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10. To fight a ghost.
Narcissa had always thought Monday was the worst day of a week. It was the first day after weekend, she had not yet recovered from the freedom she enjoyed over the past two days while after Monday there were another four more days waiting for her. But today, when she was woken up by her alarm, before she closed her eyes to get one more minute sleep and try to think her schedule and everything else, she turned to look at her window. Just like she had expected, there was an owl waiting patiently outside her window. Upon seeing her, the slender greyish owl stepped closer and lifted its right leg, showing her the new message it brought.
Narcissa could not help the grin on her face. She bit her lips and jumped from her bed to get the letter.
I hate Monday. I have to go to the Ministry at 7:59.
—LM
She giggled. One of the good things of magic is that you can literally go to work at the last minute, which was exactly what Lucius was planning to do. Unlucky for him, her work started at 7:30, so she wouldn't be able to reply his message after 7:29.
Cheer up big boy. My day starts half an hour earlier.
—NB
When she came out from the bathroom fifteen minutes later, his reply was already waiting for her. She wondered if he had pushed the owl too much. Although their departments weren't far away, his response speed via mail was still impressive.
Damn. It takes forever for the letters to arrive. Are you sure I can not stop by your place for breakfast? I will bring bread and coffee.
—LM
She could tell from his writing that he was not happy about that. The handwriting was in a rush. He had mentioned more than once about "stopping by and have breakfast", said that they could talk more. Now he knew her address, which then reminded her of the night when he waited her on her way home and asked for comfort for his nightmare. The night of which he kissed her.
Narcissa was sure she would remember the kiss the whole rest of her life. It was soft. His forehead touched hers. She could see his eyes, his grey stormy eyes half laid. She could feel them on her lips. Then he closed his eyes and leaned in. He kissed her. Gently on the lips. No tongue or nibbles involved. It was a pure kiss, an innocent one, just one for comfort. When he broke the kiss, he signed contently with closed eyes, his forehead touched the place where her neck meets her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his silky hair and slightly massaged his skull. They stayed like that for hours until she could no longer feel her legs. He stood up and kissed her on the cheek before she could say anything. He mumbled at the corner of her month,
"I hate saying goodbye."
He skipped that part as he had always done, and the very next morning, she was greeted morning by his owl.
She put her bread into the toaster then sat in front of her desk to write her reply.
We already talked that Lucius. Anyway, I have to go. You have a nice day!
—NB
She looked at the clock, it was 7:15. She had to leave in less than 15 minutes. Even though she said that in her letter, she would sure that he would reply anyway. He preferred to be the one who finished the conservation.
She watched the second hand of her clock turned 7:28 into 7:29 when his letter finally arrived.
Have to get two "Message Book" they sell in Diagon nowadays. Mails just can't do!
—LM
She knew the notebook he mentioned. It was a convenient chat book that can deliver messages. It was no difference between letters, only the message book was much faster. If Lucius left her a message on his book, she could immediately see his handwriting on her own. Once the message was read, she could choose to keep it or to delete it. She could also set a curse on it so that no one but her could see what was written in the notebook. She replied his suggestion with a silent smile.
That evening, when she returned home from work, she got a wrapped envelop with one of the notebook he had talked about in the morning. When she opened it, there was already a message on it.
I went to Diagon Allay today and found this one. Hope you like the color.
—LM
The notebook was purple, the colour of Violet. Her favorite color was blue, though she always said green whenever she was asked. However, this purple was simply great.
You certainly have great taste. How was your day?
—NB
Of course.
My day hasn't ended yet. Have to stay in office tonight, taking extra shifts for the stupid wizard.
—LM
Recently there were several severe cases happened in wizard London. The Ministry didn't give out too much information. But from the articles on various newspapers, there had been three murders and two badly injured. Everyone is in a state of anxiety so the Ministry decided to have Aurors and other Ministry staffs step up patrols. They also claimed that they had got the profile of the suspect and would soon give a press briefing.
We really appreciate your protection, Auror Malfoy. Btw, is it really professional for you to make irrelevant conservation while working?
—NB
As if anything would really happen. Your appreciation makes me wonder if I can expect anything in return?
—Minister Lucius
'Ha,' Narcissa snorted, 'he certainly did not like being called an Auror.' She was teasing him and he teased her back. He definitely did not like her calling him by last name too. But what got her hesitate was him mentioning the "payback". Before she decided what to reply his second message came.
Though, seriously, I think what they said about the wizard sounds like TDL.
—LM
At first she was confused about what he meant by TDL. But then she got it. It was the abbreviation of The Dark Lord. The powerful wizard who aimed at having only pureblood witches to purify the wizard society. It was s sensitively topic. Socially and politically. Though she generally did not like those non-pureblood witches, she did not know whether killing them was necessary. After all she had meet many half bloods or even some muggle-borns who were very tenanted and nice. They also had happy families, like Grace and Carl. She was not sure it was fair to destroy all those for the purpose of purity. Lucius seemed fond of the idea. He talked about how he and his friends thought it was just the right thing to do. She thought for seconds and tapped her wand to vanish the message then changed the topic to her annoyingly gossiping colleagues.
XOXO
For the who-knows-how many-times Lucius had thought about the times when he met Narcissa, he suddenly realized that for the four times they met, alcohol seemed to always take a part. First time he was drunk; second time they met at a party aims at getting drunk then went to a bar themselves; third time they met at a pub for hook ups, the same place in which he had gotten drunk months ago; finally, the last time neither of them had had any drinks, though he still felt dizzy, for which reason he did not know. Thus, for their fifth time, he took her to one of his favorite restaurants. They had a fantastic time. She never failed surprising him. He did not know how, but every time he found her more attractive. However, one thing that really disturbed him was that though she was obviously enjoying herself, she still seemed tense, looking round to see if there was anyone that would recognize her. Maybe she was worried about being seen with him. Did she not want to be seen with him? Or did she not want to be with him at all? He tried to ignore that thought, but didn't really succeed. He felt unconfident all of a sudden. He had the slightest worry that he was not good enough, especially when there was a thing that was her so called boyfriend. The harder he tried, the more he thought about the man she mentioned before. The man she claimed to be her boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, whom he had never met. He finally understood the meaning of jealousy. There was fire in his heart. If thoughts could kill, he would put that man in the hell he created for him. Destroy him mercilessly.
When they sat down at the corner of a small cafeteria, Narcissa asked,
"What's wrong Lucius? You looked absentminded since we were having dessert."
She sounded concern. He didn't answer right away. She leaned in a bit and put her hand on his. Her hand soft. He could also smell the floral scent in the air. He wondered if that was the smell of Narcissus. He looked down at her hand and decided that he liked that smell.
"Lucius? Did I—did I say something wrong or offensive during dinner? If—"
She sounded worried and he hurriedly replied,
"No! Not at all. I understand your worry about Him. I mean, it's true that the thing he's trying to pursue is sensitive and extreme but—Anyway, that's not what I'm thinking."
"Then what were you thinking? You know how we talk. I won't slip a word, that is, if you want to talk about—"
"I do want to talk about it," Lucius interrupted her, "It's just—" He ran his hands through his hair and signed. She waited patiently. Now he had to say that out, he was already half through, he could not just quit like this.
"Would tell me something about him? The boyfriend you mentioned?"
"But you didn't believe me."
"I did! I just, I don't think you actually have a boyfriend, not right now. No offence."
"None taken." She stopped and looked at him, a faint smile at the corner of her lips, "You are right. I don't have a boyfriend at this moment. But I had a lover."
"A lover?" He recognized the sweetness in her voice and tasted bitterness in his own mouth.
"Yes." She answered simply.
"You said, you had?"
"Yea-yes. And I haven't gotten over him yet."
He swallowed hard,
"Tell me about him"
His voice hoarse.
XOXO
"I was four when I first met him. On a Christmas party. You know how children like to play together. He wore a white suit and was as serious as a real gentleman. Now I think of it, it was a little weird that I still remember those details. I was small and my attentions was somewhere else at that time. I was eager to join my sisters in their big girls' games. I was the smallest girl of my family, the youngest, and was always attracted by the more mature world. But now, when I try to think of the first time, all I can see is him, standing beside a table, fingers curled and tried to look happy and interested even though it actually bored him to death."
"Was he a family friend?"
"Not exactly. There were no connections between our families, not through marriages or businesses."
"Did you talk at the party?"
"No. Like I said, I was too preoccupied with other things, first my sisters and their circles, then the drinks and food and the Christmas gifts."
"What did you get that year? On your fourth Christmas?"
"Lots of things. Candies, dresses, toys maybe. I couldn't really remember them now. I remember I had a whole set of green cloths on my tenth birthday though."
"Because you were going to school."
"Yes, because I was going to Hogwarts and to Slytherin."
"Did he go to the same school?"
"He did. I don't think I had saw him on the sorting festival though. My sisters were so happy I got in the right college."
"He was not in the same year as you?"
"No, he's in a different year."
"You said you didn't see him, you tried to find him?"
"Not really, not intentionally at least, I don't know. Maybe. I am not very sure myself. I don't think so."
"When did you start noticing him?"
"I am not sure when or how things started. I mean, he no doubt was excellent in almost every way. He was good-looking, handsome, he was talented at school and had ambitions. It was just so easy."
"I don't know a man who can fit all your descriptions. He must had some shortcomings. You must—oh, maybe I just don't know."
"Anyway, he was popular among girls."
Snort
"And I think he was too good for me, so I stayed away and just looked."
Almost another snort.
"I don't believe that, you are good enough for anyone." It was a mutter, a hushed complaint.
"But suddenly, during the second semester of my fourth year, we started talking, when— er, after he saw me coming out from the Requirement Room."
Raised eyebrows and a chuckle,
"Ah, secrets. They are the best. Better then favors. So you then started seeing each other?"
"Not until the Christmas of my fifth year."
"More than four years ago."
"Yes."
"Were you happy?"
"The happiest."
"Did he feel the same?"
"I think so. We loved each other."
"Ok…then…if you don't mind me asking, why did you break up?"
"Things happen."
"There is no more chance to fix things?"
"Don't think so."
"Then… since you are not with him now, as you said, things happen, you should move on. You can't stick with your past forever."
"He may have already moved on, has he?"
"He has."
"Then why don't you?"
"I think I had met the love of my life." She said that like a statement of a solid fact.
He wanted to say something. To argue something. Like there could be more than one chance to meet the love of her life. Or that she was so young and could be mistaken. But he couldn't. Juts like he couldn't explain to her how he felt about her. How he really felt, which in no way could be described by words or sentences. He felt everything. He felt himself change. When he was with her, he was no longer the arrogant bastard that many people would described him as. He felt alive. He wanted to be a better man and to be with her. But it was not a decision he could make on his own. And she had to, she just had to had a lover, and she had to tell him about that person. A lover from the past, a perfect man who existed in her memories and in her heart. A man he did not know and she refused to tell him. She refused to tell him his name, or anything detail about him. He only got to know how excellent, how absolute he was and even though they were no longer together, he was still the reason that he and Narcissa could not be together. But he could not find him. He could not blackmail him or kick open his door and beat him. He could do nothing. It was like punching into soft cotton, like he was fighting a ghost. He suddenly felt helpless and hopeless. He looked at her, wonder if the vulnerability in her eyes were actually reflections of his own,
"Maybe we can have a try? That if things don't work out, just in case, we can then back to friends again? I am no longer engaged with Victoria, you know." He felt proud that he had sorted things out before he saw her today so that he would have the confident to ask her to be with him. To be fair with her.
"I—I want to Lucius, but I couldn't." She said in a strangled voice and almost inaudible. It almost sounded like a confession.
He did not understand. There must be much more stories than she was telling him. He was curious to know all of those. But she sounded so desperate, like she would break down any time. The way she looked at him made him feel like she was asking him to save her. He did not know why and how and was definitely not satisfied with her reply. He felt anger, but there was no way he would push her further. Not tonight. So he signed,
"I only want to see you, and talk to you and when you need me I can be with you and help you. I want you to know that, if nothing else."
She nodded slightly, holding a sad smile. Too much tear in her eyes that she could barely see him. He swallowed but continued,
"If you still insist that we can only be friends for now, then friends it is."