Getting More Like Fiction Each Day, Chapter Ten
By GirlX2
Standard disclaimers, I own nothing.
-
"You do realize that unless we cure this we can't consummate the relationship."
"Whoa there Wilson, I'm not ready to consummate anything."
"Really."
"…Not until you get a better set of ties anyway. Those things could make Hugh Heffiner lose his hard-on."
Wilson cut into the stack of macadamia-nut pancakes on his plate. "Remind me again why I'm attracted to you."
"My fab-abs, I assume." House dropped a pinch of ground-up vicodin into his mouth and swallowed (They had to resort to this system of dosage).
"Yeah, this isn't too gay." Wilson muttered.
"Y'know, there's still plenty of stuff we can do." House waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"When you're better." Wilson pointed a forkful of pancake at him for emphasis. "I'm not going to risk injuring you just because you're horny."
"Speaking of curing, have we gotten any reports back from the Ducklings?"
"Foreman said they've managed to get the rats back to half their normal scale." Wilson said.
"That's…good." House didn't look pleased.
"What?"
"It appears they've devised a working treatment." House replied. "The only question now is why isn't it working completely?"
Wilson didn't respond. They both knew that some things weren't completely curable. Merely treatable.
"Even half scale would be better than this." He finally said.
House didn't look convinced. "I'm not going to take the treatment until we figure out why it's not working."
"What if that never happens? You're just going to stay this way for rest of your life?"
"After a few months-"
"Months!"
"-If we don't see any progress, I'll try what they've done to the rats." House continued as if Wilson hadn't spoken.
"House…you can't stay this way." Wilson almost whispered. "The cold alone-"
"I know." House cut him off. "Freezing for extended periods of time isn't going to do wonders for my health. That fact combined with the dangers of being tiny-"
"You could die."
Normally, House would have shrugged this statement off with a witty remark. But normal situations didn't involve his best friend suddenly becoming his love interest. This time Wilson really had started crying. Runnels of tears coursed slowly, but steadily, down his face.
"Jimmy, don't…"
"I'm not going to sit back and watch you die." Wilson said levelly. "If they haven't made any progress with this soon, you're taking the treatment as is."
"…Alright." House said after a moment. "But I won't wait too long."
Wilson nodded. "Alright."
House turned his attention back to his breakfast. He pointedly ignored the fact that Wilson was cleansing the tears from his cheeks.
-
"What did you do?!" Foreman could hear Cameron shouting all the way down the hall.
"I didn't do anything!" Chase replied, sounding panicked. "It was like that when I came in."
Foreman quickly entered the lab. "What the hell's going on in here?!"
Carmon's cheeks were flushed. "Chase did something to the lab rat!"
"I did not, it was like that when I got here!" Chase gestured wildly to the cage.
"Okay kids, do you need a timeout?" Foreman grumbled as he peered into the cage.
The sight of a rat the size of a small dog sent him stumbling backwards.
"What the hell-"
"I didn't do anything." Chase repeated.
"How the hell did that rat get that big?" Foreman fired this at the Aussie anyway.
"I don't know." Chase ran a hand though his hair. "It got the same dose that the others did. They're still at half scale."
"Okay, so for some reason this rat not only grew, but somehow ended up at twice it's normal size?"
"Apparently." Cameron gave a slight sigh.
"That doesn't make sense." Foreman said.
"Because the rest of this situation does?" Cameron replied.
"House isn't going to like this." Chase murmured.
"House doesn't like anything." Foreman said. Cameron almost contradicted him, but caught herself. No need to tell the other fellows about her observations. At least, not yet.
"Now it's not just a problem of bringing him back. We've got to worry about overshooting it." Foreman continued. "How can one man get himself in trouble this complicated?"
"It's House." The other fellows chimed together.
"Good God," Foreman grumbled under his breath as he reached for the phone. "I'm actually wistful for when his Vicodin addiction was the biggest issue around here."
-
"You're sure it got the same dose as the other rats?" House questioned the speakerphone. He was standing on the couch's end table. Wilson was seated on the couch.
"Yeah, we even checked the surveillance tapes in case someone screwed up." Foreman sounded tired. "Nothing."
"Well this adds a whole new layer of intrigue to the puzzle." House's eyes were glinting. "I'd call it progress, wouldn't you?"
"No, I wouldn't." Foreman replied grimly. "There's just as much danger in overshooting as there is in leaving you the way you are."
"He's right." Wilson agreed. "If the cure ends up over stimulating your system your skeletal structure will collapse under its own weight."
"But I'll be really, really tall. That would be cool."
"Tall and dead."
"Fine, I'll continue to wait." House sighed. "Foreman, just try to figure out what the hell happened, okay?"
"Of course. We'll let you know if anything turns up."
"When it turns up." House corrected him and jabbed the 'off' button with his chopstick-cane.
"That's just great." Wilson hung the phone up. "So not only do we have to worry about you freezing to death or getting crushed, we have to worry about the cure killing you too."
House shivered with exaggeration. "Speaking of which…"
"Jeeze." Wilson muttered, not unkindly. He carefully placed House onto his shoulder. "This is getting to be a regular habit."
"You'll miss it once I'm back to normal." House said smugly.
Wilson shrugged slightly, jarring him. "Maybe."
"C'mon, you know you'll miss it."
"I'll miss it when you're bothering me. If you do that now, I can just put you on a shelf and leave you there."
"That's domestic abuse. I'll get your ass thrown in jail faster than you can say Tritter. And you know what happens when cute guys get thrown in jail." House replied.
"I'm cute?" There was a touch of surprise in Wilson's voice.
"Er…no." House lied badly. "You're homely. You're the homeliest man in the entire oncology department, including Dr. Wolfington."
"Mm-hm."
-
"Did it get any extra food? Water?" Cameron threw out the last of her theories.
"No. Nothing." Foreman said wearily. "Everything was exactly the same."
Chase is silent for a few moments. "What about the dose?"
"It got the same dosage-"
"The exact same dose? From the same pill?"
This stopped the neurologist for a moment. "Actually, no. We tried to use one pill for all the doses, but it wasn't large enough. We had to use part of a new pill for him."
"Do we still have the other bit?" Chase began to look excited.
"Yeah." Foreman replied. "I'm not about to lose anything that important."
As he speaks he retrieves the pill bottle from his pocket. It's still two thirds full, with the halved pill rattling around on top.
"One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small." Cameron murmured. "And the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all."
"Huh?" Chase missed the reference.
"Never mind."
"There might not be enough here to test and see if this particular pill does reverse the effects." Foreman said doubtfully. "And even if some of the pills reverse the process there's no way of knowing if House took one of them. We can't give him a new one or the radiation treatment before we know."
"We'll just have to wait." Cameron shrugged. "Same as before."
"Hurry up and wait. House's favorite game." Chase grumbled. He had hoped that his idea wouldn't lead to a dead-end quite so quickly. "If House had gotten one of these it should have worked by now. He's finished shrinking."
"If it works like the rats, it'll begin reversing tonight. If not, we'll know he didn't get an...enlarging pill." Cameron swallowed over the word. It still didn't seem right to say such things. "Then, once we get the radiation treatment fixed we can start administering that."
"I can't believe we're in a situation where that sentence is logical." Chase replied.
"This whole situation is completely insane." Foreman said. "And that's my medical opinion."
-
To be Continued...