When Essence awoke, it was dark and the fire was hardly hot. The air was cold and she shivered inside her jacket. She felt as if it was not late, only dark, because all the dwarves had gone to sleep near noon. None of them would wake until late morning, she supposed, but she was awake and feeling fully energized.
She stirred, earning a slight grown from the dwarf at her side. She paused, waiting for him to stop moving, before she stood up and dusted herself off. At some point, she realized, she had been pushed into a bed of pine needles by the two dwarves. She didn't blame them—their bedrolls were so small she knew not how they fit the two of them without her. Essence smiled down at the dwarves, a pang of longing going through her as she stared down at them. Kili's head was nestled next to Fili, who was on his side in a protective position beside the young dwarf. She pined for this kind of comfort from someone; the closest relationship she had with someone was with the Lord of Death, an idea which was not comforting in the least.
Essence tore her eyes away from the pair, looking instead towards the fire. She knew not who was on watch at this hour, but even if it wasn't one of the friendlier dwarves, she was going to warm herself by the fire before going back to sleep. She shivered as she made her way to the coals, a breeze choosing that very moment to blow through the clearing. As she picked her way through the sleeping dwarves as quickly as she could, she marveled at the camp they had created in such little time.
She sat down next to the pile of tinder and grabbed a stick, poking at the coals. Essence did not have loads of experience with building fires, but she knew enough to warm herself, and she had gotten by with just that. The young healer stuck the tiny sticks onto the fire, then bigger ones, and began to blow on the coals. As a flash of flame lit the air, she saw a hunched over figure a few feet from her. He stirred, and for a moment she did not identify him, but as his eyes opened she immediately knew.
She frowned as Thorin blinked rapidly, obviously clearing sleep from his eyes. When Essence had said she would deal with the less friendly dwarves, she had certainly not meant Thorin. She did not need his chastising of her anymore, especially if she was to leave the next day. She weighed her want of warmth and annoyance with Thorin and genuinely wondered if the heat was worth it.
Thorin glanced at her, his eyes narrowing as he realized who it was. "What are you doing here," he said in a slow, low voice. Essence realized he had probably just fallen asleep, and was much more tired than she had grasped. She felt a twinge of sympathy for the king, with circles under his eyes and lethargy written onto his face like a tattoo.
"I was cold," she said, inhaling through her nose as she tried to calm herself. She knew he wanted her to feel inferior, but she refused to. Thorin glared at her from his seat on the ground. Essence turned back to the fire and began to tend it once more, adding sticks and blowing on it. The flames grew slowly, and Thorin never took his eyes off of her. She glanced at him occasionally, seeing his angered face by the brightness of the flames.
"Go back to sleep, Lady Essence," he said, and although she sat close to the fire, his voice was cold enough to chill her to the bone.
"Maybe you should take your own advice," she said softly, and she turned to meet his gaze. His eyes flickered—although it was maybe just the fire—with wariness for a moment before turning back to their cold stare.
"My men are tired," he said, "So I take watch for them."
"Please, Thorin," she said, her eyes pleading. "Allow me to take watch instead, and find sleep for yourself." A silence then went through the clearing, and Essence silently prayed he would consent to her watch.
"Not ever will I entrust you with the fate of my company," he said lowly, and the inside of her sank despite her promises not to. How could he not realize she was only trying to help him and his party? She had been nothing but kind to them, and he thought nothing of it. Her mind fell back into what Gandalf had said about her being a lady, and people had best treat her as one.
"Thorin, please understand I want only the best for your company," she said, poking the stick into the fire callously. Her voice was sharper than she had intended, but it captured Thorin's attention.
"You care nothing of us," he said in a more severe tine than she had used. "You care only of your safe passage to wherever you want to go." Essence scoffed at him in disbelief.
"And what will I do there, that place where I will go?" she asked incredulously, her poking stick dropping to the ground. "Heal more people?" Her voice went higher as she spoke. "Mahal forbid anyone is helped. Are you truly so selfish that you think only of yourself? That you think only of the possible things I can do to you, and your people, and not for others?" She glared at him, pausing. Thorin's face was a mask of fury, but his eyebrows and mouth twitched in surprise. Essence immediately regretted her outburst, but fueled with vigor from her outburst, she continued. "I only wished safe passage with your company for noble reasons," she said, her voice softer than before. "I wish no harm come to you or your company, I hope you recognize this." Thorin looked to the ground, and guilt ached in her body from her shouts at the king, loyal to his people.
"Lady Essence," he said, and it was her turn to look to the ground as he turned to her. "The safety of my company is my first priority, and I take certain precautions. Unless you are willing to abide by these, you can leave this company now."
"How can you not accept change?" Her voice was dubious and amazed. "How can you be so blind to other possibilities?"
"People are never as they seem," he snapped at her, and she sighed.
"Why can you not just trust someone?" she asked, her voice powerful but quiet, so as not to awaken the others—ever considerate.
"I will not take this from the likes of you!" he shouted, his eyes ablaze and his mouth in a stern frown. He recomposed himself and his voice softened. "I order you, now, to go back to sleep, preferably away from my nephews, and we will leave you behind in the morning." She stared at him, locked in a silent staring contest with the dwarven king.
"You can trust people," she said quietly, after a period of silence. Before he could silence her, she continued. "You can trust me."
"I can trust no one," he said, his tone of voice matching hers. "You have no idea of the horrors I have experienced."
"Yes, I do," she said, trying to keep the disbelief out of her voice. "I have been alive a long time, and I too know the pains of living. I understand the pain of betrayal; believe me when I say that I do. But so much good comes from trust, from friendship. It outweighs the bad."
He said nothing then, and they sat in silence for a long while. Essence watched as his gaze waver as he stared into the flames as they began to fade—she refused to rekindle it. She silently pondered his suspicion of other people, and although she did not know his own story as he did, she suspected that along with the nature of the dwarves, it came with his hatred of elves.
"Life for people like us is not long, and it is not always rewarding." He stubbornly refused to look at her, and she marveled at how like him it was to try and push her out. "But if I can make it longer and more rewarding," she continued, "I most certainly shall. If I can bend fate, make it better, I would. I will always try my hardest to make things easier for those who deserve it—you, and all those you care about, deserve it." He looked up towards her, and she finally registered the spots on his face as blood—he had yet to clean his face of his wounds by the orc Azog.
"You are extraordinary," Thorin nearly whispered, turning to look at her. In his heart, he wanted to believe her; so much so, in fact, that he almost did. But his selfish head would not allow him to, although she seemed to sneak into the tiniest crevices of his mind, weaving lies of sincerity. She could not be only a traveler—she must have been sent by someone, perhaps the elves, to obscure his journey. Someone did not want him to succeed—he was being followed, and tested, by this woman. His thoughts were muddled with exhaustion, and he was seeing black spots in the fire. He turned to order her to bed again, and found she had taken up residence beside him, kneeling on the ground in that flimsy skirt she still wore, obviously unsuitable for the journey ahead of them.
"Allow me to heal your facial wounds," she said, surprising him, and he stared into her eyes. Whether by the fire or some other force, her eyes were glowing gold, and he could not help but stare into them. They were mesmerizing, really, and beautiful. She was beautiful—something he did not find himself saying often. Thorin saw himself reflected in them, and realized how exhausted he was. Perhaps he should allow the woman healer to take watch, and sleep. The shadows under his eyes were nearly permanent, and something told him he must stay strong for his company.
Suddenly, her eyes disappeared from his gaze, and she was backing away from him. "Please sleep," she whispered, and her smile towards him was sincere. She knew not if she had influenced him or he had fallen into a trance of fatigue, but either way, he had kept unprotected eye contact the entire time she had healed his cuts.
"Do not disappoint me," he said slowly, and stood, and strode towards his own bedroll nearest to Balin. She smiled, staring into the fire in accomplishment. Although she was sure he had only been so compliant, or complaint as far as dwarves went, because of his tiredness, she was satisfied with herself. The dwarven king had not been in his right mind as to trust her so quickly, even if it was such a small thing as keeping watch.
It was only then when she realized there had been no Vala in her sleep—her slumber had gone absolutely uninterrupted. She stared silently into the flames, not knowing completely if she was pleased or not.
A/N: *coughs* Well, it's here now.