Of all the things that described Kanda's life, fragile was not one of them. In fact, Kanda was anything but fragile, having able to take multiple blows in battle and taking bullets to his sword without hardly breaking a sweat. Fragility was not present in his nature, and neither was delicacy or finesse. Coarse, hard, tempered, rough, toughened, seasoned; there was nothing that denoted that fragility had anywhere to be in Kanda's existence. And yet, it seemed to be the center focus after years of rough callousness, war, and burden. He was brought more and more to this conclusion as he sat in his chair, his proud shoulders bowed by shock and unbelief, as he stared through a window much like Allen had at one point at the friend on the other side and being afraid that he might never wake up again.
How was it that life could be so fragile? It was so fervent and vibrant, yet it could be snuffed out so easily. He was a testament to this fact as his body degenerated, and he was brought down to the level of a decrepit old man. Yet, his degeneration had not been so sudden. It had been gradual, but this was so abrupt. It had happened so fast, and he didn't understand why. Kanda felt his breath whoosh out of him as he stared into Lavi's face, hardly able to see it from the amount of bandage that was around his head. He could only breathe through the help of oxygen tubes in his nose. His face was mottled purple and yellow in some places. His body was inert, and he'd been this way for twenty-four hours. No one could say when he'd actually wake up, if he ever woke up at all. Kanda didn't want to think of that fact, and he realized the irony of the situation. Shouldn't it be him, not Lavi, who was behind the glass window stuck to the bed with tubes in his nose and a heart monitor? How was it that in the state of his sudden progression, one of his own friends was taken down to this level where he'd originally been? God was cruel.
He hadn't heard about what had happened until he'd woken up, and a nurse had had to tell him. Eve was already working in the surgery with him, as she'd been one of the few people on call in the middle of the night that was able to do surgery competently at that time. He'd had to literally threaten the nurse with decapitation to let him out, and after that no one challenged the swordsman. Then again, who would with that look in his eyes and that sword in his hand? He'd arrived in time to see Eve come out of the surgery with bloody scrubs and the appearance of one who'd just been through hell and back. She shook her head at him, and she said, "Don't go in yet. They're still getting him ready for his room. You don't want to be there right now." Instead, he'd waited, albeit impatiently. He'd had to occupy himself in a myriad of ways, including glaring at people passing by as well as count ceiling tiles, which he found to be a particularly mind-numbing task. Lavi had woken up briefly, and they'd passed off the usual banter without any real bite. Kanda hadn't expected to feel such a ripping sensation inside of him whenever Lavi spoke, his voice hardly more than a rustle from the damage that it had received. Their conversation had been short as Lavi fell back underneath the chemical haze of sedatives, and Kanda wished selfishly that Lavi would wake up again, because it seemed like they'd left a lot unsaid. The question was, would either of them ever say anything that was better unsaid? He knew the answer to that question. He didn't think either of them could say it, to admit that the other was the best friend they'd ever had. That this may very well be the last time they spoke to each other for a while. That this may be the last time period. It was so cliched and obvious, and yet at the same time it had managed to sneak attack both of them.
There was the quiet sound of footsteps, and Kanda was aware that there was someone else here. He turned his head in the person's direction, and his eyes narrowed suspiciously as old Bookman stood at the window, watching as well. It seemed that Kanda wasn't the only one who was here to watch over the Apprentice Bookman. Bookman even narrowed his own eyes at Lavi, as if not believing that it was his own apprentice on that bed breathing with the help of machines.
"When did this happen?" Bookman asked. Kanda answered mechanically, "Sometime around two in the morning last night. Maybe even later."
"And when did he get out of the operation room?" Kanda answered again, "Maybe five in the morning." Bookman seemed to deflate as the truth hit him. They'd worked on Lavi for three hours, and this was what they had to show for their efforts. A broken man on a hospital bed. This scene was so reminiscent of Kanda's first night in the hospital that it almost seemed like an intentional irony made by Fate. One by one, the winners of the war were being picked off. Kanda felt strangely hollow, as if everything that he'd heard and what had happened seemed to have scooped out everything inside of him and dumped it out. He felt as if he'd left crucial parts of himself behind, just to protect himself from the onslaught of horror he was facing.
"How? How did it happen?" All these questions were beginning to annoy Kanda, and he grumbled irratibly, "I don't know how it happened. He was probably being stupi-"
"Lavi is not stupid." The vehemence in the Bookman's voice caused Kanda to snap his neck around to look at the man. His shoulders were stooped, not from age but worry. His face was lined from battle upon battle. His eyes were still circled by black, as they always had been, but the question-mark ponytail seemed to have less volume. Age had crept up on Bookman the same way it had on everybody else. Kanda had never noticed just how frail and small Bookman looked now, but he suddenly came to the realization that it was because he himself had grown up. Lavi must've felt the same way. He remembered the Junior Bookman one day looking incredibly troubled and more than a little anxious. After Kanda had threatened to smack him so hard his brains popped out if he didn't spit out what was bothering him, Lavi only had one answer.
"Panda-jiji... he's getting old, ya know? He worries me sometimes." His face had had that false sense of cheer that he'd seen too many times on Allen and Lenalee. What was it with these people, that they kept up the charade even when everyone knew that it wasn't real? Kanda shook his head. And now, instead of Lavi fretting over Bookman, it was the other way around. Teacher was worrying about apprentice. Kanda's irritated look sobered as he thought about Zhu and his visit. That old codger...
"What makes you say that?" Kanda asked. "He acts as if his brain's dead most of the time anyways." Realizing what he'd just said, he mentally did a facepalm. Not the best choice of words, but he'd put his foot in his mouth, and he wasn't about to apologize for it anyways. Bookman didn't seem to notice, though, and he answered back, "Lavi may be a retarded apprentice with little more in his head than witty sayings and an ability to annoy anyone on the planet, but I did not train him to be an idiot. Everything he did, he did with some sort of purpose. And this was because of some sort of purpose that he is here." Bookman's look suddenly became desperate. All his life's work... everything that he'd groomed Lavi to be over the past twenty-something years...
Kanda looked through the window again. Lavi hadn't changed in the last two minutes. His face was still mottled, his ribs still looking painful as he breathed, his head swathed in bandages. There was only one little strand of bright red hair poking out from all the bandages, and Kanda felt a pang. He would've hardly been able to tell who Lavi was, he realized. Had someone not told him, he would've figured it was another patient in the lacerations ward who was being stupid while playing with knives. It was clear that someone else did this to Lavi, but who did it was the question.
"He was my life's work, you know." Kanda looked at Bookman out of the corner of his eye. Bookman's eyes never left the man on the bed. They were strangely downcast, yet hopeful at the same time. Bookman took a deep, shuddering breath before letting it all out. His eyes flickered between the floor and the window, as if he couldn't decide where to look anymore. Kanda didn't answer. He knew better than that.
"I've been with him for twenty-one years. I clothed and fed him. I taught him everything there was to know. We Bookmen are not supposed to get attached to our apprentices because we know that they will leave us when the time comes, but... it is considered an impossible feat to let go of your apprentice without pain," he said, and his voice cracked at the end. Kanda suddenly saw Zhu in his mind, the old man crying as he took Kanda's hand and told him just how proud he'd been to be his teacher. He thought about he'd never gotten attached to anyone, felt that pain of having to let somebody go. He looked at Lavi in the window.
Maybe that time, that one instance where you had to leave somebody behind, had come.
"An apprentice becomes one's entire work. They become the one thing that matters, the thing that will carry on your legacy. We Bookmen aren't supposed to have a legacy- we're faceless sentinels, but it is human nature to pride oneself in something they have worked on for so long. Especially if... if you know that you won't outlast them. But I've already lost one. I can't afford another." Bookman's hands wrung one another, again and again, the only real show of his utter anxiety. Bookman cracked what was close to a smile, and he muttered, "I'm just as bad as the idiot apprentice in there." His smile suddenly fell, and he stood for several more moments staring at Lavi, and Kanda turned his head away. Giving the old man space, Kanda got up. As he left Bookman, he could hear the sound of knees hitting the floor, and several tears spatter against the tile. He didn't look back, though. He couldn't do that.
The last thought he had as he left the hallway was how old men managed to get so emotional. He tried to hide the tear streak on his face as he entered his room.
Eve's footsteps echoed down the hall as her heels clacked. She wasn't dressed in her usual lab coat, blouse, and a skirt. Instead, she was wearing a tanktop, a pair of cargo pants, and sunglasses on her head. It was obvious that she was about to go somewhere, but so far no one had seen her leave the hospital. Her eyes were tired and strung out from a long night as she thought about the conversation she'd had with Gavin, her lawyer. He'd said that he wasn't sure if he could protect her if she did in fact follow through with her plan and someone pressed a legal suit. She didn't so much care about the legal hubbub as much as the physical repurcussion that she might suffer. Her eyes were suddenly haunted as she remembered Lavi being put on the table for surgery. She swallowed hard.
He'd had several lacerations to the throat, all done by some sort of serrated knife. His ribs were cracked, and there'd been major internal bleeding in the chest cavity as well as the lungs. By the time they'd flushed his lungs out, he'd needed two or three blood transfusions to replace the fluids that he'd lost. Fixing his ribs hadn't been hard, but fixing the punctured lungs, stomach, spleen, and liver had been a work out. Eve shuddered for a moment as she thought about the redheaded Exorcist being laid out. She felt sick to her stomach as she thought about what had happened next as Eve had begun her work. Lavi had actually woken up. Through the haze of anesthetic, he'd actually managed to touch her hand, gripping it loosely. His one eye had fluttered open for a moment as she stared at him with an amazed and horrified expression.
What had his words been? They were ingrained in her mind, something that she was sure would add to the nightmares she'd face every night she went to bed.
"Run away. Take him with you, and run away." His eyes had had a pleading look in them, the pain no doubt pushing him so far that he no longer felt any more. He'd dragged her towards him as the other doctors bustled in complete disarray. The stink of blood was everywhere as his bloodstained breath colored the air in front of her while he'd gasped. His next words were in line with his Bookman nature, but in such a way that was so unsettling. She felt a chill up her spine.
"Eve...what are you?" She stopped in front of Kanda's room, knowing that he'd probably bombard her with questions about his condition, what was wrong, how to fix it. She'd had to reiterate it many times already to Lenalee, Allen, Bookman, and several other close friends of Lavi's. The hardest had been Crowley, who'd practically bawled his eyes out in an inelegant, heartbreaking sort of way. Eve wasn't completely heartless; it was just that she chose not to show it often. That time, she'd nearly lost it, putting her head in her hands for a second as she sat at her desk, dressed looking like she was ready to leave for some exotic place while their resident bookworm happened to be readying himself for the slab in the morgue. She took a deep breath as she walked into his room, her eyes sharp as she looked around. Her frown was evident as she realized that there was no one inside the room. Had he not come back yet? She walked in deeper into the room, eyeing the bathroom, but the door to it was wide open. Suddenly, the door slammed, and she whirled around to face Kanda, who'd shut the door easily with a single hand from behind it. He was sitting in a chair, wearing his casual clothing. He got up and locked the door in an ominous way, the sound of the lock clicking shut seeming as loud as a gunshot.
Eve felt the skin on her arms raise up. His eyes were strangely calm as he moved his gaze from the lock of the door over to the window where his massive plant happened to be spilling into the room steadily. He walked over to it and poured water from the watering can into it, gazing out into the forests around the hospital ward.
"You have a lot of explaining to do." His eyes suddenly moved to look at her, not even having to turn his head. What she had mistaken for calm was actually deadly concentration and chained fury. A thrill of fear went through her, the type that she'd only ever felt on occasion whenever around the samurai. She'd never doubted that he'd use his sword on her if she ever really made him angry, but she counted her status as a doctor, most of all his doctor, to keep him from doing something that drastic. Now it was obvious to her that possibly, just maybe, she'd miscalculated. He literally had nothing to lose. Maybe he was finally fed up with her. She sucked in a deep breath as she asked, "What exactly do you mean?"
Oh, she had a good idea.
Kanda went back to tending his little mini-garden, pulling out some of the weeds that had somehow managed to manifest there. His eyes flickered over to her, and she felt her face flush. It was as if he'd just suddenly peeled back every defense she'd had, and it hit her that he'd been slowly stripping back her usual responses and habits to find the core personality underneath. She felt fury build up in her to contest his own. Her hands balled up into fists. She narrowed her gaze as he answered, "Start with the Second Exorcist Project, and what your so-called 'reproduction' plan is." Her face never dropped the heavy facade of seriousness, giving nothing away.
"You're blabbering gibberish," she said. Who was she kidding? She'd have to tell him sometime. It was part of patient consent, though it wasn't like she gave too much of a damn to that either. Kanda pressed on, and he retorted, "Really? Maybe I can pull in Gavin, see how he thinks about the gibberish you were talking about." She'd been caught red-handed. But how? And who else could've heard? It wasn't like this was too big a secret, but she'd rather it fly under the radar, just in case someone got really, really, really, willing-to-kill angry. And it was apparent someone already had, if the Texan was anything to go by. Her shoulder throbbed as she remembered feeling hot blood course over her arm, the slug being pulled from her shoulder in the emergency room and having to crap through an explanation of a hunting accident out in the woods.
Eve returned his accusing stare with one of her own. "Think of it this way: what you don't know won't kill you." Kanda moved so fast Eve was actually surprised when she found herself with her back to a wall and her wrists gripped by steel. For someone who was supposedly so sick, he sure didn't show it. Eve knew better, though, but even so, she felt another jitter of fight or flight instinct run into her blood. She fought the urge to attack, Kanda's face hardly an inch away as he whispered, "Are you sure?" Her eyes widened as she realized that he was actually addressing something else about her. Was it true that what she didn't know wouldn't kill her? How did he... He was bluffing. It was the only answer she could find, but looking into onyx eyes, she realized that he was very, very knowledgeable about her current predicament. She took a shuddering breath as she turned her face away, a picture of disgust on her visage. Not disgust at him- disgust at herself. She was absolutely revolted by her rotting shell. She was finding it hard to hide it.
"What do you want?" Eve asked quietly. Kanda let go of her and sat on the bed.
"I want you to tell me how you're going to use the Second Exorcist project, idiot. Are you deaf or something? I've already said that. Besides, a little birdy told me more than you'd think," he said cryptically. Eve rubbed her wrists, realizing that he would stop at nothing. Where did she even start? Eve sighed to herself, brushing her hair back, and she said, "I'm going to China. We'll be recreating the Second Exorcist project, minus the painful synchronization. I want to know exactly how you were born in that womb tank. I'll be using your DNA to begin the process. In the event that doesn't work, I'll use mine instead. There's a chance that the key to your treatment is in the way you were created. The flaw may be there, and then I can fix it once I find it." Kanda's eyes were closed as he digested this information. She was thankful for that. She didn't know if she could take those sharp, brittle onyx pieces boring into her own vulnerable face. She had been unobservant. She hadn't noticed that he'd been watching her so carefully. She had underestimated him and his curiosity.
A picture of the Junior Bookman assailed her, and nausea turned in her stomach. Curiosity killed the cat...
"What happens to whatever you create in the womb tank?" he asked, his voice completely flat. She answered, "We'll dispose of it." Kanda's eyes flashed open, and Eve had the urge to flinch. There was an immeasurable amount of anger there, as if she'd just struck him across the face. He was beginning to blanch white, though he was moon-pale as it was.
"No. You won't. If you do, I won't agree to any of it, and I'll walk out of here. And then you don't get your research," Kanda said seriously. Eve sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. She knew what this was about. The thing was considered a living thing, and Kanda didn't want to 'kill' it. Then again, could you kill something that never had been? It would essentially be a clone of Kanda himself, anyways. Was that why he didn't want it to die?
"Kanda, I have to-"
"I don't care what you have to do. I've got a crappy sense of ethics, but I've got honor. I'm not letting something die for my sake," Kanda said seriously. He was adamant, she could see that much. His motives were a little bit in the muddy water, but for the most part she could understand why he wanted to keep it alive. Sheesh, she hadn't expected this to be an issue. He'd never cared much for anything before to begin with. Why was he suddenly developing a conscience? This made things so much harder...
"All right. I'll let it live," Eve grumbled as she leaned against the wall. She stared at Kanda and said, "Besides, you get to make sure. I'm taking you with me to China." Kanda frowned. He turned his head to side suspiciously, looking at her from one eye. Eve rolled her eyes at his wariness, and she said, "Look, if we end up with a complication over here, it'll take me a while to get back to you. Besides, you know the Asian Branch better than I do. Especially the Second Exorcist compound." She saw a flash of pain across his face, but it was quickly hidden behind a clever mask of irritation.
"Fine, I'll go. I need to get out of this dump, anyways." At least they agreed on something. She'd hate to drag him kicking and screaming. Literally.
"We leave in a couple of hours. Get your things packed, and we'll go," she said. She was about to leave, but Kanda grabbed her wrist again, spinning her around. She felt hot fear lash her senses with a sheen of white adrenaline. Her heart was kicking a fuss, as he stared at her, and he said, "Are you bringing anyone else with us?" It was a simple question. Eve nodded, and she said, "A few other Exorcists are going with us who know the compound. Bookman'll be coming, and so will Chaoji. Once Lavi recovers, he will, too." Kanda's face seemed to smooth out at Eve's word choice concerning Lavi. Instead of saying 'if', she'd said 'once', denoting he would recover, and quickly too. So he did harbor genuine worry for the redheaded idiot. The world could be a strange place.
She brushed herself off as Kanda let go of her. It suddenly occurred to her that Kanda must've pieced all of this together somehow, but the question still begged the answer of the method in which he did it. Had she let something slip? Was it just her? Or maybe it was a combination of things. Kanda never gave any hint as he walked to his bed and sat down on it, thinking. His mind at the least hadn't left him. She stared at him for several moments, noting that he'd yet to lose his proud profile. Though there were bags under his eyes, and his skin was beginning to exhibit some of the attributes of paper, he was still a very handsome man. She snorted derisively at the thought as she walked towards the door, but someone was already there.
"You're leaving?" Eve realized they'd had an audience. Allen stood in the doorway with a slightly surprised look, and she knew that he hadn't heard all of their conversation. He must've just walked in to hear the last part. Allen's face looked torn and slightly hurt, and Kanda reassured him, "For a few days. Hopefully, at the least. You know bureaucrats better than I do." Allen chuckled, and he walked in. However, a special little someone was toddling in behind him, and Eve's eyebrow raised at Allen amusedly. Allen shrugged as little Evan wandered over to Kanda, who stared at him with a look akin to curiosity and caution. The little boy leaned against Kanda's leg, and he looked up at him with giant, blue eyes. The little boy grinned, white milk teeth showing as he waved. He couldn't be more than one or two years old.
"Kanda, um, this is Evan. He's-" Kanda cut him off and said, "Your son. I know already." Allen looked taken aback, both at Kanda's statement and next action as he picked Evan up in his arms. Kanda looked slightly pained at this action, wincing as his back protested at the new load it had to carry, but he didn't pay much mind to it. Eve excused herself abruptly, saying she had some pressing matters to attend to before they left. Kanda watched her leave with a hawk's eye, which was quite comical seeing as Evan was playing with his hair and pulling strands of it out.
"Ouch! Stop that, you little bugger!" Kanda growled, and Allen gasped at the use of the (purely English) expletive he'd no doubt learned from somebody in the hospital. Allen berated, "Don't use foul language around him! He'll remember that..." Kanda rolled his eyes. Like he cared if the kid was a potty-mouth or not. Kanda himself had a fair amount of knowledge in the area of curses, and he used it liberally. Kanda walked over to a chair and sat down as Evan stood in his lap and laughed. Allen sat on the bed, and he asked, "How did you know about Evan?"
"That's his name? Huh, I'm not surprised. It sounds about as stupid as yours does, Moyashi," Kanda mumbled, and Allen colored and said, "First of all, that's not my name, and second, it's not a stupid name for him. His mother called him that." Kanda lifted an eyebrow at Allen. The white Exorcist found himself flustered as he said, "H-his mother was killed in a collapsed building. I'd met her the day before she died. Don't get any stupid ideas, Ba-kanda." Kanda's eyes narrowed as Allen used his old, unfavorable nickname, but that was quickly shattered as Evan tried to stick his fingers up his nose.
"Oi! I said quit, you little shite!"
"KANDA!"
"What? He's trying to kill me! He's just as bad as you are! And you're not even blood-related. You're a bad influence on the kid, Allen."
As they traded sparse insults back and forth, Allen noted something. He'd expected Kanda to be fairly awkward and unsettled around Evan, considering he'd never seen Kanda interact with small children younger than him, save for Timothy Hearst. That just barely ended with Timothy nearly getting his head chopped off by a rather angry Kanda, but right now he seemed surprisingly mellow and unconcerned that he had a one and a half year old in his lap. Over the years, he'd really mellowed out. True, he still pulled a sword on some people, but it wasn't quite as bad as it had been when he'd been, say, eighteen or nineteen, which were some of the most tumultuous years of his life. Allen went thin-lipped as Kanda suddenly stopped, his face blanching very suddenly.
He stood up quickly, and he walked over to Allen and handed him Evan before walking out of the room with his arms around his stomach. Allen quickly picked up Evan and started to carry him along as Kanda wandered down the hall in what seemed to be a trance. It took Allen a while to realize that there was a fresh blood trail on the floor, and Evan started to cry. Allen shushed him, still following Kanda, and it took him a moment to realize that Kanda was following the blood trail as well. Allen hurriedly followed Kanda, and he asked, "Kanda? Kanda, what's wrong?"
A nurse suddenly screamed, and Evan began wailing. Allen frowned at Evan, wondering if it was the tense atmosphere that was causing him to freak out so readily, or if it was something else. Evan was a particularly calm baby whenever he was with Allen, and it was only when he was being taken away from him did he actually start crying and screaming. As Allen followed Kanda, he was finding it harder to control Evan, and finally, he had to put him down. Evan clung to Allen's leg and buried his face into his knee, sobbing and hiccuping. Allen realized that he didn't want to know what was there. Still, he had that horrible sense of fascination as he continued on, Evan toddling along next to him. Allen felt his hands shaking as he turned the corner into a hallway that ended in a dead end. Kanda was standing there.
This is just like a horror movie, Allen thought to himself. He'd only seen one or two- he didn't need to freak himself out. His job did that more than anything else. He's just standing there, staring. I don't want to know what he's staring at, but... I'm compelled to see what it is? Allen walked forward very slowly, Evan suddenly letting go of his leg to stand there and whimper behind him. Obviously, he knew something bad was going on, and Allen had quite realized it just yet. He swallowed as he finally reached Kanda, and he peered over his shoulder. He sucked in a giant breath of air, his eyes going wide as he found that he couldn't tear his eyes away.
Her face was nearly unrecognizable. The hair around her head was stuck to the wall, matted with blood. Her hospital gown was drenched with it, and Allen wondered how someone could contain so much of that vital fluid to spill it in such an array. There was blood on the walls, and it was spattered across the floor. Her mouth moved unconsciously, and bubbles of translucent red escaped as she tried to breath. She was shaking, and her arm had fallen off, blood vessels continuing to pump blood through the open end of her arm. Her legs were twisted the wrong way, and Allen had the urge to run and call for help, but he knew that it would do her no good.
"Who is she?" Allen asked in a whisper quiet voice. Kanda's voice was completely level as he said, "Janet Gorlenski. Polish Exorcist. Her Innocence was in her arm. It tore her apart." Allen felt a shudder of disgust as the woman let out a pitiful moan, her eyes wandering aimlessly in their sockets. Several nurses suddenly flooded the small dead end, trying to heave the woman, but she screamed bloody murder as they touched her skin, and the pieces of her they grabbed rotted away in their hands to nothing. She screamed in pain, crying, and Allen felt absolutely helpless as he just stood there and watched. The nurses ignored them, merely swarming around like disgruntled bees as the screaming and flailing continued.
Allen realized that this would happen to him one day. Not today, and probably not tomorrow, but some day he'd be a bloody mess all over the floor, hardly recognizable as a human. He shuddered upon this realization, his face going completely white. He then looked at Kanda, who was stoically watching as the woman screamed. A gurney came in, and the two were forced to move as they loaded the woman who was literally falling apart in front of their eyes. She moaned, and Allen felt another feeling of diconcert settle into his bones as he watched them cart the woman off.
Another revelation struck Allen as well. Kanda would end up like that. Or, more like, he had a good chance of becoming the same, shuddering, disgusting heap of limbs and pain. As Allen cut his eyes across to stare at Kanda, he could see that the samurai knew it, too. Though his face was completely neutral and his eyes were unwavering, his hands shook almost imperceptibly. Allen was no fool, though. This had shaken Kanda. They were realizing that they were running out of time. They could avoid the subject that Kanda was going to die, and they could even say that he'd die in his sleep, silent and quietly, but the truth had slapped them in the face. He wasn't going to die in a very pretty manner. This was no movie, and the main character was not going to die in a hail of bullets, a deathbed surrounded by friends, or in the sunlight with a smile on his face. It would be an agonizing ordeal that he'd scream and kick through, one that even his friends, who'd seen their fair amount of gore, would not be able to look at.
Allen's mind conjured up an image of Kanda, twisted and broken as a child's toy after a tantrum. He felt like he'd throw up on the spot. Suddenly, Evan was burying his face into his leg, and he picked him up reflexively. Kanda said numbly, "We should go back."
Allen swallowed, and he said, "Yeah. We should."
The vision of Janet Gorlenski and her screams followed them down the hallway as they tried to get back to Kanda's room without beating their heads into the wall.
Life could be so fragile.