John stepped into the scalding shower and felt his skin tingle and then melt. He knew he should feel like absolute jelly after three sessions of sex with Sherlock in less than twenty four hours, but he felt alive, rejuvenated. He chuckled and shook his head as he grabbed the full sized bottle of shampoo the hotel had provided from the shelf and scrubbed it into his hair. He raked his fingers deep into his hair to his scalp, reviving the skin and his mental state. He was concerned about the fear and pain that had taken over so briefly. It wasn't like Sherlock to be scared, but he had been. But he'd begged John to continue. And when they had finished, John having one of the most amazing orgasms he'd ever hoped to have, all of Sherlock's fear had been buried.

He was surprised to feel himself growing hard again at the memories of Sherlock's mouth on him, of being buried deep inside him, of hearing Sherlock call his name as he came. The joy, the passion, the love that had been in Sherlock's cry had wrapped itself so completely around John that he had come harder than he ever had with any woman he had been with in his life despite the concern or perhaps because of it.

He groaned in frustration as he reached for the body wash the hotel had also provided before opening his eyes. His hand wrapped around it, but there was another hand already there. He smirked. He had hoped Sherlock would find his way to him.

"May I join you?" Sherlock growled lowly.

John felt the thrill go through him at that voice and opened his eyes lazily. He tugged on the hand that still held the bottle of body wash.

"I would be hurt if you didn't," he smiled as he pulled Sherlock into the water and kissed him.

Sherlock stepped closer and brushed his free hand into John's wet hair and deepened the kiss. Their mouths opened to each other and their tongues danced against each other hotly. John felt the cool of the marble tiles of the shower against his back as Sherlock pressed against him.

"We're going to kill each other," John growled as he slid his mouth from Sherlock's and attacked the pulse point just below his ear. Sherlock moaned and pressed closer to John as John continued breathlessly, "God, Sherlock! I have never wanted anyone so much!"

Sherlock moaned again and John realised they both were as hard as they had been just minutes ago. He knew he should say something, but Sherlock wrapped his hand around their cocks. They both moaned as Sherlock thrust against him. John felt the unmistakable thrill of his oncoming orgasm coursing through his body. He moaned Sherlock's name against the man's throat. Sherlock murmured his name over and over as his thrusts became faster and more erratic. John looked up at Sherlock as he felt his orgasm take over him and realised wanting was the least of the emotions that bound him to this man. He pulled Sherlock tightly against him as the overwhelming happiness brought on tears he didn't know he could cry. He thanked all that was holy that they were in the shower so that Sherlock would not see his tears. But he should have known that his lover would know.

"John?" he asked quietly as he dropped his hand from their cocks and placed it on John's hip. John still had his hand tightly wrapped around the body wash with Sherlock's hand trapped between his flesh and the bottle. "John," Sherlock whispered again, "Love, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," John demurred as he buried his nose deeper into Sherlock's neck. He didn't know how to describe his feelings to a man he knew was just learning what his were about.

"John," Sherlock said, stepping back, tugging his hand with the bottle free. John watched quietly as Sherlock put the bottle back in its place before Sherlock looked back at him, his hand gently enfolding John's face and ear, "You know better than to try to lie to me."

"I'm just happy, Sher," he replied quickly, "I- We always- but I- I'm just glad we're here…together."

Sherlock wrapped his arms around John and chuckled. John could feel Sherlock's still hard length between them. He sighed and let the tears flow quietly for a few moments.

"I know I've said it a lot these last two days, Sherlock," he said very quietly, but he knew Sherlock could hear him, "but I love you so much. I didn't know until you were gone. But now I'm back with you and I can't ever let you go."

Sherlock hesitated in his response before he said quietly, "I-I know, John."

They stood wrapped around each other, the hot water sluicing down their bodies for a long time, just holding each other and breathing until John began to shiver. Sherlock leaned back and turned off the water behind them and then reached outside the shower to grab their robes. John noticed that Sherlock still had an erection. He felt himself grow interested in that and cleared his throat uncomfortably as he shoved his arms into the robe.

They stepped out of the shower and headed into the living room through the short hall. John stopped suddenly and turned around. Sherlock nearly crashed into him, but he grabbed Sherlock's elbows and pulled him in for a forceful kiss. Sherlock obliged by letting him take charge. He licked across Sherlock's bottom lip and nipped at it as he shoved Sherlock against the wall. Sherlock gasped and he took advantage, plunging his tongue forcefully into Sherlock's mouth. Sherlock moaned as John pressed up against him. He slid his hands between their bodies and moaned as he wrapped his fingers around Sherlock's hard length. He slid his mouth from Sherlock's to his collarbone, continuing down to his nipple and dropping to his knees to lave at his naval. He dropped further and wrapped his lips around Sherlock's cock.

He expected a moan or his name from Sherlock. Instead, he felt Sherlock's entire body stiffen and his hands roughly pulled his head away.

"No, John," Sherlock said roughly. John looked up his body and the fear from earlier had returned. Sherlock was shivering, "Please," he begged.

John immediately stood and wrapped his arms around Sherlock and the man relaxed, but the shivering didn't stop. John recognized the symptoms of trauma immediately and gently led him to the couch. John sat and leaned back against the arm rest and pulled Sherlock into his arms. Sherlock uncharacteristically wrapped himself into John's embrace, holding him tightly. His shivering continued and John gently rubbed his back, murmuring words of love to him for a long time. He wanted to slap himself in the forehead again. He should have seen the trouble earlier, but he had been so horny that he had ignored the symptoms. He had taken Sherlock's request to talk about it later at face value. Whether Sherlock would ever admit it or not, John realised that Sherlock had been sexually abused at some point in his life.

Finally, Sherlock's body relaxed completely against him and John felt the calmness of sleep overtake Sherlock's body. He held him lovingly and let Sherlock sleep for quite a while, his mind racing, trying to figure out what had happened to Sherlock to cause such a reaction.

Dunh dunh dunhhhh...yeah...crappy place to stop, sorry...been a long few days...and this next scene is pretty damn emotionally intense...and has been harder to write than I thought it would be...So...hope you enjoyed...reviews are always welcome...'nough said...