It is 2:50am right now :|
I stayed up to get this written since I'm going away tomorrow (later today) and I really didn't want to leave y'all without an update. So yeah, chapter 10 whoop!

Also, I always vent my fanfic frustrations out on my friend Joe (who hates glee) today I asked him if he knows what my fic is about.

His response: "I know that Blaime has fancies Kurts alter ego right?"
Yes Joe. Blaime has fancies Kurt's alter ego. Couldn't have put it better myself.

It was evening and Blaine lay with his face buried amongst his downy pillow, hating himself more and more. How? How could he be so impulsive and stupid? That wasn't who he was. That wasn't how he usually functioned. He was normally so put together and sure of himself and what he wanted; there was no need to be impulsive. He'd never even bought so much as a scarf just as an impulse buy, if he needed a scarf, then he would buy a scarf if not then…well he wouldn't. Simple as that. Whenever a decision had to be made, he had always taken every precaution to make sure he was making the right choice. Everything in Blaine's life was organized immaculately, right down to every last curl of his hair gelled neatly in its rightful place.

So why had he kissed Kirsty? The question lingered in his mind and gnawed away at his conscience relentlessly. He wasn't sure what he had been planning on doing when he met her, it just sort of…happened. Not only had he clearly hurt her but he also couldn't help but feel guilt for Kurt. Did this count as cheating? Technically they weren't actually dating…Despite how much he really did want to ask Kurt out the following day. He wasn't sure if he could still go through with it, he couldn't begin a relationship with someone, knowing that he would be lying from the start.

But then there was still Kirsty. He liked her, he was certain of that now, though that didn't make things any less complicated. It was obvious from her reaction that she was not interested in him like that but Blaine couldn't help but remember how she had in fact kissed back at first. The moments before they had pulled away were pure bliss. The lips seemed oddly familiar which he took as a good sign until…

Slap

Blaine flinched at the memory. His cheek still stung slightly from the blow and was noticeably red. He should have known that kissing a girl…no, kissing anyone out of the blue like that would result badly.

Did this make him the same as…? No. he was nothing like Karofsky. He and Kirsty were friends.

Blaine let out a muffled groan as he willed his brain to just stop thinking, it was only making him feel worse. He wound his hands underneath the pillow and instead tried to think of ways to make things right again. It came as no surprise when nothing came to mind.

The sound of the door being pushed shut alerted Blaine of David's arrival though he still refused to move or even lift his face from the softness of his pillow to greet his roommate.

"Hey where've you been? Why'd you just bolt out of Warbler's practice like that?" David asked, hanging his blazer up in one of the mahogany wardrobes that decorated the dorm room. Blaine replied with nothing. "You still confused about your…problem?" David asked, struggling with how he should word his question. Blaine made an incomprehensible mumble into his pillow which sounded vaguely like the affirmative.

"I talked to Jeff," David continued, regardless of Blaine's lack of response. "He said he'd back off if you and Kirsty are…" this seemed to grab Blaine's attention.

"Me and Kirsty aren't anything," he said in a monotone as he finally lifted himself up, his face lined with creases from the folds in his pillow. David eyed him curiously. "Tell Jeff it's fine. He and Kirsty can…whatever." He shook his head and closed his eyes, trying to convince himself that it really didn't bother him. Of course this was in vain and the moment he closed his eyes, more images of Kirsty together with Jeff fuelled the fire that was his jealousy. He just couldn't understand why he was jealous. He had Kurt and Kurt was perfect for him, cute, smart, witty, a singer…everything that Kirsty was as well. He considered that maybe his protection over her was more of a brotherly sort of thing though quickly dismissed this, He didn't exactly treat Catherine the way he treated Kirsty, he shuddered at the thought. No, definitely not.

So then what made her special? Why was she different to every other girl he'd ever met? Why did she make him question himself? A part of him wanted to despise her for planting doubts in his mind but he knew that would be ridiculous.

"…Blaine?" David's voice derailed his train of thought. The boy looked up and realized he had no idea what his friend had just said. "What's going on?"

"I did something stupid," Blaine replied dejectedly, falling onto his back to lie facing the ceiling.

"Care to elaborate?" David pressed.

"Not really."

"Blaine."

Blaine sighed and shifted his head to face his roommate briefly before refocusing his gaze back to the ridges in the ceiling, trying to make patterns out of them in his mind.

"I kissed her," he stated, his voice deadpan.

"who?"

"Who do you think?"

"…Kirsty?" Blaine nodded slowly before taking yet another long breath. "Okay, you need to stop being so melodramatic, the sighing is getting old." Blaine shot him his best bitch-face before allowing him to continue. "so it didn't go well?" David guessed, his tone slightly more sympathetic.

"No," Blaine whispered. "Now everything is ruined."

"Everything being what exactly?" David knew he was being harsh but it was the only way he really knew how to get through to people. Especially Blaine. "You've known Kirsty for what? A week? Not even that? You were perfectly fine before you met her and you'll be fine now." David sat down on his bed opposite Blaine, his hands resting on his lap. "If I'm honest, I don't think she's right for you anyway. I know you Blaine, you're the proudest gay guy I've ever met…not that I know an awful lot gay guys but still! You've always been certain of yourself and then she comes along and makes you question everything. If you have to question yourself like that then I don't think it's love. When you find someone you want to be with, you shouldn't have to think you should just…feel." Blaine let out a snort of laughter, surprising David and even himself.

"Oh my God David, that's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard." David smiled and allowed himself to laugh with his friend, despite the fact that the laughter was directed at him.

"I'm serious!"

Blaine threw his pillow at David as a reply. The laughter soon died down however as Blaine's solemn mood refused to be permanently lifted.

"Thanks David but…it's not that simple," he said quietly. "I know that Kirsty probably isn't the one for me but…I mean I don't even know why I kissed her, it's just…well now that I have, it complicates things. There's still Kurt and…and I really, really like Kurt but…and I feel so guilty and Kirsty's his friend, she's bound to tell him what a jerk I am and regret ever setting us up." David sat, arms clutching the pillow that had recently been flung at him, patiently listening to Blaine's verbal mess.

"What exactly makes you a jerk?" he said slowly.

"Weren't you listening? I freaking kissed her, she slapped me and everything." Blaine shot him another glare.

"Yeah but that doesn't mean you're a jerk, you were just…experimenting, making sure, you know? I'm sure that Kurt will understand but only if you tell him, don't let him find out through somebody else." Blaine continued to glare though it slowly softened as he wondered whether David was right. "Do you have her number? Kirtsy's I mean. You should apologize and beg her not to tell Kurt. And when I say beg, I mean it, like a dog Blaine, trust me, women are scary. They thrive off of us being inferior to them. Seriously, you should really just stick to guys, at least you know how they work." Blaine smirked feeling somewhat better.

"No I don't have her number, I have her Facebook though, maybe I could message her," Blaine suggested, raising himself up on his elbows. "Pass me my laptop."

Kurt clutched the steering wheel so tightly he could feel his fingers turning white. He sat outside his house, having quickly changed back into his normal attire during a quick stop on the way home. He couldn't bring himself to leave the car though. He should have known. The first gay guy he had met in all of Ohio turned out to be a major closet case and made his life living hell. The second gay guy he had met in all of Ohio turned out to be a cheater who was looking to get into the pants of anyone he met. He could sense a pattern forming here. He might at well just face it and admit that he's destined to spend the rest of his life alone and unloved.

He just couldn't figure out why he had to enjoy that kiss? Blaine had kissed him and it felt amazing but it wasn't right. Why couldn't he have enjoyed their first kiss? The one that mattered? If he hadn't pulled away the first time, maybe Blaine wouldn't have felt he needed to look elsewhere to get what he wanted. Maybe he would have been satisfied with Kurt?

But did Kurt want someone who would merely be satisfied with him, not in love with him?

He finally pulled himself together, enough to convince anyone who asked that he was fine at least, and stepped out of his car, taking the duffel bag with his Crawford uniform on his shoulder and mentally prepping himself for a long night of ice cream and show tunes. Who cares if his hips explode?

First thing's first though, he thought, as he climbed the stairs to his room and slung the bag onto his bed, get rid of any and all evidence of Kirsty's existence. He began to pull out his clothes, creased from being hurriedly shoved into the bag earlier. He couldn't bring himself to chuck out perfectly good clothing and instead made a mental note to donate them to charity or sell them on ebay or something. Emptying the rest of the contents of his bag onto the bed, he noted that the wig needed to be returned to Tina and the makeup to Mercedes…okay so maybe he couldn't get rid of all of Kirsty's existence just yet.

There was one thing he could take care of though, he thought, after placing everything back inside the duffel bag and hiding it in his closet. He took a seat at his desk and shook the mouse of his laptop, bringing it to life whilst trying to remember what Mercedes had told him the previous night. Kirsty's Facebook page had to go, and to do so, he needed the password of course.

He had been so consumed with waiting for Blaine's call that he had almost forgotten his conversation with his best friend the previous night. What did she say it was? He remembered mocking her for it…

Mercedesrules!

Kurt clapped his hands as he remembered before typing it in. He was redirected to Kirsty's newsfeed and soon realized that the only updates were from Mercedes and Blaine.

Mercedes, you couldn't have made this more obviously fake if you tried. He thought shaking his head. What normal person has two facebook friends?

His mouse hovered over the account button before he let curiosity get the better of him and clicked the red speech bubble on the opposite side, discovering a friend request from the blond warbler he remembered dancing with.

Sorry Jeff Sterling, Kurt thought as he declined the request, but this person will shortly cease to exist.

He then allowed himself to click the second red number and found that Blaine Anderson likes your status. Scowling, he clicked the notification and found a generic status that Mercedes must have posted, Blaine's name and a small thumbs up displayed beneath it. He continued to glare at the screen before realizing how pathetic he was being. He was jealous of himself…that cannot be healthy.

He clicked account and began trying to figure out how to delete the fake profile when Blaine's name suddenly appeared in a box at the bottom right of the screen.

"Go away," Kurt said out loud as he clicked the x, not even bothering to read what he had written. Blaine was persistent however and once again the box appeared.

Blaine: can we talk?

Blaine: please?

"No." Kurt said again stubbornly to himself. Yet he continued to stare at the chat box, waiting for Blaine's next message when he saw that he was typing.

Blaine: Id understand if you would rather ignore me but I just want you to know how sorry I am

Kurt knitted his brows as he stared blankly at the screen before another message appeared.

Blaine: I really hope this doesnt ruin our friendship, I was just confused

Kurt slowly moved his hands to the keyboard and began to type before hesitantly pressing the enter key.

Kirsty: Confused about what exactly?

Blaine clearly wasn't expecting a response, especially one as blunt as that since he took considerably longer writing his reply. Kurt waited, impatiently tapping his fingers on his desk and staring at the laptop.

Blaine: just everything I guess…but I think I've managed to sort some of it out

Kurt didn't know how to reply. He knew that he shouldn't, that he should just delete the damn page already and be done with it but a part of him really wanted to stay and hear Blaine out, even if it was much easier to just hate him.

Blaine: Im really sorry

Blaine: :(

Kurt couldn't help but let out a short laugh, the sad face causing him to imagine Blaine with a huge pout and puppy dog eyes, on his knees and begging for forgiveness. There was something about Blaine that was just so…puppy like. He didn't want to forgive him, he wanted to stay angry. Angry was easy. Angry was safe.

Kirsty: You're an idiot, you know that.

Blaine: Im the BIGGEST idiot

Blaine: and Im a sorry idiot

Kirsty: Then I suppose you're a forgiven idiot.

Kurt wasn't quite ready to forgive Blaine, but apparently Kirsty was…Kurt looked at the screen, realizing what he had just typed. How could Blaine put such a spell on him simply by being adorable? Seriously, he could get away with murder just by saying sorry.

Blaine: I was also wondering if you've told Kurt about what happened

Kisrty: Why?

Kurt suddenly felt uneasy again, his feet joined his hands as they both tapped nervously, waiting for Blaine's reply.

Blaine: because I really like him and I want to tell him what happened

Blaine: if thats okay with you

Blaine: I was actually going to ask him out tomorrow and I don't want to lie to him

Kurt felt his heart sink, Blaine was still expecting for them to go out the next day. Of course he would be, he has no idea that Kurt knows exactly what he did.

Blaine was still planning on asking Kurt out. Blaine wasn't giving up on him.

Kirsty: No, I haven't told him.

Kurt doesn't know why he says that, why he's offering him the chance to redeem himself. Because why should he? Blaine clearly did wrong and Kurt is the most stubborn person in the world.

Why is he finding it so difficult to hate him?

O David, y u so wise?

Some reviews would be nice to read when I get back from holiday!

I'll be back in 10 days, hopefully with some motivation. Cheerio my lovelies!
..