Warnings: angst, attempts (I would give away the plot if I said what kind, but I'm sure you can figure it out), love triangle (which means: Shiranui is in this shot, which should be a warning itself) and mentions of sex. Starts jokingly, but develops into a tragedy. This developement is intentional.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hakuoki, or any of it's characters. The creators do. My muse owns the idea of the fic, myself the work and the time I put into writing it. Credit me at least those, ok?
Notes
It seems I have gotten out of my lethargy, finally. Sorry...Just for some while now I felt like throwing everything away, like school, life, writing, etc. I get like that every year, at this time (autumn, early winter), so you don't have to panic, or worry of actually me doing that. You just...have to bear with me. Heh-heh, gomen nasaii... ^^"
As for the shot: This starts the main arc of the SSL AU shots. Turns out that the whole SSL arc of the challenge can be viewed as a continuous fanfic. It will be divided into parts. The filler parts – two have already been written („Monday Sorrows" and „Weekend of eternity"), two will come between the two roots of the main arc – PRICE and HEART, each of 3 shots.
PRICE will be the more angsty part, where the pair will suffer a lot, HEART where the angst will settle and their lives will be...not spoiling you, sorry. The filler shots will be focusing on the school life, the troubles of their students (mainly Okita and Heisuke, but Saito and Hijikata-sensei will play a role too) and everything else started in the previous shots.
And then I thought about making 4 side-shots seasonally themed, glimpses between the scenes, what didn't fit into the shots. They would be set between the chapters of PRICE and HEART, kinda like a leaf on a branch. But that's still far away. I will make them on the end, if. Maybe I'll put them into the spin off arc I'm planning for this, but still haven't given green for it.
The last for the SSL AU will be the conclusion post, where every storyline that was started here will be brought to an end, or get a conclusion. Kinda like „a year later". I daresay, you will be suprised at the outcome of some.
Sorry for the rant, I just thought I should give you some information. Now enjoy the shot...or beware of the angst.
PRICE I: Broken Valentine
Nu#15. Never place friendship above profit.
Valetine's day fell this year fortunately onto a Friday, so the teacher's at Hakuoki High could breathe out and fully relax after a very long day, without the next one knocking on their door untill two days later. The 14th of February was always a madhouse at their school. Untill this year they have been completely lacking female students (only God knew for what reasons) and somehow the male students of 'the other side' became more bolder over the years. So it came that as soon as Saito and Okita opened their lockers, they disappeared behind a mountain of blue, green, yellow and occassionally bright pink hearts that smelled of intense dark chocolate, while Heisuke complained that his locker contained only one chocolate with an anonymous note.
„Toudo Heisuke-kun, my deepest apologies for not being able to tell you face to face like man should, blah blah blah, if you want to give us a chance, please meet me under the first sakura bloom. A person who holds you dear."
Sano had been there at the time when Heisuke read the note to peak from behind the boy's shoulder as everyone gathered around him to see if they could recognize the handwriting in hopes sate the curiosity about the mysterious secret admirer, be shocked for a while and then return to their peacefull daily lives.
„What the heck! Why can't I get normal love declarations, like Hajime-kun, or Souji? Why is it me who gets the weird single note from a secret admirer?"
Sano resisted the urge to pat Heisuke's head.
„The feelings of this person must be sincere. Or else the note wouldn't be written in such a hesitant way, as if afraid to scare you off." Saito pointed out.
„Scare me off? This is just downright weird! I would appreciate rather something more direct than this! Honestly, at least leave a hint!"
„It's probably as Hajime-kun says." To everyone's surprise Souji said, without a hint of irony in his voice. „He wants privacy when he confesses his feelings while looking straight into your eyes."
„I'm not interested!" Heisuke scoffed. „My sights are already set on someone."
„Oh? And who might this person be?"
„Like hell I'll tell you, Souji!"
Sano had left them to their own devices after that and went to the teacher's room, where his own mountain of chocolates waited, no doubt. And really, as he entered the room, it wasn't hard to spot the hill that could be only topped by Hijikata's share or Mount Fuji. He shared a look with the demon vice and together they moved the pastry onto the spare table, for everyone to share. Though, mostly it would be eaten by Shimada or Shinpachi.
Speaking of which, his boyfriend was late again. Figures, since Sano didn't stay over. Ah well, Sano shook his shoulders, there was no helping it. He laid his own home-made spicy chocolate on Shinpachi's table and made himself coffee. He would need plenty today.
After the homeroom class he was surprised to find Shinpachi munching on two different chocolates.
„This one?" he answered after Sano's inquiry about who else could find such an idiot endearing. „It's from Ito-san. With rum, want a taste?"
For several moments Sano saw red. He had every intention to strangle their art teacher and had to be held back by both Shimada and Shinpachi, get lectured at by Hijikata and drink another cup of coffee to finally calm down.
Needless to say, everyone was glad when the day got by without a bloodshed and finally the clock struck 18:00 which marked the end of the club activities and the time the teachers were finally allowed to leave. Everyone hurried out out the building, even Hijikata-san, who normaly stayed untill eight, doing some administratives and paperwork.
„My place or your's?" Shinpachi asked as he yanked the doors to Sano's car open.
„Your's is closerto the bar." Sano answered and stomped on the accelerator as soon as the door slammed shut.
They wanted to drop their things of and get into something more comfortable before they headed to their date. The gay bar they frequented decided, it would be nice to host a perfectly ordinary 80ies party amidst the pink fluff of the holiday and both Sano and Shinpachi couldn't but agree more.
„This day is killing me." Sano said as he turned a corner.
„Yeah, me too." Shinpachi nodded, his lids dropping exhaustedly.
„And to top it, it's Friday. No one has ever left some energy on Fridays."
„You should have eaten the chocolates." Sano watched with worry as Shinpachi's tired face suddenly broke into a grin. „The only good thing about this day are the chocolates."
„You'll get cavities from all the sugar."
„They were tasty. Many home-made. Really refreshing." He licked his lips and Sano simply shook his head as they drove into the garage of the apartment complex.
„And now you're sugar high. And exhasuted. And I have to deal."
Shinpachi's laugh was pure evil. „Of course! That's what I'm keeping you for!"
„I thought it was for sex." Sano couldn't help the sarcasm.
„Haven't gotten too much of that lately." Sarcasm answered him back and Sano cast a sideway glance at Shinpachi as he parked the car into a free lot. It was true, in the past month, there hadn't been many chances for intimacy, with the final exams and the extra work related to them coming up. But that was why they went on this date, right? To get some time out together and work the stress of the work and the strain it put on their relationship, along with their recent private problems, out.
Sano smiled sweetly at Shinpachi as he pulled out the key. „Don't worry. You'll get your fair share tonight."
Shinpachi looked at him analytically. „I hope that's a threat."
Sano leaned towards Shinpachi, looking into his eyes from behind thick lashes before purring: „A promise."
Shinpachi gulped and they got out of the car.
ox*xo
The bar was more crowded than usually, Sano noted, as they entered the dim lit room. There was barely some space on the dance floor and it was just because they were regular customers that their usual seats at the bar were free. They hung their coats onto the hanger near the entrance and sat down. Promptly a Long Island Ice Tea and a Mojito were laid in front of them.
„I'm glad you made it." The bartender said as a greeting.
„Yeah, me too. It's been a while."
Shinpachi looked around. „Didn't know the 80ies were so popular around here!"
The bartender simply shook his hsoulders. „Boy George?" he offered.
„More like George Michael's hot ass." Sano answered and winked. The bartender grinned back. „I'm going to hit the dancefloor." Sano said and tugged on Shinpachi's shirt. „Come with me."
Shinpachi shook his head. „I'd rather not. Next to you, I look like an elephant in a porcelain shop."
Sano rolled his eyes. „What the hell did you come here for then?"
Shinpachi held up his Mojito. Sano frowned. Shinpachi smiled.
„Maybe later."
With one last eyeroll Sano disappered into the crowd.
„It's almsot like old times." The bartender said and Shinpachi turned to look at him. The man nodded his head at the direction Sano disappeared in. „When he was every night here, dancing untill dawn. God, I remember, he and his partner, they were legends. Everyone watched them as they ruled the floor."
Shinpachi listened only with half an ear. He already knew the story.
„Though it were harsh times, he looked a lot more livelier back then." The bartender looked squarely at Shinpachi and the brunette avoided his eyes.
„The lad doesn't seem to be happy lately."
Shinpachi stared into his Mojito as he muttered a reply. „Stress."
„Boy, who do you think you are talking to? Think I can't see the difference between stress and worry lines?"
Shinpachi didn't answer.
The man gave him another Mojito. „What's been troubling the lad?"
Shinpachi sighed and sipped his drink. „If I only knew...he hasn't been himself lately." Shinpachi stared at the dancing frame of his boyfriend, full of sharp movements to the rhythm of the song, the body moving to the beat, wild and unbound, free as the music that was playing. „He's...getting distant."
He felt wise eyes on him, but didn't turn, kept his gaze locked to the one he loved.
„Maybe this will raise his spirits." He heard teh bartender say, but didn't reply.
A familiar tune started playing and Shinpachi watched a nostlgic smile spread across Sano's features. His lover turened to hum, his hand outstretched towards Shinpachi.
„Come dance!"
Shinpachi shook his head.
„You can't leave me standing for this song! Not for this one!"
Shinpachi shook his head again and took a sip from his Mojito, then looked at Sano again, this time with his full attention.
I'll rather watch, he thought and smirked at Sano.
Sano got the hint as he smirked too and the first lines sounded.
You got the boom-boom into my heart,
Sano winked at Shinpachi as he patted the left side of his chest three times, mouthing the lyrics to him. Shinpachi had to smile. Yes, dancing was Sano's thing.
You set my soul sky high when your lovin starts,
Not that Shinpachi couldn't dance, no. There was no person born in the early 70ies that couldn't dance. It was just that Shinpachi's dancing skills were mediocre, no different from the wide crowd that hit the discos every Saturday, while Sano's were god-like. He could have passed as a proffessional, even though he never attended a dancing course. He just had gone dancing every day to his favorite gay bar twenty years ago and occassionally in the present too, when the work wasn't pressing and he had more free time.
A jukebox into my brain,
Shinpachi saluted to his boyfriend with his Mojito glass and took a sip, while he watched the god-like creature move.
There goes the -
Suddenly the song was interrupted by three loud bangs. The whole bar fell silent and every motion stopped, every person on alert, looking for the nearest exit. However before panic could break out, a voice spoke.
„They're blind patrons." Then it added. „And I've got a gun licence, don't worry."
Shinpachi watched Sano freeze on the spot, then slowly turn to the source of the voice.
„Sorry." A tall male, taller than Sano, with long wavy purple hair and crimson eyes appeared from behind the crowd. „I just couldn't resist." He came to stand right in front of Sano. „You free for this dance, pretty boy?"
„Shiranui!"
„Aw, you missed me. I'm touched."
Shinpachi watched Sano approach that person with slow footsteps, his shoes clacking on the floor so loud in the eerie silence and he turned away. He should have known it. Even if it was hightly unlikely after twenty years of silence, he should have known that person would be here.
Sano's ex-boyfriend.
Shiranui Kyou.
„Pinch me, someone." Shinpachi heard Sano say and gritted his teeth. „Shiranui is that really you?"
„Yes damnit and you better jump me right now!"
And just like that they fell into each other's arms, embracing in a tight hug.
„God how long has it been?"
„Twenty years at my count, pretty boy."
„How come you're here?"
„Does it surprise you so much?"
„It shouldn't, should it?"
As their eyes met the gap of twenty years suddenly wasn't there, understanding passing between them like the spark of the beat that rushed through them, an old melody playing in their heads.
„Damnit, why isn't the music playing? Start the music!"
The music played up, the stoped song starting anew.
You got the boom-boom into my heart,
You set my soul sky high when your lovin' starts,
A jukebox into my brain,
There goes the BANG BANG BANG
'till my feet do the same
This time Sano didn't spare Shinpachi a second glance, however all that Shinpachi had eyes for was Sano. At times like these, Shinpachi thought that Sano had missed his profession and should have become a dancer, instead of a teacher. The way he moved, the way his body swayed with the melody of the song, was in Shinpachi's eyes, something destined to be worshipped. The most of the reason why Shinpachi never wanted to dance was, because watching his boyfriend felt ten times better. Sano was irresistible on the dancefloor.
But not like this.
Not with that damn idiot joining him. For twenty years Shinpachi had been free of Shiranui Kyou and now that damn marksman came back to haunt him. And as he cast a glance over his shoulder at the dancing pair, who gained the attention of the entire bar by now, he knew the man with the demon eyes had it really easy. His dancing skills matched Sano's and he lead him easily through the song, like he was born to do just that. Damn him. And it wasn't just that. Shiranui Kyou had always been considered worth a sin. Long wavy hair, captivating eyes, wicked smile, deep laugh and most importantly 'class' that Shinpachi could never have, not even if he sold his soul to the devil.
Cuddle up baby, move in tight,
We can go dancing tomorrow night.
It's cold up there, but it's warm in bed,
They can dance, we'll stay home instead!
Shinpachi turned away. He couldn't watch it anymore. He couldn't watch how that narcissitic devil incarnate wormed his way into Sano's heart again. And if he was honest, Shinpachi had never won against that guy. It was Sano who had broken up with Shiranui, because he went to study to Tokyo and didn't want to keep a long-distance relationship. And he wanted to cut the ties with everything that bound him to the past and didn't head with him towards the future. That Sano agreed to go out with him after Shinpachi had finally summoned enough courage to kiss him, was just Shinpachi's rotten luck.
And now Shiranui was back. And Shinpachi could go get lost, he was sure.
Shinpachi downed the rest of his Mojito and asked for another.
And so the night went on.
x*x
As Sano saw Shiranui standing in the crowd, everything came back to him. Every memory of that time flooded through him and he was sixteen again. He kept asking himself how come that he never missed Shiranui, if now the twenty years of distance felt not more than twenty days. He still somehow couldn't believe it, that his lover of two decades ago was leading him into the dance, spinning him, then pulling him into his body, and yet there he was, with the purple hair, crimson eyes and sharp grin unmistakeably Shiranui Kyou. And why after twenty years...Had it really been twenty years? They still knew the steps, they still moved like it had been yesterday that they met here and danced themselves through the night into the morning, like they did almost every evening, two decades ago.
The song ended and another started playing.
Sano's steps stoped.
Shiranui's did too.
Sano smiled. „Sorry, I just can't dance to this song."
Shiranui listened into the melody, then nodded, recognizing it. „Right." He smirked. „Then how about you buy me a drink and tell me what you've been up to?"
Sano smirked right back. „Just what I wanted to suggest you."
„You haven't changed one bit, pretty boy."
„Right back at you, handsom man."
x*x
„What? A teacher? YOU?"
Before they even sat down at their usual place at the bar, a Long Beach was laid next to Sano's Long Island Ice Tea. Seemed like another thing that never changed was that damn bartender's memory. He even remembered the strawberry. Usually cherries or oranges were served atop the glass of a Long Beach, but Shiranui had once asked for Starwberry and since then he always got one with his drink. As they sat down, Sano had promptly briefed Shiranui about the ongoing relationship with Shiranui's once greatest, though unknown, rival in love and about their job. Hence his outburst.
„Never thought of you as a teacher." Sano's ex mumbled under his breath, but loud enough to hear.
Sano glanced at the gun proudly attached to Shiranui's hip. „Never thought of you as a policeman."
Shiranui didn't bother asking how he knew and grinned instead. „What can I say? I like guns!"
Sano laughed. „Old habits die hard?"
„Something like that." He straightened in his seat and raised his head proudly. „You see in front of you the next candidate for Chief Inspector."
„Congratulations. You see in front of you a humble PE teacher with nothing else to offer than a good conversation, a dance and a ferrari."
They laughed and raised their glasses.
Shinpachi felt left out.
So yeah, it was nice that Sano reunited with his old 'friend', but that didn't mean that he needed to give him his entire attention. By the end of the bridge Sano had his back to Shinpachi and was shamelessly flirting with his old flame (and at this point Shinpachi didn't give a damn that that 'flame' had actually been a three years long relationship). To be honest, Shinpachi didn't even expect Sano to turn towards him as the last chorus faded and ask: „You still don't want to dance?"
Shinpachi knew his boyfriend was asking him for the last time the evening, giving him one last chance to turn the cards, before he ditched his lover and went to dance with someone who would sweep his feet off the floor. Shinpachi snorted invardly. So much for their date.
„Yeah. Can't match the competition."
For a small moment Sano's eyes narrowed and he looked like he wanted to say something, but then he just shrugged his shoulders.
„Suit yourself."
Another familiar tune started playing and the two 'partners' hit the floor again.
Shinpachi didn't find the strength to watch.
Instead he exed the rest of his Mojito and asked for another one, hoping that the alcohol could numb the dull ache in his chest. Why it went under his skin so much, he didn't even know. Was he being jealous? He snorted. Of what? Of someone who has missed twenty years of Sano's life and just happened to be a better dancer than Shinpachi? No, of an ex boyfriend of his boyfriend who happened to be a better dancer than the current boyfriend, Shinpachi corrected himself. He took a swig of his drink. What the hell? This was supposed to be a date, not a Footloose rehearsal. Why did it matter so much that he didn't want to dance? They could have spent the evening with nice drinks and talk, relax a little, then go for a midnight walk, make out in a silent corner of the park, go home and watch the movie they rented while cuddling on the couch and go to sleep. No one said a word about dancing. He glanced to the dancefloor where the two were once again the center of attention and then he looked at his drink.
He wasn't needed here.
Without a single word he downed his drink and slammed the money onto the counter. It would cover Sano's expenses for the rest of the night too, hopefully. Shiranui could go screw himself.
With that last thought he left.
ox*xo
It wasn't only after three songs that Sano and Shiranui returned to their drinks they left at the counter, laughing like at old times. They have mostly caught up, talking about the lives they led now, while they swept across the floor and now it was like they have never been apart. They have always had that kind of relationship, even the first time they met. Understanding had passed between them and even if they had been on opposite sides of the alley, they became friends quickly. It didn't take long from there to get to the next stage. Soon they found an empty warehouse, brought a matress and engaged in things that were labeled 'inappropriate for minors' nowadays, but made them only laugh, because neither of them had been past eighteen back then.
And now after twenty years, it was back.
Lately Sano hadn't been really himself. There was a strain on him and it didn't help that he didn't know what caused it. Of course it could have been the stress from work, with Ito making advances on Shinpachi, Hijikata bossing him, and everyone else, around, or Okita avoiding him for whatsoever reasons. But he didn't really believe that. He had lived through worse things than that and it hadn't affected him as bad. In the end he put it off as 'mid-life crisis' and 'random depression', but it still didn't solve it.
And then Shiranui showed up.
It had been like someone tore off heavy chains from his spirit. He hadn't even realized how much he had missed his friend, but as he had been swept across the dancefloor, it was like a rebirth. No strains, no crisises, no depressions. He was young again and the world was at his feet. If he thought about it, it had always been like that with Shiranui. His friend was like a storm, a hurricane, carrying away everything with his force, but still bringing a fresh morning. No matter what a huge problem had been weighing on his mind, a night with Shiranui had always reduced it to a mere fly.
It felt really good to have him back.
He was just making plans about inviting his friend for dinner next Wednesday, when he noticed that a certain someone was missing at the bar.
„Huh?" he turned to the bartender. „Where's Shinpachi?"
Sano didn't like the scowl of disapproval the man gave him. „Went home. Left a while ago, during 'Karma Chameleon'."
Sano stared at the man in shock.
„What?"
„Said something about not being needed here anymore."
Sano couldn't believe his ears, ready to shatter the glas he was holding into a million tiny pieces.
That damn idiot!
How could it be that Shinpachi managed to piss him off no matter the hour, no matter the day, no matter the mood? And after he begun feeling better too.
„I'll fucking kill him!"
Shiranui was precautious enough to take the glass from him, but Sano snatched it back. However instead of shattering it, he gulped back his drink in one go.
He didn't dance for another second that night.
ox*xo
They stumbled out of the bar in the early morning hours, when through the fading noise of the nightlife, the songs of the first early birds started to ring. Sano was totally wasted. After he had learned about Shinpachi's early retreat, his good mood flew out of the window and the 'wonderfull night full of dance' became a drinking orgy. To Shiranui's credit, his friend went through it with him untill the end and was now carrying him out of the establishment.
„'Twas s'ppos'd t' be a date, yanno..."
„Yeah, yeah..."
„An'at damn basta'd 'st left meeeeh!"
„Very rude of him."
„Naaah, Shiranui. Things w'en't doin' great b'tween's..."
„Do you even know what you are saying?"
„'M glad yer 'ere..."
„Yeah, yeah..."
Shiranui was just glad that old bartender understood everything and knew everything and so he had no problems to give Nagakura's exact adress along with the instructions how to get there. As for Harada...the redhead was too drunk to notice where they were going. Besides this was a problem the two had to solve between themselves. And Shiranui wasn't nursing someone who wasn't hurt by his fault. Even if it was the only love of his life (not that he ever confessed that to anyone).
He got to the apartment complex easily enough and used his lock pick to get into the building. He decided to take the elevator, not being willing to drag the dead weight of his old friend all the way to the fifth floor. As he arrived and found the right door, he pressed the doorbell fiercely, several times in short and sharp intervals, untill it burst open and a mop of brown hair appeared.
„WHO IN THE SEVEN BLOODY HELLS- Oh."
Shiranui pushed the semi-conscious Harada onto the baffled math teacher.
„Here. Your responsibility. After you left, he got drunk and has been complaining about you for the entire time. Congrats upon ruining his evening. Once he wakes up, I highly recommend you wear armor. Good night."
And with that he was gone.
ox*xo
Murderous. Pain.
That was the first thing that came to Harada Sanosuke as he woke up. His head felt like it should explode every moment and the last thing he remembered was leaving the bar with Shiranui. God, he felt like dying...
„Here, drink this. It will help your hangover."
Oh yeah, he'd gotten wasted last night, for some reason he couldn't remeber. A white pill and glass of water were held in front of him and he took it without thinking. Several moments later, his mind felt a bit more clear and the pain a bit more bearable. He opened his eyes to look around and bolted upright (with no little protest from his head, which he ignored) as he came in sight with Shinpachi's blue eyes.
„How are you feeling?"
It all came back.
„What am I doing here?" Sano snarled and his eyes hardened. Shinpachi looked away.
„Shiranui brought you here. Something about me being responsible for this."
„Damn straight you are."
Sano felt a satisfied humm within his chest as Shinpachi flinched. Then those blue eyes looked straight into his and Shinpachi opened his mouth to speak. It was like a lightning of anger struck Sano.
„No."
Shinpachi shut his mouth, eyes wide as he heard the tone Sano used and he knew he wasn't going to like this.
„I don't want to hear it."
Sano's voice was like ice, dripping with, Shinpachi gulped, something akin to venom.
Sano kicked the covers aside and headed for the front door and Shinpachi chased after him, desperate to keep him where he was.
„Sano, wait! You're hung over, you need to lie down-"
„I would prefer my own bed over this place." He snarled as he put his shoes on, swaying a bit as his stability was balanced on one leg, and hard eyes looked at Shinpachi. „I'm not staying here a minute longer."
„Sano..."
„You ditched me!"
It wasn't that Shinpachi hadn't been expecting it. It was just that the accusation, no matter how true it was, poured salt into the still open, hurting wound of unsureness and jealousy. And if he was hurting, he didn't want to be hurt even more.
„No, I didn't!" Shinpachi shouted at his boyfriend, defenses up. „You were the one who went off to dance with your ex, not me!"
„Because you wouldn't!"
„Why would I have to? We could have just made us a comfortable evening without dance!"
Their voices were getting louder by every word, their argument turning into a full blown fight.
„But I wanted to! And I gave you every chance to do that, I asked you three times! And then you just leave! You didn't say a word, not even a single 'bye', just left like some coward! How do you think I felt? I wanted to spend the evening with iyou/i, not getting drunk!"
„And that's why you danced for the whole evening with Shiranui!"
„If you didn't notice, I skipped dances to be with you, but you ignored me!"
„Not true! It was YOU who ignored ME!"
„YOU were just sitting there, gulping back your PRECIOUS MOJITOS!"
„YOU had eyes only for your BELOVED SHIRANUI!"
After these words a moment of silence fell. It felt like a patch falling from their eyes and they saw the other clearly for the first time.
„Fuck you, Nagakura." Sano yanked the door to the apartment open. „I frankly don't know why I'm putting up with you." He said with his back to his boyfriend, but his next words hit Shinpachi like a truck. „If you can't even differ between the past and the present, it's over."
And with that he was out.
It wasn't a single moment that took Shinpachi to realize what Sano had said, but it felt like an eternity before it dawned and exploaded within him like a nuclear bomb.
No!
Shinpachi bolted out of the apartment, just to see Sano stomping down the stairway.
„Sano, wait!"
All of his anger was gone, his accusations just empty words. The only thing that was on his mind was to get Sano back, get him to reason.
„No! It's over, so stay where you are Nagakura, or I swear to whatever God it is you are praying to, I'LL KILL YOU!"
Shinpachi didn't doubt for a second that Sano wouldn't. He saw it in his eyes. His ex?-boyfriend was serious. Maybe he would regret his words later, but now he was serious and there was jack shit that Shinpachi could do, only listen to fading footsteps and feel his entire world shatter.
ox*xo
It wasn't untill later that afternoon that Sano showed himself to the rest of the world, when he opened his front door upon hearing the ringing of the doorbell, an icepack pressed tightly to his forehead, murderous headache back. Not a single fiber of his being wanted to communicate with whoever was fool enough to disturb him in his misery, so maybe his appearence would leave a hint.
„What?" he growled before he even looked who was standing there.
„You look like shit."
Sano sighed. „Shiranui."
„Yeah. Just checking whether you're still alive."
„Nope. This is just my ghost speaking to you."
His friend held up a bottle of something that Sano hoped wasn't anything containing etanol. „Gramps recipe against hangovers. Thought you could make use of it."
Sano eyed the bottle with suspicion, but finally stepped aside. „Come in."
As he entered Shiranui sensed the vague scent of fish.
„Have you eaten?"
„I tried, but couldn't hold anything down."
Sano lead him into the living room and slumped back down on the sofa he had been occupying for the better part of the day. He gestured for Shiranui to make himself comfortable, but his friend remained standing.
„How are you feeling?"
„I broke up with Shinpachi."
Out of everything, this was the last answer that Shiranui expected.
„What? Why?"
Sano laid his head into his hands miserably. „Because I'm an idiot."
Shiranui sat down next to him, ready to listen to anything his friend had to say.
„I was disppointed, upset and hung over and he was being a jealous ass." And Sano told him everything, while Shiranui just silently listened. „Then I went home and tried to sleep. After I woke up, I regretted every word I said, but it's not like I can just go and take it back. I have my pride too, you know."
Oh yeah, Shiranui knew that all too well.
„I love him, I really do, I have been with him for twenty years and I still like being with him. The sex is great and even if he is an imbecile, he is a great boyfriend and I want him back..."
Sano trailed off, but Shiranui urged him to continue.
„But?"
Sano sighed. „I don't know. It's just...It feels like we've grown apart a little. It's been like that since Christmas. I don't know why, but it's probably me. Maybe mid-life crisis caught up with me finally."
Shiranui eyed him. „What are you going to do now?"
„Seriously...I don't know. I want to get back together with him, but...maybe it's better if we stay like this for a while. I feel like having this small time out. I guess I need to get it straight. Think about things. And such."
„Just don't fry your brain."
„Yeah."
They were silent for a while.
Sano watched Shiranui from the corners of his eyes, while his thoughts drifted back to yesterday. Shinpachi had been an ass for just leaving him there, but if he thought about it, Sano had been the one who went off with Shiranui the first place. And then he over reacted. So much like him, really. Sano always tried to be the voice of reason, but fact was, that he had always been fiery and emotional. Quick to get angry when certain people pushed certain buttons. He had gotten better controling it over the years, but there still was one trigger inside of him that made him expload, loose every reason and good sense.
Disappointment.
And Shinpachi had disappointed him, as he left the bar, without a word of saying what's going on. To say the truth, Sano had thought better of his boyfriend. He was more sad than angry at Shinpachi and as he was confronted with the one who made his life miserable for several hours, he snapped. And now...now he had to bear the consequences. Alone.
Only, he wasn't. And if he was honest, he didn't want to be.
„Shiranui?"
„Yeah?" His friend turned to him, the piercing purple eyes meeting his golden and once again Sano felt like no time passed.
„Will you stay here for tonight?" he knew how that sounded and he felt what it would inevitably lead to, but he couldn't stop it, he couldn't... „I don't think I could be alone right now."
That was the only thing he was actually sure of right at that moment. He hated being alone already as it was, but being alone now would be unbearable for him. He would end up doing something stupid, he was almost sure. Shiranui studied him for a moment, as if to make sure of his intentions, intentions that Sano himself didn't know what they were. Actually right now Sano didn't know anything. Right now, Sano did not really know what he wanted, what he felt, or even who he was.
He was very confused. And the hangover wasn't helping any in resolving it.
But even through his confusion, Sano knew for sure where it would lead them if Shiranui stayed over, even if they both fought against it, and he was sure Shiranui knew that too and feared his friend would say no. And the worst thing was Sano didn't know if he wanted him to. He needed someone right now. He needed to feel like someone wanted him around. He didn't have Shinpachi, but the question was, did he have Shiranui? Did he want Shiranui? Did he want him as a lover? Wasn't it the friendship of the demon-like man that Sano seeked? Or didn't it matter as long as Sano had a solid, warm body to lean onto? Was he really that cheap?
Or was he just reading too much into things and nothing would happen?
Finally Shiranui spoke, but unusual for that talkative gangster Sano knew him to be, he said one word.
„Sure."
In spite of everything, it made Sano feel a little better.
ox*xo
Sunday morning found Shinpachi on his way to Sano. It was unusual for him to be up this early, much less on a weekend, but he didn't sleep well and woke up early. If someone asked him about his recollection of the previous day, he wouldn't have remembered. The day went past him, he didn't even feel the hours pass him by, as he just sat in his living room, listening to his grandfather clock ticking away the time. The morning went over to afternoon and the afternoon faded into the evening, when he finally got sick of wallowing in his misery and decided to go see Sano in the morning. And so, here he was, walking down the street to Sano's house, preparing himself for whatever was to come, torture and painfull death included.
But nothing could have prepared him for what he came in sight with, as he was just a few steps from the house. The door suddenly opened and a mop of purple hair appeared, followed by a red one. Shinpachi froze.
Shiranui.
Apparently his rival had stayed over.
Shinpachi told himself to take a deep breath and calm down. So what if he stayed? They were friends. It didn't have to mean anything.
But the hand on Sano's cheek, as well as the fact that Sano leaned into it, did.
Shinpachi tried listening, but he was still to far away to make out the actual words of the silent and apparently intimate conversation of the two. Sano was dressed in his blue yukata, the one he wore only on weekends at his house or when he got freshly out of the bed. His hair was slightly messy and his eyes, Shinpachi could tell even from the distance, had a lazy look. A look Shinpachi had seen a countless times, the look Sano gave him just when he woke up after a passionate night filled with moans. Shinpachi saw Shiranui place a gentle peck on Sano's cheek, before turning to leave and felt something deep within himself break.
He turned around and left, not noticing a lingering gaze on his retreating back.
ox*xo
Shinpachi had no intention of returning to that house anytime soon, not after what he had witnessed. He knew better than to stick his nose somewhere where it did not belong. Nothing stood ever between Sano and Shiranui. If not even a full blown gang war had managed to break them apart, then what chances had he? Sano had broken up with him, so it was fair and square, Shinpachi couldn't accuse him of cheating. Though, he had to admit, he was disappointed. He never would have thought that he was so easily replaceable. Even if it was Shiranui.
Damn that bastard!
Damn Sano!
To hell with it all!
Shinpachi hated losing and giving up without a fight was not his style! If Shiranui wanted Sano, he had to take him form Shinpachi first! And if Sano wanted to break up with Shinpachi, he demanded a damn good reason! He wasn't throwing away twenty years over a meaningless trist!
And that's why he stood in front of Sano's house, seven o'clock sharp, waiting for the door to open as Sano headed to work.
Sure enough, the door opened just as he finished his thought and revealed Sano in his usual 'sexy mess', shirt untucked, the two top and one bottom buttons undone, tie loose around his neck. The familiar musky scent of Hugo Boss filled Shinpachi's nostrils and he inhaled deeply. Sano didn't notice him right away, deep in thoughts. Only when he was opening the garage door to get his car did he lay his eyes on the observer.
His eyes hardened instantly.
„What do you want?" he put his house keys into his case with more vehemence than he intended. „I'm not driving you to work, Nagakura."
The words stung. Shinpachi had to admit, Sano knew where to punch, that it hurt. He summoned all of his courage and stood himself in front of Sano.
„Listen, Sano..."
But before he got further than that, he was rudely interrupted.
„No." The resolution in those words froze Shinpachi. „I'm not listening to your excuses. And if you want to get back together, forget it."
Shinpachi just stared.
„I'm done with you, for good. And if you are honest with yourself, our relationship hasn't been working lately."
„You had sex with Shiranui, am I right?"
„I don't see how it's any of your business, Nagakura."
„It's my business because I love you, you jackass!"
Sano's eyes narrowed. Now they were both angry. „Oh yeah? Maybe you should have thought about that before you ditched me."
„YOU ditched ME first!"
An angry tremble went through Sano, but he held it back. „I'm not having this conversation with you." He stepped around his ex boyfriend and got into the car, securing the seatbelt around himself. He wanted to slam the door behind himself, but Shinpachi put his hand into it in the last moment, so the door bounced back from his open palm. He bit back a yell as the metal connected with his flesh, bones and veins and he knew it would leave a huge angry bluish-purple bruise, but now wasn't the time to worry about it. He couldn't let Sano walk away from him, not like this!
„OK, Sano, I know you're disappointed. You always had it somehow with disappointment as it was the only thing that could shut your brain and all of your ratio down. But you can't throw away twenty years over nothing, damnit! If you just thought about it for a fucking second-"
Sano wordlessly seized his hand and threw him on the sidewalk, before Shinpachi could even finish the sentence. There was the slamming of a door, the sound of an engine, the screech of tires and just like that Sano was gone.
Shinpachi didn't know how long he just sat there staring into space, but when he first moved he realized, that he had to make it to school in five minutes.
ox*xo
Sano had trouble controling his car.
He was constantly speeding up and he almost passed two red lights in the desperate need to vent the emotions raging within him. It was a good thing that there was only one more traffic light he had to pass. He was absolutely livid and wanted nothing less than to tear Shinpachi's head off. Damn that bastard for getting under his skin so much! How could Shinpachi dare to say that to him! Like he knew what was going on in Sano!
But he did, a voice somewhere deep inside of him reasoned, as Sano turned a corner.
Shinpachi knew Sano inside out, like an open book. If there was someone in the universe who knew exactly how Sano worked, it was Shinpachi. They have known each other for over a half of their lives, dated almost as long, seen each other in circumstances that not even family was allowed to see a man in, in circumstances that Sano would have never let anyone else, not even Shiranui see him in... Wasn't it only natural that Shinpachi hit the nail on the head without even trying?
Sano saw the red light ahead of him and wished he could turn his inner voice down, because the more he listened to it, the more he felt how he wronged Shinpachi. He wanted to scream, to be angry, a reason to kill, but he knew it was only his damn disappoinntment speaking. Shinpachi had really a thing for striking his chords where Sano could feel it the most intensely.
He should apologize.
He should beg for forgiveness.
But he wouldn't.
Because he was too proud.
And then, as the red light jumped to orange, realization hit him like a wave of despair: There was no turning back. He had gone too far, said too many things for a simple apology to mend it.
The light went over to green.
And Shiranui... Sano had used his friend in a moment of weakness as a tool to forget, if only for a small moment, his inner turmoil. After two long decades, instead of welcoming him back, Sano coldly used his old love, only to get what he wanted. And now what? Throw him away? Start something with him? Both were out of option to Sano and he realized just how cruelly he had used Shiranui. That would need some serious fixing. He would have to focus all of his attention on the two relationships he didn't want to miss in his life, no matter the cost.
Even if Hijikata would probably have his head for not focusing on the final exams.
The coming times would drain him completely off his energy, Sano knew, as he subconsciously sped up to catch the green.
„Why do you even bother?"
Suddenly the words long forgotten came to his mind.
„They hate you, they want to be rid of you, no one wants you."
But Shinpachi and Shiranui didn't hate him and they certainly wanted him both. Maybe they were a little, Sano's heart clutched painfully at the realisation, disappointed, but...
„Why do you even bother?"
Sano couldn't come up with an answer.
Voices he hadn't heard for a long time were screaming in his heasd, images banned from his conscious mind playing in front of him like a slideshow of pain, repressed memories coming back to haunt him and Shinpachi's smiling face amidst of it as an anchor, a piece of sanity Sano could cling onto, when the whole world turned against him. He vagualy realised that his cheeks were wet, but he didn't make a move to wipe them. Instead he looked straight ahead and even in spite of the blurry vision, he saw the green light and the wall in front of him clearly. The street was empty, the next car over a hundred feet behind him and that wall...it had always been there, every day he droved to work, but he had never noticed it. Why now?
The answer seemed clear.
Sano undid his seatbelt, adjusted the lever to the highest and stomped on the accelerator.
Maybe it didn't work back then so that it could work now, he thought as he saw the wall become near by every second. Maybe he finally found his answers, he thought as he was a few feet from collision.
But then why did he feel so lost and alone?
Why did he feel like there had to be more to life than this?
With a start he realised that he wouldn't have the chance to find out.
And so, just as his expensive car, his darling sweetheart, his baby for ten years colided with the wall in full speed, he accepted his fate.
And then there was the darkness of oblivion.
ox*xo
Shinpachi had been half an hour late, even running lightning fast and taking every possible short-cut he knew, instead of the usual route. He had used every single cell in his brain to come up with an excuse good enough to present it to Hijikata-san, who would, no doubt be waiting for Shinpachi at the fence, eyeing him with that murderous, demon-like look, ready to strike doom upon the math teacher, but to his surprise, no one was waiting for him as he got there. Even after he climbed over the fence no one yelled at him and the hallways were empty as he hurried to his class.
No Hijikata-san.
No Saito, or Nagumo-kun, or anyone from the disciplinary comitee.
Shinpachi reached his class without anything that resembled an assasination attempt upon his person.
It got him worried.
It wasn't normal for the disciplinary comitee to miss upon the oportunity to lecture someone, even if it was a teacher. Especially with Saito being the head. But Saito was in the class as Shinpachi entered with an apology for the terrible delay. Granted, the punctual student did stare at his teacher disaprovingly and gave him a small piece of his mind about the lateness, but Shinpachi couldn't but still be worried about Hijikata-san's...indisponation? Shinpachi couldn't think of a better word.
Sano kept appearing in front of his mind's eye and caused a painfull, stab-like emotion clench at Shinpachi's heart. Even the students noticed, as his emotional state reflected in his way of teaching. Instead of the usual 'explosion', which was the nickname for his hours, his tone was plain and lacked every enthusiasm. Yamazaki asked him two times whether something was wrong and even Saito seemed worried. Shinpachi tried to conceal it, but he was glad when the bell rung to the first break.
And that was when the blow came.
He had been called to the principal.
Already as he entered the office he knew something was very wrong. Hijikata-san didn't lash at him and Kondo-san wore a serious expression. And then, as the two of them spoke, his world shattered.
Sano had an accident.
He was in the hospital.
In critical condition.
x*x
The rest of the day was a blurr. Shimada greed to take over Sano's history classes and they contacted the old, retired PE teacher if he could teach the subject for time being, either until Sano returned, or, Shinpachi's gut went stone cold at the thought, a suitable replacement was found. Then they had to inform the students, make a new arrangement for the homeroom classes and reschedule the field trip, not to mention the stress around the final exams.
But it all went past Shinpachi. The only thing the math teacher could think of was Sano's life. His boyfriend, and now their break up, or their argument, or whatever differences the had didn't matter much more than the melted snow of the last season, his boyfriend was in critical condition, possibly dieing and Shinpachi desperately wanted him to live.
Not a quarter hour passed after he learned of the horrible news when Shiranui called his phone. He told Shinpachi he had been called to the accident scene and was now in the hospital. And that he needed to talk with Shinpachi.
Shinpachi, interested in nothing but Sano's condition, set all of their differences aside and called his rival after the end of every hour, after the end of every break and had been on the line for the entire lunch break.
Hijikata-san, strict yet understanding, had sent him away after Shinpachi's last hour ended, saying that he was needed somewhere else. Shinpachi couldn't even find the words to thank his superior as he rushed to the hospital.
And he promptly started to believe in miracles.
Sano would come through.
Sano would live.
Despite broken bones, internal bleeding, heavy concussion and a head injury he would live. He was in a coma, but the doctors were hopefull that he would wake up. Shinpachi had hugged Shiranui, in his relief. The inspector didn't comment.
But then the investigator spoke and the moment relief was all over for Shinpachi.
„Nagakura, I have to talk with you." He said with a serious expression on his face.
Shinpachi nodded. „Yeah, I figured."
„Not on private business."
This startled Shinpachi.
„Come with me."
Shiranui lead the to the intensive care station, where they were asked to change clothes into sterile coats and into a room full of wires, infusions and beeping sounds. Sano's room. And Shinpachi's heart shattered more.
„I've bullied the permission to be here out of the doctors. Thought you would want to see him."
Shinpachi's throat had constricted too tightly to speak, so he just nodded. He slowly approached the bed, keeping his eyes focused on the figure lying there.
Sano looked like he should break any moment.
It tore Shinpachi apart.
Because if there was one thing in this world that Sano wasn't, it was weak.
He took the large, strong, clever hand lieing there. It had always been warm and gentle, but now it seemed cold and fragile.
„Nagakura."
„Hm?"
„I've seen Harada's body not once, several times two decades ago and, as you sure figured out, two days ago."
Shinpachi felt his emotions flare, but before he could expload (and get himself kicked out), Shiranui continued.
„I noticed the scar he has on his stomach."
Just the mention of that mark brought back painfull memories.
„I have never asked and he never told, but...you know, don't you?"
Shinpachi hesitated, but finally answered, truthfully. „I've been there at that time. 'Course I know."
Shiranui nodded. „You probably won't like my question, but I'm asking you to answer honestly. For Harada's sake."
„I'll try." For Sano's sake, he would.
„Has Harada tried to commit suicide in the past?"
A wave of overwhelming images washed through Shinpachi and he could barely hold himself together. An old used-up phone booth. An abandoned alley. Dirt. Blood. Pain. Emptiness. And sad smile. Tears collected in Shinpachi's eyes and he wasn't able to speak. Shiranui approached him and sat down onto the bed facing Shinpachi, and purple eyes bored themselves into azure.
„I'm asking, because what happened today...there are a few suspicious things. For once, there were no other casualties. It seemed the street was empty at the time. As he passed the lights, he had green. That could have been a coincidence, but still."
Shinpachi didn't like where Shiranui was heading. His entire being protested against it, against the possibility, but the more he thought about it... Sano's emotional state this morning...had it really been just this morning? It seemed so far away now, like many years had passed.
„The seatbelt was also undone. I know that someone with a ferrari is never really a responsible driver-"
It struck Shinpachi as a lightning.
„He was." His eyes were wide with shock of processing the information that wa snow given to him. „He always bullied me into securing it." Shinpachi hesitated. „He had it around him this morning."
Shiranui's eyebrows shot up.
„I went to see him, I wanted to talk with him. I saw him secure the belt."
Shiranui looked like his suspicions had been confirmed. But he didn't look very happy about it, the truth harsh and cruel, even for him.
It wasn't an accident.
It was an attempt.
The room was grave silent, save for the beeping sound that signalized the heartbeat of the one they loved. Of the one who had wanted to leave them. Without as much as a bye.
„Only I have noticed." Shiranui spoke up. „The hints that it wasn't an accident, I mean." He looked away. „It was more of my bad feeling, really." Then he looked straight into Shinpachi's eyes. „I'll keep silent."
Shinpachi nodded in gratitude and averted his gaze to Sano, seemingly peacefully asleep.
„He did, didn't he?"
Shiranui's voice seemed to come from very far away. Even though he hadn't voiced it, Shinpachi understood what the policeman meant with the question.
„It was before your time. Before you came into his life. Long before the two of you met."
Shinpachi brought Sano's hand to his lips, kissing it gently in a lingering kiss, like wanting to get the life back into the motionless body through it. Then, with a final sigh he looked at the man across of him, but never letting go of Sano's hand.
„Let me tell you a story, Shiranui. A sad one. A story of grief, pain, loneliness and rejection. Let me tell you Sano's story."
ox*xo*ox*xo*ox*xo
Next chapter will be the past arc. The song used in this is „Wake me up before you go-go" by Wham!, mentioned are „Livin on a prayer" by Bon Jovi and „Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club. I actually made an FFST (Fanfiction sountrack) for this, if someone wants it, I can send the download link.
One more thing: Did it bother you that I changed the POV several times over the shot? I tried to avoid it, but there were instances when I thought that it needed an „explaining from Sano's POV". I tried to write it so that it made sense, and as I re-read it, it didn't seem as disturbing, but I'm asking your opinion nonetheless. Thanks.
R&R!
mana