A/N: Is the bold and the A/N not enough to denote an author's note? Whatever. Anyway, this is a very important chapter, and so was the last one. Some of the chapters you could skip and still get the gist of it, but this one's important emotional development for…Everybody. Remember, I'm updating my status on the chapters in my profile.

Disclaimer: I haven't said this in awhile, so I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

**WARNING** This chapter is graphic in descriptions and references mutilation and other horrible, horrible things, like hallways…IN SCHOOL. Be wary of reading.

Chapter 10

Shit, shit, fuck, damn, cunt, bitch, SHIT! No, it didn't happen. I was just dreaming, I think. But if I was dreaming, what did I do last night? I was… I was… shit.

So it happened, but so what? We were both mistakenly drunk… but there's something that's always bothered me about that. If drinking makes your inhibitions fade, then wouldn't that mean when you're drunk you're more yourself than any other time? Arghhh…. This is driving me crazy! No, I can't be a… a… lesbian.

Why not?

That question ate at the back of my mind. I answer, 'Because it's just… it's not me! No, not me. Maybe others, but not me.'

Why fight it? Sakura practically admitted last night that she's a lesbian, and you know you think she's hot.

'That's right…she did. But she was also incredibly drunk. And she's always talking about guys…'

But she's the one who kissed you that afternoon. Maybe it was more than just two friends practicing kissing.

'Yeah…maybe… but…'

But what? When's the last time you even thought about a boy in a sexual way? C'mon, say it.

'No.'

Say it.

'No…I'm not…'

Say it.

"I'm a lesbian."

Shit.

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I go downstairs and encounter my mother. I'm a little hungover so objects are moving around a bit and every sound made is painful. It's like the room is balanced on a single point and moving back and forth and bullhorns are amplifying everything. My head is throbbing but I have to try and seem normal in front of my mother.

"Ino, honey, are you okay?" she asks. Every word is warped, loud but distant. "You look a little pale."

"No, I'm…" I wince, "ok. Just a little tired from last night. I think I just need something to eat."

I try to eat, but it's hard to keep anything down. Hangovers don't usually make one nauseous but the events of late have my stomach churning. It's hard to describe how I feel right now. My world is literally upside-down. Everything is just…bad. I can't think clearly, I have a monster hangover, and, oh yeah, I have a lesbian crush on my best friend. My brain can't handle all this. I'm gonna explode.

My mother sees the anguish on my face.

"Ino, you're sure there's nothing wrong? You look sick, dear. Perhaps you should lie down, get some rest," she tells me worriedly.

"Yeah…maybe that's a good idea…" I reply.

I go back to my room to get some sleep. I close the blinds, take off my clothes, shut the lights and lie down. In a little while I drift off to sleep and soon slip into a dream.

I'm at school in a long, dark corridor. I'm a little groggy and have no idea why I'm here. My gut tells me something bad is happening, but I don't know what. I try to calm myself, but I just can't shake the feeling. I walk down the corridor, but I can only see a few meters ahead.

Each step I take is very audible as the sound echoes off of the walls. I keep walking forward, cautiously. My brain is hazy and unclear, but I know I'm supposed to be walking. It's as if I'm enveloped by a fog of darkness.

Then I hear a scream from the end of the hallway.

"Help!"

I can tell by the voice that its Sakura, and I break into a run. I run faster and faster but the hallway just keeps extending itself. The end of the corridor lights up and I see Sakura backing away from something. The silhouette of a man is advancing on her holding a knife. He's a large, muscular man, but I can't make out his face.

"Sakura!!" I yell, but it doesn't seem as if she can hear me. I begin to panic and sweat. I keep trying to run, but the hallway keeps getting longer. The hallway is losing light and the darkness is encroaching upon me. As it swallows me I hear one last scream and the sound of a stab.

No, I think, and I sink to my knees and close me eyes to cry. This can't be happening…what's going on?!

I open my eyes and I'm standing in a funeral home wearing a formal kimono.

Is this… is this Sakura's funeral? I wonder.

No, it's not her funeral… she's standing beside me. Crying. Her pink hair sharply contradicts her black kimono. She's standing with her hands at her side, fists clenched, staring at the floor. She's trying to hold back tears, but I can see stains on the floor where they've fallen. The pendant is hanging on the chain around her neck. Tears are dripping off of the small emerald pendant.

What the hell is going on?

I reach out to hug Sakura but my hands pass right through her. I try to speak to her but no words come out. This can't be happening, I think to myself. But I also feel like this is real. Like nothing has ever been more real. I keep reaching for her but it's no use. I begin to cry myself.

My mother comes over to comfort Sakura, but she's crying too. She's saying something but I can't hear. Sakura lifts her head and cries something out. I can see the anguish in her face but my mind can't fathom what has happened. The necklace swings wildly about from Sakura's motions. The emerald catches the light and I stare straight at, watching it swing back and forth. It's hypnotic. The green stone just sways back and forth dreamily, like a magician's watch. The funeral home swirls and vanishes leaving only the pendant hanging in air.

I break my gaze and look at myself. I'm a little girl again, no more than five or six. I run towards the pendant but it's too high to reach. I keep jumping and jumping, but I know it's futile. I'm too short. I sit down and grab my knees and cry again.

"How's crying going to help?" I hear someone say. It's a woman of about twenty.

"I… I don't know. I just cry when I get sad or discouraged," I reply. My voice is as small and young as I am.

"Well, that's not gonna get things done. The only thing crying's good for is giving up."

"What do you suggest I do?"

"You have to want it. Know who you are, what you can do, and take charge of your own life. Don't just drift on the wind or go with the flow. You have to make your own current if you're going to swim."

"I don't know if I can."

"Of course you can."

"How do you know?" I ask.

"Because," she smiles, "I'm you." She turns away. "Oh, and remember this. As one chapter ends a new chapter begins." She walks away and fades into the darkness and my attention is refocused on the pendant.

You have to make your own current if you're going to swim. The words echo in my head. I look at the emerald, concentrate, and think:

I believe I control my life and myself, but more importantly, I believe in myself.

Suddenly I'm my own age and height again. I grab the pendant and wake up.

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"It was all a dream…" I whisper to myself. I can hardly even remember any of it. I'm covered in sweat and there's a compress on my forehead. My mother is kneeling beside me.

"Are you alright, Ino? You were out of it for several hours," she says gently.

"Uhmm…yeah…" I groan. "I'm just… fine. Thanks for taking care of me, but I feel much better now," I tell her.

"I think you should stay in bed for awhile longer. The color has come back to your face, but you had quite a fever there for a bit. You need to rest," my mother insists.

"No, really, I'm ok," I assure her. It's odd, but I really am feeling much better. It's as if all the haze and grogginess I had been feeling was lifted out of me in that dream. I feel refreshed, but more than that. I feel strong.

"Are you sure? Because I can cancel my date with Tamotsu. I think you need me more," she asks cautiously.

"Mom, I'm fine. Go on your date and have fun. If you don't then I won't be ok. Got it?"

"Alright, sweetie. Why don't you take a shower while I pick out my clothes? That fever made you work up a sweat."

"Yeah, sounds good. After that I'll call Sakura to see what she's doing tonight."

I take my shower and call Sakura. She and Tenten made plans to go to Sakura's house to watch a movie. Hinata was apparently going on a date with Naruto. I told her I'd come and hung up.

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The night passes uneventfully. Sakura doesn't so much as mention anything that happened the previous night. Presumably for Tenten's benefit, she acts completely normal. Maybe she just doesn't remember it or it's not bothering her, though. I'm not great at reading people.

We watch a horror movie, all three of us sitting on the couch. It isn't that scary, really. More macabre than scary, anyway. There is a lot of opened stomachs gushing with blood and some gruesome slitting of throats. There's even a man whose skin literally gets peeled from his bones. The skin comes off with an awful sound, like tape being taken off skin, and blood pours from the underlying muscles. Sakura and Tenten aren't squeamish, but I am and hide my eyes for a lot of the scenes.

"Eughh…," I moan, "why do they have to show all of the veins and things?"

"'Cause they gotta make it realistic. Otherwise it wouldn't be scary!" Tenten answer.

"It's not scary, it's just gross. Whose idea was it to get this movie?"

"Sakura's!" she says in a playful, accusing tone.

"Ahh! Turn it off!" I say as a man disembowels his victim using a knife and a spoon.

"No way! I love this kind of stuff!" shouts Sakura, clinging to the remote control. I lunge towards her and we wrestle for control of the remote. Tenten joins in too and we all spend a few minutes struggling to win the battle when the phone rings.

While we're distracted, Sakura frees the remote from my grip.

"Ha! No one can defeat the mighty Haruno Sakura!" she exclaims, and picks up on the phone.

Everything after that is in a sort of slow motion.

Sakura listens to the person on the other end of the phone for about a minute. Then her face grows expressionless and her pupils contract, as if she had just been stabbed through the heart. She drops the phone and before it even reaches the floor she's running to the door and slipping on her shoes. Tenten and I follow with a sense of urgency. Something bad has happened.

Sakura runs out the door and we follow. Finding it difficult to run in my shoes, I let them fall off and keep running. Tenten has already fallen behind, her sandals preventing her from running too fast on the pavement.

"Sakura, what happened?!" I yell after her, but she ignores me and keeps running at a full sprint. She's unusually fast, running through the streets at an alarming pace. Suddenly it strikes me where we're headed. We're going towards the hospital. I pick up my own speed, now even more worried than before. My hearts pounding. Half of me doesn't want to know what happened.

We burst in through the hospital doors and rush to the front desk.

"Where is he?!" Sakura demands to the receptionist. "Where's my father?! Where's Haruno Tamotsu?!" she yells in a shrill voice. She's scared.

"And who are you?" the receptionist asks in a bored tone.

"I'm his fucking daughter! Now tell me where he is RIGHT NOW." Sakura's anxiety and fear are rising by the second and the receptionist isn't helping.

"Alright…let's see…" the receptionist turns to her computer and browses through a few files. "Haruno…Haruno…" Sakura's anger is about to burst.

"GET ME THE FUCK TO MY DAD," she yells.

"Yelling isn't going to help, young miss. Ah, here it is. Oh, shit! He's in the ICU! Come with me!" the receptionist says in a surprised manner. She gets up and we run after her to the intensive care unit. This can't be good, I think to myself.

"I'm so sorry about all the time I wasted back there! I should have realized it was an emergency by the yelling…I'm so sorry! I'll take you straight to your dad, Miss Haruno," the nurse apologizes. Sakura says nothing. She's focused on getting to see her dad.

We get to the ICU and find my mother standing over a bed. She's crying and looks worried.

"Mom!" I shout.

"Ino, Sakura…" she says, seeming disoriented.

"Dad…" Sakura says under her breath as we get to the bed.

I look down at the person in the bed. It's Tamotsu, and he's hurt. Really hurt. He's covered in scrapes and scratched on his face and arms, but that's not the disturbing part. There's a large wound in his stomach. Most likely a stab wound, it seems. The doctors have tried to dress it but it looks as if the knife had a difficult time getting out because the wound is quite large. A piece of intestine is actually visible hanging out. There's blood everywhere, nearly pouring off the bed. The dressing does a poor job of covering the wound. I find the nearest trashcan and vomit.

"They…they did all they could, but they couldn't operate. Too many OR's filled with other patients who have…a better chance…" my mother says.

"A better chance? A better chance? This is my fucking dad! They should operate, no matter how small the chan-" Sakura yells.

"It's ok, Sakura. Honey, give me your hand," Tamotsu interjects through the blood in his mouth. His voice is barely more than a whisper and the pain he's experiencing is practically audible in his words.

"Saku..ra.. I'm so…glad…you came…" he says.

"Of course I came, Dad," Sakura tells him through tears.

"Sakura…I don't want you to worry…about me…" He's speaking through all of the pain he's in, trying to seem as if he's fine, but he's not. "Worry about yourself and your life. Be who you are on the inside and live life as fully as you can. Don't let others control your life. Get into trouble, make friends, but also make plans. Plan for the future but live in the present. Don't throw your life away. And most importantly of all, never stop loving. Love. Everyone you can. This all sounds…really cliché, doesn't it?"

"No, Dad. It sounds like perfect advice."

"That's good…" he says, his voice fading. He let his head fall to the side, still facing Sakura. His eyes begin to grow more distant as his words become more constricted.

"Dad…no! Don't go…don't leave me… first mom, then you…no!" Sakura says, choking back her tear

"And remember, Saku, honey…I love…"

Tamotsu's voice trails off and his eyes cloud over. As his muscles relax, the heart rate monitor sends out a continuous tone.

"I love you so much, Dad!" Sakura cries and lays her head on his chest. The emerald attached to her necklace falls on the dressing and becomes covered in blood.

Suddenly my surroundings become quiet except for the tone of the heart rate monitor, and everything I've experienced in the past few days rushes through my head.

"Yeah, probably."

"I'm a lesbian."

"How's crying going to help?"

"You have to make your own current if you want to swim."

"Remember, as one chapter ends, a new chapter begins."

"I believe in myself."

"GET ME THE FUCK TO MY DAD"

"Be who you are on the inside and live your life as fully as you can."

"Love. Everyone you can."

The flat-line tone plays as these words all rush through my head over and over again. Time has stopped and I'm isolated from everything. Things are changing, rapidly. If I don't adapt, I'll fade away! Life is too short. These thoughts rush through my head as I see death.

I realize Tamotsu's death is different for me than it is for my mother or Sakura. I didn't love Tamotsu. They feel the regret and the loss of a loved one. I feel the stark realization of how short life is and how quickly it can be taken. I suddenly realize I'm glad I'm not and I wish I were them at the same time. I'm glad I don't feel the pain the loss of that love would have caused me but I sorely envy their ability to feel something so deeply.

All of this is too much to take in. The room spins and I grow light headed. I find the trash and vomit again. I go to wait in the lobby.

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A little while later my mother walks into the lobby to find me. Her clothes are stained with blood and her face stained with tears. I hug her.

"Are you ok?" I ask.

"I don't know…" she replies.

She proceeds to tell me the story of what happened.

"You see, Tamotsu and I, we had just gone out to eat. We went to a wonderful restaurant downtown and had a great time. We left and took a walk. Just a walk, just talking and enjoying each others company. We ran across a man who was drunk and in the middle of the road. It was dark out, and the man was wearing very dark clothes, so we could barely see him. A car was speeding down the road, and must not have seen the man because it showed no signs of slowing down.

"Before I could even think, Tamotsu… he ran out and tackled the man out of the way of the car," she says this as her eyes begin to well up with tears again. "He saved the man's life. His life. But the man…he was so drunk, he thought Tamotsu was trying to rob him or something. He took out a knife and…" she breaks down in tears, unable to complete the sentence.

"After that the man ran off and I called an ambulance. They rushed him here…but they couldn't…" her voice trails off and her sobs grow louder. I wrap my arms around her and hold her as tight as possible.

"It'll all be ok, Mom," I assure her. I'm not sure of that, myself.

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A few days later, I'm at the wake. The funeral home seems vaguely familiar, but I can't figure out why. In fact, everything happening seems like it has happened before. I'm standing next to Sakura who is wearing her black kimono. I note how sharply her hair contrasts the dark fabric.

She's standing with her hands at her side, fists clenched, staring at the floor. She's trying to hold back tears, but I can see stains on the floor where they've fallen. The pendant is hanging on the chain around her neck. Tears are dripping off of the small emerald pendant.

I remember now. Everything's happening the same way it happened in that dream I had. When I woke up that day, I couldn't remember most of what happened, but I remember it all in perfect detail now. I'm suddenly aware of myself. I'm sullen like everyone else here, but I'm also more solemn. My mother comes over to comfort Sakura.

"Sakura…don't cry…" my mother says.

"Why the fuck did you have to leave me, Dad?!" she calls out.

I open my mouth to speak, but I can't find the right words. I turn my attention to the coffin.

And so one chapter ends, another chapter begins.

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A/N: Well, that one took…forever. I couldn't bring myself to write this one. It was very difficult, but I knew what had to be done. It's about 500 words shorter than the last one, but even more pivotal. This chapter was very hard to write, so please review and let me know what you think.