"Okay." Riku glanced around the room. It was a day later, and things were… not good, really. Axel was slumped in his chair, staring at the floor and Roxas looked like a used tissue, damp and wrung out. When he'd come out of his faint in the infirmary, he'd had a really big crying jag and then gone into a depression. It wasn't much like Roxas, but the whole situation was completely abnormal. Axel had been hiding for a while in Sora's and Riku's bed, but they had finally coaxed him out to come to this meeting. "I imagine you all have a few questions."

All the important people were there. Demyx, Seifer, Leon, Raven and the final squad leader, a neko named Sel were all present. And looking suspiciously at Riku, in most cases. Only Raven seemed serene, but that was her normal expression even on the battlefield. Sora was there as well, sitting beside Riku. He was as involved as all of them, and knew it.

"You might say so! What was that power you used on Roxas, Riku? It felt like a god!" Riku winced. Trust Demyx to make that comparison immediately.

"Close, but no cigar Dem." Riku sighed, looking down at his dice and tossing them only the table. They bounced a few moments and came up double sixes. "Have you heard of the muses?"

"Muses? You mean like art, music, that sort of thing?" Leon hazarded with a frown. Riku nodded, expression serious.

"Yes, but it's not limited to that. Muse is the name humans gave to us. What we are, though, is the personification of abstract concepts." Riku rolled his dice again, and this time they flashed and turned gold. Demyx stared as they turned up double ones, with little diamond skulls for dots. "I'm Lady Luck, the muse of luck and chaos." There was a brief pause as everyone stared at him. The only one not at all surprised was Sora. "Sora here is the muse of magic, Demyx. Axel and Roxas are muses as well."

"This is bullshit." Seifer said bluntly. "You're a guy, Riku. Lady Luck is a girl." Demyx winced faintly as Riku grinned.

"Lady Luck is whatever she damn well pleases, Seifer. But if you insist…" There was a brief shimmer of fractals and Roxas gasped, his ears flattening as Riku became the woman from his dream. She was still wearing Riku's clothes, but they didn't fit very well over suddenly lush curves. She smiled, tossing her hair back for a moment, her aquamarine eyes glowing with amusement. Then there was that shimmer of chaos, and Riku was back. "I'd prefer to stay with this body at the moment."

"Uh." Demyx swallowed hard before shaking his head. "I see. I have never heard of such a thing, but the power is impressive. You said Axel and Roxas are muses too?" He glanced at the two neko. Axel was looking stunned at the revelation about himself, and Roxas just seemed confused. "They don't seem to know that."

"That's part of the problem." Riku sighed as he remembered it. "It's like this. Axel is the muse of murder and dark war." Axel swallowed at that and Roxas stared at him. Somehow, that didn't seem very surprising to him, and he realized that on some level, he'd known all along. "He was one of the very first muses to come into existence, along with me. We've been friends forever. Roxas and Sora both came later. Roxas is the muse of glorious war and justice." Roxas blinked at that. "Basically, Axel is all the dark aspects of war while Roxas is everything positive."

"Shouldn't they have been one muse?" Raven murmured thoughtfully. "It seems curious." Riku nodded.

"It's just the way we grew over time. Axel came into being an incredibly long time ago, when conflicts were ugly and mostly tribe against tribe. There was no honor and only loyalty to the people who meant something to you." Riku glanced sadly at Roxas. "Which is a basically how Axel approaches his life. He's not really a monster, he just is what he has to be. Roxas is far more complicated… he's loyalty, honor and courage in the face of danger." Riku hesitated. "There's a bit of overlap. Axel is courage too, but more bloody minded, if you know what I mean."

"I think I get it." Leon suddenly said. "Axel is more like a merc. We sell our skills for money and our first loyalty is each other. Where Roxas is more like someone fighting for his country because he believes in it."

"Exactly!" Riku was grateful for the comparison, and nodded. "Well, Axel and Roxas never liked each other. That was okay for quite a while, but some time ago things started to get worse. Axel kept picking fights with Roxas and generally causing trouble. We live in a kind of alternate reality, and they managed to destroy a lot of it once. Sora had to reweave everything, and it wasn't pretty. After the last incident, Axel was banished and consigned to a human form until he learned to behave." Riku shrugged. "How we would determine when he'd done that was up in the air."

"Wait… if you guys are the incarnations of abstract concepts, don't you have any that could tell the future or something?" Seifer interrupted, and Riku rolled his eyes as Sora laughed.

"There's the muse of fate, but he just giggles a lot when you ask him anything." Sora volunteered. "That probably means something cosmic, but no one can get him to tell them why he's laughing."

"Right… anyway, when Axel was banished things seemed to be fine for a while. But then Roxas started acting up." Riku picked up the story again, glancing at the blond. "It seemed like he was trying to take Axel's place, all by himself. And he was always more clever than Axel so his efforts were threatening to draw everyone else in. He managed to set the muse of music and the muse of literature to wrangling. Have you heard of Tatili Ecrepi saga's?"

"Those horrible things they perform in Tatili? The ones that are all about the color of her eyes and the sheep in the fields?" Demyx made a face. "I had to sit through one once. What about them?" Riku grinned.

"When we fight, humans tend to get the aftereffects. That was the result of music and literature fighting. Don't ask what happened when Sora and the muse of technology got into it, it was ugly. Fortunately, it happened on a different planet." Sora looked faintly embarrassed as everyone else looked puzzled. "Anyway, soon Roxas was just as much of a pest as Axel and he got banished too."

"Look," Axel broke in. "It's not that I'm doubting you or anything, Riku, but I can't remember any of this. Shouldn't I remember it?"

"I don't remember anything either. Why?" Roxas added as Sora and Riku exchanged a glance.

"We don't know why." Sora said gently to his brother. "Riku and I came to look after you and Axel, and I realized quickly that you didn't know what was happening. You should have always known in the back of your mind what was happening like Riku and I did. We think it might be a symptom of the problem." Riku nodded.

"Something is wrong with the two of you, but no one is sure what. It's really interesting that you fell in bed together the way you did. We were expecting you to try to kill each other." Roxas flushed as he was reminded of his hatred for Axel, and looked down. Strangely, the hate and anger seemed almost gone now. And the other feeling was much harder to ignore. Roxas lifted his head to look at Axel, but the redhead avoided his eyes, looking pale.

"So who was that blond man? The one you called Zero?" Raven asked, and Riku frowned slightly. Thinking about Zero was making him a touch uneasy.

"Oh… that was a shadow self. When mortals who have managed to really identify with one of us die, they are given the opportunity to become one with us. It's very uplifting, being able to join the thing you've lived all your life, so most accept. Zero is one of Axel's shadow selves, but he seems to have more autonomy than most." Axel blinked at that, lifting his head.

"He's fully separate, Riku." Axel rubbed his face with one hand tiredly. "I had a dream about him where we discussed it."

"While this is fascinating, I think there's a more important question to be answered." Leon interrupted, fixing Riku with a hard stare. "Why did a demon do that to Roxas and Axel?"

"This is only a guess." Riku said reluctantly. "But Axel's power is very dark and at the moment, he and Roxas are both vulnerable. Roxas is no good to a demon, but Axel might be absorbable." Axel blinked at the thought, and Roxas stared at him. "I think they were trying to rouse Axel's true aspect so they could devour it."

"Eww." Demyx muttered. "Quite possible, I was taught that's what demons do to their own kind when one of them becomes vulnerable." Sora nodded. When he was fully aware of his status as the muse of magic, he knew all about that.

"It's how they gain rank, too." Sora said soberly. "Taking the power of the muse of murder would be a huge coup." Axel shivered faintly at that term for himself. It sounded horrible.

"So what do we do about it?" Axel let the discussion roll over him. He just couldn't focus on it. His thoughts kept going back to Roxas and what had happened between them, his gaze kept straying over to the blond. But he didn't know what he felt anymore. He knew he'd loved Roxas with a fierce, uncomplicated love. Axel had wanted to hold Roxas forever, savoring his dangerous edges and the way they sometimes hurt him as well as the tender times. But anything can die if you pierce it enough. Axel shivered at the thought, closing his eyes as his mind replayed what had happened to him, shying away from the worst moments. Could he really get past that?

"Axel." Roxas' voice sounded full of tears, as if he'd known exactly what Axel was thinking about. Axel looked up and found that Roxas was sitting beside him now. He must have asked Demyx to move. The rest of the room was glancing at them as they talked, but Axel didn't care. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Axel looked into his blue eyes and saw the truth there, the anguish.

"Roxas." His own voice sounded rusty, and he coughed for a moment. "Roxas… turn around." Roxas blinked but moved a bit in his chair, then yelped in surprise as Axel buried his hands in the fur of his tail. Axel closed his eyes for a moment, then began grooming the soft blond fur, exactly like a mother neko would do for her kittens. It was a very relaxing, intimate thing to do, and Axel could feel some of the tension and fear draining away immediately. Roxas was relaxing, too, under the gentle touch. "I… love you Roxas." Axel managed to say, and the words didn't feel like a lie. They were still true, despite what he had gone through.

"Axel." Roxas took a deep, shuddering breath. "I love you too." And that feeling suddenly flowered inside him, and he knew what that intense, painful feeling had always been. It was love, suppressed and denied for so long. How long? For a brief moment, Roxas felt the weight of endless years spent wrangling with the redhead while they both wanted to kiss, not kill, and neither one could admit it. Was that what was wrong with us? Was this what we wanted all along? But they weren't healed yet. Roxas could feel it, and the vision slipped away as quickly as it had come and he was only a young neko again. Although Roxas supposed he would come back from the dead too, just like Axel. Arms slid around him from behind, and Roxas gripped Axel's wrists tightly.

He needed to be held and Axel needed to hold him. Together, they would not break.

"That's soooo cute." Roxas yelped in dismay as a familiar voice whispered in his ear and made Axel start, then glare at the suddenly materialized Zero. "But not one of you is thinking of the obvious problem with all these plans you're making." Zero added as he straightened, looking at Riku in particular. The silver hair looked annoyed at the interruption by what he couldn't help but think of as a small part of Axel.

"What flaw are you talking about?" They had been discussing how to lure the demon lord working against them out where they could crush him properly. Zero grinned wickedly.

"Oh, I dunno. Just all the, ya know, CIVILIANS in the town?" Zero's tone was more than a touch caustic as Riku paled. "Who would kind of get EATEN by a demon horde? Maybe you should take this whole thing to Roskar. Demons would almost be an improvement." Riku cursed and Axel suddenly reached up to grab Zero's wrist. He had the feeling the blond was going to vanish on him again.

"Don't go?" Green eyes met dark blue, and Zero smiled.

"Hey, if that's what you need from me Ax, I'll be right here. You only have to want me anyway, you know, and I'll always be there." Zero flopped down on the floor beside Axel, resting his head against the redhead's chair and smiling. Roxas shot him a less than friendly look and Zero laughed. "C'mon Roxas, don't look at me like that. I like the ladies, and I prefer 'em small and oriental. Axel is so far out of my type that it's not funny."

"If you like them small and oriental, why did you hit on me so much?" Riku muttered and Zero laughed again. Riku was beginning to really wonder if Zero could be independent, and that was an unpleasant thought. It hinted at a greater instability in Axel than he'd thought, or maybe something profoundly odd about Zero. A shadow self having a truly independent existence was a bit like a split personality in a human.

"I was desperate to solve my lack of nookie problem. Speaking of which." Zero gazed at Raven thoughtfully, and she gave him a thoughtful look right back. "Would the lovely lady let me buy her a drink?" What could have been a corny pickup line sounded smooth and inviting in Zero's mouth. Raven smiled faintly.

"I'll consider it, if I come with you to Roskar." Some of them would have to stay, to manage the Immortals. "If we go to Roskar." That was hardly decided, but it was a logical place to go. It wasn't like they cared what happened to it, and Zero was right, they needed to get out of town. Axel's thoughts strayed to his three daughters and his son, and he shuddered. The thought of them in the middle of a battle with demons was ghastly.

Although going to Roskar was ghastly too, for a neko at least. But Axel decided he didn't care, and just cuddled Roxas. Riku could do the thinking for now.

He wanted to think with his heart.

Later that night.

"Roxas, I'm not sure I can do this." Axel said wretchedly as he and Roxas shared a bed. Touching Roxas' tail was one thing, but doing more… he just wasn't sure he could bear it. Particularly if Roxas fought him for the top. He didn't think he could take the feeling of being restrained right now without screaming. Roxas looked down. He could guess what was going through Axel's mind.

"It's okay, Axel. I'll... I'll let you top me." That was hard for Roxas to offer. It just wasn't his nature to calmly allow it, and the experiences at the whorehouse had scarred him too. Roxas put his arms around Axel, feeling the older neko stiffen for a moment before burying his face against Roxas' neck, shivering.

"If you think you can." Axel whispered, and Roxas swallowed, blinking rapidly. It was so like Axel to worry about him even when he was so afraid and hurt.

"I don't deserve you." Roxas ran his hands through bright red, spiky hair, sniffing quietly. Axel lifted his head, his eyes laughing and a small smile on his face. Somehow, that had cheered him up.

"Hey, if Riku's right, I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. Muse of murder, that sounds awful." Axel cupped Roxas' face in his hands and kissed him. It was a slow, loving kiss, quick darting touches of tongue and warm lips. Right now, it was comforting. Axel sighed and trailed kisses down Roxas chest, finding one of his nipples and gently running his tongue over the sensitive skin. Roxas made a soft, surprised sound and ran his hands through bright red hair, finding Axel's ears and stroking them. The short fur felt soft and pleasant under his fingers. Axel purred slightly at the touch, a rumbling sound that made Roxas shiver. Neko could purr, but very rarely did, and he'd never heard Axel make that sound before. Axel made his way lower, running his fingers over Roxas sensitive thighs, making the younger neko squirm a little before he slowly licked his erection.

"Axel." Roxas closed his eyes, feeling that warm feeling welling up again. The love he felt for his redheaded partner. It almost obliterated the hate, rage and memories. Axel suddenly took him in his mouth, all the way to the back of his throat, and Roxas' eyes opened wide as he swallowed around him. "Ah-!" Roxas gripped Axel's shoulders tightly, his fingers digging into the skin until Axel winced. Reminded, Roxas let go of the redhead and gripped the covers instead, trying to push up into that wet heat. But Axel had a hand firmly on his base and Roxas groaned as the older neko swallowed again. Well-lubed fingers found his entrance, and Roxas hissed as Axel slid in a finger. But with the pleasure around him it was easy to ignore, and Axel quickly added a second, stretching him out. The blond neko moaned softly, tossing his head as Axel gently rubbed his sensitive spot and sucked on him. "Keep this up… and I'll come… right now…" Roxas panted and groaned as Axel drew away.

"Can't have that." Axel said, smiling teasingly, and Roxas was relieved to see the familiar sparkle back in those brilliant green eyes. Then he groaned again as Axel gripped his hips, slowly sliding into him. The redhead was just so damn big, it was always a little painful but oh, so good. "Roxas." Axel kissed him again and Roxas was almost overwhelmed by the feeling of the older neko inside him, on top of him, in his mouth. Then Axel began to slowly thrust, and Roxas cried out as he brushed that sensitive spot again and again.

Their lovemaking was slow and tender, and Roxas kissed Axel's shoulder, nuzzling his throat, instead of biting the way he usually did. And Axel kept the pace slow, almost torturously slow, stroking the blond in time with each thrust… until Roxas tightened around him, his erection throbbing and close to release. Axel gasped and suddenly thrust in quickly, pounding against that special spot and making Roxas howl as his release suddenly hit, spraying them both with white fluid. Axel came a moment later, eyes closing at the moment of pure pleasure. They stayed tangled together for a moment, before Roxas wiggled. It wasn't a movement of desire; more of a you're heavy, get off message. Axel pulled away slowly, and Roxas shivered at the empty feeling, then sighed as the weight left him. Axel pulled Roxas close, and the blond neko curled up against the elder's chest. Although.

"Axel? Can you stop purring, please? This is like trying to sleep on a carriage wheel." Roxas said sleepily, and the rattling purr stuttered, then stopped.

"Sorry. I'm just happy." Axel said with a smile, running hands through soft blond hair. "You know, today is the first time you ever said you love me." Roxas' breath caught in his throat as he realized that was the truth.

"Sorry, Axel." It made him feel terrible to realize he'd never said those words to Axel. Axel had said them plenty to him… or at least tried to, before Roxas had hit him. The redhead just shook his head and nuzzled his cheek.

"Don't be. It feels so special now." Roxas opened his mouth to say something else, but Axel put a finger over his lips. "And before you ask, yes, I forgive you." Roxas couldn't help but laugh. That had been what he was going to ask.

"Mmm." They fell asleep together, comforted in each other's warmth, oblivious to a spider watching them from the wall. It scuttled away, sliding through a crack and vanishing.