Author's Note: Took me way too long to get this together. For that, I apologize and I also apologize that this is so short. This is at the end of Chapter 84, where they exchanged a very poignant look.

Chapter Ten: Odds

I'm no stranger to despair. I know from experience that the odds are always stacked against us. I know how quickly and how brutal life is. A part of me will always wonder what my life would have been like had my father paid more attention when he had opened the door that fateful morning. Would my parents have survived? Would they be alive now? My trauma had only yielded one thing that I will always be grateful for. It had awoken something hidden inside of me. Triggered something that I might have never discovered had it not been for that horrifying experience. An awareness of myself that has made me keenly aware of my body. No, not merely just aware of it, but to have absolute control over it. This ability has kept me alive and allowed me to do things that others always seem to marvel at. I thought I was alone with this gift until he came along. He came along and has made me re-evaluate everything; my feelings, my thoughts, my desires; my very self worth. Only he has mastered himself so much more than I.

I'll never get used to the loss. To the loss that death provides. So many of my companions have died, but that's nothing compared to seeing sweet, kind and gentle Armin practically boiled in Eren's trembling embrace right now. The look of anger and anguish on Eren's face matches the tempo of my heart, even though what I mostly feel is shock. Yes, even after everything I can still be shocked. I can still have pieces of my heart torn apart. I'm only half hearing the argument that they're having. Erwin or Armin. Armin or Erwin. Eren, obviously, is championing for Armin. How they are both even alive after their injuries are mini miracles in themselves, but only so that they leave the burden of their lives to him; to Heichou. Erwin is our leader so of course Heichou would choose him. Erwin is the one we have all followed into this crazy venture. The mind behind all the strategies that have brought us here. So close and yet so far from our goal.

I know that Armin would want us to save Erwin instead of him. He did not become so badly injured in the first place if he did not believe. Armin would want us to save their leader. Heichou is right, as he always is, to give the serum to Erwin. He is right. I know this. I know Eren knows this too. We all know this. But it's Armin. Our childhood friend. The clever one. The one who could always be counted on to come up with a plan of action. Armin the dreamer. The one who gave us our own dream about the outside. Something to live for when we didn't have anything before.

I see Heichou's hesitation. I know that Eren's pleas for Armin's life are not going unheeded. I do not even really blame him for picking Erwin. He is trying to be rational. I know that he cares about Armin. I understand. I do understand. But my emotions are running me now. While I may have complete control of my body, I cannot control how I feel. This is Armin.

Please don't make me do this, I inwardly beg him as I slowly approach his still hesitant form with my blades drawn. I'm so torn up I can't completely raise them as I walk.

He looks at me now.

Those eyes. Those fathomless grey eyes look at me and I see so much in them. I see his inner torment and my heart aches for him even though my body continues it's approach. My intent is clear. I know he can see my turmoil too and I can see that he understands. I can see him hesitate further from what he can see in my face and in my eyes.

Please don't make me do this.

Please don't make me do this.

I don't want to hurt you.

I don't want to attack you.

I know that you're just as conflicted as I am but somehow you can still remain rational while I cannot. You've mastered that too.

Please pick Armin.

I don't want to do this.

But I will. I have to. For Armin. For my sanity's sake.

Please...

I won't think about it until much later. The fact that he never tried to stop me. He let me attack him. Someone as strong as him and he didn't fight me back. His being weakened from his previous battle with the titans aside. He still could have. He had chosen not to. He let me. It deepened whatever it is that I already felt for him. I feel it growing stronger still.