Chapter 9

Bound by Will

A/N- Hey All! Sorry for the late update, I thought I'd get to this sooner but you know how it weekends are, you think you've got a long time to do stuff but then it ends up being shorter because you keep putting things off? Yup, pretty much the story of this weekend, ha, ha. Well, you'll get a good long chapter here and the next one (which is already mostly written) will be even longer. So get ready for some great story stuff! (Sorry my adjectives are bunk today).

JediBettyBug- I'm glad you like it. I really enjoy writing Tahiri's past as she's definitely one of the more ignored characters of NJO and isn't really developed in LOTF. Force fire is an idea I just made up on the spot, but the more I write with it, the more I like it. Oh, I'm so glad that you didn't see the whole past thing coming, and that it's going well, I was iffy on creating Jesse Veila because I thought it'd be trite. Yay! ^_^

Please enjoy and as always, I appreciate the feedback and reviews!

-Don ^_^

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It was colder than hoth on Mykyr. Anakin was sure that it was because of the lack of sun, because the sun itself was not close to the planet, and because they were so far down in the jungle that even if there was a source of heat, they were the furthest from it. He stood up and moved from his bedroll. Out of habit, Anakin hadn't been able to sleep at night. It was the same on the Mykyr mission. He'd slept, if one could call lying with one eye open and scanning the surroundings sleeping. Anakin walked out and stood just outside the campsite. His head didn't even turn as someone approached from behind, silent as a wraith. Anakin already sensed Jesse's presence.

"You truly have confidence if you left your back open to me." Jesse observed, leveling with Anakin who still didn't look over at Jesse.

"You won't kill me. I'm your only tie to Tahiri." Anakin replied flatly. Jesse glanced back then refocused on Anakin.

"Is that the only reason?" Jesse said without much concern in his voice, "Don't you think I have any morals?"

"If you do, they can and will change at the drop of a hat because you have no obligations to anyone but yourself." Anakin's sheer bluntness took Jesse briefly by surprise then he recollected himself enough to respond.

"You don't credit people much for anything, do you?" Jesse said, though he wasn't really asking Anakin the question. It was more of a statement of fact.

"That's because the majority of the people I've met are immoral and their sanity has taken a permanent leave of absence." Anakin's cool blue eyes now fixed on Jesse.

"Oh, and you think I'm one of those people?" Jesse questioned dubiously. Anakin's eyes never left Jesse's mutilated face.

"No. I know you're one of those people because you threatened to kill Tahiri."

"It wasn't a serious threat, I wouldn't ever try that." Jesse pointed out with a scowl. He couldn't believe that Anakin was actually taking the threat seriously. Jesse was sure he'd made good on his story to prove that he'd never harm Tahiri or Anakin for that matter.

"The fact that you'd even joke about that proves you don't have a good idea what it means to care about someone." Anakin answered curtly. Jesse's mouth twitched and he smiled wryly at Anakin.

"I suppose you think I don't know how to love someone because I spent my entire life as an outcast with renegades and sith as my surrogate parents?" Jesse's jaw tightened as he glared at Anakin, who didn't flinch. Anakin's eyes continued to sharpen and harden the longer the two stared each other down.

"Yeah, unless you can prove otherwise," Anakin stated, though as unwilling as he was to not let Jesse prove himself, Anakin wanted, for Tahiri's sake, to let Jesse explain more of the Veila family's history.

"Our grandfather, the one I look like, was a sith by the name of Syrigus. He wasn't what many would consider a traditional sith, which is why he was dubbed a 'Fallen Jedi' and not a sith by those in the Republic," Jesse cleared his throat, his Adam's apple shifting as he continued with what was clearly, by the feelings Anakin gathered in the force, and disconcerting subject. "He used force fire to heal people and was cruel beyond belief when he needed to be. That was what called the Republic's attention to him. After the killing of twenty innocents as well as two Jedi Knights and a Master by Syrigus' hands, he was called before the Jedi Council to testify. His only response to the accusations was, 'they were weak, and I gave them a choice: to be strong and end the lives that weren't going to aid the Republic, or to die along with them. They resisted.

"You can imagine their faces when the council heard this. They immediately got permission from the New Republic to enforce an exile on Syrigus and anyone else who uses similar methods. Of course, all related to Syrigus were eventually exiled as well and soon the Veila name was wiped from the records just short of the years when the Empire was taking over. After that, everyone forgot about the Veila clan." Jesse grimaced, "Tahiri wouldn't be happy to know that her family is tainted by the blood of murderers."

"I can't not tell her, Jesse and even if I didn't, she'd find out on her own," Anakin replied coolly. Jesse sighed.

"You have to understand, Anakin, the truth will keep her from returning to us, to her family."

"Then maybe she's better off without you, but I won't lie or keep things from her," Anakin's voice became icy and almost angry. Jesse looked into Anakin's eyes.

"You have a lot of anger in your passion, it's a wonder that no one has noticed it before." Jesse said, though not without some irritation. "But even we control our emotions to a certain extent, we just don't discern between light and dark force power since force fire requires the use of both kinds of emotions."

"Then I think I'm fine." Anakin's answer cut off any last thoughts or words Jesse was about to say.

"Don't get me wrong, Anakin, I admire what you're doing for Tahiri, but did you ever ask her what she wants?" Jesse questioned. It was a genuinely honest question and wasn't asked with any layers of motive. Jesse was merely curious. Anakin remained silent for a moment. He knew that if he asked Tahiri, she'd probably say she wanted to know what happened to her family and that meant returning to Jesse to hear the rest of the story. Including the parts of the tale where the Yuuzhan Vong killed the remainder of the Veila clan save for the few who were now with Jesse.

Anakin turned around and started back to the campsite. "Anakin," He paused and turned his head to look at Jesse.

"We're all there is left of her biological family, don't deny her something you've always had for yourself." Jesse said, then he was gone inside the building, leaving Anakin to spend the rest of the hours of the early morning on his own. The temperature continued to go down and Anakin felt that there was no need to attempt to sleep because he knew it wouldn't come now any more than it did before he'd spoken to Jesse.

Whoever invented the phrase "I'm sorry," was an idiot, because no one in their right mind who wanted to sincerely apologize for something would actually say "I'm sorry. This was something that Jag found himself struggling with as he stood with Jaina in the cemetery before the grave of who Jag could only guess was Jaina's previous boyfriend.

What could he, Jag, possibly say that could help to heal something that wasn't meant to go away? Pain never did. Jag knew that well enough, so why was it that he couldn't find something intelligent to say now? Jag stood silently behind Jaina as she laid down flowers on the grass.

"May the force be with you, Zekk," She muttered then stood up without turning to face Jag she said, "He was a loyal person. Not everyone knew that because of a mistake he made. Even if no one knows that he was a true friend at the end, I'll tell anyone that he was. It's not fair that the last memories we have of someone have to be negative, right?" She turned around to look at Jag now. He nodded solemnly.

"He must have been a good person if you trust him as much as you do." Jag managed to say clearly and articulately. Jaina glanced behind her.

"If my word was good enough to erase all the things he did, I would talk all the time."

"Maybe you don't need to," Jag said, finally finding out what he wanted to tell Jaina in the clutter that was his mind. Jag knew he had never been one for words or for expressing what was important because Jag never stopped to figure out what that was. "Look." Jag gestured to the other flowers that had been placed a few inches in front of Jaina's.

Jaina's eyes went wide then softened. She knew who had probably been here. "Yeah," She then wiped her face with her sleeve. Jag watched this with stiffness in his entire body. Having lost his siblings a long time ago, Jag knew that the pain never quite evaporated because every time Jag looked at their pictures or visited their graves, he always felt hurt. No matter how many years went by, Jag knew he'd never be able to get over the fact that his siblings were a part of his life and no matter how much they teased him or made fun of him, Jag always felt emptiness in the place where his siblings used to be.

But saying that right now seemed to be the most insensitive option of all the actions or words Jag could choose. "Let's take a walk." Jag said instead. Jaina followed Jag as they made their way through the trees surrounding the cemetery then came out onto the path. Jaina was still sniffing a little but mostly from the cold now.

Boy, she thought to herself, this isn't exactly the ideal place to be right now. It's never been this cold and I can't believe I didn't check the weather report. Not that it would help how clunky things have been going between Jag and I.

"Can I ask you something?" Jaina said aloud. Jag turned his head as they approached the next curve in the small path that went around the entire cemetery.

"Yes," He replied shortly, not in a harsh way. Jaina didn't take it in a bad way since she could sense his apprehension at her question. Mostly people who asked if they could ask a question were about to ask something that was either extremely personal or extremely risky in terms of its rudeness or it could be considered interrogative.

"Why did you save my life?" Her brandy eyes narrowed a little as she concentrated on the fact that Jag's eyelashes had snowflakes on them. It was weird, no, beyond weird, Jag actually looked like a normal guy in his thick jacket and white collared shirt that was unbuttoned and lopsided.

"You're the commander aren't you?" Jag asked plainly. Jaina nodded.

"So?"

Jag continued, "So you should understand what it means when the leader is killed. No mission is ever completed without a leader. I was doing my job by ensuring that you lived."

"That's bull, Jag and you know it." Jaina replied. Jag's green eyes went wide for a second. "You didn't have to ensure anything because we were already fighting on the ground, on our own, the squad was done for. I'd called a retreat, Jag. Don't tell me that you had to ensure the mission, because it was already finished."

Jag shook his head, "Not for me it wasn't. I don't give up even after the commander calls a retreat. That's how Chiss fight."

"So basically you fight like an insane idiot?" Jaina gave him a quizzical look then smiled wryly. Jag sighed, his breath visible in the air.

"You could say that. But I prefer dedicated, to insane." Jag corrected and stiffened his shoulders against the air.

"Aren't they the same thing?" Jaina grinned at him.

"Very funny," Jag commented sardonically. Jaina laughed.

"You misunderstood, Jag. I wasn't joking." Jaina then walked ahead of Jag and stopped before another grave just around the bend. She brushed the snow off the cold slab embedded in the ground.

The name inscribed was: ANAKIN SKYWALKER, father, son, and husband. Then his birthday and death date.

"A man of great power and of cruelty," Jaina said, "I never understood how my uncle forgave his father for everything he'd done. It almost seems too naïve."

"Perhaps in the same way you forgave Zekk, Master Skywalker forgave his own father for what he did." Jag offered, causing Jaina to look at him curiously. It was an astute observation, not to mention accurate.

"He's not actually buried here. None of the Jedi are. Our ashes are all collected in the Jedi Temple memorial on Yavin 4." Jaina said. "All that's here is a stone with my grandfather's name on it."

"What about your grandmother?" Jag asked frowning a little as he thought about it.

"No one actually knew who she was. Not even my mother knew," Jaina brushed off her knees then rose.

"Despite all that the galaxy knows about your family, nobody knows who Anakin Skywalker's wife was?"

"I'm sure someone does. But no one in my family has had the time to look, we're all preoccupied with the present," Jaina then thought of Anakin. Except for Anakin, he's always had his eyes on the past more than the present.

"How about you?" Jag said. Jaina looked at him.

"How about me what?"

"Do you want to know who your grandmother was?" Jag asked gently.

Jaina shrugged, "It's not going to kill me if I don't know. But it couldn't hurt either." Jaina then moved away from the grave. She paused and looked down. To her surprise there was a single flower on the side of the grave that Jaina had overlooked before. Of all the flowers, it happened to be a rose.

"That's strange." Jaina said, walking back over to look at the flower. She picked it up. "Who would leave a rose on Anakin Skywalker's grave?" Jaina turned to glance back a Jag, who shook his head.

"Someone who still thinks he's worth considering as a person." Jag replied honestly. Jaina put the rose down and walked away.

"I'll admit this does have me curious. I didn't think anyone but my uncle still thought Anakin Skywalker was a human with heart at some point in his life. Even my mother thought he'd been long gone at the end of his life. So why now?" Jaina voiced all these thoughts aloud, not really expecting much of a response from Jag, who in turn offered none.

They started down the small gravel path that led to the exit of the cemetery. Jag thought about her question even though she probably didn't expect an answer from him, if anything, she was just voicing aloud the question that was on Jag's mind as well. All the same he said, "I don't know. Your grandfather was a person who knew a lot of people by the time he died. Who knows who of all those people would still remember Anakin Skywalker without thinking about Darth Vader at the same time," Jag looked at Jaina who was listening intently to his words but still furrowing and widening her brow while mulling it over.

"If someone did think he was human, why didn't they say something? Force knows how few people can actually look on my grandfather with a positive eye," Jaina asked. Jag shifted his shoulders.

"Well, if everyone thinks that Anakin Skywalker died long before Darth Vader came about, why would the person want to mention it? It seems to me that anyone who mentions Anakin Skywalker before he became Darth Vader gets silenced because no one wants to even consider that Anakin Skywalker was a normal person with a mother and a life before he threw it away."

Jaina fell silent as she thought this over. It was true that Anakin Skywalker had a past that so few people knew about, and those that did never mentioned it. Even Jaina's uncle, Luke Skywalker, one of Vader's own children, didn't talk much about his father, though Jaina knew as well as anyone that her uncle thought constantly about his father because at the end of his life, Darth Vader had once more become the kind hearted man that Darth Vader once was.

It was hard to believe that Anakin Solo, whose namesake was that of his grandfather as well as Jaina's, had overcome a barrier that would stay with him every time someone mentioned Anakin Skywalker or Darth Vader. Or even if someone said his name, Anakin Solo would feel cold dread that he'd become his grandfather some day. Jaina only just found out how long her younger brother had kept his fears bottled up only to have the end result was his attempt to run away.

It was a wonder when things became so complicated. In the past all Jaina could think about was the next project she was going to work on building out of spare machine parts. Or the next lesson at the Academy on Yavin 4. When she was a young Jedi knight that was what she knew was reality. But now she knew better than to think that was everything the galaxy was about, because it wasn't. If anything, that was the furthest from the truth. She and Jacen had long forgotten how simple things were. A day where the only goal was to complete the building of their first lightsaber or to have an adventure where there were risks, but nobody died. There were times when Jaina thought she'd wake up and the galaxy would still be that way. That she'd wake up and Zekk, Chewie, and Valin Horn would still be alive. Of course, that was naïve because Jaina knew Zekk was dead, Chewie was dead, and Valin was dead. None of them were coming back and she had to accept that. The Academy wasn't the safe haven it used to be and no one seemed to know how to rebuild a galaxy that distrusted itself and its inhabitants.

It wasn't as simple as destroying the empire or fighting the Diversity Alliance. In both cases, there was a good side and a bad side. At this point, Jaina was afraid to draw her lightsaber for fear of hurting the wrong person.

"Jaina?" She blinked and started for a second. Jag had stopped walking and was giving her a worried look.

"What? Oh, sorry, Jag," Jaina shook her thoughts from her mind. Right now her own world was so screwed up. Anakin had gone off on his own, Jacen was sick and possibly fatally so, her parents were dealing with the crumbling pieces of the New Republic, and her Uncle and Aunt were trying to find Jaina's cousin who had been kidnapped. "What were you saying?"

"I was asking if you planned to go back to your parents' apartment," Jag said, still fixing Jaina with his green eyes but not commenting on how spaced out she was.

"Yeah, I was, why?" Jaina had reoriented herself by now and the usual edge was back in her voice. Jag paused, giving her a long look, his green eyes softened to the point where Jaina was sure she could see depth in them.

"Why do you want to hide every feeling you have?" He asked, "I would think that even you would have realized by now that no matter how strong of a Jedi you are, you can't keep all your emotions bottled up," Jag stiffened, "I've never understood Jedi."

Jaina frowned, "Why's that? You can't imagine how we can be more compassionate than Chiss soldiers?"

Jag smiled sadly, "No. Exactly the opposite of that," He noted Jaina's expression of confusion and how purely gentle her eyes were when they lowered their hardened walls. It was the most pleasant thing Jag had seen in a long time. Even if her eyes were full of confusion, it was still something Jag appreciated, although he doubted Jaina would like it if he said so. "I've never understood how in the old days of the Knights of the Republic, Jedi gave up marriage, emotions, and dedicated themselves entirely to serving the Jedi Order and the Republic. If anything, Anakin Skywalker changed that black and white view of things for the better."

Jaina laughed. "You should say that to my uncle, he'd be happy to hear someone compliment his father that way."

"Aren't you happy to hear it?" Jag asked with a smile still on his face. "I would think you could enjoy it as well. If I wanted to say that to your uncle, I would have."

Jaina stared at Jag, once again perplexed. Everything Jag did seemed to confuse Jaina, something that she wasn't exactly used to. Jaina had gotten adjusted to being confident and collected, but Jag threw her completely off balance. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing," Jag replied as he kept walking, not bothering to look around at Jaina. She quickened her pace to level with him, and left it at that. She at least knew by now when Jag didn't want to explain something, he wouldn't explain it no matter what. If there was something Jaina knew about stubborn people, it was that they never gave up.

The wind brushed lightly against Jacen's forehead, pushing the bangs from his face in little tufts, then they swaying with the slow but steady whistling that soothed his mind more than any form of Jedi meditation would. He took a deep breath all the same and felt the cool air on his throat. It was nice to be out of the stuffy hospital. It was a wonder that they let him go home at all, seeing as his tests for a cure were still underway. But Jacen didn't pay it much mind. He knew as well as anyone that there wasn't any cure for what he had. The reason being, no one knew what was wrong with him. Except Tenel Ka, she seemed more aware of the disease than the doctors were of the consequences.

Her general displeasure with his decision to not give back the disease in the void, didn't go unnoticed by Jacen. He couldn't exactly blame her either. After all, if she'd done the same thing, he'd be upset too. It was a lose-lose situation. No matter who ended up being sick, both of them would be unhappy. Which, Jacen and Tenel Ka were, both of them didn't know what to say to each other because every time they spoke it was like acknowledging that they were fighting a losing battle. That every word they spoke could be the last ones. Jacen could feel his strength ebbing with each day and even though it would be years before he would be at risk of being killed by the disease, there were other factors he had to worry about. One of them being that the disease functioned like mononucleosis because it caused both physical pain as well as internal pain from the weakened immune system. Only unlike mono, this disease was permanent.

A cough seized Jacen's insides and he cringed, trying not to let it affect what was a peaceful moment outside for him. If wishes were fishes, Jacen thought. Another cough racked his body and he grimaced and used the force to numb the pain. But as usual, it only did so much to keep the rawness of his throat. He almost jumped when a hand touched his arm.

"Jacen, you know you should not be out here," Tenel Ka said with a small frown. Though Jacen could sense she wasn't angry. Concerned, yes, but not angry.

"I'm fine, Tenel Ka," He replied with a faint smile, "Really." She sighed and then grabbed his arm, pulling him off balance. Jacen stumbled then regained his balance. Tenel Ka paused while he righted himself then continued to lead him inside.

"You do not have to put on a tough front for me, Jacen," Tenel Ka said finally as they reached their bedroom. She turned around, wrapping her arms around his neck. "If you are going to take on the disease that was mine, then we shall do it together. But you need to trust me."

Jacen's eyes went wide then he narrowed them, but gently so as he ran his hand along Tenel Ka's cheek. "I've always trusted you, Tenel Ka," He pushed back the pain mounting in his legs so he could stand for a few more minutes, "But I sometimes wonder if I've screwed up too many times for you to trust me."

Tenel Ka flicked her braid behind her head, "Jacen," Her granite eyes narrowed, "You may be foolish, but that does not mean I question your trust."

"What about the time when I accidentally cut your arm off?" His mouth curled into a grimace.

"I pushed you too hard, Jacen. That was my fault," Tenel Ka replied sternly. Jacen remained unconvinced.

"You went back home afterwards, so I wondered if it was because you didn't trust me anymore," Jacen said.

"This," She said with a sigh, "Is not a fact. I went home because I needed to recollect myself. It had nothing to do with you."

Jacen tried hiding his hurt at the comment by turning his head to the side and using the force to put a barrier around his emotions but to no avail. She was already gazing at him with concern and puzzlement. He stepped away from Tenel Ka.

"You don't get it, Tenel Ka," He said, "With you, I never," He bit his lip and found to his disappointment that he was losing control of his emotions. "I never thought anything that involved you hurting was any different from me hurting. I was stupid. I never stopped to think about whether or not it was my business why you went back. All I knew was that I thought it was my fault and that I had to be with you on Hapes," Jacen clenched his fists to keep them from shaking. He wasn't sure why he was getting so worked up over this, but all the same here he was, standing in front of his best friend since he was fourteen and his life partner, losing his face. "I didn't want to lose you as a friend, no matter what that took."

Tenel Ka grasped his hands in hers and hugged him. Just like that, Jacen lost it completely. Tears leaked from his eyes and no matter how hard he squeezed his eyes shut, Jacen couldn't stop them from coming.

"I know." Tenel Ka said and for some reason Jacen's smile returned.

Mara landed lightly on the roof, her brown Jedi robe billowing around her as she stood up, surveying the cityscape. So far tracking the kidnappers by herself had proven fruitful. More so than depending on the New Republic to reorganize itself enough to take action on its own. Mara was more than happy that she hadn't told Luke what she was doing. Aside from leaving Ben with Han and Leia and telling them she'd be gone for a while, Mara disclosed nothing about her mission objective. Though Mara guessed Leia probably felt the lie somewhere in Mara's words as she spoke. But since Leia said nothing, not that it would have dissuaded Mara, because she was going to go through with her plan no matter what.

Mara had taken a ship to the first place she felt a connection to. Even though Kyle was young and his force presence wasn't as strong as Luke's or Leia's, or any of the Solo or Skywalker lines for that matter, Mara knew her son's presence. It wasn't something one forgot after being in labor for nine months. She scanned with the force then jumped nimbly to the ground, pivoted soundlessly and then entered the first building she came across with the strongest feel of Kyle in it. Mara entered and crossed the metal walkway which served as the maintenance workers' area. This was factory of some sort. Though of what, Mara wasn't in the least bit interested.

The crosswalk made a clinking noise and Mara turned abruptly to look into the cool golden brown eyes hidden beneath the dark hood of a robe. Without another word, the folds of the robe were cast back and a snap hiss signaled that the person, whoever it was, wasn't going to talk to Mara. A crimson glow held just below the hooded figure's face illuminated for a second the young face under the hood.

She smiled and ignited her own blade. Mara had faced many young opponents, having been young herself when Emperor Palpatine took her under his wing. Mara wasn't about to let her new opponent be the reason she lost the trail to her son again. She struck out first, thinking to catch the unguarded side of the lightsaber.

Mara brought her blade down when another one ignited in front of hers, this time, the color of a fiery sunset.

A/N- I love listening to "Duel of the Fates," it's such a great song, especially when you're writing action scenes for SW fan fics. Please review! Thanks! ^_^