Alice murmured. She paused, obviously thinking, "How much do you know about it?"
"My mind?"
"Your brain." She corrected, "There's a difference."
"Not much." Obviously.
"This might get complicated." Emmett pointed out.
She took a breath, "Okay." She turned to face me a little more, "Let's see if I can explain it in a way you can understand. We'll start with using your first vision as an example. You know how you forgot whatever it is you were dreaming about when you first woke up?"
"Yeah." Obviously.
"You didn't forget it." She went on, "It's still in there, but it's in a place you can't get to." I frowned a little, "You know all there is to know about it, but you can't reach it. You know how there are certain things you recall at seemingly random times? That's the vision. It's all stored in your subconscious."
I'd heard that word before, but I wasn't exactly sure what it actually meant.
"What you call 'knowing it without knowing it'," She explained, "Is you pulling information stored in your subconscious mind to your conscious mind. The best example would be your vision, or in this case, visions. You know details about it without realizing that you do. That's why you feel so different, but can't remember why you do."
"Oh." I mumbled, only partially understanding now.
"I don't doubt that your subconscious is working on that vision constantly." She said, "Always working on it. Sometimes it just takes a little while for you to understand it consciously. You see things you recognize from the vision, and it triggers your subconscious to tell you that you've seen it before. Like the wolves today."
"Like you." I pointed out.
"Exactly." She smiled.
I felt stupid not knowing all of this already, but she didn't seem annoyed in the slightest at having to explain it all to me. I looked over as Carlisle turned our way, now finished with his phone call. Obviously interested in the discussion we were having.
"It might be easier to explain first what a subconscious is." Emmett suggested, "She still seems lost." That would definitely help.
"What is a subconscious?" I asked.
"It's the part of the mind sometimes associated with unconsciousness." Alice explained, "You notice everything you see. Some things you automatically ignore, but you notice everything just the same. Your consciousness involves collecting information you're aware of. The things you notice, but it can only collect so much information at once. Are you with me so far?"
"I think so." I nodded a little.
"The subconsciousness," She continued, "Is the part of your mind that collects all the information your consciousness can't always notice or focus on. It's where your instincts are stored, smaller details, and things you can't fully understand at the moment. It holds onto everything you seemingly automatically ignore, so even if you ignore it, it's still there."
"You think that's where my vision is?" I asked, "That's where they go?"
"Highly possible." She replied, "You don't have the ability to see it all at once. There isn't enough room in there, so it's all getting stuck in your subconscious."
"The subconscious keeps the information that you can't process with full understanding." Carlisle spoke up, taking my attention as he explained it in a different way, "It also stores the information it deems too painful, or too overwhelming. It keeps the information for later recollection and retrieval by the consciousness at a more suitable needed time."
"And instincts?"
"Of course." He nodded, "The way you expect danger from every other human you encounter is an instinct and it comes from your subconscious. It's a survival skill learned from the time you were young, and reinforced every time you met danger at the hands of someone else."
"Oh." I muttered, "So like.. When I just know someone can't be trusted?"
"Like that." He confirmed, "Yes. You subconsciously look for hints or clues that can be compared to previous times. You recall previous times of trouble or danger to compare to the present, and it'll tell you whether or not to distrust someone."
"I didn't even know I do that." I laughed a little.
"That's because you don't do it consciously." He smiled a little as well, "It's how you knew we could be trusted when you only just met us. The way you argued with your belief was your consciousness and subconscious disagreeing with each other, so to speak. You knew we were able to be trusted, because you'd seen it in the vision stored in your subconscious, but you didn't want to believe it."
"Oh." That certainly made sense.
"It's where your trust of Heather came from. Though you don't consciously remember her, your subconscious did. You knew she was a good person, by how she treated you when you were young."
"Wow." I said. It was so weird thinking of it like that. I did understand, but it was so strange knowing this now.
"When you suddenly know something you didn't remember before," He added, "Most of the time, it can be associated with the subconscious part of your mind. The subconscious can be useful in many ways. It's typically easier accessed while you're asleep.
"As you get older, your consciousness will acquire more space, and I have no doubts that your subconscious will give more information to you more freely. Meaning, you'll recall more of the vision easier as you grow. Your mind right now is too young to handle everything it currently has stored, so it's protecting you by keeping it hidden away until it's absolutely necessary for you to know."
"That's why I don't remember anything until after it's already happened." I observed, and he nodded.
"Oftentimes, things stored in your subconscious can be recalled by a sensory trigger." He explained, "A sight, a sound. Smell. Something similar to what you have stored will bring bits of information forward."
"Like.." I murmured, "When I remembered I dreamed about you guys. I was looking back at Edward while Jack dragged me from the school."
"Exactly like that." He nodded.
"Now it makes sense." I replied, sighing, "Before that, it was just a feeling that I'd met them before. Alice, Edward. Jasper, and everyone else. It was just a feeling, and I didn't remember anything about why. Until we were leaving. Until Jack took me home."
"In the beginning, it was slow." He said, "But as more and more familiar things began to register to you, you began to remember more. You had such trouble remembering in New York because none of that was familiar to you."
"Nothing but Mikah." I pointed out, "And I guess I tried to remember too much about him." I sighed, "I know there's more there. It wasn't just him I was trying to remember. It was something else, because it was, is important."
"It'll come in time." He assured me, "When you're ready to see it, you'll see it again." I sighed, nodding again.
"Is that why you say not to push it?"
"Your mind knows your limits and capabilities more than I do." He pointed out, "If you cannot remember it on your own, it's for a reason. It'd be dangerous to push it's progress."
"Okay." I murmured, nodding a little.
"But it's not all good." He went on, "I also have no doubts that there are things stored in your subconscious that shouldn't be there."
"Maybe that's why I think the things I think."
"I assume so." He replied, "In most cases, those things don't just come naturally to people. In your case, it's a learned behavior. Something taught to you by someone when you were too young to know better." By someone, he meant Jack.
I looked down.
"Before, when you were too young to question," He said, "Or understand, he taught you those things and that way of thinking. That's why you don't see it as something wrong. It's normal to you, because it's the way you were raised, but as Emmett pointed out, you're learning."
"I hope so." I admitted.
"You're showing amazing progress, Leandra." He assured me.
"Now," Alice spoke up, "About the vision you had today, what can you tell me about it?"
"I don't remember it."
"I know that." She replied, "I mean what is it telling you? You said you felt different. Different how? Different good, or different bad? There's a lot that goes into these things, and you don't need to actually see whatever it is to figure out what needs to happen."
"Different bad." I mumbled, "Definitely different bad."
"Okay," She nodded, "Now separate it. Bad how?"
"What do you mean?"
"How are you feeling about this different bad?" She asked, "Sad, angry, scared-"
"Scared." I replied, "Kind of sick, like I felt the other day when Ken found me." She didn't like that, giving a glance to Carlisle.
"You were actually sick that day?"
"I threw up all over his car." I muttered, "Yeah. I was sick."
"Honestly, I thought you were fibbing." She sighed, "Okay. Well, see. Now we know to be careful. To keep an extra eye out for anything that might come along."
"How?" I asked, "With the newborns coming-"
"We'll manage it." She assured me, "Don't go underestimating us now."
That reminded me, though, and I looked to Carlisle.
"You're training to fight the newborns?" I asked. He picked up on my nervousness.
"Don't worry." He assured me, "With the wolves, our chances have dramatically increased." That wasn't my only concern. One of the bigger ones, but not the only.
"Where am I going to be?" I asked quietly, unsure.
"That's the issue." He admitted with a sigh, "I will not have you anywhere near that fight." He glanced to Jasper, before returning his gaze to me. I briefly wondered if that had been suggested, but I shuddered at just the thought. I honestly wasn't sure if I would even want to be anywhere near that fight.
"And I don't want you left alone." He continued, "That honestly doesn't leave many options. I think it would be best to have someone take you for the night."
"Not my dad." I muttered, "They've got the baby."
"I thought of that too." He replied, "So Heather would be our best option."
"I don't want to go over there." I argued a little, "I haven't talked to Zack since he slapped me, and it's going to be really weird."
"What better way to make up with him?" Jasper brought up, "I think Heather's house would be best for you."
"I don't." I said, shaking my head.
"Then what would you suggest?" Jasper asked, "You can't be there while we're busy. You can't stay here on your own."
I didn't have the answer to that, but I really didn't want to go to Heather's. For once, I didn't want to. I just wasn't up to it this time.
I whined, laying back.
"I know." Jasper sighed, "I understand. In a time like this, you just want to stay where you feel safe, but it's not possible without us around to watch you."
"How am I any safer there than here on my own?" I asked, "What happens if some stupid newborn takes a shortcut, and finds the town anyway? I'd be better off here, out of the way than I would be there."
As it turned out, I didn't even have to argue. Heather wasn't available to watch me. She and Mike had taken the boys out of state for the week. Just as well, for their own safety. Zack was grounded anyway, so with a lot of apologies, she had to decline.
So the subject moved on to whether to risk leaving me here on my own, or risk sending me to my dad's house with a fragile new baby and a bratty six-year-old sister at my disposal. I might have been learning, but not fast enough to trust me like that.
That was even if he was up to watching me. He was no doubt up to his knees in new baby stuff to do and sleeplessness, and wouldn't be able to give two seconds of attention to me, much less watch me for two days. I'd have plenty of opportunity to do something I'd no doubt regret, since I didn't exactly get along with Lily.
It certainly looked like I'd be getting my way, but it wasn't definite yet. It wasn't until Edward and Bella showed up at the house that a suggestion was made. They arrived, and at first, I was surprised to see Bella. She didn't often make appearances around here. Not that I'd seen anyway.
They caught onto the conversation rather quickly.
"She has nowhere to go?" Bella asked, trying to understand.
"Her.." Edward had to pause to find the right word, "Rather violent upbringing has left her with a few issues of her own that make it difficult to find a place for her."
"Is it that bad?" Bella asked, "I mean, it's not her fault. Cut her some slack."
"Oh," Emmett chuckled, "You have no idea."
"It's a little harder than cutting her some slack." Jasper told her, "She's still learning how to be human."
"Is it that bad?" She asked again.
"Yup." I muttered from where I half laid, slouched on the couch. They were right to be nervous. I'd been warning them long enough, and they were starting to take me seriously. Bella was trying to talk them back into doubting me.
"She doesn't seem that bad to me." She reasoned, "I think she's just misunderstood. A past like hers isn't easy."
"I agree." Carlisle spoke up, "Her past was far from easy, but the things she was taught makes this an issue now."
"They don't want me to stay here on my own." I told her, looking over at her where she sat on the other end of the couch, "They say it's too dangerous."
"What about her father?" Edward asked.
"Let's let this little monster loose in an apartment with two distracted adults, and a helpless six year old." Emmett replied sarcastically. I grinned.
"Why not?" Bella asked.
"No offense," Emmett replied, "But that's a horrible idea. We drop her there and the next thing we know, the whole apartment building will be burned to the ground, or someone's bound to be buried underground, stuffed into a trash bag, or thrown out the window."
"No." She tried to argue for me, "She wouldn't do that." She looked to me.
"You're only giving me ideas." I pointed out, lightly kicking the coffee table, "Maybe all three of those. I could stuff her into the trash bag, and toss it out the window into a hole. Then I'd bury her."
Bella suddenly looked seconds from throwing up. Completely horrified. I smiled over at her as innocently as I could, making her stand up. I laughed to myself, shaking my head. She was starting to get it, looking to Edward in surprise. He gave a nod.
"No." Emmett told me, "Bad, shorty. Stop that."
"It'd be like basketball." I reasoned, "Wouldn't it be nice of me to play with my sister?"
"But the trash bag?" Bella asked incredulously.
"I'd stab holes into it." I shrugged.
"I see your point." Bella muttered, quite a few shades paler. I stopped trying to freak her out at that point. Even though it was easy to do. I sighed, plopping a couch pillow over my face.
"So yeah." Emmett sighed, "That's a very bad idea. Heather can't take her, because she's not around. Who can babysit someone like her, besides the local mental hospital?"
"I thought you wanted to keep me out of one of those?" I asked, my voice muffled by the pillow, "That's what Alice said."
"We won't be around to watch her," Emmett went on, ignoring me, "We're not dropping her at her dad's, and Heather's gone. So this is a problem."
It was silent for a moment, and I took the opportunity to rest my eyes. Doing what I could to stifle a yawn, I laid to the side. Rolled in a ball on the couch now, I glanced over briefly as I noticed Bella watching me.
She didn't seem nervous anymore, but sad as she studied me. I didn't quite understand what made her so sad, but I didn't want to ask either. I got that look a lot. Usually from those that didn't really know me that well, or was seeing me for the first time. I'd gotten that same look from my dad, my mom, Heather. Those that were just starting to get to know me.
I sighed, cuddling the couch pillow. That was how I was comfortable, with my arm around something while I laid on my side. The day had been too busy for me so far, and without much sleep, it was hard on me.
"Sorry." I eventually said, looking to Bella as I cleared my loose hair from my face, "I'd never hurt anyone if I could help it."
Smiling a little, she seemed to appreciate that.
"I just get ideas like that." I explained, "But I've never actually done anything like that." I didn't exactly want her to be afraid of me. It was odd, but I wasn't nervous around Bella like I would have been around anyone else I didn't know that well. I liked her.
"I believe you." She told me with a nod, looking down.
"She's learning." Jasper stuck up for me, "Slowly, but it's a little difficult to overwrite every other influence she's had growing up."
"She learned that from one person?"
"One person." Jasper confirmed, "One man, who fails horribly at being human."
"Now I see why you couldn't let her go to anyone else." She nodded again, "If it was bad enough for her to learn all that, it must have been so hard on her." Though it did annoy me a little the way she spoke about me as if I wasn't here, I could see her point. I gathered that Edward had only filled her in so much.
"Only as much as was necessary." Edward confirmed, "I prefer not to talk about someone while they're not around." I nodded a little. I was used to it, though. Being discussed was my main purpose around the house.
"So she's got a few quirks." Emmett muttered, "Nothing that can't be worked out." I smiled a little at him. He'd always been the one that stuck up for me.
"Undoubtedly." Edward replied, "I don't believe that sort of thing is permanent."
It fell silent again as everyone went back to thinking. Probably what to do about me. It was Emmett that found the solution. I looked up as he smirked and looked over at Carlisle.
"I think we just found a job for Mikah."
I sat up, the couch pillow rolling away from me onto the floor, suddenly smiling.
"No." Jasper said before I could get too excited.
"Why not?" Emmett asked, "If Cole is with him, what's the problem? He's gotten away with keeping an eye on his siblings from a distance. Just like this."
"He might be willing to risk their safety like that," Jasper replied, "But I'm not willing to risk Leandra's safety. Leaving her here alone, with him watching the place is just asking for trouble. I don't like it."
"You don't have to like it." Emmett argued, and I smirked a little at that statement. Mikah told me the same thing, "It's the best option right now, and you know it. We can't be here to watch shorty ourselves, but they can. You're going to have to learn to trust him sooner or later."
"I agree." Carlisle spoke up, "I think it's the best option."
"Who's even to say he'd want to do us such a favor?" Jasper asked.
"He'll want to." Emmett replied confidently, "You know he'd do back-flips at any opportunity to be helpful when it comes to protecting shorty." I laughed a little at that image, "Not even considering the way he really wants you to like him."
Jasper sighed, "I was a bit harsh, but he needs to understand the boundaries."
"I agree with Emmett." Edward spoke up, and I looked over at him, "Mikah would rather tear his own hands off than hurt her." I winced a little. I didn't want to think about him getting hurt. He went on, "He genuinely cares about her, and never would have approached had he not been certain that he could. It's dangerous, for sure, but it is the best option."
When Jasper didn't immediately argue again, I knew they had done it. They'd talked him into giving them a real chance to pull this off.
"It's more of a punishment anyway." Emmett added, "Let them babysit her."
"Hey." I muttered.
"Sorry," Emmett chuckled, "But it's true."
"Alright." Jasper replied, "Alright, fine. They can watch her, but only if Cole refuses to let Mikah out of his sight, and only if Leandra agrees to stay inside the house at all times. I don't want to take any chances."
"Leave it to me." Emmett smiled a little, "I'll recruit them. Trouble is finding them, but no biggie. I'll figure it out."
"Thank you." I told him before he could turn for the door. He smiled a little at me, playfully covering my face with his palm again.
"Take a nap." He told me, "You're tired, remember?"
"I'm afraid to." I admitted, "What if I remember what I'm not supposed to remember yet?"
"You can't start that again." He immediately told me, "If you're going to remember it, you'll remember it whether you're awake or asleep."
"But it'll happen easier if I'm asleep." I pointed out.
"Do I have to guard your door again?"
"No." I said, pointing toward the door, "Go get Mikah."
"Geez," He grumbled, "You're bossy."
"You're welcome." I sighed, flopping back. He found that amusing, given his chuckle, but he shook his head and turned. Rosalie followed him, probably wanting to go with him to keep him company.
"I'm assuming you won't take anything to help you sleep?" Carlisle asked, and I immediately shook my head. Common sense should have answered that one for me. Especially after what I'd gone through with Ken. It wouldn't be the same, but it'd be too similar for my comfort. I felt like throwing up at just the mention.
I laid there for a moment or two, trying to think. All these abilities around us, and there wasn't one that could take thoughts. If only there was some way to distract myself, the way I used to in New York, while I was asleep. I couldn't exactly read a book while I was asleep, but I was genuinely afraid of what I could see while I slept. If it was bad enough to make me have a vision like that, what could have it been about?
I couldn't read a book, and I couldn't watch TV, but maybe if I listened to something while I slept, it would be enough to distract my thoughts? I knew I could still hear stuff while I was asleep, but that was about the only thing I could do. I doubted listening to the snow-globe's song would work anymore, as I'd heard it so often, I'd probably tune it out by now.
As I laid there, my eyes opened at the sudden sound of the piano being played. It was as quiet as Edward could make it. Leaning up a little, I peered over the edge of the couch's armrest at where he sat.
I'd never heard him play this song before, but I liked it. It sounded like it could have been a tune from a music box itself, but a softer, less sharp piano version. It was a sad sound. Haunting, but sweet and soothing at the same time. I never knew a song like that could make me want to cry but make me happy at the same time. It was simple in its own way, but so complex, beautifully put together.
I honestly didn't know how he did it, but it held my attention. I related to it, this song with no words, and it was amazing. It amazed me how anyone else could play that song, and it'd probably sound dull compared to the way he played it now.
He glanced over at me with a small smile, and other than the sound of the piano, it was silent. After that brief look, I settled back down. I knew what he was doing. He was giving me something to listen to, and I appreciated this more than he knew. I knew he wouldn't be able to go to these lengths every time I had to sleep, so I'd make the most of this.
Curled up the way I was, it was easy enough for Esme to settle a blanket on me. She seemed to understand what he was doing as well. She smoothed my hair from my face, and I glanced up at her gratefully. It was bugging me.
As messed up as I was, I really had to admit. I wouldn't trade where I was right then for anything in the world. I didn't deserve such a family, and I knew that, but I needed desperately to hold onto it. As messed up as I was, they kept me.
Thankfully, I fell asleep to those thoughts. Almost immediately, listening to the quiet sound of the music Edward played for me, I dropped off to sleep.
A/N: A little shorter than my usual chapters, but in this case, I'm happy with it. :) The end of this chapter was a little sappy for my taste, but why not?
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! To my AMAZING reviewers of last chapter! 100x Edward's piano songs for each of you! :D
Chapter Eleven is taking some time, but I'll be working on putting that together now that I've got this one out for you guys. :)
Until Eleven, my friends! :D