Warnings: Child molestation, implied non-con/rape, homosexuality, child abuse
"How could you?" He looked pained, but I didn't delude myself for a moment. Delusions were what got us in this in the first place. Delusions like the fact that he cared. "Please understand I…I just couldn't…and he-" I cut him off.
"You could have dumped us out; we would have made it!" He's shaking his head before I even finish. "No..no. I have to go; he's coming and I wasn't supposed to see you two." I sneer; fixing him with as cold a glare as I can muster as I fight for a witty comment to hide the fear gripping me. "Why?"
Up until then I had almost forgotten he was there with us he had been so quiet. But now his broken, whispered question hangs in the air and I feel my heart clench. He looks so lost, so betrayed and nothing has even happened yet. His bottom lip quivers and he visibly fights to keep the tears gathering from spilling over as he gazes up at the man who swore to protect us; the one adult we thought we could trust.
"I'm sorry." He whispers, and my brother seems to collapse. "I don't believe you." I don't think I've been prouder. "I don't care." I could kill him for that comment. "Good; neither do we." The pride is back. Without a word he turns and leaves, the door slamming close behind him and leaving us in silence once again.
I don't look at him. I can't. I'm shaking –from fear? Anger? Betrayal?- and I take a moment to collect myself. Now isn't the time for me to break down; not when he needs me. After a moment I turn and see he's already staring at me, watery eyes unblinking and oddly mature. "What's going to happen?" I can't think of anything to say that will calm his fears. "Were we that much trouble?"
I shake my head. "No. He's not right…he has to not be…" He smiles, and shakes his head. "He turned us over to them. He's perfectly sane. There's no excuse." I swallow; my throat is dry. I hadn't realized until then just how much I had hoped for that to be true. "Sora…" It was no more than a breath and yet that name sounded more lost than anything I could ever imagine could come from me.
He looks up, and he smiles. "Roxas." I pull him into my arms and he cries and I pretend I'm not too. I can't hold him tight enough. I wonder which of us needs it more; me to hold or him to be held?
Time doesn't exist in the room. We do nothing but sit and talk; sometimes we eat, but most of the time we can't bring ourselves to keep it down. I hate it. I want something to happen to break this stillness. As if on cue the door opens and he is there.
I hate him but can't find strength to do more than glare. He advances towards Sora and at once I throw myself between them. He sighs and signals and the others come in. I'm slammed against the nearby wall and Sora is snatched up. I hate the way he looks at him, and at once everything clicks into place. "No more…no more…" Oh god not again. They haven't touched us for weeks. "Please take me instead." He's struggling and so am I. He turns a baleful yet pleading look to one of my captors. "How could you do this to us?" He's slammed into the wall. Again. Again.
I blink in time with each thud, mouth moving wordlessly. I've already learned what happens if I cry out. "Please don't hurt him anymore." I plead for him; it seems my normally placid brother has swapped personalities with me. "I trusted you." He glares and I realize I've never seen him so angry. " I'll never make that mistake again." He's still fighting but it does no good; it's just as effective as every time before. But something changes. Sora's eyes widen as his pants are jerked undone.
"Sora I'm so sorry." Why must I watch? Oh gods please no. "I'll never be able to make this up to you." One of them growls at me. "Shut up." I can't see anymore and it takes a moment before I realize it's because of tears. "Sora I'll get us out." I can barely form the words. My brother always has been my biggest weakness. A blow to my face sends me spluttering and reeling; my head bounces off wood and I realize I've been thrown.
He's being drug to the door when I finally clear the stars. He's crying now. "Please don't separate us." They pay him no mind. His pants are gone and they are seizing the chance. "Don't touch him!" I try to stand but my legs won't support me. "Sora…Sora…" The door slams shut and I am alone. I scream and hold myself, wishing the silence could be filled. I scream louder in a sad attempt to break it.
x-x-x-x
But then there is no silence and I'm wrapped in an embrace. There are muffled sobs and whispered words that ooze concern even in my muddled state; somewhere cars screech and horns blare as angry drivers attempt to convey their frustration.
There is a soothing melody in my ears; a breathy whisper that holds a tune only barely. I'm shaking but the arms I'm in don't loosen and somewhere near my ear a voice continues its song. I'm still trying to figure out where I am, but I know I feel safer than I have. Whoever it is has a unique smell that both relaxes me and sets my nerves on fire. It reminded me of cinnamon, but more fruity. I relaxed further as the voice started another song.
No more talk of darkness,
forget these wide-eyed fears;
I'm here, nothing can harm you,
my words will warm and calm you.
"Does this happen often?" The whisper broke into the murmured words. "Yes." The small voice broke through whatever haze I had been in. Instantly I was struggling. The arms tightened. "I got you Roxie. Sora's fine." I didn't remember the voice. Red fell into my vision and I stilled. Who did I know with red hair? "Axel…" There was a small chuckle. "Hey blondie. Sora is right there with Riku and Demyx. Zexion went to fix tea or some other herbal shit that we all have to drink." I gave a tired laugh and snuggled closer. "You smell good." I felt the disbelief. "I should comfort you more often."
I didn't answer, just clung closer until my sanity slammed back. I pushed him away and landed with a slight thud on the floor, glowering up at the concerned face above me. "Don't touch me. Pervert." I mumbled, turning to gaze at the three by the door. Sora was cowering in Riku's grasp and I felt a moment of both self-loathing and possessiveness. I held open my arms and he slid into them immediately. I felt an odd moment on triumphant that he would still choose me over him. "What happened?" He asked, clutching me. "The room."
He shifted back to look at me, eyes wide and teary already. "Rox…" I felt myself tearing up again and looked away in a sad attempt to control them. "That day?" I swallowed. "Yeah."
x-x-x-x
The tea was disgusting but soothed my nerves anyway. I found out that Zexion had left in the middle of the storm to get the ingredients. My respect for him increased, especially after he dumped a generous amount of alcohol in the glasses. It burned as I swallowed but I was thankful for it. My throat was already on fire as it was. Sora sat in beside me on the floor, with Axel and Riku on the couch on their respective sides. Axels' leg was pressed against my shoulder and my head was resting lightly on his knee.
One hand was combing through my hair and, though I would deny it, I leaned into his touch. I had forgotten about that incident, though forgotten probably wasn't the right word. I had shoved it out of my mind, to be forgotten until I was ready to deal with it. At least that's what Dr. Aerith had told me before we had left the hospital. I didn't see how I was ready to deal with it even now, but apparently I could.
Sora was distracted and clutching my hand to the point I felt my bones creak but I didn't complain. It was nice to feel grounded here instead of there. The room was silent but the tension was audible. Every so often somebody would collect the empty cups and refill them. I wasn't sure if it was the tea or the alcohol but I was calmer than normal after a nightmare of that proportion. I clenched the glass tightly with one hand and held Sora with the other. The clock ticked on. "Can we have a basic idea?" Sora answered. "No."
His voice was crisp and cool and held no room for argument; we would not tell. Except I suddenly wanted to. "Sora…" His gaze turned to me and I flinched at the darkness there. "No." I swallowed. "You trust them." The unspoken I'll leave some things out hung between us. I felt as though our personalities had switched, which wasn't terribly unusual for us. We stayed balanced, him and I. Which was why when he nodded and I was reluctant.
"If you don't want me to," I started. "We trust them." He sounded hesitant, and then added quietly. "We trust them with it." I shook my head. "Not all." He shrugged. "Your choice." I turned back to the expectant faces. "Flashback." I turned back to look at the cooling liquid in the glass. They didn't press me for information. "So," Axel said slowly. "Wild weather huh?"
x-x-x-x
None of us could sleep after that. So we popped in a movie, made popcorn, and piled together on the floor. Axel was as stuck to my side as Sora, and though I acted annoyed I was grateful. From the small smiles he directed at me, I think he knew it. One movie passed and then another. After the second one I lost track, slipping into that haze where sounds collide and the darkness slowly takes you over. The alcohol from before made my eyes heavy and my brain slow, but I decided I liked the feeling. Here, I could think over the dream –memory?- without feeling as if I was about to collapse into a panic attack. Though I didn't get far.
"Roxas, I think Sora is asleep." I blearily looked looked up at Zexions' smooth voice and then glanced over at my sleeping brother. My head cleared momentarily. "I'll take him to bed." I sat up but was stopped by a hand. "I can take him if you want." I raised an eyebrow. "Like I'd leave him with a pervert like you." He rolled his eyes. "First Axel and now me?" I smiled. "Of course." Oh yes, I did like this alcohol thing.
Odd how I had never tried it before. "You can take him." I turned to glower at Axel, who looked coolly back. "He isn't stupid enough to try anything, Roxie." From somewhere on the side, Demyx voice came. "Could you please hush? It's the good part!" Riku glanced at me and I glared while Axel nodded. Riku picked the sleeping Sora up carefully. My glare softened as Sora made a content sound and nestled into him; it dropped completely at the smile on Riku's face.
"They looked good together; kind of like Demyx and Zexion." I grunted and turned back to the movie. "Some colors just fit like that." I sighed and looked up to where he was leaning over the couch. "Are you going to let me watch this?" His smile was all teeth. "Why? You haven't seen a single minute of it anyway." I frowned and his smile softened. "You look tired." I shrugged and leaned my head back.
"I didn't get much sleep." He nodded and patted the space beside my head. "You're more than welcome up here." I scoffed. "And give you the chance to feel me up?" His smile slipped. "Do you really think I'd do that?" I paused, and then sighed and stood up. At his confused expression, I huffed. "Scoot." I pretended not to see his smile.
When I awoke I was cocooned in warmth that made me not want to move. My head throbbed slightly. I rolled over and took a deep breath, a familiar smell invading my senses. Slowly my eyes opened and I my sight was flooded with red. A soft murmur came from him and he shifted, accidently pulling me closer. I pulled back and looked at him. This was too surreal; I was still dreaming I knew it.
I reached up to run a finger down his cheek. It was softer than I thought. With his angular jaw I had expected sharpness but it wasn't. I followed my finger with my eyes as it went over the chin and then traced his thin lips. It skimmed over them and my breath caught before moving it up over his nose and forehead, finally slipping back down to his cheek.
I heard an intake of breath and my eyes shot to his open ones. They were green. I'd never noticed before. They were vivid and piercing; both calming and electric. They fit him perfectly. I couldn't look away, but this was a dream so what did it matter? My fingers brushed up his cheek again and he shuddered, eyes slipping shut briefly before they opened to stare once more in mine. His breath ghosted over my face as I leaned closer, but a hand stopped me. "Think." The word was roughly whispered and I swallowed. Suddenly I wasn't so sure of my 'dream' theory. Whatever I did was very real. His eyes were still looking at me, silently pleading. I closed the distance.
Our lips brushed and I sighed briefly. He pulled back and looked at me. "Roxie?" I took a breath. "Axel." His eyes bore into mine. "Is this…?" I nodded and leaned forward, hovering. "Yes." He made a small sound and leaned forward. It was deeper but still gentle and my hand moved from his cheek to his hair. A soft nibble on my bottom lip had me gasping and losing sight of those startling eyes as my own slammed shut.
It wasn't my first kiss by a long shot; before all the drama started I had quite a few. But this one had me feeling like a schoolgirl all over again. I was flying. There was a small swipe at my bottom lip and I opened it, meeting him halfway. He moved to my cheek and across my jaw, nipping almost playfully.
"Axel…" His name fell past my lips in a breathless moan that penetrated the fog of want and need and caused me to push myself off the couch. I stared up at him, breathing heavier than normal. His hair was slightly mussed, both from my hands and his sleeping position.
His lips were pinker than before and those eyes sparkled with something that hadn't been there before. I wanted nothing more than to climb back up. Instead I stood shakily, aware I was flushed, and smiled awkwardly before shooting out of the room muttering about Sora.
I slipped the bedroom door open and paused against the frame, willing the blood to return to where it should be. After a moment I peered onto the bed, only to raise an eyebrow. So that's where Riku had gone. Luckily for him Sora was under the cover and he wasn't, though they were far too close for my liking. You and Axel were closer. I hushed the voice and decided to let them sleep. They didn't seem to be touching beside the arm thrown over Sora anyway.
I grabbed some clothes (why did they decide to sleep in my room again?) and slinked into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I undressed and turned the water on and for a long moment I just let it run over me. That was when I realized two things. One, I hadn't had a nightmare or even a dream last night. I couldn't remember the last time that had happened. And two? I was hard since God-doesn't-even-remember.
Dammit.
A/N: I could go into a long story about how my computer caught a virus and I lost all my files and only just got them back...but that's boring. SO! I apologize for taking such a long time and I hope this chapter (however rushed) at least soothes your nerves. From here on out the updates will be as regular as they ever were, and I'm attempting to move the plot along and post longer, and more frequent, chapters.
If you have the time please review. I want to know if I'm moving the plot too fast and what you are thinking so far.
Apologies for the delay once more, FlawlessBeauti