Chapter 10

RPOV

I thought that I heard you laughing

I thought that I heard you sing

I think I thought I saw you cry…

Losing my Religion by REM. It's a great song. It also applies very well right now. I stared back at Quinn, seeing something in her eyes that almost resembled… Well, it was a mix of curiosity and possessiveness. A very strange combination indeed. Suddenly I saw a look of realization cross her face, then her eyes hardened, and she pulled away from me. The emotion I had seen was gone. Her walls went back up. Her body stiffened, and her presence emanated cold distance. I felt my heart break.

But that was just a dream

That was just a dream

QPOV

Part of me is guilty. Part of me wants to turn back to Rachel, wrap my arms around her, tell her everything will be okay; that we can… I don't even know. That we can be happy? Together. Part of me wants to accept this newfound feeling. Part of me wants her.

But I am a coward. The rest of me is screaming to get out, to run away, to go somewhere nobody can find me, and to forget everything that had happened over the past couple days. The rest of me was screaming to forget everything I was feeling, forget about the brunette next to me, forget about the Berry household, forget all of it. After all, I am Head Bitch in Charge, head Cheerio, perfect daughter, perfect Christian. I am Quinn freaking Fabray, and I am definitely not gay. I do not feel that way about a girl. Hell, I don't feel much at all about anyone. At least, that's what I told myself. That's what I told everybody else.

Truth is, I feel a lot. Sometimes I think I feel too much. Anger, joy, sadness, longing, love; I feel all of these and more every single day, and it hurts more than most people could ever imagine if they didn't know. Nobody knows this about me, though. Actually, let me correct myself there, I haven't told anyone this about myself. One person knows anyway. Any guesses? Well, Brittany knows. She really is kind of freaky that way. I started contemplating my blonde best friend, and wondering how many things she really is right about, but nobody takes her seriously…

Did you take her seriously?

What the hell? I thought you were gone.

Thought, or hoped?

Screw you.

You wish.

Hey, I just realized something.

And what would that be, oh great one?

You remind of Santana.

You know it. You may be after Rachel, but I, on the other hand, can totally admire a fine piece of Latina ass if I see it.

Ewww…

Hahaha. That's just cause you know I'm right.

Okay, not even going there. Why are you talking (is it talking?) to me anyway?

For an answer to my first question. Did you take Brittany seriously?

When?

You know when. She knows you. She knew you would do this. She told you so. I repeat: did you take her seriously?

Of course I took her ser-

Be honest. Be honest to yourself for once in your life.

… I don't know. I didn't think it would come to this. This is just all so-

Scary? Confusing? Nerve-wracking? Do you seriously think that nobody else feels this way? Are you that self-centered that you don't believe that this happens to millions of people every day? This is normal. What you are feeling, it is normal. So chill out, and get over yourself. If you don't want to deal with what is going on, then fine. Be that way. But don't you DARE freeze Rachel out. This is just reinforcing the words of your freaking genius of a friend earlier. Open your eyes! You are hurting Rachel.

But what can I do?

Simple answer? Don't. Don't freeze her out, don't put your walls back up, don't become mean, don't become distant, and don't hurt her any more than you already have. Let her love you. If you return it, great, but for now just let her love you.

Okay.

I will hold you to your word. Your mind can be beaten up just as well, if not worse, than your body can. The body part of that will be handled by the only two other people that can and will, but the mind part will be handled by ME. And if you thought I was like Santana before, you will learn just how similar we really are. Clear?

Crystal.

Good. Now return to earth. I believe a pleasant surprise will be awaiting you.

As I slowly regained coherence, a sweet melody in a gentle and angelic voice reached my ears.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

My eyes filled with unshed tears, as I felt the meaning behind what the girl was singing.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

By this point I was flat out sobbing, while those chocolate pools of kindness just kept staring at me.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you that I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

When she finished, holding the last note until it gently faded, I launched myself at Rachel, and she held me as I cried into the side of her neck. After a few minutes of this, I pulled myself together, and finally spoke, muffled by her shoulder.

"W-why do you care? Nobody's ever cared about me this much…"

"Shh, that's not true." She said, rubbing small, comforting circles on my back with her thumbs. "They cared. We all care. I just choose to express it through song. Surprising, huh?" She smiled, and I gave a watery chuckle.

"But it's not just that. You're just… there for me. You let me stay here, you looked right through me to see what was wrong, you have done everything for me, and a- all I've been is horrible to you! You should hate me." I mumbled the last part, turning until I was wrapped more securely in Rachel's arms, feeling warm and comfortable, despite the topic of conversation. I felt the girl's chest rise and fall as she sighed deeply.

"I could never hate you…" She murmured into the top of my hair. "I've just accepted it as a fact of life; like getting my Tony, or Funny Girl remaining a classic forever." If I wasn't concentrated on the first part of that sentence, I would have laughed at this.

"No matter how much I've hurt you?"

"Water off a duck's back."

"Brittany likes ducks." I suddenly said. Rachel's chest rumbled slightly as she let out a chuckle.

"Of course she does. Speaking of Brittany, I have a question about her."

"Shoot."

"Well, she seems really – well, to be blunt, clueless. She also seems harmless. But I'm betting she isn't, is she?"

I grew grave, as I remembered both Brittany and Charlie's threats.

"No. No she isn't. She can see things in people that even they themselves don't know. She knows so much more than anybody gives her credit for, although she expresses it in strange ways. And no, she is definitely not harmless. I'm pretty sure that she knows at least 5 different types of martial arts; plus she's a Cheerio and a dancer, and has an absolutely stellar body. Brittany may seem gentle, but she can snap us in half in a heartbeat if she wanted."

Rachel nodded slowly, before asking her next question.

"And Santana?" I smiled a little.

"Santana is… intricate."

"What do you mean?"

"She is so much deeper than most people know, and she cares so much more than most people think. Everyone thinks she is a heartless bitch, but she isn't. She feels. She feels so much, and it hurts her so much more than she lets on." Me too, I added in my head. "Santana is one of the few people in life that I understand, and that understands me. It's one of the reasons why we don't betray each other. We have fights, little spats; but we have too much on each other to stab the other in the back." Maybe something was hidden in my voice, but the next thing Rachel said threw me off balance.

"What about you?" I sat up, bolt upright.

"I –I don't understand." I stammered out.

"What do most people not know about Quinn Fabray?"

My mind started running off a long list of things I had longed for years to tell someone. I stopped it halfway through my fears and insecurities, and tried to carefully word my answer, while still being honest.

"I… I get hurt a lot. That's why I act the way I do. It's a defense mechanism. In no way is that an excuse, but it's how I cope." I shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. "That's me. Satisfied?"

"Nowhere close." She said in a low voice. She turned and motioned for me to scoot over, and, when I did, she lay down, her head in my lap. I stiffened, but relaxed quickly, and started to stroke her hair lightly.

"I should tell you about myself, shouldn't I?"

"Mmhmm." I hummed in assent. Then I remembered something. "What happened last night? We were cool, and then you started crying and telling me I was too perfect or something like that. What was that all about?" She took a deep breath.

"Promise you won't judge me?" I scoffed.

"I would never." She smiled a little.

"First of all, I'm bi." She closed her eyes, probably waiting to be pushed away, scorned by the great and righteous fanatical-Christian Quinn Fabray.

"I know." Was probably not the expected answer. Her eyes flew open, and she stared at me in confusion. I laughed a little.

"Brittany?" She asked a few seconds later, realization dawning on her.

"Brittany." I responded.

"Ah. And you're fine with that?" She asked uncertainly.

"Sure. Come on, I'm staying in the household of two gay men; and my two best friends, both girls, are in love with each other. You really think I would have a problem with you being bi?" She mumbled something under her breath.

"What was that?" I queried.

"It's different, and you know it."

"Doesn't have to be. One of the valuable things I learned from high school is that it isn't awkward unless you make it. Just because you aren't one of my closest friends ever doesn't mean I'm going to judge." I gave her a pointed look, which very clearly said 'don't say a word about anything more than that'. She backed off, and continued her story.

"So I've had some issues with… people."

"Oh?" I said with a signature Fabray eyebrow raise. "Do tell."

She took a very deep breath, and let out a stream of words.

"The only person in the past that I have truly loved d- damaged me." She choked a little on emotion, before continuing. "Her name was Nicole. I thought she was perfect." She looked up at me, and smiled a sad little smile. "Not as perfect as you…" I blushed, and this seemed to give Rachel some courage.

"Short story version: I thought she loved me back, but I was wrong. We were best friends, then we went out for a bit, and I told her how much I loved her. She freaked out and left, but eventually came back. She never said she loved me back. Never." The brunette chuckled a little. "Never have I ever…" Focusing back on the topic, she kept talking. "One night at a party, I walked into a room, trying to find the bathroom, and found her with a guy. She noticed me, and looked up. I will never forget the look in her eyes. It was one of pain, and of affection, but not of guilt. There was no guilt. I walked out, and she chased after me. Outside, she told me that she cared for me, and she didn't want me to be hurt, but that she didn't love me the same way. Obviously I flipped out, asking why she went out with me in the first place then, but she just shook her head, and said she had been confused." Tears had formed in Rachel's eyes. "Confused my ass. I took a little time after that to drive around town and calm down, but eventually I made my way back to the party. It was coming down from the peak, and there were only a few couples swaying to a slow song. I saw her slow dancing with the same guy. I would have been angry, but I stopped myself for a moment. I looked at her face, and how her eyes were lit up." The girl in my lap sniffled, and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "She was happy. That was all I ever wanted. She loved this… dude, with a love she never had for me. Sure, I was jealous, but not in a possessive way. I was jealous that he was good enough for her, when I never was. In that moment, I realized I was never good enough for anyone." She snorted. "I don't actually believe that Finn wouldn't dump me in a heartbeat if someone better came along. I guess that isn't a very high bar to fill though." Finished, Rachel made to sit up, but I pinned her down by the shoulders, leaning over so that she was forced to look at me.

"Okay, let's get one thing absolutely, positively, crystal clear. You aren't 'not good enough for anyone'. If Nicole couldn't see that, then she can go fuck herself for all I care. If Finn can't see that either, then it just proves the fact that he's brain damaged." I ignored the small 'hey!' this received. "You are one of the most amazing, talented, beautiful, most desirable girls I have ever met, and don't you think for one second that just because one girl was too blind to see that, that it was your fault."

"But she didn't want me…" Rachel said in a small voice. I was fed up, and made a quick decision. I nudged her head off my lap, then got up and walked over to get my phone. Hitting number 2 on my speed dial, I waited, tapping my foot until the person on the other end picked up.

"What the hell, Q? Why are you calling me this late?" I glanced at my watch, and scoffed.

"Come on, it's only 8:30. Now, I need you to confirm something for me. Hang on, let me put you on speaker." I pushed the speaker phone button, and walked back to Rachel, setting the phone in between us.

"Okay, I need you to tell Rachel that she isn't undesirable."

"Oh, hell naw hobbit. If I wasn't with Britts I would totally tap that." Santana reassured her. Brittany's voice carried through faintly.

"Wait, San, do we get to have a threesome with Rachel? Cause that would be totally awesome. Although I guess Quinn would feel left out… We can include her too! Can we, Sanny? Pleeeassee?" Simultaneously Rachel turned bright red and I laughed, as my Latina friend gently explained to her girlfriend that, no, we could not have a foursome.

"See, Berry? Britt-Britt wants you too. But don't be putting any ideas in her head. I don't know you nearly well enough to carry through with what's in her head…" Rachel blushed darker, and I laughed harder.

"Thanks S. Tell B goodnight for me, 'kay?"

"Why don't I let her-"

"NIGHT QUINN! NIGHT RACHEL!" Brittany shouted through the phone, obviously having taken it from Santana. This time Rachel laughed with me, and we both added our chorus of goodnights.

"Phew, all right, got the phone back. So I guess have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't." She said in a mock stern voice. Rachel turned red again. She has a lot of getting used to them to do.

"So that pretty much leaves anything open?" I snarked. I could hear her chuckle into the phone.

"Just no meth. Oh, and Q, tell me how good Berry is in bed."

"SANTANA!" Rachel and I yelled, horrified at her implications. She cackled.

"'Night peoples."

"Don't you dare-" She hung up.

"She is so dead."

A/N: Sup guys! I haven't really updated in a while, but school is giving me hell at the moment. Sorry. But this is an extra-long chapter to try and make up for it. Tell me what you think. Reviews are 1/3 of my reason for writing, so please grace me with some! Peace out :)

PS: The songs were Losing My Religion by REM and covered by Cory Monteith, and Fix You by Coldplay and covered by Matthew Morrison