The Colonel's Sister and the Major

Chapter 10: Once Upon a Time, Things Should Have Been Normal

The nightmares hadn't plagued my sleep, but an eerie feeling continued to creep through me. The sense of peace I had felt when going to bed last night was lost to me. Something in my mind made me change the way I had felt. For the life of me I couldn't remember what it was. Could I have had a nightmare, one that was so horrific that I couldn't remember it? Of at least that, I was sure of.

I was puzzled as I looked around my quarters. Something felt off. Everything was where I had left it. It bothered me that I couldn't rationalize this strange feeling. In a bad attempt to push it from my mind, I reached for my running clothes, with my broken hand and sighed. I so badly wanted to go running, but after last time and how my hand felt otherwise, I knew better. Part of me was hopeful that my hand was healing very well and that I could go back to running very soon.

Going through the motions of my morning was helping bring a sense of normalcy to my life. The morning seemed to move slowly, despite my not really eating breakfast, again. I realized as I neared the infirmary for my appointment, that I was dreading it. I didn't want to hear that my hand was healing well and that I would be cleared for Active Duty, which meant I'd be cleared to go off world with Anne's team.

I also realized that part of me was afraid of seeing Evan. I still hadn't told him about my going active with a team once my hand was fully healed. I stopped in the entryway of the infirmary as it dawned on me. I was terrified that Evan would be so against my being apart of an off-world team. Who had I become since coming here? I didn't act like this with anyone. No one controlled my emotions in such a manner that it hurt my heart to think of possible rejection from one person. There were things that I had to rationally think over. I had to stop falling head over heels until I could be sure that I would land on my feet.

Jennifer looked at me with concern on her face when she saw me standing in the doorway, unmoving. I wasn't sure what sort of expression I wore on my face, but it must not have been a good one as she walked over to me quickly.

"Nic, you okay? You don't look so good."

"I'm fine. I… it's nothing."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine."

"Well, I'll be a few minutes before I can take a look at your hand. We're pretty empty down here this morning if you'd like a quick minute with Major Lorne, he is already awake."

"No, that's alright. I'll see him later."

"Okay."

I walked into the infirmary, unsure of what I was going to do about Evan and my fear of his possible rejection. I needed to talk to Johnny. He would tell me exactly what I needed to hear, that I was being an idiot and that Evan would accept my decision to go off world on a regular basis. No matter how many times I said this over and over in my head, my words refused to sink in.

It wasn't until my check up with Jennifer was almost over when I noticed how quiet she was being. I tried to smile, but the smile refused to stay on my face. I gave up. I sat silently while she finished, not really looking at her. I was leery that she would be able to read my thoughts from my expression.

As soon as she was done looking at my hand and was happy with the progression of the healing, I left much quicker then I had meant to. I hoped she wouldn't tell Evan that I was here and rushed off without seeing him. Knowing Jen as well as I already did, she'd rat me out in a heart beat.

I rushed through my few morning appointments, unable to think clearly, I cancelled all my afternoon ones. It disturbed me that I was letting my emotions effect me as much as they were. I was so sick of being out of sorts with myself. But I couldn't help it. Evan was all that I could think about.

That was until I noticed what day it was. It was Christmas Eve. How did I get so wrapped up in myself that I didn't notice the few whispers of the holidays in certain areas of the city? It was beyond puzzling. With my mind now on what holiday it was, I absolutely felt terrible about not seeing Evan when I had been down in the infirmary. I quickly left my office, heading to my quarters. I had, a few nights ago, uploaded the pictures from my digital camera that Evan had taken of us and from that I did a rough sketch of one of the photos of us. I grabbed the sketch pad that that photo was in and hurried down to the infirmary, not caring if anyone else was there.

I would be damned if I held off apologizing for being a self centered bitch. I had this nagging feeling as I got closer and didn't understand why. There was something off about the events that had transpired since Evan left for his mission. I was starting to think clearly when I nearly walked into Carson. That was when it dawned on me. Carson had left, with Evan, on his mission, but Carson had come back much sooner then Evan did.

"You alright love?"

"Yeah, Carson, sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"No sweat."

Carson had started to move away, to continue with his duties. "Hey Carson, can I ask you something?"

"Sure thing love."

"I was wondering, why was it that you weren't with Major Lorne? I remember John telling me that you had left with him and his team."

"I had love, but I wasn't staying with them long. There were two planets that are apart of the Alliance that needed medical assistance, vaccinations for common things like the flu. Major Lorne and his team stayed with my long enough to transport me from one planet to the next."

"That makes sense. I'm sorry if my asking made it sound like you were hiding something or that I was accusing you of something."

"Don't fret about it. I'd be concerned if ye hadn't asked me."

"Thanks Carson."

He smiled and winked at me before continuing on his way. I hesitated for a moment before heading further into the infirmary. It was sometime after noon and save for the patients that were bed ridden, there was no one but doctors and nurses here.

It was merely a stroke of luck, I thought, as I approached Evan. He seemed to be asleep, but I couldn't be sure. The chair that had been placed next to his bed was gone, but that didn't matter to me. I was hoping that if I sat down on the bed that it would stir him so we could talk, which thankfully it had. I must have had a sad expression on my face because he looked at me through worried eyes.

"Nikki?"

"Shh Evan, I want to say something." I waited to see if he would respond, he didn't so I continued. "I just want to apologize for not coming here to see you this morning like I said I would. I got so wrapped up in myself and the worries that plague my mind that I thought it would be better for both of us if I didn't come here at all."

He looked confused, but stayed quiet, knowing I had more to say. "I doubted myself Evan. I doubted the feelings I have for you because they just aren't rational. I was angry with myself over my emotions changing my life. I told myself this morning, after I woke up, that I wasn't going to see you until I could get some normalcy back into my life, some rational thought and meaning. I sat in my office since my appointment with Jennifer, trying not to think about you." I lifted his hand and placed a kiss to it, before bringing it to my face. "I sat there and realized that I didn't give a damn about rational thought. I care about you more then I probably should and I will be damned if I do anything to screw this up and hurt you."

Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes as he smiled softly, his fingers brushing my cheek. "Nikki, I'm glad you feel that way and were able to work things out. I was afraid something had happened when you hadn't come to see me, but then Jennifer told me how cold you were with her this morning. I resigned myself to thinking that you had changed your mind, that things were over for us. I didn't get a chance to react to that thought process before Jennifer administered more morphine and knocked me out."

I leaned forward, my head coming to rest on his chest, His IV free hand played with my hair as the tears finally came out. I had hurt him, unintentionally and that was the last thing he needed when he was trying to heal from and ordeal he had survived. After a few moments, I calmed down and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent, even though he smelled of a hospital, his scent was there, like a gentle caress of a breeze.

"I have something for you." I sat up and actually had to stand up to grab my sketch pad that had fallen to the floor. He eyed me curiously as I flipped through the pages until I came to the sketch I wanted to give to him. I turned it so he could see what it was, a smile, like I had never seen before, stretched across his face.

"Wow Nikki."

"Well when I realized what day it was, I wanted you to have something special and from the heart. You had had the same thought when you took those pictures of us, so I wanted to return the favor. And even though it's not until tomorrow, Merry Christmas Evan."

"Is it really Christmas Eve?"

"It is. I couldn't stand the thought of you being in here alone, on a holiday. That was a sobering thought to all my misgivings about us. I hadn't even realized as much. I mean, I knew that the holidays were fast approaching; I completely forgot that we spent Thanksgiving on the Apollo, those days were a blissful blur to me. It sucks that you have to be in here for Christmas."

"How didn't you realize it was nearly Christmas?"

"Well it isn't like the base is decorated for Christmas. I mean, I'm sure some people's quarters are like a Christmas wonderland, but I know not everyone on base is Christian so therefore I wasn't even thinking about it."

"You know, your mind boggles me sometimes."

"Yeah, me too." We laughed, but he winced as he did. I frowned as I sat back down on the bed, taking a hold of his hand.

"It's not fair."

"What isn't fair Evan?"

"That I am stuck in this bed and can't give you a proper Christmas present."

"Oh hush. You're being alive and still wanting me, is enough of a present."

"Prove it."

"Cheeky." I smirked as I leaned forward and kissed him softly at first. His IV free hand once again found my hair but he drew me closer, deepening the kiss. We only broke apart when we heard a throat clearing behind us. Evan shifted to see who it was, as I sat up and turned. It was just Johnny. I let out a sigh of relief. Yeah I had the 'I'll be damned if I care if anyone knows about Evan and I' but at least with it being Johnny, and not say, Woolsey, not having to explain things was just fine by me.

"What would you two have done if I had been Woolsey?"

I saw Evan shrug out of the corner of my eye, but he kept his mouth shut, leaving me to deal with Johnny. Chicken shit. I almost laughed but was glad I hadn't said that out loud. "Simple Johnny, I would have just explained things to him. It's not like he can do anything about it. He didn't do anything about McKay and Jennifer."

"True, but still, I thought you two wanted this to be a bit more private?"

"We do Colonel."

"However, I am not going to let that stop me from spending time with Evan, in whatever manner I so choose."

"Well good for you two. Really though, you might want to keep all that to a minimum. Colette, at least give Lorne a chance to heal before trying to drag him into your bed. Or did you forget that he wasn't in yours or his own."

"Johnathan Patrick Sheppard." John visibly blanched with use of his full name. Between the two of us, our full names were like curse words. Or if either one of us used the other's full name, it meant two things. One, one was in deep shit with the other, or two... no there was just choice one.

"Colette, really?"

"Yes, really Johnny. I can't believe you said that. Okay, scratch that. I can believe you said that, just not that you said that to me."

"I'm sorry. It just slipped out. Though you gotta admit, it was funny."

"Other times I would be laughing. You know I would."

"But?"

"I'm the instigator, sir."

"Oh. Well Lorne, no trying to get my sister into bed until you are cleared for active duty."

"Are you seriously giving him orders of that nature?" I seemed to be out of the 'guy' loop as they both started laughing. Though Evan stopped after a few seconds because it did, physically hurt him. I looked at him, a worried expression on my face. He tried to smile to me, but was in pain, so it was hard.

"I'm going to get Jennifer or Carson. You need to rest."

"And you need to eat Nikki."

"I know. I will. After I get Carson or Jennifer to knock you ass out so you can get better."

"Deal."

"Don't fret Lorne. I'll make sure to stuff food down Colette's throat. I am well aware of her lack of interest in eating unless it's necessary."

"I'd say thanks, sir, but I'm sure you've been on her case about it for a long time."

"That I have major."

"Ugh, this bonding crap between you two, over me, makes me ill. I'm going to get a doctor." I leaned over and kissed Evan softly, and drew away before he could deepen the kiss again. "I'll come back and see you later."

"Promise?" He whispered to me.

I whispered back; "I promise. There isn't anything holding me back now, from being with you."

"Good." With that settled, I went in search of either Carson or Jennifer. I found Carson, just starting to make another set of rounds. He said he'd skip over the rest of the patients and see to Evan immediately. I thanked him for that as John and I left to go grab a bite to eat. As we walked down to the mess he was being quiet.

"Something wrong John?"

"No, I'm just honestly surprised about the way Lorne makes you act. It's a new side of you. It's weird."

"I know, but I don't ever want to go back to the way I was before Evan came into my life. He's good for me Johnny."

"I know."

"So, what goes on around here for Christmas? After all, it's Christmas Eve."

"Well, those who celebrate it, get the day off. Those who don't, work."

"That seems a bit unfair."

"Not really. Those who celebrate Chanukah were given off which ever day of the seven they chose; those who celebrate Kwanza were given that day off. We try to keep it fair around here. Everyone gets a day off to celebrate or honor which ever holiday they affiliate themselves with. If they don't celebrate anything, they get a day of their choosing, so long as it doesn't fall on one of the other holidays."

"Well that's good."

"It is."

"Sharing your Christmas with anyone this year Johnny?"

"Nope. Teyla is going back to New Athos to see Kanaan and Ronon is spending the day with Amelia. Jennifer and Rodney are doing something. I do usually have either Teyla or Ronon, or both to spend the day with."

"Good, then you can spend the day with your bratty younger sister and her healing boyfriend."

"Can I now?"

"Yes, I think it would be a good thing. It will completely set Lorne's mind at ease that you aren't going to kill him for getting involved with me, and I think it will be good for you."

"How so?"

"How well do you really know you're second in command?"

"Okay, I see your point."

"Good. Then it's settled. Tomorrow you will spend Christmas with me and Evan in the infirmary."

We let the subject drop as we reached the mess hall, after getting food, sat down with Rodney and Jennifer and got lost in many different conversations for quite sometime. All in all, despite my wanting some bit of the normalcy back in my life, I realized, I never lost it. For the new life I was in, this was normal. Having a love like no other, having good friends and my brother around, the possibility of danger around every stargate, this was my new normal. It gave me the same sense of peace I had felt last night after seeing Evan. Life was good. What was even better tomorrow was Christmas and I was lucky for getting to spend it with the two most important people on my life.