I can't eat anything
Without shoving my hands down my throat
And I refuse to meet the world without smearing on makeup
With my hair blinding my eyes
Oh, blinding my eyes
I can't remember the last time I've seen my own eyes
Or the color of my skin
Do you know what it's like to feel ugly all the time?
I stretch myself across the world
Pushing my limits
For your entertainment and
You had the nerve
To call out my weaknesses and
drag me through the dirt
-From First To Last: Waltz Moore
"Another day without Noodle?" Murdoc asked 2D as he was walking swiftly into the kitchen, "She doesn't want you anyway dullard." 2D got up to his feet, "That is not true Murdoc! She will realize that she does need me!" Murdoc glanced at 2D and rolled his eyes, "Whatever helps you sleep at night, mate." 2D sat back down at the table. Was this all really happening? Or was it a dream that he hadn't woken up from yet? Whatever the issue was he just wanted it all to stop. Ever since Noodle left everything was much darker around Kong. It seemed like everyone was always sulking around. Everyone was affected except Murdoc. He didn't seem to be affected at all, and he always went about his business everyday like nothing ever happened. 2D remembered that morning like it was a few hours ago. He had just woken up, and he was so glad that Noodle was going to be asleep next to him, but when she turned around she was gone. The covers were torn of that side of the bed and the pillow was on the floor.
So he got up and searched for that bag that she brought with her last night. The bag was also gone, and there was a hanger in the door. 2D had no idea of where she went to, so of course he went upstairs to check her room and all of Kong. He looked and looked, but Noodle was nowhere to be found. 2D even checked in the same places twice maybe three times. There was still no sign of Noodle. He ran out to tell Russel who was so upset that he could hardly talk, and Murdoc was almost happy that she was gone responding with, "Well now we don't have to worry about the baby." How could he be so happy? That question was running through 2D's mind that whole morning. Finally after three hours of making sure that Noodle was nowhere on the Kong property 2D called her. With no answer several times. Russel and 2D both were worried sick about Noodle. What if something happened to her? And why did she run off? There was the possibility that someone took her, but no one but Noodle would think to put the hanger in the door. So that idea was overruled. She left them; for good.
Remembering that made 2D's eyes wet with sadness. "Oh Noodle where are you?" He yelled out loud expecting her to answer him with her sweet voice. No sound but the slamming of a random door was heard and 2D buried his head in his hands once more. "Noodle's baby is going to be born in a few days, and I am not even going to be there." He sobbed, "I love and care for her so much. No one understands how painful this is to me! All I wanted is for Noodle and Me to be together and to be happy. Well, how can we do this now?" 2D carried on, "How can we do this now?" He repeated letting his voice echo off of Kong's hard walls. "This shouldn't be so hard." He told himself and quieted down while Murdoc stalked into the kitchen yet again for another beer. Trying to hold all of his anger inside of him didn't really work and he spat out at Murdoc, "What do you think we are going to do about our band, huh? I know you don't care enough about Noodle to find out where she is for her, but what about for the band?" Did you ever think about that, Murdoc?" 2D ranted at him with his nostrils flaring. Murdoc slammed the refrigerator, ran over to the table, and slammed his beer bottle down hard onto the table making it split into tiny pieces.
"Our band, huh 2D? I think it is more of my band. So don't be calling it our band when it is really my band." Murdoc spat back at 2D, "And since it is my band I make the dissensions. One of them being that we don't need Noodle if she doesn't need us. We are Gorillaz; we can find any bum on the street that would kill to play in my band with us." Murdoc glared at 2D with so much intensity. 2D sniffed, "But," Murdoc interrupted still not taking his mismatched eyes off 2D, "But nothing, 2D. Noodle left us. She left you! She obviously doesn't want to be with you, got it? Now shut up I can't even think over those girlish sops." Murdoc turned on his heel not caring about the broken bottle and went down to the car park. "That's not true." 2D thought to himself. He just couldn't believe that Noodle didn't want to be with him. Noodle was actually the one that started the relationship. How could she go from being deeply in love with him to wanting to leave him? And what if she is truly hurt? Who would help her, and whom would she let help her?
"Dammit Murdoc!" Russel growled as he walked into the kitchen and saw the mess of broken glass, and beer all over the wood table and the floor. "Gosh 2D you get him all worked up then who has to clean it up? Me, I do every time." 2D looked up at the face of Russel, "Yeah sorry Russ. It just bothers me how Murdoc doesn't even give a shit about Noodle. He has a 'If she left us then we don't need her' attitude. Which is wrong because we do need her; well I do." 2D turned his gaze away from Russel and to a wall; the only thing pleasant to look at anymore. Russel grabbed a blue washcloth from a drawer and started cleaning up Murdoc's mess, "I know 2D. It is going to be really hard around here for a while but who knows maybe she will turn up here someday. I mean she can't be in that bad of a situation right now. By the way," Russel added, "Do you know she is going to have her baby in a couple of months?" 2D was still interested in the white wall, "Yes, I do know that, but that doesn't make things any better." 2D took a deep breath in just trying to get the words out, "Russ, what if she is cutting herself again. I did notice that she took that knife with her." Russel pretended like he didn't hear what 2D was saying, but responded, "Well she is a smart girl. She wont do it to much." 2D was amazed that Russel would even think that. If 2D had ever said that before Russel would have a panic attack and would go get Noodle no matter where she was.
"Russel she is doing it, and she wont just do it 'a little'. You saw how she was." Russel finished wiping up the last of the visible beer, and turned to face 2D, "Yes, 2D I think that you are right, but what are we supposed to do? Noodle just got up and left like that I really have no idea about what to think right now except I really want her home. And the idea of her having a baby, and having to go through that all alone makes me sick to my stomach. It feels like I should have listened to her more, but she never came to me in the first place." Russel sighed and walked off to go get a dustpan and broom to clean up the sharp glass. 2D eyed the glass. "Is it really that sharp?" He thought as he picked up a piece and twirled it around in his fingers. "Doesn't seem that sharp." He concluded and decided that he would experiment. This is what Noodle felt he thought as he dragged the glass across his wrist in a diagonal motion. "Shit." He thought as he saw the stream of blood coming out of the cut, and ran off to the nearest bathroom with the piece of glass still in his hot little hand. "Shit, shit, shit." He whispered all the way to the nearest bathroom at Kong.
2D ran down the last meters to the bathroom, slammed the door then ran his wrist under water. The water washed away most of the blood, but some was still coming out, "Go away!" 2D shrieked, and didn't really understand why he did it in the first place. "Was it because Noodle did it?" 2D asked himself, "Or did I want to feel her pain?" 2D grabbed for the soap wincing when it climbed deep down into his cuts. "Aw Noodle please come home!" 2D whispered as another shot of pain shimmied up his arm. "Please, please come home!" 2D could see that his method of just wishing Noodle was home wasn't working very well so he tried plan two. "God, if you are really out there can you please bring Noodle back home? I know I have done some things in the past, but please she could be dying out there, and she is having her baby in a few days. I don't want her to be alone, or scared! God, please help, please!" 2D begged squeezing his hands together so hard that once again warm, red blood started to trickle down them. "Ugh." 2D grunted and turned back to the soap letting it bite him all it wanted.
Murdoc heard all the water running and decided that he would investigate, "Hey dullard! Are you in there?" 2D rolled his eyes, and shut off the water, "Yeah Muds I am." Murdoc tried to open the door, "Unlock the door now." 2D responded with a one syllable word, "No.". That was enough for Murdoc to start loosing his temper, "2D open the damn door now!" 2D reached over for a towel and dried his arm; not even caring to answer Murdoc. "2D, didn't you hear me? NOW!" Murdoc's veins were popping out of his head with every strained word. But before Murdoc was totally done saying his last word 2D busted out of the bathroom, and headed to the car park. He just had enough of Murdoc for that day. He used the stairs remembering Noodle's rant about the elevator, "Gosh I miss her." He thought to himself although people could see that on the outside as well. Getting into his room he slammed the door like some upset teenage girl, and flopped down onto his bed. "I remember how I always sang her to sleep." He thought still thinking about Noodle. "Her favorite song was El manana; I used to sing it to her every night." 2D laid belly up on his bed counting the cracks in the ceiling. Nothing felt right to him anymore. He felt like he had completely lost everything; even though in reality he really hadn't. He never wished for this to ever happen. Why was it him? Why not Murdoc, or Russel? "Of course it wouldn't be them," he thought, "Because they are not screw ups. They are not me; I'm worthless." With that note 2D grabbed a beer and drank himself to sleep.
Noodle sat on the couch of her new apartment watching TV. An ad came on for some baby food, "Give your baby the best you can give it," the commercial proclaimed, "Give it Wallace." Noodle rolled her eyes and switched the channel. She did not want to see anymore baby product commercials. Not food, clothes, toys, or diapers. Her baby was coming in a few days, but she still wasn't ready. Of course she went out to the store and bought a crib, changing table, clothes, formula, and a stuffed bear, but still none of it seemed real. She could still remember when she was a kid and Russel would pick her up swing her around, and also when he used to play dolls with her. Now, it seemed like she could be that old, non-pregnant Noodle. But she couldn't. There was no way for Noodle to change the past now that it had already taken its course. Noodle glanced down at her bandaged arms. She hadn't cut herself for days because she knew that she would be going to the hospital soon, and god know what they will say about it. Also because Diana was coming over tomorrow to stay with Noodle for a few days, and when the baby was born.
And who was she kidding she had no time for re-bandaging her arms. Every time she was always to careless to wash out her cuts so usually she would just attempt to put multiple bandages on her arms until she got so frustrated she could hardly see. Most the time she didn't even want to bandage her arms. Everybody in the world already knew anyway. "Hmm." Noodle sighed and peeled back one of her many bandages on her arm. "Good no more bleeding!" Noodle exclaimed and peeled back all the rest, and waited. Surely enough only about 30 seconds after she took the bandages off thin layers of blood turned into thicker layers and she would have to re-bandage her arms again. But she didn't. Instead she just sat there and the couch letting her shirt soak up all the rusty blood; making her appearance look like she had just killed someone. Which Noodle would never want to kill someone, but then why did she want to kill herself? Noodle knew she couldn't do it even if she really tried, but everyday she thought about it either once or more. Maybe it was just baby hormones, but again maybe not.
'Ring, Ring, Ring.' Noodle answered her phone, "Hey Diana!" Diana answered back to Noodle on the other line, "Hey honey. I think I will actually come up tonight so I can just get up there. Is that okay?" Noodle glanced around her apartment; it was awfully messy, "Sure Diana that's fine! I heard that I could go into labor anytime anyway. I guess I will see you in a little while." Noodle hung up her cell phone and put it in her pocket, "Crap, now I have to go clean up." She got up and went to change her clothes from the stained, bloody ones to clean acceptable clothes. Then she made a mad dash around her apartment to clean every visible surface. Cleaning was something that she never really did. When she was living in Kong she never had to clean. Russel always cleaned, and did it very well. The only thing she had ever had to clean was her room; which usually wasn't so bad. So, Noodle was not used to cleaning when she moved into her apartment, but she soon adapted, and was able to perform the task excellent. Noodle made sure to clean the three rooms and the entire bathrooms well. Her kitchen was already clean because she can't stand a dirty kitchen it was one of her pet peeves. Her living room was another story. It was so dirty because her living room is where she mostly had been for the many months. She couldn't really go out and do anything because of the chance being seen by the boys. So, she sat home and did completely nothing for months.
Soon Diana arrived and the two girls sat down to eat a dinner that Noodle prepared all by herself. She didn't mind at all to cook. It was one of her favorite things that she used to do. Whenever Russel was cooking she would always stand over his shoulder watching his every move, so maybe someday she would be able to cook like that. So that night Noodle made spaghetti with garlic bread and salad. Spaghetti was one of her all time favorite dishes. "So are you excited?" Diana asked over dinner. Noodle finished her bite of tasteful spaghetti and replied, "About having a baby? I am more scared! Does it hurt?" Diana laughed, "Yes, it does hurt, but it is so worth it in the end trust me!" Noodle rolled her eyes, "I am still scared! What if they mess up on the epidural and I get paralyzed!" Diana downed her third glass of water and shook her head, "Don't worry about that. They won't mess up I promise! Just don't move while they are putting it in." Noodle's eyes grew big, "Does that hurt?" Diana laughed even harder, "The epidural? Yes, it hurts, but I can't imagine having a baby without it!" Noodle nodded and went back to eating her dinner. That dinner was probably the most nutritionist meal she had eaten in a while.
Soon after three movies, and hours of talking the girls were ready to go to bed and get some good sleep so they could brace for the days ahead. But nobody knew Noodle was due a few days before everyone was expecting. "Owww, oh god, owww." Noodle heaved the morning after Diana had arrived. "Diana!" Noodle yelled trying to wake her up, "Diana!" There was still no answer. Noodle got off her bed and walked out into the living room where Diana was still sleeping, "Diana!" Noodle yelled once more this time successfully waking her up. "What is it Noodle?" Diana yawned and opened her eyes to see Noodle clutching her round stomach, "Did you pee yourself?" Diana asked then realized, "Oh gosh Noodle! Your water broke we have to get you to the hospital!" Noodle nodded, "Okay, oww, this really hurts!" Tightening her hand around Diana's arm they walked to Diana's car, and sped off to the nearest hospital. "Um, just take really deep breaths in." Diana suggested while Noodle was wincing in pain from a contraction. "I'm trying!" Noodle yelled, and started to breathe in deeper each time. Diana sped down the streets, and school zones passing every car that she could all the way to the hospital. When they got there Diana didn't even mind to park the car in a parking space. She just pulled over, and got Noodle out of the car and rushed her into the hospital.
"She's in la.." Was all Diana had to say then they rushed Noodle to a delivery room, and put in her epidural. "Noodle your baby is coming really fast!" Diana announced. Noodle looked worried, "Is that okay?" Diana nodded, "Yes that is how Berlin was too when I had her." Noodle nodded and tried to focus on something that wasn't moving, "Diana, I can't do this. I can't have this baby, oww." Noodle stressed out her words, "I don't know what I am going to do!" She cried. Moments later Dr. Tsuchida walked in and told Noodle it was about time to have her baby. And surely enough moments later after sweating, and pushing Noodle was holding her baby girl in her arms. She had Noodle's hair, and her eyes. Her baby hardly looked a thing like Murdoc. Which in this case was very good! "Hi Ayumi." Noodle whispered to the small infant kissing her head, "I'm mommy."
Ooh
I'm staring in the mirror
Looking back at the person I hate
Ooh
I'm staring in the mirror
Looking back at the person I hate
Ooh
I'm staring in the mirror
Looking back at the person I hate
Ooh
I'm staring in the mirror
Looking back at the person I hate
I cant remember the last time ive seen my own eyes(eyes)
Or the color of my skin
Do you know what its like
I cant remember the last time
I've seen my own eyes
Or the color of my skin do you know
what its like too feel ugly all the time!
Ooh
Ooh
The color of my skin
Do you know what its like to feel ugly all the......
-From First To Last: Waltz Moore
Erika Note: Hey Guys! I hope you liked the chapter. Sorry if it was a little too fast paced in parts! There are probably 1-2max chapters left. But the good thing is I will be starting another story soon! It will be a Gorillaz story so keep watch! I will probably start it right after this one is finished! Ok I will clear this up a little yes I am a dancer, but at the moment I am not because of my knee. That (by the way) I have to have surgery on May 15. They are cutting out my right ligament completely, and taking a piece of bone out of my joint, smoothing the damaged cartledge, and taking out tissue from my hamstring to use that as a ligament. Oh sorry if you didn't need to know that I'm just clearing things up! PLEASE REVIEW! It only takes about 3 seconds!
THANK YOU: Swizzers (duh), Jessi, and Name2830. Thank you guys so much! You have supported me the whole way and hopefully through these last chapters! I love hearing from you, honestly!
Erika