These are the exact same scenarios that Aomine went through. Except, this is Kise's side. These are his point of views and how he feels about the situation and why he did the things he did. This chapter will probably as long or slightly longer then the last. My condolences.

Step 1: The Five O'clock Call

I couldn't sleep. If I closed my eyes, the nightmares would come back. It's been weeks since I'd been able to have a good nights rest. The bags under my eyes are starting to become more noticeable then before. I don't want anybody to know. I can't trouble anybody.

Alright

Breathe

Its okay

They're just nightmares. They can't hurt you. They aren't real. They're all fake.

I closed my eyes and snuggled into the center of my bed, breathing slowly, I let the warmth of the pillows and blankets coo me to sleep. I felt the fatigued that I had built up over time slowly pull me into a deep slumber.

I fell asleep.

But I can't wake up.

The darkness quickly consumed me as I closed my eyes. The darkness, like a little door to my nightmares.

I walked around aimlessly looking for a way out, but there wasn't, of course, there never is, there never will be.

It was like a collage of memories, the memories I had, the memories I cherished, but worst of all. The memories I wished never happened. The ones that I wanted to burn.

Then they were.

Mom

Dad

Daiki

All around me.

Then they started leaving.

Leaving through the exit I couldn't find. First dad. Then mom. They just turned their backs with the most disgusted look and left.

Daiki.

He stayed.

He stayed for a bit. The face that used to look at me with kindness shifted into one that looked with pity, then, he too, turned his back on me and left through the hidden exit.

He is leaving me.

I'm not gonna be able to see him anymore.

He won't hold me anymore.

He won't talk to me anymore.

He won't love me anymore.

He doesn't love me anymore.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No.

No please.

Don't leave me anymore.

The darkness pierced my inside, ripping me apart. I screamed. I screamed so very lowed; I screamed at the top of my lungs, but no one answered me. Something pushed itself against my chest, it was like it was forcing its way out of my mouth. I couldn't breathe, I genuinely could not breathe. My lungs. My mouth. My nose. Everything had been stuffed. I can't. Please. Please someone. Please, someone save me. Someone help me. I can't breathe.

I forcibly ripped myself out of the black hole that replaced my dreams and felt the wetness on my face. The wetness from the sweat the poured from my scalp and the tears the dripped down my cheeks. I was crying. I didn't even know I was crying.

I can't go back to sleep.

I won't go back to sleep.

I'll see it again.

Aominecci will leave me again.

Aominecci.

I reached over to my phone and dialed his number without a second thought. I needed to hear him. I needed him. I needed to know that he still loved me.

The phone started ringing and I immediately realized my mistake. Why would I call him this early in the morning? I quickly tried to hang up but by then, he had already answered.

"What!"

Oh no. He's angry. Fuck. Its too late. I have to say something.

"Hey, Daikiicci."

My voice shook slightly, I was mortified. Fear from my dream and fear from Daiki collided into one, my voice couldn't keep still even if it was held.

"Ryouta? Why are you calling me so early in the morning?"

His voiced seemed softer. I didn't want to tell him about the dream. I don't want to burden him. I don't want him to be worried. I don't want him to feel an obligation to be worried because we were in a relationship. What do I say?

"Oh. Um. I...I just wanted...to have a small conversation."

The other end was silent for a bit, then I could hear him sigh on the other end. Oh, I fucked up.

"About what?"

His voice was grumpy, but still soft. I dug my hole to deep. I don't know how to get out. What do I say, it only seems like I can only make him angry.

"You know. How has basketball been for you? How are you lately. Have you been eating well lately."

I tried to let out a little chuckle to ease the tension, a tension so pressuring it could be felt through a phone, but it didn't come out. Not even as an audible squeak.

It was dead silence. I felt the tears welling up again. I was so scared. So very, very scared, I felt my hand tremble as I waited for his response.

"Oh my god Kise. Is that really all you want to talk about? Fucking Christ. You're so annoying. I'm fucking tired, if you wanna talk, wait until a time when people actually are awake. Don't call me this early in the morning anymore."

I expected a response, but not one like this. It silenced me. It stopped the trembling, I was completely frozen. The tears started rolling their way down my cheeks, mixing into the phone screen.

What had I expected?

It was all my fault.

Because of my problems I woke him up. He's gonna be tired because I woke him up. He's angry because I bothered him.

I don't know what to say. The words weren't going to come out. They were stuck in my throat like the lump that made my tears.

I could only squeeze out something simple.

"Okay."

I quickly ended the phone call to silence him from my disgusting sobs.

What was I crying for? I don't deserve to be pitied on. There is no reason to cry. I'm so disgusting. Why am I crying? It was my fault. I'm not allowed to cry. I did my best to silence the sobs, the more I tried the dizzier I got, I needed to sleep. But I couldn't. I was afraid. I am so afraid.

I laid there.

In my bed.

In my room.

In an apartment.

By myself.

For hours.

Awake.

Until the sun rose.

And my alarm blared for me to wake.

I laid there.

Awake.

8:00

I scuffled my way out of bed, and on reflex, I reached for my phone and began my good morning text. But I remembered what I did last night.

He didn't want to talk to me. He told me not to call him at night again. But there really isn't a difference between night and day is there. I shouldn't risk it. I shouldn't bother him again. To be honest, he hated it when I bombarded his phone with my stupid text messages. I guess I should stop.

Walking to the bathroom mirror, I looked at myself.

"Shit."

The bags under my eyes were to dark to conceal. They were dark and purple, like I had been punched in both eyes, a little lighter but it had the same affect.

I don't know what to do.

Actually, I'm too tired to do anything.

Its not a big deal.

I finished my morning routine and walked out the door.

11:03

"Oi Ryouta! Lets go have lunch."

Aomine's voice startled me slightly, but I was relieved he talked to me normally.

"Oh. Daikiicci. Sure, lets go!"

I pasted the best smile I could conjure up onto my face. It was tiring but I felt like I had too, everyone seems so used to me smiling, even when I don't want too. I turned around and picked up my bag, standing up and facing him again I noticed his intense stares.

"Damn Kise. What's up with your eyes."

Shoot. He noticed. I really didn't even try to conceal them, of course someone would notice.

I guess there really is no point in lying. I moved my hand to my face and started to massage the dark circles.

"Oh! I probably didn't get enough sleep last night."

Aomine gave a slight knowingly look, then just shook it off.

I never made another effort to hide the circles. I never made another effort to fall asleep. I didn't sleep.

Slight naps were absolutely horrifying.

I noticed the stares Aomine gave me every day, but I never really knew what to do about them. I guess I just have to keep smiling so he doesn't feel worried.

Step 2. Pay Attention

Practice had ended and I was first into the shower room. Aominecci knew I had a shoot after school so we left separately. Again, I was slightly relieved. I really didn't have the energy to start a conversation, I had the choice not too, but Aominecci would say something. I honestly haven't slept correctly in a month. But since I seemed to be under Aominecci's gaze, I kinda bought some more concealer. I don't mind waking up early to apply, I never actually slept.

To be honest.

I didn't have a shoot.

My manager cancelled a few minutes before practice.

I really want to talk to him. More then anything, I want to talk to him. I want to tell him my problems. I want him to tell me his. I want to be able to lie in his arms and not care about the things around me. I want to be the Kise Ryouta everybody thinks I am. But. I can't.

I can't tell him. I don't want to bother him. I don't want him to feel obligated to love me. I know. I know. I know I have a problem, I can't force Aominecci to except it. I want him to freely be able to leave me when the time comes and not have any guilt.

I love you Aominecci.

Step 3. Paid Attention

Its Wednesday, and I think Aominecci is stalking me.

First Period: Math

This is so boring. What the fuck. Oh my god. Shut up. Wait, is Aominecci falling asleep?

Second Period: E/LA

"Kise. Can you please read aloud this sentence?"

Fuck. Nononono. Everyone is staring at me.

"Avery.." I started to twiddle with my thumbs to distract myself slightly "was entranced.." Did I say that word right? God. Everyone is staring "in her new found book." I quickly finished the sentence and sat down. Everybody looked confused, my teacher, the students, even Aominecci.

Third Period: Science

I dreaded this moment. Today in Science we have to do this lab thing, and to be honest, I don't want to participate. I don't really want to interact with anyone, plus I'm really bad at Science. I'll get the answers wrong and end up costing the whole entire group points.

Aominecci was still watching me, its starting to make me uncomfortable.

We started our groups and I barely made an effort. I sat in my chair and waited for their instructions, and when I had an idea I would give it to them. They always shot it down, but I didn't mind. If they didn't like it, they don't have to use it.

Forth Period: Social Studies

I was so glad Science was over, but Social Studies is really boring. It was just note taking, so I was more comfortable. I looked over to Aominecci's seat.

Wait.

Did he fall asleep.

Haha. What an idiot.

Fifth Period: Special Language class

Aominecci is definitely watching me. What is he looking for? Is he taking tabs on me? Oh shit. He is. He's noticed something.

Fuck

Sixth Period: PE

I thought I'd skip for a bit.

I told the coach I didn't feel well and went to the rooftop.

The air was nice, warm but breezy.

I felt my eyes droop, the sleep was slowly creeping into the corners of my eyes. I was so tired, I wanted to sleep. Maybe this time, this time I won't dream.

That's exactly what happened. I didn't dream. There was nothing. A void. A dark void, I just laid floating there. It was beautiful. Even if there was nothing there. It was beautiful. The darkness started to comfort me again, the darkness always seemed to make things better. I was also rested, that made me feel nice.

Club Activities

The bell rung and I made my way to the basketball club. It seems like Aominecci didn't know I was skipping, mostly because he wasn't watching me anymore.

"Oi! Kise, I thought you had food poisoning."

Aominecci came shouting through the gym doors.

Ah. So he was looking for me. I felt kind of cheery that he worried for me, but it still made me a little nervous.

"Oh! Aominecci! No, I just didn't feel well for a bit and didn't want to worsen my condition with gym."

He did seem a little annoyed, but that all went away.

"Well, are you feeling better now?"

"Yes, very much."

I let my usual smile seep through. I went to hug him, but the memories of the night before hit me like a bullet. I immediately dodged the hug, but my arms were already spread open enough that Aomine would have noticed. I was scared again. Kurokocci always yelled at me when I hugged him, most of the team would call me annoying. I know they're just joking, but, maybe they're serious sometimes.

Aominecci looked confused. I started to turn around and try and escape the ace but instead, Aominecci grabbed me and hugged me instead. Soon enough, I felt a light peck on my skull. It had been so long since I felt his touch that it made me jump.

"Daiki. Ryouta. Get a room. But later. Its practice now."

Akashi scolded us from across the gym

We let go of each other and started practice.

Watching Kise

Practice had ended and we all went to the locker room. I was more tired then usual, for obvious reasons, so I lagged behind. As we gathered in the locker room, the air held place for a conversation that I should have started. I should have, but I didn't. I had nothing to say. I was tired. I wanted to go home. Murasakibara marched over to me and tapped me on the shoulder.

"Ne, Kise, are you sure you're alright, you're awfully quiet today."

I didn't think he would say that. What do I say?

"Of course."

I quickly threw on a smile and walked to the showers. As I turned on the water, I could hear everybody's muffled voices.

"Aomine, do you notice it now."

Midorima?

"Aomine-kun, you really didn't notice until now."

Kurokocci? What are they noticing?

"Ah, Tetsu, you noticed..."

What are they noticing!

I paused the water and listened in more closely

"I realized it after I noticed his hands retreat. You know how he usually grabs me, yea, he no longer does that. Its like, he wants to, but he doesn't."

So that's what they noticed. Is it even a big deal. I didn't want to annoy them anymore. Its what I do. Its the only thing I can do, I want to keep them around. So I'll keep them away. I don't want them to leave me yet. Not yet. I want them to stay for a little longer.

"Daiki, did you do something?"

Oh no. They're blaming Aominecci. It's all my fault. He's gonna be mad.

"I...I don't know. No. I don't think so."

He. He isn't mad? Oh. This is worse, is he blaming himself? No. He is blaming himself. All my fault..All my fault.

Step 4: Confront Him

I walked out of the shower feeling less giddy then I was before. I was causing problems again, I don't know what to do.

"Oi. Kise. Do you want to come over today?"

The sudden question caught me off guard. I really wanted to spend time with him, more then anything. I was afraid though, why did he suddenly want to hang out? What does he want to talk about. I don't want to tell him anything.

Not my dreams

Not my family

Nothing

I put all thoughts aside and agreed with a smile. If Aominecci wanted to hang out, I was in no one to turn him down.

We started to walk back to his place.

On an unrelated note.

He is randomly sniffing me.

Oddly, as we were walking, Aominecci started a conversation.

"Kise, is there something bothering you lately?"

I started to tense up. He really wanted to ask me question like this, I can't deal with it. I don't want to answer. I refuse to answer. I want to keep it a secret, no one can know. No one has to know. No one.

"No, not really Aominecci."

I will put on this facade until the end of my days, no matter how long or short they may be.

"Seriously Kise. For real. I'm worried. You seem all drained, are you okay, was it something I did. Cause if it was, I'm very sorry, tell me what I did and I'll make it up to you."

Aominecci asked, his face was annoyed but then he let a large smile appear on his face. I had never seen one like it, I couldn't help but smile too.

"Its not Daikiicci. Everything is fine. I guess the sickness is just tiring me out."

I decided I would hold his hand. To show that I was okay, but it wasn't working. My smile dropped as I started to concentrate. What if he doesn't want me to touch him. I started to creep my hand slower, my hand started to graze his but then Aominecci let out a loud sigh. He ripped his hand from my grasp and started to speed up his walking. The mood changed as if someone had flipped a switch.

"Oi Kise, " Aominecci turned back and looked back at me, "maybe you should just go home today."

My heart started to fall deeper into my stomach. I could feel the tears start to sting at the corners of my eyes, tugging and collecting, threatening to fall. I couldn't talk, if I did, I would burst out crying. I would cause a bigger problem. For Aominecci and everyone else.

"Okay."

Was the only thing I could squeeze out. I quickly turned around and walked back to my apartment. I couldn't explain the feeling. It was like something important was ripped away from me when Aominecci took his hand back. Like all the hope I had, that he still loved me, the hope that he wouldn't leave me, was all ripped away. I didn't want him to leave me yet. I want him to hold me. To love me.

I quickly opened my apartment door and dropped everything on the floor. The tears had started to fall several steps before, I was far enough from Aominecci that it didn't matter anymore. I felt so empty. So alone. I felt so guilty, like I had let Aominecci down. Like I had let everyone down.

I curled up into a ball and laid there for as long as I could keep up. I didn't sleep again. The tears didn't stop.

I am so scared.

I am so afraid.

I am so tired.

So cold

So sad

So lonely

So worthless.

And I'm sorry.

I started to work on this chapter immediately after the last one, but then I got lazy, and sick, and then extra hour in school. So, I'm sorry. And here. Have a new chapter. and if you also read my other stories, know that I will update them as soon as possible. I totally did not forget about them. Even that one new one, the one about the Fox aokise au. So yea. New chapter.