Chapter 10

Idina stared off in to space before turning to the bar and, thus, her drink. She stared at the amber liquid as her mind reeled.

Why does this have to happen to me? I was doing just fine and then all of a sudden I have two offers for dinner, one of which I don't even know is a date or not. It's not.. I don't think. No, the way she looked, it definitely was something special to the shorter woman.

Jadina or Chenzel?

Oh my god. She thought as she realized that it was all coming around full circle.

Now I do actually have to pick one. Or I could just say no to both of them. Or I could…

"Idinaaaaa!" she was interrupted by a pretty much intoxicated Jenn. "Girllll you were sooooo amazing tonight! And oh my God, you are smokinnnn'"

Immediately, Jenn seemed to notice that Idina's mood was a little off because she quickly put on a serious face and took the bar stool next to Idina.

"Oh, honey, what's wrong?" she tentatively placed a hand on Idina's back, who was now leaning, hunched-over, over top the bar. She hadn't looked up from her drink yet.

A few moments later and after a few more moments of awkward silence, Idina finally looked up and over at Jenn.

"I just… I have a situation that I just don't know how to handle really..." her voice trailed off before she could begin to ramble on about it.

"Well that was really descriptive, Dee." Jenn tried to mumble but her voice was louder than her drunken ears could notice. "Listen, Dee, whatever it is, I'm sure you'll figure it out. But, for now, why don't you just try to enjoy your night. You just had an amazing performance that fell on millions of ears. Babe, the world loves, we love you, I love you. I'm sure whatever this is can't be that bad for you to be over here alone and sulking." Jenn was now rubbing small circles on her back causing her to relax quite a bit.

She felt the word vomit happen before it did. It must have been a mixture of the alcohol and the comfort Jenn was providing in the instant. "Kristin and James both asked me out today!" she instantly regretted the words as they left her lips. She didn't really want anyone to know, especially someone in the cast and someone she saw every day.

"Kristin Chenowith?"

Idina nodded.

"Wow…" was all Jenn came back with before she paused to figure out what she should say. "Umm, well… God, Idina. I don't know. Do you actually like either of them?"

Idina had to stop to think. Did she?

"I… well, Kristin and I kinda have a history, ish. Like, I guess I didn't realize the full nature of it until after she had left Wicked and, for a while, I felt like the world was going to end because I didn't see her on our stage anymore. I think I must have had it pretty bad for her for quite some time because even Taye something the night of the 04 Tony's. And, at that time, I really didn't know what he meant. But, that night of her last show…." She stared of into the distance as she remembered some of the details.

"Stay with me." She had said as if it would have made some difference in the sequence of events that were about to happen. This was it, this was the last time her and Kris were going to go to the Emerald City together. Last time they would Defy Gravity... the last time.

It was the moment that Kristin choked out a sad, "I can't" that her heart crumbled to the bottom of the cavity in which it laid. And during their final "For Good", all of the pieces that were there crumbled on to the ground for everyone in the audience to see as well as those who would see the bootleg that she knew was probably being recorded. She died a little on the inside when Kristin's voice faltered and she could barely get out any notes. And as she gave her final speech about her costar, she felt as if someone had taken her soul and ran away with it. The blonde was beside her but, at the same time, she was already gone.

After the final curtain fell and the cast went backstage, she could hear nothing but silence. And, as the saying goes, the silence was deafening. She was angry now. She was mad that Kristin was leaving her. She had promised her that she would always be there. Who was going to be there now when she comes down from the lift? Whoever it was, she knew it wouldn't be the same. They wouldn't be her Glinda.

"So that would be a yes for Kristin." Jenn interrupted her thoughts again after probably waiting to see if Idina would tell her what was going on in that brain of hers.

Idina looked at her and nodded.

"You know, that really doesn't surprise me. Anyway, what about James? Do you feel anything for him?

"I… I mean, I feel like sometimes I do, you know? But…"

Again, she trailed off back to rehearsals.

It was the first time they were gonna stage 'You Never Know". They went over the block a few times and Michael gave a few things about how the emotions of the scene were supposed to come off.

"James, you just gotta go for it. Finish your song and just walk up to her and plant one on her. And Idina, you're supposed to be surprised and a little shocked. And then, wait til he leaves and then turn around, lean up against the post and smile dreamily. Or however you're feeling about it at the time." He gave a small laugh. "So James, make it good so the poor woman doesn't turn and wince or something. Ok, you guys, ready?"

The pair turned and looked at each other. This was the first time they were actually going to kiss each other. Idina felt kind of awkward about it seeing as James had just recently become less intimidated and nervous around her. It took most of the readings and few other staging sessions before he finally seemed to get over who she was. Hopefully it would continue that way after this.

"We're all actors here." She thought to herself as James began to sing the song to her. At this point, she had to admit this was one of the most adorable songs to have sung to you. She listened to the man as he sang.

"… too callous or too clever. Or if I might just be the man who's meant to be with you… forever." It was a perfect love song, if you thought about it. It was all so real.

She had to admit that it all was so intriguing at the time. She and Taye had been together for so long and were beginning to fight so much more than they used to. The way James was singing to her really made her heart swell and she knew she probably had a ridiculous grin on her face. Good thing she could just pass it off has being her character and being happy about what was happening in the point in the show. She could ask Michael and see if that's ok or if it should be different.

James finished the riff in the song and walked up to her, she felt her already-racing, heart drop as he leaned toward her, his eyes intently staring at her lips as if they were his sole purpose in life for the next few seconds.

And it happened, and it was almost as of her cares had melted away.

And then it was over. And all she knew was that she was glad she was gonna be able to do it 8 times a week.

"Ugh, I don't know what I'm gonna do, Jenn." She said as she snapped out of her trance again.

"Well, you could just avoid the whole thing and not do anything." Jenn said matter-of-factly, as if Idina hadn't thought of that at all.

When Idina hesitated, Jenn took the moment to go on. "Orrr, you could say yes to one of them." Idina looked down at her now, war m drink and they sat in silence for a few minutes.

Jenn stood and walked behind her. She wrapped her arms around the seated brunette and leaned to speak in her ear. "Listen Idina, it'll all be alright. However, I'm gonna leave you to your thoughts, I know you have quite the decision to make right now." The blonde woman walked away and before she was left to herself she heard,

"Good luck."

"Yeah thanks." Idina responded a little bitterly. The conversation didn't help one bit and she was still left feeling confused as to what she would do. After her little stroll down memory lane, she had a general idea of where she stood with both of them. And that was the problem.

Idina noticed that a lot of people had taken off by that point and she knew she should too, and she did.

Idina got home and tried to take the makeup she had plastered to her face off. She didn't even give a shit about her hair at this point but the gown and jewels had to go.

She then crawled in to bed hoping sleep would beat out her thoughts. However, Idina had no such luck and was up for about another hour thinking about the situation at hand.

It wasn't until right before she fell asleep that she figured out what she was gonna do.

I'm gonna go out with both of them.

Hey, seriously sorry that I left this for so long. I'm getting back in to the swing of this and I hope you enjoy it. Update on Monday (most likely) :)