Chapter 10: Goodbyes

Katara groaned as a poking finger woke her, accompanied by her brother's voice calling, "Katara, if you don't wake up I'm going to throw cold water on you."

She pulled her pillow over her face and rolled over. "Go away, Sokka. I'm sleeping."

He switched to shaking her. "Come on, get up! I will treat you like you're five again if I have to." With that, he pulled her covers down and started tickling her feet, causing her to screech and throw her pillow at him.

"I'm awake, I'm awake!" she cried, jerking her poor feet away from him. "That was uncalled for. Why are you waking me up so early?"

Sokka crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "It was not uncalled for; you are annoyingly difficult to wake up. And I woke you up because it's time to go shopping."

Katara groaned again and flopped back down. "Why are we going shopping at dawn? Can't you go without me?"

"One, because we're buying things for your trip, and two, because retail therapy will give us a great chance to talk and make you feel better." Sokka was a great believer in the healing power of stuff.

"Fine, but get out while I change."

"Fine, fine." Sokka threw up his hands in surrender and sauntered away, leaving Katara to put on some comfortable clothes and sandals. When she left her bedroom, she spotted him lounging in one of her comfortable chairs.

"Please tell me you at least are giving me tea," she stated. "I am not starting out this day without tea."

"I figured we'd get some in town. You know, experience the local culture."

She rolled her eyes. "The palace is the epitome of local culture, Sokka."

He stood and grasped her shoulders, steering her towards the door. "No no, it's not the same. What we need is a genuine hole-in-the-wall that serves tea that'll remove paint. That's local culture."

"If you say so," Katara complied, feeling this was an argument she couldn't win.

Having found said tea shop with incredibly strong tea, Katara was at least feeling somewhat more awake as they strolled through the just-opening market, vendors setting up their stalls and unrolling canopies. "What exactly are we shopping for?" she asked.

"Oh, you know, the usual. You'll need a tent, a sleeping bag and mat, a knife, trap-setting equipment, maybe a fishing pole…"

"Sokka, I'm a waterbender," she interrupted. "A fishing pole would be a waste of money."

"If you say so. Oh, look, this stall has some nice knives!" He pulled her over to a weapons stall, which had a good assortment of knives that would be useful for a variety of things in the mountains if they needed to camp. He picked one for her and began haggling with the seller, finally settling on what Katara assumed was a good price and handing over the money. "I got you a sheath and belt with it," Sokka stated proudly, holding it up for her to examine.

"Looks fine," she replied disinterestedly.

They continued walking. "So, are you going to talk to Aang before you leave?" Sokka asked abruptly.

Taken aback, Katara thought for a few moments before she answered. "I hadn't really thought about it, but maybe I should. What do you think?"

"It would be good to go into this trip knowing things had been settled, don't you think? One less thing to worry about."

"I guess so. Although even just knowing I've made my decision has helped a lot."

Sokka hesitated for a minute, then asked, "What brought all this on, anyway? Why'd you realize suddenly after years that things weren't working?"

Katara sighed and looked away. "Do we have to talk about this? This is awkward."

He casually slung an arm across her shoulders. "Aw, come on, if you can't talk to me, who can you talk to? I'll be helpful, I promise."

"No, it's just, I don't want to talk about my… private life," here she gestured at her torso vaguely, "with my brother."

"Ah," Sokka nodded sagely, "problems in bed, huh?"

She pushed him away vehemently. "Sokka! I am not talking about this with you!"

"No, I understand. That makes sense. I bet that was what you thought was wrong at first, then you realized there were just a bunch of problems in general. Am I right?"

Blushing furiously, she nodded slowly. "Now that you know, can we please change the subject?"

"Honestly, Katara, living up here has made you such a prude. You should try living surrounded by women on Kyoshi; the sex and period talk never ends. I got used to it a long time ago."

Katara managed to shift his focus back to shopping, thankfully. They chatted about the weight of tent and sleeping bag required for the weather, ending up with a heavier one since the mountains could get quite cold even in spring, and the proposed route for their trip, which would likely have them camping in between towns a lot, as they hoped to visit one a day. Eventually, all the supplied bought and promised to be at the palace by noon, they headed back. Despite the awkwardness of telling her brother Aang hadn't been satisfying her in bed, Katara did feel slightly better about the upcoming trip. As long as she ignored who it was with.

Katara deposited Sokka to the care of Suki, who had, Katara was sure, enjoyed a lovely morning of sleeping in. Sokka assured her he thought they could send her off that afternoon, so Katara made the momentous decision to talk to Aang.

Her steps firm and measured, she slowly paced to the stables, where she was told Aang had headed after breakfast (at a much more reasonable hour than hers). She found him brushing Appa, talking to him and laughing at his antics. Steeling herself, she asked, "Aang, can I talk to you?"

He dropped the brush in a bucket and turned to her. "Sure, Katara. Is everything okay?"

She looked around furtively, noting a few grooms hanging around. "Would you like to take a walk with me?"

"Of course!" He gallantly offered his arm, which she took, then headed outside. They had walked a ways from the stable, now with no one in sight, before Katara continued.

"Sokka thinks I'll be leaving today," she began.

"I wish you weren't leaving. I'm really going to miss you."

She took a deep, calming breath. "I don't really know how to say this, but I know that I need to. Aang, I'm not happy."

"What do you need? If there's something wrong, or you don't want to leave, all you…"

She held up a hand for him to stop and continued. "This is hard for me to say, but what I'm not happy with is our marriage. It's taken me a long time and a lot of thought, but I think that it needs to end." His face drained, a look of shock forming. She rushed to finish, the words tripping over themselves in her haste to say her piece before he recovered. "There have been problems, at least on my end, for a long time, and some of them we've fought about but most of them there's no fix for. As selfish as this sounds, I'm not getting what I need from this and I think it's time I acknowledge that and tell you the truth. I haven't been happy for a long time. I'd like to tell you what's going on for me, if you'll listen."

"Sure," he gasped out, the word sounding strangled.

"I feel like I have had to give up a lot in this marriage, and don't feel that it's reciprocated. While I understand that you are the physical embodiment of your culture, I've had to give up mine completely. When I don't, I feel as though you think I'm inferior."

"Katara, that's not true at all," Aang started, but Katara interrupted him.

"Please, just let me finish. I know this isn't what you've intended, but over the last eight years I've felt my identity slowly dissolve. I have nothing to replace it with; we have no children, which is one of the things that's made me unhappy, we rarely sleep together… I'm lonely and sad more often than not and I feel useless. I just can't spend the rest of my life like this."

"How can you say any of this?" he blurted, tears filling his gray eyes. "Don't you know how much I love you?"

"Aang, that's not what this is about. I know you love me. It's just not enough anymore."

"I just don't understand why you'd expect me to give things up that I can't. I just can't, Katara. I'm the Lama, I have to do things the way they are. Why can't you understand that?"

She wiped a tear from his cheek sadly. "I do understand, Aang. That's the problem. I can't ask you to give things up for me, but I'm not happy and won't be happy unless you do."

"Isn't there anything I can do?" he begged.

She shook her head silently, looking at her shoes. "I'm sorry." Her own eyes began to well up. "I thought maybe if I told you today, my trip would give us both some time to process this."

He grabbed her and pulled her close, kissing her roughly, his lips tasting of salt. Pushing him away vehemently, she began to grow angry. "What are you doing?"

"If you think I'm not paying enough attention to you, then maybe I should start." He tried to kiss her again, but she pulled away.

"I just told you things are over. You can't fix this! You can't force us to be compatible!"

He sank to the grass and began crying in earnest. Her heart breaking into tiny pieces, Katara knelt beside him. "I don't know what to do, Katara. I can't lose you," he sobbed into her arms.

"There's nothing you can do," she responded softly. "I've thought about this a lot and I can't change my mind and be an honorable person. I'm so sorry for hurting you."

"I had no idea, though. How can you be so unhappy and I had no idea?"

She was mute, having no answer to that that would not hurt him worse. Instead, she just held him, letting him sob, tears silently dripping down her face at the thought of all that was ending. Finally, Aang sniffed and wiped his eyes, turning them up to her. "Do you think we could wait to make it official? Until after the Fire Lord is dealt with?"

That did make sense, actually. She realized Aang might want that in case she changed her mind, but it would prevent even more upheaval. "Yeah, I can do that," she replied carefully, "but only to prevent the country from having something else to deal with. It doesn't mean I think I'll change my mind."

He sniffed again. "I know. But I think that will give me time to think about some things."

"Aang, I want you to know that I do love you and care about you a lot," she stated suddenly. "It's not that I don't. Really."

He pulled away from her and shrugged resignedly. "Okay," was his only response. "Is there someone else?" he asked suddenly after a few minutes of silence.

Her face flushing guiltily, Katara forced her emotions down. No, she told herself, that's not why you're doing this and you know it. Zuko was the catalyst, not the cause. "What? No, Aang, this isn't about anyone but me and you…" She was interrupted by a gardener running up to them, stopping and bending over double panting.

"Lady Katara…. Your Highness…." he gasped. "Lord Sokka wants you both, now. He says Lady Katara has to leave."

Katara swore inwardly. Bad timing, Sokka. She stood and brushed herself off, hoping she didn't look too tearstained. "We'll be there momentarily." The gardener stood, waiting, until it was clear they weren't going to leave until he did, so he wandered off. She looked down at Aang, who was still sitting, his knees pulled to his chest. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner so we could talk about everything before I left. I didn't think we would have so little time."

He looked at her, his eyes not focusing on her face but on some point far behind it. "Goodbye, Katara. I would say I hope you come back to me, but I know you won't. So just go." He tucked his chin in between his knees, staring emptily into the distance.

Feeling thoroughly dismissed and utterly tiny, Katara nearly ran away from him, heading to her room, desperately wishing she could have a good cry. Finding them deserted, much of her clothes and her waterskins missing from her closet, she hailed a servant and asked where her brother was.

"In the courtyard, Your Grace," she replied promptly, bustling off to finish her task.

Katara continued to the courtyard at a more stately pace, wondering if Aang was going to show up. She doubted it; his goodbye had sounded final. When she got there, she saw her brother, Suki, and Zuko, along with a host of other people, surrounding Appa, who Aang had as of yesterday only been too happy to lend her. Sokka nodded at her.

"I knew you were going to be having an important talk, so I had Liu pack your things," he whispered in her ear. "Are you okay?"

She nodded glumly, noting the full bags and tents packed on Appa's saddle. "I don't think Aang is coming." Scanning the crowd, she noticed there was no one else who appeared to be getting ready to leave. "Sokka, where are the earthbenders that are supposed to be going with us?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "There weren't any who were willing to go on a month-long trip that we could find, so I wrote your Monk Tashi to ask the Earth King to send a couple. I'm sure you'll be fine until they join you, the first few days are just in the foothills, really. I'm sure you guys can take care of yourselves."

Katara's breathing quickened as she began to panic. "Katara, what's wrong?" Suki asking, reaching for her hand.

"I don't want to be alone with him," she murmured.

Sokka elbowed her. "Grow up, baby sister. You're diplomats and you have a job to do. Mount up, here's your map." He boosted her onto Appa's head and Zuko, who had been quietly standing apart from the three of them, climbed into his saddle.

Katara searched her mind for some sort of reassuring speech to make to the people who had gathered there, mostly servants with the remaining Council members. She uttered some platitudes about neighbors helping each other and the nobility of serving one another, then with a yip-yip to Appa they were off, his reins clutched between her frozen fingers.

A/N: Crossing my fingers there's no blaring typos; it's way past my bedtime! My neighbors are being loud *yawn* So the end of this chapter is a little rushed but eh.

Enjoy! Next we get Zutara alone time! Also, to everyone who's recently favorited/followed this story- you guys warm my heart! Seriously, it makes my day when I get an email about it.