2.3 New Moon
When the lights come up again, the setting has once again changed back to the Cullen living room. In addition to the standard furniture, streamers are also draped artfully around the stage. A card table is set up in the middle, with a triple-tiered cake on top. The purple icing on the cake reads, "Happy B-Day, Isabella!", though the 'Isa' had been crossed out in red icing. The Cullen family, minus Edward, are waiting by the table expectantly, dressed in their finest attire. Alice and Esme are carrying presents. Emmett checks his watch then sighs impatiently.
Edward enters from stage right, carrying Bella in his arms. Edward is dressed in a coat and tails, and Bella in a fluffy pink dress and shoes that look like Cinderella's glass slippers. When they enter, everyone cries "Surprise! Happy Birthday!"
Bella's hands fly to her cheeks. "Oh you shouldn't have!" She coos.
Edward gingerly places her on her feet. As soon as he lets her go, she squeals in pain. "Ow! I cut myself!"
A collective gasp from all of the vampires present. Rosalie breathes in deeply, her eyes rolling in ecstasy. Carlisle, Alice and Esme pull out gas masks and put them on. Jasper digs in his pocket and pulls out a band-aid. He steps forward to hand it to Bella, but Edward throws out his hands, pushing Bella into the table with the cake on it. The table collapses under her weight, uprighting the cake on top of her and covering her with frosting.
Edward scoops her up again. "I'll save you, Bella!" he cries and rushes offstage, leaving everyone else to stare after them in confusion.
The lights dim momentarily and when they resume, the stage is devoid of people. The forest scene has reappeared. Edward and Bella reenter. Bella is still in the same, cake-covered clothes, but Edward's outfit has been changed. Rather than the coat and tails, he is now dressed in a white bedazzled jumpsuit with a golden cape. His hair is greased and coiffed on his head in a style reminiscent of Elvis. Flies buzz around Bella's head, attracted by the sweet smell of the frosting.
Edward dumps Bella on the forest floor, then steps back and turns away from her.
"Bella, I'm sorry."
Bella stands. "It's ok. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash. Or I can dry clean it."
"No. Not about the dress. It's us. It's not working."
Bella bursts into tears. "What? But why?"
"You're accident-prone. A complete klutz, actually. And I'm such a control freak that keeping you from harm is just stressing me out. I think I'm making it worse. You're just too hard to protect."
Bella leans and grabs his shirt with both hands. "But I can change! I promise!"
Edward shakes his head sadly. "It's for your own good."
He walks to stage right, leaving her standing in place. She calls after him plaintively, "But you know I can't walk by myself!"
Edward ignores her as he addresses the audience and begins singing, gyrating his hips to the music. As Edward sings the first verse on his side of the stage, Bella attempts to walk away on her side. She places one foot in front of the other, then falls flat on her face in a heap.
"Protecting Bella"
To the tune of "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis Presley
Sung by Edward Cullen
I don't know what I was thinking, don't even wanna try
I know to keep her safe I gotta say goodbye
It won't take long for her to forget
Though this choice I may soon regret
I'm gonna dump her and then I will jet so that Bella won't die
I'm saving Bella, yeah
On the other side of the stage, Bella pulls a box of matches from her pocket. She lights one and holds it in front of her face, grinning wildly and giggling. When the flame gets too close to her fingers, she drops it with a squeal and lights another. In no time she is surrounded by used matches.
Ever since we met I've been a danger to her
Me and my whole family
But now we'll leave her here and things will be as they were
I will tour the world and she'll at last be free!
It was so hard to me to leave, and sever our last tie,
But I know to keep her safe I had to say goodbye
It won't take long for her to forget
Though this choice I may soon regret
Oh yeah I dumped her hard and then I jet so that Bella won't die
I'm saving Bella, yeah
The members of the Wolf Pack enter Bella's side of the stage and circle her threateningly. She hugs one of them—obviously Jacob, as his tail wags happily—and pulls out a small rubber ball. She throws it offstage, and the wolves flock after it. She continues playing 'Fetch' with the giant wolves as Edward continues singing.
I'll protect her if it's the last thing I do
Though stayin' away'd surely kill me too
Save her save her
Save her save her
Save her save her
She may not agree, she may pine for me
I'll ignore her plea 'cause I see what's best for her!
It was so hard to me to leave, and sever our last tie,
But I know to keep her safe I had to say goodbye
It won't take long for her to forget
Though this choice I may soon regret
Oh yeah I dumped her hard and then I jet so that Bella won't die
I'm saving Bella, yeah
After singing the last verse, Edward looks over at Bella's side of the stage for the first time. She readies herself at the very edge of the stage and raises her hands as if she is on a diving board. A deep breath, and then she leaps feet-first off of the stage. Edward stretches his hands out towards where she was just standing, shouting in horror: "No!"
He drops to his knees in an action similar to Victoria's from the previous scene. In a fit of anguish, he rips at his shirt, revealing skin underneath. A spotlight appears to the left of him. He stares at it, then pulls out a pencil and piece of paper and writes, saying the words aloud at he does so.
"I can't take it anymore. I just want it all to be over. Without Bella left to protect, I'm sure that I will be so bored. Besides, I always thought dying like Romeo would be pretty cool—he is famous after all. Maybe someday my death will be immortalized into a story too."
He folds the paper into the shape of an airplane and then sends it flying over the stage, where it is caught by Alice. Standing beside her is Bella, dripping wet. Alice reads the note and gasps. She points towards Edward, who is balanced at the edge of the spotlight. He steps into the light and the little cherubs appear above his head again. Bella launches herself at him, scrubbing at his skin as though she could make the glitter disappear.
She succeeds in pulling him out of the spotlight, but as she does so, cloaked figures appear at all corners of the stage. All but two of their faces are covered. The two whose features can be seen are small and delicate, one male and one female—Alec and Jane. The cloaked figures seize Edward, Bella and Alice. Three other figures enter from stage right, covered in bright red cloaks as well—Aro, Caius, and Marcus.
Aro claps his hands together at the sight of the three prisoners. "Oh look! People! How lovely to see you! Why, it's Edward! And dear Alice! Have you come to join our…collection?"
They shake their heads in the negative. Aro catches sight of Bella. "And who might this be? The human, hmmm? I've heard of you." He holds out his hand. "May I?"
Bella holds out her hand as if to shake his, but he just barely touches her hand.
"How interesting!" Aro giggles. "Either you truly are immune to mind-reading powers, or you are simply thinking nothing at all!"
"Or both." Alec mutters, and Jane smirks.
Aro muses. "But we really must do something about you." He begins pacing across the front of the stage. Caius trails him, followed by Marcus. They come to a stop in the middle of the stage and begin singing about their dilemma.
"'Noble Cause'"
To the tune of "Dani California" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sung by The Volturi
Caius: You have traveled here to see our lovely city
But you haven't acted right which really is a pity
None of us see and we do not agree
Why you wanna be killed in breaking our first decree
You almost showed yourself in broad daylight in the square
You came real close to almost saying your final prayer
Marcus: We should kill you yet we'll let you slip through
Only 'cause we find that your family we are drawn to
You have power, similar to ours
Yet this little human you don't want to devour
Just what about her is so special, I'd like to know
She is not quid pro quo
All: Come and join our noble cause
To enforce vampire laws
You should join with us because
We will minimize your flaws
Aro: You're confusing and so darn amusing
Never have I seen our Jane so mad at losing
I would like to study more about you
See just what it is that makes you so immune
But still I find that it's a danger to have you know
About this world down below
All: Come and join our noble cause
To enforce vampire laws
You should join with us because
We will minimize your flaws
Jane and Alec: So we will give you just one year
To bite and turn Miss Bella here
She must become a part of us
Or we'll have things to discuss
Aro: You will see us when we check your progress
And her new condition we hope that we can assess
And I do hope you will change your answer
Many situations your powers could be used for
You would be welcomed here with wide open arms by all
Would you please answer the call? Now don't stall!
All: Come and join our noble cause
To enforce vampire laws
You should join with us because
We will minimize your flaws
All: Come and join our noble cause
To enforce vampire laws
You should join with us because
We will minimize your flaws
The song ends with Aro, Caius and Marcus at the front of the stage doing the Charleston. Alice and Edward clap politely once they finish. Aro wags his finger underneath Bella's nose. "Now, young lady," he says. "You make sure you're good and dead by the time we call, you hear me?"
Bella gulps and nods emphatically, shooting Edward a beaming, victorious smile. Edward smiles back weakly before muttering under his breath to Alice, "Well, crap."
The lights fade.