Yuri's POV

It's been three weeks since the festival happened. Almost a month since Viktor confessed to me. I really do want to accept his feelings, but I just can't. I hate myself for it. I want Viktor to be happy but I'm not sure if I'm the right person to make him happy. I'm afraid of getting into a relationship. And damnit he broke me and I can't fix myself.

I sighed and looked at my ceiling. Lately my anti-depressions haven't been working. Next time I see my psychiatrist I should ask for a higher dose. I sound like a drug addict now. It's not like I want to kill myself. For the first time in a long time, I understand that the people in my life would be heart broken to see me dead. I want to live for the people that are in my life.

I just can't forget about him. I try so hard. And it's been years ago since I last saw him. Why? Why, why why? Tears went down my face and I covered myself up with my blanket. I felt my eye lids get heavy, and before I knew it, I was sound asleep.

"There you are." Viktor said walking up to me. After I woke up I decided to go to the beach and let my feelings well feel. I think it's better to be emotional by yourself and let your thoughts take over once in a while. But then again it's not healthy.

"What do you want?" I asked not looking up. Why can't I ever be left alone?

"Nothing, I was just worried about you." Viktor said sitting down next to me.

In was quiet for a few minutes before I spoke up again. "I met him during my last year of college. We didn't get together until I had to move back to Japan and help Mari with the hot springs. After we got together it was fine, he didn't abuse me or anything."

"Yuri," Viktor began.

I cut him off, "He decided to come and visit me in japan and everything was blissful. Until one day I was helping another man fix his car. When we got home that's when he first hit me. He said I was cheating on him and how much of a whore I was. I cried in my room and I didn't tell anyone. God, why didn't I tell anyone? He apologized and said he didn't mean it. And how sorry he was."

"You don't have to push yourself." Viktor said and held my hands that were shaking.

"I want to tell you. You deserve to know." I replied to Viktor.

I took a deep breath and continued, "After that happened everything went back to normal. Until he got drunk and started hitting me and calling me names. He he, raped me that night." My voice choked. I closed my eyes.

"I thought it would end when he was sober but I was wrong, oh so wrong. He manipulated me and I couldn't rip myself away because I was scared. When Mari found out she nearly killed him. Then he was arrested for abusive behavior. I never heard from he since." I finished. I opened my eyes and saw Viktor looking at me.

-Flash back-

The first time he hit me I was so confused. Was this love? This has to be love right?

Nikolai walked into the room with a plate of food, "I'm so sorry my love. I didn't mean it." He said giving me the plate of food. Then what did you mean? the whore part? The hitting? How your eyes wasn't seeing me? Your eyes became cold. So cruel and mean.

"I love you love. Promise we'll always be together forever." He said. Why can't you say my name? Does not saying my name make me less of a person to you?

"Of course dear. I love you." I replied. Why, why, why?

The next time it happened, that night will be burned forever in my mind till the day I die.

Nikolai came home. Drunk again.

"Oh, why if it isn't the little whore that is cheating on me!" He slurred his words. What? It's ok Yuri he doesn't mean it. He's drunk. When he wakes up tomorrow he'll be back to his sweet self again. I was so wrong.

"C'here when was the last time we had sex?" He asked. I could smell the liquor on his breath.

"We never had sex. I'm not ready." I said.

He smirked," Well now you are ready." Nikolai pulled me into the bedroom and pushed me on the bed. My eyes widen as I realised what was about to happen. No, no, no, no!

"I-I'm still not ready. Your drunk." I said trying to push him off of me. Suddenly I was hit in the head with something. What?

"Sweet dreams, darling~"

From then on my nightmare of hell had become true.

-End of flashback-

"I'm sorry Yuri, I'm so sorry that happened to you." Viktor said his voice breaking and he pulled me in a hug. Viktor kept whispering that he's sorry and how he wished that never happened to me.

I closed my eyes and leaned into Viktor's touch. Crap, I really like Viktor.

We walked home hand in hand in silence.

Makkachin tackled Viktor when we walked into the living room. Viktor laughed and petted Makkachin, "Aw, I missed you to." Viktor said and started playing with the poodle. I smiled at them and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"I take it, your starting to warm up to Viktor?" Mari asked walking in the kitchen with her arms crossed. I nodded. "Be careful, I know Viktor isn't the one to hurt you like Nikolai did. I don't want to see you get hurt again. You've been through enough." Mari said worryingly.

"I don't think Viktor would ever do anything like that. He just doesn't seem like that type of person. I trust him." I told Mari, smiling a bit.

"Ok, but if he hurts you I have a bat with his name on it." Mari said.

I laughed, "I'll keep that in mind."

When Mari found of what Nikolai was doing to me. She literally locked me in my room and went over to Nikolai's house with a bat. I called the police and they went over there before Mari could kill him. He's been in jail for a while. I'm not sure when they'll let him out. I'm not looking forward to that day either.

I walked back to living room and saw Viktor and Makkachin lying on the floor asleep. Cute. I though to myself.

The next day was busy.

I had to finalize Minami's costume and the previous orders I made. Minami payed me for his costume, same with Viktor and Yurio. Half of the money went to Mari for the hot springs. I just finished the order list for this years costumes. I had to fill out the skaters name, their size in clothes, etc.

I sighed and leaned back in my chair. One week until the skating season starts. Viktor and Yurio will be off and I'll be alone again. This might sound selfish of me but, I don't want Viktor to leave. I've gotten used to him. His touches and sweet words. Him and himself his presence.

I looked at the time, 5:30 A.m. Another sleepless night. I got out of my chair and went into the bathroom to take a shower. When I got out of the bathroom, I could smell breakfast cooking. I got dressed and dryed my hair before walking downstairs.

To my surprise Viktor was cooking.

"Um, good morning." I said.

Viktor looked at me and smiled, "Good morning."

"Do you need any help?" I asked walking towards him.

Viktor shooked his head, "Couldn't sleep?" He asked. I nodded my head.

The day went by slowly, as all Sunday's do. I layed in bed looking at the ceiling. Bored out of my mind. There's nothing to do. Yurio and Viktor are out practicing for the competition that's coming up. Mari is busy with the customers. I feel like dead weight. I sighed and got out of bed.

After putting on a sweater I walked downstairs and got on my shoes. "Going for a walk?" Mari asked. I nodded. "Don't stay out too late."

I left and started walking around aimlessly. I wasn't thinking about anything. I just needed to move around. Without a care in the world. Just time for myself, to think. It was then I realized all my thoughts were circled around Viktor. Just Viktor. For the first time in a long time my thoughts aren't harmful. I'm just thinking about Viktor.

His laugh, his smile, him in general. I'm in love with Viktor.

I went home late and softly closed the front door. I kicked off my shoes and slowly walked back to my room not wanting to wake anyone. I closed my bedroom door and shrugged off my sweater.

"Where were you?" A voice asked.

I immediately jumped out of my skin. "V-Viktor you scared me." I stuttered.

"You didn't answer my question." Viktor said getting out of my chair, and walking up to me.

"Um, I went for a walk. I lost track of time." I told him.

Viktor's eyes softened, "I was worried."

I felt myself blush, "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

Viktor cut me off, "It's ok, your an adult. I was just worried something bad happened to you. I'm glad you came home safe." Viktor said with a smile. "I'll go get some sleep now. Goodnight Yuri."

I then felt cloth in my hands and before I knew what I was doing, I wrapped my arms around Viktor's neck. "Yuri?" I didn't answer him and instead, I kissed him.