Author's Notes: Huh? What? An update? In January? But we just had the last one at the end of December! Perhaps JoeMerl will keep his resolution to update this story more regularly---he even has the next three chapters already written, in preparation for next week when he returns to skool. But then, he is still JoeMerl, so I suspect he'll soon fall into old habits and let both this and his homework suffer. But until then, enjoy another tale of me trying to make you humans act less stupid. The very fact that this story exists shows how futile that goal probably is.
Chapter Nine
Disguises
AUGUST 26, PRESENT, 14:55:00
LOUIE'S POV
Dear Log,
Today has not been fun so far.
Zim has been bothering me more than usual today. Not just his usual glares or occasional insults; he was watching me (extra creepily) all morning, threw his food at me during lunch (I was late for class cleaning the spaghetti sauce out of my hair), and has been throwing spitballs and paper wads at me all afternoon. AGH! There's another one. Every time I feel one I hear his evil little chuckle in the background...I swear, I have a pair of scissors in my desk, I have half a mind to jump up and try to dissect him right now. And frankly, if it turns out he is a human, I won't be too bothered by it. And just to make my day extra fun, Keef is acting really weird today too. (I mean weird-weird, not Keef-weird.) I think he might be coming down with something---his voice sounds a bit hoarse, and he seems really out of it. In a really annoying way.
But more important than all that---earlier today, when Zim was just starting on his extra-jerky kick, he said something that---to me anyway---sounded like he was admitting that he was an alien. I couldn't tell if it was a mistake or if he was trying to mock me or what, but if it really was an admission...er! What am I going to do?! Of course this had to happen the very same day I've been assigned to work on another project! I had been planning to work on that after skool today...or should I keep working on Zim instead? I don't know, but
"Louie!"
"Agh!"
I jumped, splattering ink onto my journal before looking up at Ms. Bitters. "Yes, ma'am?!"
"Are you paying attention?"
"Um...sure?" This came out a bit lamely, but I flashed the most confident smile I could at her.
She glared suspiciously. "Alright, then," she said, swooping back up to her desk.
I sighed and closed my log, quickly stashing it away in my backpack. As I did, I felt another little tap from something hitting my hair, followed by an evil little cackle from the other side of the room.
I growled, shooting Zim a look. He gazed back at me triumphantly, then kicked up his legs on his desk and leaned back with a grin.
"Uh. Bloody idiot," Keef muttered. I jumped slightly; he was already looking the other way, gazing distractedly out the window. I stared at him for a moment, shook my head, then turned back to Ms. Bitters.
I glanced at the clock repeatedly; the day was almost over, thank goodness, but Ms. Bitters continued to drone on about something. I couldn't pay attention---the questions I had been writing were still weighing too heavily on my mind. I ground my teeth in annoyance; I had always listened to the Eyeballs before, but this new idea of theirs was just infuriating. I had never intended Project D to become my main assignment, not while Zim was still a threat, anyway; and now, just as soon as I'd been reassigned, he suddenly starts dropping hints and acting ten times more annoying than usual. What was I going to do?
Both, I thought. Could I? That was an awful lot of work...but then, I really had no idea how much work Project D was going to need. Could be I'd start investigating and find out my previous theory was bupkes. Or I could be right about another theory I had: that the two projects were actually one in the same, that whatever my sensors had detected really did have something to do with Zim, even though I'd been unable to find any proof. But still, I would need to start investigating before I knew any of that. So maybe that was it. I should start on that right away, then evaluate a proper course of act---
PING.
"Damn it!"
I spun around in my seat, just as I saw the straw in Zim's hand shoot under his desk. I snarled at him. He grinned back wickedly.
"Louie! Is there something you want to share with the class?"
"No, just Zim's face," I growled under my breath, balling one hand into a fist.
Riiiiiiiing.
"Alright class, remember, you all have an oral project due next Wednesday. Those who fail to complete it in time will be suspended. We've been meaning to test the new chords..."
I threw everything into my backpack and looked up to glare at Zim, just in time to watch him swoop out of the room. Hmm. He usually waited for everyone else to leave first...yet another tiny bit of data to annoyingly tantalize me.
"That Zim sure is acting extra annoying today, isn't he?" Keef muttered, falling into step behind me.
I raised an eyebrow. "I thought you liked him." It was both the most endearing and annoying fact about Keef: he liked everyone.
"What?! I mean...er, yeah. Usually. But he's been, er...well, a lot worse lately, hasn't he?"
"Definitely," I muttered, turning at the door and making my way down the hall. "The way he's been acting today...gives me half a mind to..."
"To what?"
"...Eh, you wouldn't be interested."
"No, really, what?"
I raised an eyebrow at him. It wasn't so much the question; just something odd about the way he'd said it. Okay, Lou, you're getting paranoid here...
"Well, it was just my Eyeball meeting last night...they told me to ignore Zim and work on something else."
"And?"
I blinked, surprised. Somehow the question had been startling, though it took me a moment to pinpoint why. I was expecting a happy response; though Keef was usually kind of interested in my paranormal stuff (or anything anyone ever said about anything, for that matter), I knew that he felt uncomfortable about the way I had been stalking "someone as nice as Zim." I would have thought he'd be happy I was moving on to something else.
"Well, you remember those observations I told you about a week or two ago?"
"...Ih, sure, why not?"
"Well, they want me to focus on that. Apparently I haven't made enough progress with Zim yet," I grumbled, glaring at the ground. "As if any of them could do better...well, maybe TunaGhost..."
Keef was silent for a moment. "So, you've, er...noticed some strange things lately?"
"Well, not much. Just those readings I told you about. Other than that, though...not much."
Keef seemed to think about that for a long time. "Well, do you know what else I've noticed?"
"What?"
"There've been a lot more GFiB attacks lately."
I half-looked back at him, eyebrow raised again. "Well, a little. But those things always fluctuate."
"True...but still."
"Still what?"
Keef dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Well, if you ask me---"
"HI-YA!"
"Agh!"
I spun around, just as the locker beside me---which, I realized dimly in the back of my mind, was Zim's---came a green blur, and before I could do more than raise my arm in defense I felt something bang down against my head, sending me to the ground, and something sticky and wet dripping down my face.
"Ugh! ZIM!"
"Ha HA, Louie-hyuman!" Zim screeched, as I pulled the bucket out from my hair. "How do you like THAT, huh? Huh?!"
"What the---" I examined a drop of the substance on my finger. "Is this glue?!"
"Why, yes. Yes it is. HA! VICTORY IS MINE! HA! HA-HA! Pit-i-ful Lou-beast! Look at you, lying there in your gluey, gluey glue-mess of---hey, AGH!"
I don't entirely remember thinking to myself, "Hey, I'm going to strangle Zim now," but neither was I entirely surprised or upset to find my fingers wrapped around his throat. "Hey---let go of me!" he croaked, as I tightened my hands, shoving him roughly against the wall as bits of glue dribbled from my hair.
And thus began my first actual fight with Zim. The little green bastard pushed against me, throwing me back---but with the side effect of pushing himself back with me, when, who could have guessed it, touching me made his hands stick to my shirt. My hands were still around his neck---stuck---as we fell onto the floor, kicking, shoving and biting each other furiously and becoming more and more entangled in the sticky mess Zim had caused.
"Get off of me, pathetic hyuman!"
"You little green freak---!"
The two of us slammed into Keef---he let out a cry of shock as he became mixed in with us, receiving a few stray blows, his own uncharacteristic curses and insults mixed with our own.
"Agh!"
The three of us slammed into the wall---my head hit it with a sharp pain, sending a flash of white through my vision, before the three of us managed to become unstuck, Keef falling to the ground beside me and Zim flying across the hall to slam into the opposite wall.
He moaned, climbing shakily to his feet. And as he did, one of his eyes fell out.
I jumped. "Agh!"
Zim lifted his head to look up---where one of his eyes had been a moment before, there now was a large, shiny pink space, which narrowed along with his normal eye to glare at me. "You are right to scream in fear, pathetic hyuman!" he snapped, pointing at me. "For if you think I will tolerate your attacks, you have---something else coming! And I---"
He suddenly froze, staring at me. I knew my mouth must be hanging open, but I made no attempt to close it, or to correct the shocked look that had taken over my face.
Suddenly Zim's normal eye snapped to the ground, and he noticed what had fallen from his face---a thin, curved something like a fragment of a very large eggshell. Then, slowly, one gloved hand came up to touch his face. He touched the red spot where his eye had been, and his face turned almost white.
He stared at me again, then down at the thing on the floor. Then he screamed.
"AAAGGGHHH! AAAGGGHHH AAAGGGHHH AAAGGGHHH!"
He swooped down, grabbed the fake eye and ran, screaming like a maniac. I simply stared after him, and only when I heard the front doors to the skool slam was I finally able to speak.
"That---that---that---that was---"
"---His real eye, yes," Keef muttered.
I spun around to stare at him. His eyes were narrowed, cold, but his mouth was twisted into a smile. Not a normal Keef smile, which was wide and happy, but a very small little grin that seemed somehow sinister.
He looked up at me sharply. He blinked. "Well?"
I blinked back. "Well, what?"
Keef's face twisted as he held out a hand. "Go after him! Stop him! Aren't you going to---to---chase him or something?!"
"Chase him? I..."
I stared off towards the front doors of the skool. I bit my lip.
"Come on, Louie!" Keef said, grabbing my arm. "You just---just saw proof that he's really an alien!"
Did I? My mind was racing. "I---maybe---"
"You want to catch him, don't you?! Now's your chance!"
I turned to stare at him. I felt a chill go down my side. "What's with you today?!" I asked suddenly, pulling away.
Keef drew back, letting go of my arm. "Huh?"
I shook my head. "I'm going---home," I said finally. "To take a shower," I added with a grimace, shaking my arms and sending bits of glue-glop onto the floor. "I can't go after Zim today. I have something else to do."
I turned and walked away without another word.
I could feel Keef staring after me, but I didn't turn or say anything else. Something about him was freaking me out too much. The way he was acting, his sudden hatred for Zim...
I shook my head. I wouldn't be going after Zim today.
But I sure as hell would be going after Project D.
A/N: Another chapter done! And three more saved up. I still do wonder if it will be enough...once I go back to school, how much time to write will I have? We'll have to see...next update within two weeks at the latest, so if this story isn't longer by January 17, feel free to yell at me.
In other news: I'm also editing Chapter Two a bit (note: that's actually the third chapter, because of the Introduction), but that's just to take out some info that I put in too early---you need not go back if you don't want to. Also, please check out "10 IZ Pairings You've Probably Never Thought Of;" this newest pairing is the very funniest, I think. Anyway, bye for now, Happy New Year, and please leave reviews!