So, here it is. The next oneshot. I don't really know why this idea came to me, but it did.
Heads up, there will be another one soon after this that will be much like this one, only not...if that even makes sense. Just...enjoy!
Disclaimer: Blech.
Summary: Miles- I guess I'm sorry, but in a way, I'm not.
---
Forgive
It was a bleak, cloudy Wednesday. She wore a black dress that she hadn't touched in 7 years, but still seemed to fit. It was simple. Short-sleeved and knee-length, straight. It had an empire waist, and held a sense of foreboding. The last time she wore it, her mother had died of cancer. She still remembered the smooth, oak casket being lowered into the ground when she was 10 years old. She could still feel those tears cascading down her face as her brother held her close to him, much like he was now.
A black hat with a black veil lay on her head, and her black gloved hand held a heart locket that hung on a silver chain. The tears that had been flowing down her face constantly these past 2 weeks had begun once more. She let them fall down from her face and onto her dress and brunette hair. The image of her best friend laying in the casket was burned into her mind. The feel of her cold hands in hers still stung them. Her wrists held a throbbing pain, and she could almost see scars on them. Her heart felt shattered, and she didn't feel whole.
Miley Stewart left her brother's arms, and she made her way to the podium at the front of the crowd. The funeral was being held outside, just as she would have wanted. The brunette took a deep breath before she began.
"I don't really know what to say. I think I had it all planned out in my head, but now I can't remember." she began, fiddling with her fingers. "It seems surreal, being up here at my best friend's funeral. I never thought I'd see the day." she took a deep breath. "Lilly was the greatest friend I could have asked for. She was there for me when my mother passed away, and she didn't leave my side for two weeks. She stuck with me even when I was demanding, or a little egotistical. Lilly supported me even through all my crazy schemes, and I really can't thank her enough for that. But now that this has happened, I see that it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine like I thought it was. Like most, I had no idea Lilly was so hurt. She never let anyone see it. I thought that Lilly was strong, and I know she was. She was just a little broken." Miley paused for a few minutes, trying to collect her thoughts.
"I'm not going to stand up here, talking about how bad it is she's gone. I'm going to talk about Lilly, and the great life she lived.
"Lillian Truscott was stubborn, but she was heartfelt and caring. I remember that the very second I called her with the news of my mom, she was over at my house in under 5 minutes with all the supplies I would need: chocolate, soda, and movies. She told me that she was staying until I was okay again, and she kept that promise. She wouldn't leave no matter how much I told her she could. She was with me through the funeral, and weeks after that.
"Lilly, she was amazing. She ran after what she wanted, and she jumped at the chance to prove she could do anything. Lilly always told me not to follow my dreams, but to chase after them. If it wasn't for her, I might not be Hannah Montana. She worked hard, and she pushed me to do the same. Lilly would cover me when I screwed up. She was headstrong, and if you messed with her, you were screwed." she said, causing a small chuckle throughout the crowd.
"My favorite part about Lilly had to be that she had one heck of a sense of humor. In your lowest times, she could cheer you up with a joke. She had a radiating humor about her that no one could over look. She lived for making people laugh." Miley felt the tears fall more rapidly down her cheeks.
"I know that Lilly is up there right now, and I know she'll be looking out for me. Its what she did. Lilly always put others before herself, and maybe thats why this happened. I'll miss Lilly, more then anything else. I love Lilly, and I still wonder why she did what she did, but I'm not going to be the one to say she was wrong. I don't know all she went through, so I'm not going to say that what she did is wrong. I forgive her. I couldn't live not knowing if she knew that or not."
The girl's voice lowered, and she found herself whispering these last few words. "I forgive you. I know its not your fault. I love you, Lils. Be safe up there."
She slowly walked in front of the casket and laid a single pink rose on top of it. She leaned down to the wood and placed a small kiss on the cool substance.
"Remeber Lils," she began, before she sang. "I miss you, I miss your smile, and I still shed a tear every once in a while and even though its different now, you're still here somehow. My heart won't let you go, and I need to to know, I miss you. Shalalalala, I miss you."
She stood up, walked right past her brother, and back to her car.
---
Miley kicked off her black flats as she entered her now empty apartment. At 17 years of age, she and Lilly had already bought themselves a place of their own with Miley's "Hannah Funds".
She made her way slowly to her bedroom where she collapsed onto the bed. She curled up on the bed, trying the stop the thudding in her chest. She felt like half of herself was completely gone. She didn't even know if it was there. Every part of her body was sore, and she couldn't keep herself together much longer.
"Miley?" a soft voice whispered.
"Go away Oliver." she demanded.
"Miley stop crying. Its not your fault." he stated comfortingly. And unknown feeling swelled inside of her. She turned over in bed, sitting up slowly.
"You don't get it, do you Oliver? It is my fault. I effing lived with her, and I didn't notice she was hurting. I was her best friend, and never once did I ask her how she was doing. Lilly was there for me almost my entire life, and I couldn't be there for her when she needed me the most. It is all my fault she's gone. I couldn't be the friend she needed me to be. I didn't catch the signs, just went along with them. She never knew how much I loved her. I never told her thank you. I never told her I could never live without her. I never offered her any words of encouragement. I never did anything for her, but she did everything for me. Now she's gone. She freaking killed herself Oliver and it is all my fault." she was yelling by the end, angry tears racing down her pale face.
The innocent boy gave a shake of his head before leaving the room.
Miley let out a broken scream of regret, picking up her alarm clock and thrusting it at the wall. She grabbed the lamp and threw it to the ground. Item after item was throw and broken.
She went to grab her song journal to thrust it, but as she did, a folded piece of paper fluttered to the ground. She let the notebook drop, and fell to her knees to retrieve the paper. 'Miley' was scrawled across the front in Lilly's messy handwriting. Miley's hands shook as she unfolded the paper, and began to read.
Miles-
I guess I'm sorry, but in a way, I'm not. I didn't want to hurt you, and I know you must be. I'm sorry for hurting you Miley, but I can't say I'm sorry for what I have done. Its not something that I regret.
I want you to know that its not your fault. There's no way you could have known I was going to do this. There are things about me I just couldn't bring myself to tell you, but I couldn't take it anymore Miles. I need you to forgive for it. I just couldn't take it anymore. Honey, I'm not as strong as you think I am. I'm like the broken toy people overlook, and that's okay.
Miley, I-I've been through a lot this past year. I guess I'll start from the beginning.
Josh, my old boyfriend, was not the great guy he seemed to be. He raped me Miles. I just...when he did I felt so dirty and worthless I just couldn't tell you. I thought you'd hate me for it. I wouldn't be able to stand it if you hated me...
My parents have been fighting often, and I'm usually caught in the middle of it. They don't really care much about me, but they pretend they do. My dad has cheated on my mom a couple times and just seeing her so broken...
Miles, I love you too much to put into words. I wish I didn't have to do this, but its the only way. I just can't handle this all anymore. I know you love me Miles, and I know you care. You just have things going on in your life, and I understand. I know I'm being selfish by doing this, but I think its time for me to do something for myself for once. Please forgive me.
I know I'll see you again some day soon. But I want you to know that every day I'm not with you down there, I'm going to miss you. I'll be looking out for you Miles, don't forget that. I love you with my my heart, and then some.
Please forgive me.
Love, Lils
Tears fell onto the paper, smudging the words. How could she not have seen? How could she have been so blind? How could she have thought of herself so much?
The girl pulled out a pen and grabbed the notebook from its place on the ground. She scribbled out the words as they came to her, ending with 6 songs total. That was enough.
---
3 years later, and Miley Stewart was performing her last concert.
Only she knew it would be.
"Okay guys. This last song will be performed by me, and me alone. It for you Lils. I love you."
Her graceful hands strung the chords on her guitar, her beautiful voice soon joining it.
"I hope when you look down on me
You're proud of what I've done
I hope when you talk about me
You don't talk with regret
And I hope you know that
I miss you
so bad it kills me
But I understand
why you did
what you did
And I need you to know
That I forgive you
I know I'll see you soon
and I can't wait for that day
I know I need to be there
with you again all the time
And I hope you know that
I miss you
so bad it kills me
But I understand
why you did
what you did
And I need you to know
That I forgive you
Honey I know I'll be with you soon
There's no need to worry
Don't be scared
Its not at all your fault
Just know its because
I miss you
so bad it kills ,e
But I understand
why you did
what you did
And I need you to know
That I love you
I forgive you
Please forgive me."
When the melody had ended, no one could see the tears glistening in her eyes. She bowed her head, said a goodbye, and left the stage.
The popstar ignored congratulations, and only left straight to her car. She drove home silently, not caring about followers. She pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex, and walked slowly up to hers. Once inside, she quickly changed into Lilly's favorite pair of jeans and a tank top. She threw on Lilly's old hoodie over the outfit. She slipped on a pair of flats She grabbed her prescription bottle of anti-depressants and threw them into her pocket.
She then went back out to her car to drive to the cemetery.
---
Miley placed the pink roses that she had bought on the way here in the vase that came out of Lillian Truscott's headstone. She poured water into it, and kneeled in the wet grass.
"Hey Lils. Its Miles. Did you hear my concert tonight? I hope you did." she wiped a tear from her cheek. "I meant what I sang Lils. I'm going to see you soon. I can't live down here without you. You were everything to me and you still are. I can't live without you, so I'm choosing not to."
She pulled the full bottle out of her pocket and popped off the lid. She poured a handful of pills into her hand and poured them into her mouth, washing them down with a swing of Vodka. She repeated this process until both bottles were empty.
Miley laid down in the grass, curling into a ball. She couldn't feel the hole in her chest, she couldn't feel the pain. The world had become fuzzy, and all she remembered was Lilly's laugh and her face. She felt as if Lilly was right there with her.
"I love you Lils, see you soon." she whispered, and the world blanked.
---
The doctors slowly shook their heads.
The petite body was carefully placed in into the casket.
The voices spoke their remembrances.
The wooden casket was placed in the ground, next to Lillian's.
The long headstone replaced Lilly's.
The words on the headstone read "Forgive".
The blond and the brunette embraced each other, whispering three words.
"I forgive you."
---
Well, that was depressing. oh well. I needed a depressing one. I hope you liked it!
Review?
NOTE: If you have a oneshot idea you would like me to write or a song you would like me to do a songfic to, please tell me! I would love to write it!
I x3 YOU!
--Lani