The one with the grill off
"WELOME CITIZENS OF LONDON TO THE ANUALL BARBEQUE CONTEST" the announcer spoke through the microphone "NOW YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS, THREE TEAMS WITH TWO PEOPLE COMPETE AGAISNT EACH OTHER IN COOKING ALL KINDS OF BARBEQUE FOODS AND THE WINNING TEAM RECIEVES A FREE BARBEQUE. OK, LET'S MEET OUT CONTESTANT. ON TEAM ONE WE HAVE CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS AND GWEN COOPER."
Captain Jack was waving both arms in the air with a huge toothy grin plastered on his face, whilst Gwen was stood next to him, calmly waving as the crowds cheered.
"ON TEAM TWO WE HAVE THE NINETH DOCTOR AND THE ELEVENTH DOCTOR" the announcer bellowed. Eleven was waving happily to the cheering crowd whilst Nine stood there, arms folded.
"Why aren't you waving, they love us" Eleven said. Reluctantly, Nine began to wave at the cheering crowd whilst Captain Jack and Eleven where both waving in the same manner.
"OK, LET'S MEET OUR FINAL TWO CONTESTANTS ON TEAM THREE, THE TENTH DOCTOR AND THE MASTER." Ten was happily waving to the audience as they cheered again, but the Master was focusing on Captain Jack who was still waving with two arms in the air.
"Look at the freak" he scoffed "if he doesn't stop waving like a goof soon, I'm going to go over there and do something I might not regret."
"OK CONTESTANTS, ON THE FIRST ROUND YOU WILL BE GRILLING BURGERS AND REMEMBER, THE TEAM WHO'S BURGERS ARE COOKED PROPERLY ARE THE WINNDERS, OK CONTESTANTS, GET GRILLING" the announcer bellowed.
"OK, we need to fill this up with charcoal" Ten said "now one of us has to put it on there."
"I have an idea" the Master said "we'll do rock, paper, scissors and whoever loses has to put the charcoal on the barbecue and put the food on the grill." Ten thought for a second before agreeing to take part in the little challenge.
"Rock paper scissors" the two chanted as they bounced their fists up and down. Ten got paper and the Master got scissors.
"Oooh, scissors cut paper, you lose" he told Ten "well, looks like your putting the stuff on there." Sighing, Ten poured the charcoal on before putting at least six hamburgers onto the grill, which where quite big.
"Wow, look at those babies" the Master said as he eyed the hamburgers "I hope they taste as good as they look."
"Well, we've just got to be careful, not to burn them" Ten replied, before he turned to Nine and Eleven who's burgers where grilling nicely and theirs weren't grilling at all. He then realized that he had not lit the charcoal up yet, so he took out a box of matches, lit a match and threw it into the charcoal before the burgers began grilling.
"Now what?" the Master asked.
"We just wait for them to cook" Ten replied "and keep flipping them over now and then." The Master sighed in boredom and folded his arms.
"How long will it take?" he asked "because I'm going to be bored just standing here and waiting for six hamburgers to cook."
"I guess until they go brown and crispy I suppose" Ten replied "we don't want them undercooked and over cooked do we?"
"Well I'm not waiting" the Master replied as he took out his laser screwdriver. Ten gave him a puzzled look and asked him what he was planning on doing with it.
"I'm going to use this on the burgers, maybe it will force them to cook quicker" the Master replied.
"That would be cheating" Ten said as he took the laser screwdriver from him "and I'm confiscating this, don't want any more trouble from you today." The Master nodded and did an angel pose. A couple of minutes had passed and Ten was beginning to turn the hamburgers round so that will cook on the other side, watching Nine and Eleven grill their burgers and was beginning to get a feeling that they where going to win this round plus he needed to use the bathroom so he asked the Master to keep an eye on the hamburgers whilst he went to one of the portable toilets. After he was out of sight, the Master grinned evilly and took out his secret weapon, extremely hot chilly powder and he was planning on using it on team one. He waited until they weren't looking and quietly sneaked over to their barbecue slot, poured the entire tub of chilly powder onto their still grilling burgers and went back to his own barbecue slot, only to discover that the fire on the charcoal had gone out.
"Oh no you don't" he muttered before grabbing the matchbox, lighting at least ten matches and throwing them onto the barbecue causing the burgers to go up in flames. When Ten emerged from the portable toilet, he discovered a huge flame coming from their barbecue so he rushed over to discover that the burgers where up in flames.
"What the hell have you done?" he asked through gritted teeth "I've been gone for two minutes and I come back to our burgers on fire."
"The fire went out so I lit another one to keep the burgers cooking" the Master replied.
"How many matches did you put on?" Ten demanded.
"Ten" the Master replied "at least the burgers would cook faster." Ten sighed in annoyance and buried his face in his hands, before pushing his hair back in a frustrated manner.
"You're not supposed to put that many on" he told his fellow timelord "you're supposed to only put one on, now we have black burgers." The Master snickered in amusement and Ten rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"OK CONTESTANTS, YOUR TIME IS UP, IT IS NOW TIME FOR YOU TO TRY YOUR BURGERS TO SEE WHAT THEY TASTE LIKE" the announcer called out. The three teams put their burgers on bread buns as the judge walked to the first team.
"OK, each of you take a bite from your burgers and tell me what they taste like" he told them. Captain Jack and Gwen both took a bite off their burgers and immediately started coughing and spluttering.
"Oh my god, this is hot" Gwen said between coughing " water, I need water." Captain Jack had been coughing that much that he ended up choking on a piece of burger that got stuck in his throat before he fell down the ground, dead.
"OH, LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A MAN DOWN" the announcer said "JUST BE PATIENT FOLKS, WE'LL SORT OUT THE SITUATION IMMEDIATELY." The judge looked down at Captain Jack who was laying lifeless on the floor and began to assume he was dead when Captain Jack came back to life.
"God damn it" he said "I just died, because of a god damn burger."
"I think someone sabotaged them Jack " Gwen said "I don't think the packet said that these burgers where extremely spicy." The judge shook his head and wrote down on a clipboard before moving on to the second team.
"Hello sir" Eleven said as the judge arrived at their slot " come to sample our fine burgers have you, well I can assure you that they are done properly." He then took a huge bite from his burger and nodded in satisfaction "see, they taste good." The judge nodded and wrote down in his clipboard again before he realized that Nine wasn't eating any of the burgers.
"Are you not trying any sir?" he asked.
"I'm not hungry" Nine replied. The judge nodded and moved onto team three and discovered that their burgers where burnt to a crisp.
"What happened here?" he asked.
"We burnt our burgers Einstein" the Master replied in a sarcastic manner. Ten gave him a warning look and looked at the judge apologeticly.
"We put too many matches on by accident" Ten replied "silly mistake to make really, so we won't be tasting them I'm afraid." The judge nodded and wrote down on his clipboard before walking off. Ten sighed and rubbed his forehead, knowing for a fact that they would lose this round and possibly the next round if another disaster like the one they had happened again.
"OK FOLKS, WE HAVE OUR VOTES AND THE WINNERS OF THIS ROUND IS TEAM TWO" the announcer called out. The crowds cheered as Eleven and Nine took a bow, Captain Jack and Gwen where drinking huge bottles of water whilst Ten and the Master both seemed disappointed to realize that their two flatmates had beat them.
"Well, we're going to win this next round" the Master boasted "this next round is ours."
"Well if you try really hard not to burn whatever we have to cook next, then maybe we might win" Ten replied. The second round was the final round and this time, they had to grill chicken legs and Ten grimaced as he placed four greasy chicken legs on the grill and lit the charcoal. He didn't exactly like the idea of touching uncooked greasy chicken legs but he had lost at rock paper scissors and it was part of the deal that if one of them had lost then they had to put the food on the barbecue.
Over at the next slot and Eleven was eyeing up the chicken legs that him and Nine were grilling.
"Look at these, I reckon these are going to come through nicely" Eleven said "don't you think so Nine." Nine nodded and yawned in boredom which gave Eleven the feeling that Nine was getting slightly fed up but he simply shrugged it off and went back to the chicken legs . Over at team three's slot, Ten realized that they were running out of charcoal so he asked the Master if he would go and get another bag.
"OK, but don't you burn those chicken legs" the Master teased as Ten gave him a sarcastic laugh laugh.
"Very funny, now are you going to get some more charcoal or not?" Ten asked. The Master nodded and went round the back to were they kept all the charcoal. That was when he discovered a bag of gunpowder in the far corner and it gave him an idea, he was going to replace a bag of charcoal with that gunpowder and was hoping that team one would accidentally pick it up before picking up the bag of charcoal that Ten had asked for and returned to their slot.
"What took you so long?" Ten asked as he poured some fresh charcoal onto the barbecue "you haven't planted a bomb round there have you?"
"Me?" the Master asked, dramatically pointing to himself "never." Ten looked at him suspiciously before continuing to grill the chicken legs and not noticing the Master giggling silently to himself, knowing that team one would probably need to refill their barbecue with charcoal and would hopefully pick up the bag of gunpowder accidentally.
Back at team two's slot, Eleven realized that their charcoal was beginning to run out so he told Nine that he was going to nip round the back to get some more.
"Hurry up, these chicken legs won't hold out for long" Nine said as he prodded them with tongs, checking them to see how they were doing. Eleven then slipped round the back, picked a random bag without checking it and dragged it back to their slot.
"Here's the charcoal" he announced before pouring it onto the barbecue and that was when Nine realized that some powder was pouring out instead of little black rocks.
"Erm, that charcoal looks kind of powdery" Nine said as Eleven poured the last bit of powder on "are you sure it's charcoal."
"Yes, it says charcoal on the bag" Eleven said, showing him the bag "it's probably foreign charcoal or something." He then lit the match, threw it onto the grill and then...
KA-BOOM
The contestant where thrown from their slots as team two's barbecue exploded and that was when Nine realized that it wasn't charcoal, it was gunpowder.
"Someone has sabotaged our barbecue" Nine said in fury "someone had put gunpowder into one of the charcoal bags."
"Drat, that was supposed to be for team one to pick up" the Master said in annoyance before he noticed that everyone was looking at him and realized that he was busted.
"Well, I have to say it's been a real honour to be here today and I would...oh look, isn't that the queen." He then ran off before the others could possibly get hold of him and Ten was brushing his hair back in frustration.
"I am going to kill that little..." he said through gritted teeth as he stood up and brushed off some of the dirt that had stained his blue pinstriped suit, ignoring the gasps and shouts coming from the audience "I have the ultimate punishment for him, when I find him."
An hour later, the timelords where back at the apartment and the Master was sitting at the kitchen table, writing lines.
"Is this really necessary?" he asked "I mean, isn't writing lines kind of school punishment." He stared down at the notepad which had the words "I will not swap charcoal with gun powder" written down eighty seven times. Ten was sat across from him, making sure that he was carrying out his punishment.
"How many of these do I have to write anyway?" the Master asked.
"One hundred and forty three" Ten replied "and you're not leaving the table until you've done." The Master grumbled and folded his arms. It was going to be a long afternoon for him.
Coming up next, the timelords come back from a shopping trip to discover an intoxicated Dalek which has broken into their apartment and it refuses to leave. Will they be able to get rid of it, find out next time folks.