A Thousand Deaths

Chapter X

Mind's Playing Tricks On Me

When Goku didn't come home that night, Sanzo's first thought was that Goku had headed off to Hakkai's. Goku was understandably sensitive about the incident that had led to his imprisonment, so Sanzo realized he shouldn't be surprised that bringing it up ended up in the retreat of his charge. Sanzo considered giving Hakkai a call, but that would mean he cared about Goku, and Sanzo wasn't ready to admit that to himself.

And when Goku didn't come home in the morning, Sanzo figured Hakkai gave Goku a lift to school. But when the school called to report truancy in a monotonous, robotic voice, Sanzo was relieved to find something he could be angry about. It was the cop's day off, and he spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning the apartment. It was an unusual task, especially for Sanzo, but the apartment suddenly seemed to get dirty five times faster with the boy around. Even dust collected at an exponentially higher rate. If Sanzo had more time on his hands, he would probably have come out with a theory to explain this phenomenon.

Finally, around five, the door was thrown open and Goku came stamping into the house. "Sanzo! I'm home!" Sanzo looked up, his brow furrowed and his eyes dark. He'd had all day for his anger, or concern, or whatever it was, to simmer.

"Where were you?" Not that Sanzo was worried. But Goku was his charge and if Goku expected to live with him, then he couldn't run off whenever he felt like it. Goku managed a slightly petulant look.

"Just…around. I had some thinkin' I had to do." Goku looked to the floor, and then to the wall. His gold eyes slid from spot to spot until finally landing on the teapot on the stove. The old aluminum thing sat wearily, worn from many years of use.

"You had school."

"Come on, Sanzo. I'm sorry!" Gold eyes flew from the teapot to look at Sanzo. Sanzo didn't move for a long time, his mouth drawn in a thin line as his stormy violet eyes contemplated the boy in front of him. Before too long, Sanzo nodded, as if he had decided on something.

"I need to visit Hakkai. You're coming." Sanzo finally said. Goku looked slightly taken back, but he finally shrugged.

"Yeah, okay."

The ride to Hakkai's house was uneventful and Goku was unusually quiet. He glanced over at the cop often, and Sanzo gritted his teeth, irritation building within him. When they got to Hakkai's place, Goku kicked the door open and was bounding over to where Hakkai had just stepped out of his green BMW Hakkai's eyebrows were raised slightly in surprise. "Why, Sanzo, this is a pleasant surprise." Sanzo glared at the criminal, but Hakkai noticed that the cop also looked slightly put out. His attention was drawn from the cop to the boy as Goku began chatting easily.

Fumbling with the keys to his house, Hakkai struggled with the door a moment. It finally fell open, and he let the pair in, taking off his shoes and motioning for the others to do the same. "How did you know I was here and not at my apartment?" Hakkai asked with mild curiosity.

"I have spent the last few years researching you." Sanzo answered smoothly. Goku spent a lot of time at the house, but Sanzo had never been there before. Though the cop wouldn't admit to it, he was impressed with Hakkai's living arrangements. He spent his wealth well, without being ostentatious. The house had a comfortable, familiar feel to it. Hakkai used a lot of soft, neutral colors. Despite the lack of vibrancy, he had created a house that was simple enough to be welcoming and yet was classy enough to showcase the magnificent paintings Hakkai had acquired. Slipping the keys into his pocket, Hakkai led the pair into the kitchen. Pulling a chair from the table, he gestured for Sanzo to sit. Reluctantly, the cop sat down. Across from him, Goku settled into a chair. Crossing to the fridge, Hakkai pulled milk from it and poured it into a small glass. Grabbing several cookies, he put them on a plate and set the snack before Goku. If Hakkai was unnerved by Sanzo's appearance at his home, he didn't show it.

"Well, in any case, what brought you two over?" Hakkai glanced over at Sanzo. "Can I get you something to drink? I have both red and white wine."

"Just water."

"Of course." Hakkai smiled, pulling out a bottle of Purian and pouring it into a glass. He set it before Sanzo, his green eyes not leaving the face of the cop. Sanzo met Hakkai's unwavering gaze, realizing he was going to be under Hakkai's scrutiny until Sanzo answered him. A banging at the door interrupted the stair down and Hakkai looked up. "Ah, excuse me. That must be Gojyo." The steps of the half-Latino could be heard coming down the short hallway, and Sanzo grimaced in disgust. He didn't like Gojyo much. Sanzo could tolerate the man, but not much more than that. Turning, a barb on his lips, Sanzo paused when Gojyo staggered into the kitchen, his left hand grabbing his right shoulder. Blood welled around his hand, and the front of his shirt was already soaked. His face slick with sweat, Gojyo smiled wanly at the three who were frozen in place before lurching forward. Hakkai finally moved, dashing forward and breaking the fall of his friend. Red eyes met green and Gojyo smirked, though it came out as a grimace.

"Things are starting to catch up to you, Hakkai." Gojyo's eyes closed and he fell forward. Hakkai dashed forward, catching the man in his arms.

"Gojyo! Keep your eyes open! I'll have the doctor here in seconds." Hakkai gently set his friend to the floor. Paying no heed to hands covered in blood, Hakkai reached into the inner pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a cell. Speed dialing a number, he look up to Sanzo. "Officer Sanzo! Behind you!"

Sanzo turned in time to see Goku raising a knife against him. Quickly, quelling all emotion, he drew his gun from the holster, raised it and shot Goku neatly between the eyes. The boy had enough time to realize what happened, and as he fell, a look of total surprise was stamped on his features. Sanzo turned stormy eyes to Hakkai, who had just hung up the phone. "You have a lot of explaining to do."

Hakkai's face was pale. "Goku!" The crime lord stood up, his cold features shaken up for once.

"This isn't Goku." Sanzo knelt beside the body of the boy. Admittedly, the stranger before him looked startlingly like that of his charge, and although Sanzo wouldn't admit it, a sliver of doubt resided in his spine. As Hakkai watched, Sanzo drew Goku's shirt up, revealing a smooth belly. Sanzo sighed internally, relief flooding through him. "Goku was stabbed in June. He would have a scar. I can take this," Sanzo said, standing up and nudging the body with his foot, "to the lab."

"No, Sanzo, I don't think you can." Hakkai said. His icy veneer had fallen quickly back into place, his green eyes cold once again. "How do you plan on explaining to your lab that you were in a crime lord's apartment that resulted in the murder of a boy?"

Sanzo eyes narrowed. He hadn't thought about that. "What are you getting at?"

"Yes, you could try for self-defense, but do you want to be involved in a long, drawn out trial as your city falls around you?" Hakkai continued smoothly. Although he sounded relaxed, his green eyes were sharp and calculating. Sanzo's eyes narrowed. Hakkai was raising the stakes in a game Sanzo wasn't sure he was ready to gamble on. He wasn't going to be the savior of this dirty city. The cogs would continue to grind: one cop could not save a precinct, much less a city.

But it seemed that one criminal could destroy it.

Sanzo raised his still drawn gun, pointing it at Hakkai. "Don't you—"

"Reason with you?" Hakkai cut in, effectively cutting Sanzo off. "Let me take him to my people. I assure you that they are as good."

"Why?" Sanzo asked, his gun still pointed at the criminal before him. It would be so easy to just pull the trigger…

"Whoever is behind this has made the grave error of thinking he could intimidate me. I want to get to the bottom of this. Besides," Hakkai said after a pause, "You have a charge to find, who just happens to be a friend of mine."

Goku lay lethargically against the rocks. His gold eyes blinked open for the second time that day. When he had first woken, the moon had been high in the sky. He hurt all over, and the only thing that brought him to consciousness was the river water. It lapped against his face, warning of the rising tide. The next several minutes were spent in a painful grogginess. He had to get up, had to move. But everything hurt. Goku grimaced. He had certainly survived a lot-- rising water wasn't about to be the death of him. Mustering his strength, Goku used the rocks next to him as support. How he had not landed on them, he could only guess. The softer sand and crushed river shells had offered a somewhat broken, if still painful landing. Goku painfully brushed away some of the shells embedded in the arm that had taken the brunt of the fall. With great effort, he climbed onto the lowest rock outcropping. He was hurt badly, but he could deal with the injuries later.

He passed into blissful unconsciousness once more.

The second time he woke, the sun had replaced the moon, and it hung low, indicating that it was midmorning. The early fall sun warmed the rocks Goku lay on, and the boy allowed himself a few minutes to bask in its warmth. Staring up at the sky, he tried to assess his injuries. The right side of his face was crusty with dried blood, indicating a head injury. Which made sense, because damn but his head hurt. His right leg was all in pain, but it was located around his ankle and shin. It could already feel his ankle beginning to swell in his orange Converse. It would be hell getting the thing off. His gold eyes shifted to the rock face. Generally, the river that wrapped around and through the city had soft, muddy banks. However, along the Northwest side, the river narrowed and the muddy banks became rock cliffs, and the water was deep and treacherous. Every year there were always at least a few cases of kayakers who had gotten caught in the falls, or a boater who had fallen in and couldn't negotiate the fast currents. Goku clenched his fist. It was time to get up.

Leaning heavily against the rock face, Goku knew he had to somehow scale the rock face with a broken leg. Gritting his teeth, Goku let his hands tighten around the rock wall. Goku knew Sanzo would be angry, especially once the school called. Maybe the cop would think he had run away. A strange pain turned in his stomach at the thought of Sanzo thinking he might have jet. "I gotta find Sanzo." Goku said resolutely. "He's a cop. He'll fix things." Looking up, Goku steeled himself and began looking for a way up. "'Sides, I'm hungry. He'll have some food."

Sanzo leaned against the spare bedroom door looking in at the half Latino. The man was unconscious, his breathing fitful and uneven. A doctor stood beside the bed. He had made Hakkai's spare room into a makeshift hospital room. Machines beeped in a comforting rhythm. Pulling a cigarette, Sanzo fumbled with his lighter for a moment before lighting up. Hakkai was certainly efficient. Sanzo would give him that, at least. The criminal had called a crew of his people in and the body of the fake Goku was gone, no questions asked.

Sanzo had enough evidence now that he would have been smug about the entire situation were he not so involved. He smirked mirthlessly. He had been on the case for so many years, and hadn't made any headway at all in that time, but now…

"No smoking." Said a voice behind Sanzo, and the cigarette was neatly plucked from his fingers.

"Tch." Sanzo turned, eyeing Hakkai. The man smiled at him, the cigarette dangling in his fingers.

"Gojyo will be enough of a problem for the air quality. I don't need you exacerbating things." Hakkai's green eyes shifted over to his friend. Sanzo let his gaze linger on Hakkai a moment longer before turning to look back at Gojyo. He had seen the worry in Hakkai's face, and the resolute anger in his eyes. "Doctor, how is Gojyo doing?"

The doctor looked up. He seemed to be forty or so, but carried his weight like he was much older. "Oh, I think he'll pull through. He's tough, this one. He's finally stabilized, in any case." He gave a tired smile. He hadn't had to operate—it was only a clean knife wound, though a deep one. The failure to save Cho's best friend…was not to be contemplated. He had been employed under Hakkai Cho a long time. He knew the consequences of making him angry. Hakkai looked at the doctor a moment longer, and then turned to Sanzo.

"I think it is time we came clean with eachother. Clearly, despite our best efforts, we have become involved in this situation together. However, first, the most pressing question is: Where is the real Goku?"

"I don't know." Sanzo answered truthfully. "I asked him last night about what happened on that day that gave him such notoriety, and the stupid kid ran out. " Hakkai nodded.

"Ah, I see. It is unlike Goku to be absent for so long…" Hakkai trailed off, his green eyes introspective. "I'll get some of my men looking for him right away. I am sure you don't want to file a missing persons report." Sanzo scowled. The criminal managed to keep a head of him every step of the way. He had a way of making Sanzo feel…totally useless and inept. The cop hated that feeling.

"Okay, Hakkai, so if Goku won't tell me what happened at that time, then it's up to you. I know what happened on your side. Tell me how Goku was involved."

"Of course, officer. That is something of the million dollar question, now isn't it?" Hakkai asked with a smile gracing his lips, but his eyes were aged beyond his years, and in that moment, Sanzo almost felt sorry for him.

Hakkai smiled absently, the young boy beside him chattering happily away. Goku was probably one of his worst students, although it was understandable. All he'd heart of Goku's family were rumors of heresy, but what Hakkai did know was that both parents were dead, both since Goku was very young, and the child had spent all his time since he was six jumping from foster home to foster home. Hakkai would have loved to adopt the child. However, he hardly had the means, or the energy, to care for Goku. He could, however, be an ear, when the boy needed it, and his tutor. He didn't mind working for free. Goku was maybe slower to pick up information than his classmates, but it wasn't that he wasn't smart. He was just constantly occupied with something else. All the medicine for ADHD in the world couldn't keep Goku in one place. Hakkai enjoyed the presence of the boy, and sat by patiently as Goku explained the rules to his new foster home. The homework assignment lay forgotten on the table between them.

The session ended, and Hakkai walked Goku home, as he did after every tutoring session.

"Okay, Goku! Enjoy your evening. I'll see you tomorrow!" Hakkai stood outside Goku's foster home. It was a small, humble brick house with a white door and shutters that had once been quaint, but had sunken into disrepair. Goku visibly deflated, and he looked to the front door. The sun had already set, and the house looked absolutely uninviting in the approaching darkness. The front porch light flickered and the voices of children filtered out into the fall night.

"Okay, Hakkai. Thanks for the help!" Goku said in a bright voice that contradicted his body language.

"Goku…these people aren't bad, are they?" Hakkai settled to a quick crouch, matching Goku's eye level. He didn't fully understand the foster care program, and all that went on in it, and although it didn't seem as if Goku was being abused, it couldn't hurt to check.

"No, the mom is nice, and the other kids are all right. But I'm tired of moving around, yanno? I wish somebody…" Goku trailed off, shrugging. "Anyway, see you tomorrow!"

"Be sure to study tonight!" Hakkai stood, wondering what Goku would have wished. He watched as the boy knocked on the door, and was let in by a middle-aged, overweight woman. She paused at the door and smile at Hakkai. Waving her hand, the teacher waved back.

"Thank you!" She called as she shut the door. Sighing, Hakkai turned and caught the next bus. There were so many unwanted children in the world. He had been one of them, and it cut him to the quick to see any other child like that.

So the days passed, and then all traces of the summer were gone. October came as always—cool enough to remind the teachers and students of the coming months, but warm enough to still be inviting. The students were excited because pumpkin patches and apple pie were in store, and, at the end of the month: Halloween. Each of Hakkai's students had spent the entire month preparing for the wonderful holiday. They were at the age where most girls wanted to be someone pretty, and the boys wanted to be either something unbearably scary, or their number one hero.

"Are you looking forward to trick-or-treating?" Hakkai asked. Goku was bent over a math problem he was having a struggling with. He looked up quickly, gladly welcoming a break from math.

"My family can't afford to get me a costume, and my parents used to tell me that kids shouldn't go trick-or-treating if they don't have a costume to wear." Goku said. He looked back down quickly at his work sheet; his gold eyes focused on the math problems, unseeing. Hakkai frowned. Goku rarely mentioned his real parents. It was clear he remembered them well, and occasionally, Goku would mention something his parents had said. There'd been a few rumors going around the school recently as to what exactly had happened to Goku's family. Much of the faculty believed it had been a car accident, but Hakkai had heard much more disturbing rumors. Hakkai wasn't sure how much to credit these rumors.

"If I could find an old costume of mine, would you care to wear it?" Hakkai asked in earnest. Goku glanced up, a hopeful expression on his face, but he didn't give too much away.

"That could be cool." Goku's eyes gave him away, and Goku broke into a smile. Hakkai admired Goku's ability to rebound quickly, and to remain so eternally optimistic. Hakkai couldn't keep a smile from his own face, and he nodded.

"All right, then. I'll see what I can do. If you had a preference, what would you be?" Hakkai had no old Halloween costumes, but he didn't mind buying one. Of course, Goku didn't have to know that. Goku looked unsure, and he played with the pencil in his hands as he considered.

"Maybe…maybe a policeman? I dunno, maybe that's stupid." Goku said hesitantly. "Whatever you have is okay." Goku said. He tried to look unaffected. After all, he was eleven, and shouldn't care about such things. At least, that was what he was told. Hakkai gave Goku one of his winning smiles, and shook his head.

"Don't worry about it, Goku."

"You make him sound like an absolute saint." Sanzo interrupted. He gave Hakkai a long, dry look, which Hakkai returned with a shrug.

"Far from saintly, and much the way I remember him. You may not believe me, but he's quieter now than he used to be." Hakkai said calmly, and with the slight smile that annoyed the hell out of Sanzo. Sanzo snorted.

"I couldn't put up with it if he talked any more than he does now."

"No, I imagine not." Hakkai mused.

Halloween. Grinning and scowling jack-o-lanterns alike stood vigil on front porches across the city. It was a Friday, and every child of trick-or-treating age was excited beyond belief. For the last several years, Halloween had fallen on school nights, much to the chagrin of the entire elementary and middle school population. Now, they finally had their opportunity for an immediate future school-free. Scary movies, late trick-or-treating, and excessive candy eating were in store. (Although, how that was different from any other Halloween, no student could answer. The point of the matter, after all, was not that they hadn't celebrated that way before, but that they were free the day after.)

Goku was dressed as a policeman, and very proud of it. He had aspirations, of maybe one day being a policeman, he'd told Hakkai. Goku knew he wasn't the brightest kid—at least, not in the way teachers judge things—and so Goku decided maybe his best chance at a job. Besides, at this age, Goku believed the job of a policeman was to run around, saving people. He had little notion of piles of paperwork, stakeouts, or speed traps.

Goku smiled to himself. He had a pillow bag swung over his shoulder, and all in all, he felt he'd made a pretty good run. The bag was heavy with all sorts of confectionery, and Goku knew he'd have enough sweets to at least last the week. It'd been a good day, and Goku felt that with the way things were going, life was finally taking a turn for the better. His family was poor, but they were nice enough. Hakkai was the best friend he'd had in many, many years. He was out from Li's grasp, and although he missed Nataku, he was happy to be free from his awful father.

So, when Goku glanced into the alley he was walking past, all illusions of a better life instantly shattered.

Hakkai stayed late after school to help a couple of students before he headed home for the day. Kanan had gone out and bought candy for the trick-or-treaters, and Hakkai was looking forward to an evening of watching bad Grade-B horror films with the woman he loved. They lived in a small, humble town house, but it was better than anything they'd had as children. They were able to decorate it however they pleased, and this year, he and Kanan had spent time carving out a pumpkin.

It was with great trepidation that Hakkai came home to find the door ajar. There were signs of a struggle inside. Candy was strewn everywhere, and shattered glass littered the floor. Hakkai cautiously pushed the door open. There was blood, but no signs of Kanan. Hakkai felt his heart drop, and he let out a tiny cry of surprised pain. With numb fingers, he fumbled for a phone and dialed the police.

Hakkai was not home, however, when the police arrived. He couldn't bear it. He stumbled back out onto the street, one hand held to his mouth. He couldn't keep from retching, however, and his bowels emptied themselves on the foot of the stairs to his and Kanan's quaint apartment. He fell to his knees, one arm wrapped around his stomach as great, wracking sobs threatened to shake him apart.

"I saw them take her." A voice said from next to Hakkai. Hakkai looked up immediately, a look of pained hope stamped across his features.

"Where?" He asked hoarsely.

"It was the SLC gang. They took her. I'd seen them shadowing her, and they got her just as she was closing the door to the apartment." The man said. Hakkai absently recognized him as one of the neighbors from just down the street. His jaw tightened. He stood and grabbed the man by the collar of shirt. The sorrow was gone, replaced by rage. The man cringed back.

"Why didn't you warn her? Why didn't you say anything?" Hakkai growled. The man blinked. The man said nothing: he couldn't claim himself for a coward.

"I…I didn't know." He stuttered, helplessly. Hakkai's green eyes narrowed dangerously, and he shoved the man backwards. The helpless neighbor fell back, cracking his head against the nearby stair. He fell still and silent. Hakkai didn't notice. An animalistic rage was coursing through his veins, deep and violent. He would not stand for the loss of his love.

He could not.

Hakkai very deliberately entered into his broken apartment, grabbed the kitchen knife left on the counter, and stole back into the night.

He would get Kanan back, and her kidnappers would pay if they'd done anything to her.

End Chapter X

I'm SO SORRY this took so long to get out! I want you all to know I haven't given up! And that's the important thing, right? Better late than never? I promise I'll work harder!

This story is reaching its third year, and I know my writing style has change a lot in that time. I hope you forgive me for my style changes. This really started off with me inspired by the city I live in, and the ghetto school I went to. Things have changed a lot since that time, and my influence of late has been more and more film noir.

I have Aki and SF to thank a lot for editing, and especially Aki in these recent chapters. She's been a big help, and I appreciate it immensely.

I feel like I'm a little out of the Saiyuki world loop of recent. If any of you could send me links to where the new chapters are, I'd love you. Also! There's so much new art work out, where is that at?

Thank you for staying with me all this time. I promise I will continue to write this until I'm done!

Love

K.Firefly

Plus, does anyone know good archives where I can store this?