Title: Precious Devotion
Authors: RukawaGF and MistressKiko (Collaboration! 8D)
Rating: M
Pairing: Shizuo x Izaya
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters!
THIS STORY CONTAINS MALExMALE RELATIONSHIPS. You have been warned.
Izaya's POV – Earlier the same day -
-
"Why are you doing this, Shiki-san?" I demand as he shoots me up with a clear unknown liquid. It stings.
He suddenly appeared with his men and I was forced to send Namie home. Then he proceeded to order his men to tie me up, though his men were quite careful with me.
I didn't resist since it was obvious I probably couldn't run away.
Now he's injected me with something that numbs and tingles as it rushes through my blood vessels.
"It's for your own good, Orihara-san. You've been moping non-stop. I take it that you got dumped by Heiwajima-san?"
"I am not moping," I growl. "And I'm not dumped since we weren't in a relationship to begin with."
We both glare at each other in a staring contest.
He loses first as he sighs.
"Orihara-san, I know you're not the most honest person in the world but anyone could see you've been heartbroken for the past few days. Seeing you so lifeless like this makes me wish I could punch some sense in to both of you."
"We are not in a relationship and never were, Shiki-san. I really don't understand where you got this idea." I scoff and look away. I don't like this. Where the hell did he-
"Orihara-san. Did you know you talk in your sleep?"
I freeze.
"You mention his name a lot you know, each time you had to crash at the headquarters previously."
"… my Shiki-san. I didn't realize you were such a creepy stalker, watching me as I sleep in your place." I jeer back at him. It's the only thing I could do to mask my surprise.
Damn, no wonder he knew so much. I doubt he'd believe me if I said they were nothing but dreams.
"Of course. I am in love with you after all."
Wait. What?
Did he just say….
His simple words and piercing gaze leaves me speechless.
He smiles when I just stare at him like a fool.
"It's certainly rare of you to drop your masks, Orihara-san. I'm glad I'm also capable of such ability time to time."
I quickly snap shut my mouth and looks away with a huff.
What the fuck is he doing? Playing with me?
"Don't worry. You'll be with him soon enough," he says as he gets up.
"I've thought of stealing you away when I saw that that deplorable man can't even protect you that night… but I've changed my mind. You look pretty terrible without him by your side."
I roll my eyes pretending to be bored at his droning tone. My head is already calculating fast and my heart beat is erratic but I manage to stay calm.
"Is that why you called that monster in the middle of the night to tell him to stay away from me? You made him pretty pissed you know."
He smirks at me in reply. This man is starting to irritate me. He ignores my question.
"The drug I gave you will slowly numb your nerves and restrict your movement. It won't hinder your thinking but you won't be able to move or talk for few hours."
He takes out three pills from his pill case in his pocket and pushes them into my mouth. He then gags me with a handkerchief.
"When you hear a gunshot, I want you to bite the pills and drink it. It'll save you."
I frown since I can't speak anymore. I can already feel the numbness sensation tingling and spreading.
After he ties my mouth, he orders his men. "Everyone. Face the door."
Once the men faces forward he leans towards me, closing his eyes.
I feel his lips brush against me through the fabrics of the handkerchief.
…
My mind feels numb from those soft touches. I don't like them but more than anything my mind realizes…
Ah… so Shiki-san really did…
…
How unfortunate. Since now I understand how it feels to be suffering from something that's unrequited forever.
Once he moves away, he stares back at me seriously.
"Thank you for indulging me that one moment, Orihara-san. I wish for your happiness."
Then he covers my eyes with another blindfold, leaving me in complete darkness and helplessness as I hear him call Shizu-chan.
I can hear Shizu-chan barging in the door followed by sounds of things smashing and breaking.
Cringing at the sound, I try to move my arms and feet.
No luck. It's not the tight ropes that keep me immobile.
It's this weird drug.
There's nothing I can do as I hear Shizu-chan get angry and destroy my apartment. I'm not quite sure what's going on since I can't see anything.
Then I hear the sound of the gunshot ring close by me as well as a light punch to my stomach.
That's my signal.
Despite tying me up, gagging me, blindfolding me and drugging me, I trust Shiki-san. Something in his sincere eyes told me that I can.
So I crush the pills with my teeth and swallow.
… the fuck? Oh yuck!
Immediately I choke, trying to spit out the disgusting liquid. It tastes nasty and something makes me keep coughing and coughing. My body convulses as I curl up, trying to push out that vile tasting liquid with my tongue even as the gag prevents me. It's harder since the damn drug made my tongue stiff too. Drugged or not, the repulsive liquid was potent enough to make my numbed body react strongly against it.
What the hell did Shiki-san give me? This thing is really gross, as I can still taste the nasty plastic-like substance linger and drip down my chin. I feel gross and sticky too.
I feel a nervous hand tug at my blindfold. Opening my eyes, I'm faced with Shizu-chan.
He looks… quite shocked to see me.
He hurriedly pulls out the gag. I frown when I notice the blood in the gag.
Then I look down to see blood everywhere.
What the…?
I quickly search to see if I feel any pain in my body.
It could be the numbness of the drug but I don't think so. I really don't feel any pain.
Shit.
This is bad.
Shiki fooled both of us.
I'm quite certain I'm not shot. I'm pretty certain that the pill I bit and drank wasn't some sort of medication. It was probably fake blood capsules.
I'm pretty sure that's fake blood that's splashed on me like some paint.
I know for sure, that Shizu-chan is completely fooled and he doesn't realize that this is all a trick.
What's worse is, I can't tell him any of this!
"Hey, are you ok?" he asks.
I try to move my lips to a smile, to let him know I really am okay. If I can at least smile brightly, he should know that there is something wrong right?
Wrong. The damn drug froze even my facial muscles. I can't smile properly at all.
"Say something!"
Fuck! I'm trying dammit! I am trying hard to speak; trying hard to let him know that I'm also tricked too but nothing but raspy gasps escapes my mouth.
Shit, this is seriously bad.
Because if he finds out that I'm not hurt and I've made a fool of him, he'll be very angry.
To make the matter worse, if he also finds out that I can't move and I'm at his mercy…
He'll kill me.
He'll definitely kill me.
Without a doubt he'll murder me.
Shiki-san… I don't know what you were thinking, leaving me helpless in the hands of a beast who hates my guts. Your plan sucks!
"Hang on!" he says as he unties my ropes. I still lay motionless because I can't move!
He picks me up gently. He still hasn't noticed that I'm not hurt.
This is really, really bad.
I try to move my mouth again, trying harder to speak up. Shiki said it should only last few hours… perhaps if I try to move around a bit, the drug would wear off faster.
Still no sound.
He holds me close to him, protectively. I might enjoy these moments more if I'm not so desperately scared to be killed once he thinks that I've tricked him into thinking I'm dying.
With all my strength, I lift my arm and grasps onto his vest. My fingers don't curl properly but I yank hard.
He's too busy running to notice me.
Looking up at his desperate face is weird… he's so scared to see me dying. It's almost endearing but…
… but all the more why I must tell him that I'm not dying or else I really will be killed!
Taking a deep breath I force my face and tongue to move!
"Sh…!"
Good I managed to say something. His head snaps back down at me. With difficulty, I force out more words.
"Sh.. sh.. shizu.. ch-"
Shizu-chan! Listen to me. Just this once!
But my tongue won't let me talk to him.
For once in my life, I'm desperately trying to tell him the truth. No more lies. No more masks that hides the truth. But the damn drug strips me away the ability to actually communicate with him properly.
His face contorts and I almost think that he might burst into tears. I'm a bit surprised to see him so… emotional.
"Hold on," he says, his voice filled with desperation. He really wants me to live…
I sigh and give up, my body limp in his arms as he rushes me to Shinra's. Closing my eyes, I prepare for my real death when Shizu-chan finds out that I've 'tricked' him.
"IZAYA."
I blink my eyes open when he suddenly shouts at me. His face full of fear sighs in relief when I stare up at him.
This is such an ironic situation, it's almost comedic. He's so afraid of me dying. And I'm also filled with dread of dying, but our reasons are totally different.
"I'm sorry," he adds.
Huh? For what? Technically, he would be demanding an apology from me if he truly knew the situation.
"I'm sorry. What I said, how I acted... I didn't want to be such a jerk to you, but..."
It's rare to hear Shizu-chan apology so I'm curious. He's always been a jerk so I'm not quite sure which time he's apologizing for.
He continues.
"I was jealous, damn it! I hear how you have so many lovers…"
Wait. What? He was jealous? … well I guess that makes sense that he was…
"… and then I see those marks on you and it's not fucking fair, Izaya! It's not fair that I'm the only one in love, you greedy little shit. You take everything..."
Wait.
Wait!
WAAAIT!
WHAT?
Go back! Say that again! Did I hear him right? Did he just say…
"Yeah, I just told you I love you. So you better be able to laugh at me for it later, you hear me?" he looks down at me with a pained smile.
I look back up at him in disbelief. This time, I'm sure I heard it correctly.
He definitely said he loves me.
He loves me.
Haha…
If my face wasn't so numbed, I'd probably be either biting my lower lips or laugh hysterically. Or both, somehow.
Instead I can feel tears welling up as vision blurs.
My heart swells yet throbs painfully.
Shizu-chan… you're probably just caught up in the moment and confessed only because you think I'm dying.
If you realize that this was just all a prank, I wonder what you'll do.
Is this all a wasted feeling? Would you regret confessing to me?
I bet you'll be very angry that I tricked you.
No matter what I say, I don't think you'd believe me. You've never believed me before… I doubt you'll believe me later if I try to explain to you what had really happened.
That is… if I can even speak. With the power of speech stripped from me, all that's left for me is waiting for my inevitable death.
If you think I'm being melodramatic, then you've clearly never been face to face with Shizu-chan at his berserk mode.
But what hurts more is not that Shizu-chan will beat the living shit out of me while I'm immobile from the drug.
What hurts the most is…
…is…
.. is that I'm afraid of Shizu-chan taking back his confession. Or him disappearing from me again, disappointed in my 'lies'.
I don't think I can withstand a second heartbreak.
Okay, I admit it. I am suffering from a heartbreak.
"H-hey! Does it hurt that bad? We're almost there," I can hear Shizu-chan's worried voice as I bury my face in his bosom.
I don't think I can take this anymore… the more he's worried about me, the more I'm scared to face the truth when he sees that I'm not hurt at all.
He kicks Shinra's door open and my heart sinks further into dread.
"SHINRA. 'the hell are you!"
Please let him not be here so maybe I can stall time and perhaps get some feelings back in my tongue and-
Never mind. There he is, staring at us dumbfounded as he pours tea on the kitchen counter instead of his mug.
"Help him!" Shizu-chan demands. I feel mortified.
Shizu-chan quickly follows Shinra as he lays me on the bed gently. I feel like a fillet of fish to be sliced into sashimi. All sorts of terrible cliché puns and gags are running through my brain.
After a quick talk, Shizu-chan leaves, closing the door behind him.
The gleam of the scalpel catches my eyes.
Seeing Shinra briskly get ready to rip my shirt, I raise my hand and grab his wrist that's holding the scalpel. He stares down at me a bit surprised, and I'm quite surprised I can move my arm a bit.
So the drug is wearing off! Good!
"S… Shin…ra…" I manage to say. Okay, so my tongue has loosened up.
"Not hurt," I give him a strained smile.
He studies me and says, "Well now Izaya. Your looks caught me off guard but now that I'm looking at you carefully, you don't smell of blood. This is fake isn't it?"
He frowns deeper, "You know, if you were planning to play jokes with Shizuo, that's fine by me but leave me out of this. You almost gave me a-"
"Sh… Shinra… no joke. Someone else… drugged me."
Shinra pulls up my shirt to confirm that I am indeed not hurt. He sighs as he takes a towel and starts wiping off the 'blood'.
"Here," he says as he gives me a cup of water. I rinse and spit out the nasty red from my mouth. I'm sure it is edible but it's still taste disgusting.
"Alright, so you're telling me you were both tricked by someone? I can tell your body movement is considerably restricted… I take it the drug was administered to your nervous system? What drug was it. Do you know if it's permanent or temporarily? Should I try to find an antidote? More importantly, what am I going to tell Shizuo out there that you're-"
"Shinra…" I give him tired scowl. This man really talks way too much. And this is coming fromme.
"Okay, let me slow down. First, how should we take care of the time bomb outside?" Shinra looks at me really worried, now that he knows I'm okay.
I can't help but smirk inwardly. We're both now in a mess as we're worried for our dear lives.
"Explain… someone else… tricked him. Tell him to… calm down first," the more I talk, more my tongue loosens up. This is a good sign. I hope I'll be able to recover faster.
"… okay, but I have a feeling we're both not going to escape from this unharmed…"
"I'm counting… on you," I smile though not too happily. I can feel butterflies in my stomach as he walks away with nervousness written all over his face.
There is nothing I can do but to wait. Again the waiting. But the waiting is almost over.
There is nothing I can do but to trust. Trusting Shinra. And trusting Shizu-chan, that he'll somehow believe him.
That somehow he'll believe me. Just this once.
I don't have much confidence in this at all. I can't ever think of a time he's ever trusted me. Not even once.
With 0% stat as my record, I feel truly in despair.
The only hope I have is that one smile and his words that he loves me.
… I wonder how strong his 'love' is, if it's enough to forgive me.
I can hear Shinra rambling before Shizu-chan bursts through the doors.
I force myself to smile.
I'm nervous as hell but…
Okay… my belly flops even worse when I see him scowling at me. He is definitely not happy. He's staring at my stomach area covered by my shirt soaked in fake blood.
He marches forward with determination.
I cringe a bit as I scoot back, though my body won't listen to me!
He harshly lifts up my shirt.
Now my lies are exposed, except they are not my lies. They aren't even my deception.
He looks up at me in disbelief, accusing me.
I bite my lower lips. I've never been so scared in my life.
What do I say to him? How can I plead to him? Why am I such a fucking coward?
After a moment of staring, Shizuo grips at my shirt, stretching it and asks "... care to explain?" in a tight voice.
My heartbeat pounds in my ears as blood rushes throughout my body.
Wrong move and I'm dead.
Wrong move and… I lose him forever.
"I… I…"
I'm lost for words. What do I even say?
"Shizuo! Izaya's been drugged right now. He can't talk much! Please don't hurt him!" Shinra interrupts, quickly grabbing Shizu-chan's wrist that's holding onto my shirt.
"For the love of- I heard you the first time!" and he yanks his hand away from Shinra, letting go of my shirt. "I won't hurt him! But someone better give me a fucking explanation, and quick!"
He snaps his attention back at me. His eyes bore into mine, demanding an explanation.
My heart stops beating.
I have to make a choice.
Either I take a leap of faith and trust in him and possibly get hurt again.
Or I take up my mask and shield myself once more from the inevitable harm that'll rip me apart and probably scar me forever.
I've always chosen my masks previously.
Always.
Closing my eyes, I can feel tears stinging my cheeks again.
Damn, I bet they're laughing at me right now.
Orihara Izaya. Crying.
I feel like a pathetic fool.
"I… Shiki… san… drugged…"
I can't even think what I should say. I've already said this, in fact Shinra has already said this. What more can I add?
How can I gain his trust?
"I… didn't… didn't do…"
… I didn't do anything. I'm innocent here!
No, I've never been truly innocent. I suppose I should have realized Shiki-san was in love with me. How the hell did I not realize? It is partially my fault that we're in this misunderstanding.
No, it is my fault. It's my fault that I didn't tell him properly the first time.
"The marks… they aren't… from…"
At this point, I can't talk anymore not because of the drugs.
But because I'm sobbing uncontrollably.
I don't want to lose him.
I don't want to lose him!
I'm more scared to lose him than him being angry at me. I'd rather take the violent anger than seeing his disappointed face as he walks away.
"H-hey…" I hear him as he hugs me softly. His arms feel hesitant and unsure.
"Damn it, alright, you don't have to explain right now, just stop crying."
I cry harder, sobbing into his shoulder pathetically. I feel even more pathetic. But I can't seem to stop.
I'm too relieved that he didn't leave me.
The built up tension and stress that I held in for hours pours out of my body in forms of tears as I soak his shoulders.
I'm not quite sure how long I cried but after awhile I calm down as I lay my head against him, feeling his fingers delicately weave through my hair.
I sigh.
Because now, I'm embarrassed.
I peek up to notice that we're alone. Shinra must have left the room when I was in the middle of crying like a girl.
Now the humiliation is doubled to know that Shinra's seen me cry as well.
"Are… you okay?" he asks awkwardly. Hell, I feel awkward as well.
I nod slowly, my face still buried on his shoulder. I'm sure my face is burning red and I don't want to face him.
Shizuo sighs softly and asks "... so what's this about a drug? Is it why you couldn't move or talk?"
I nod again. Now that I've calmed down, maybe I should try to explain a bit better.
I want to hide my embarrassment but… I've decide not to wear any more masks. Not this time.
I can't afford to lose him again.
"The… drug… Shiki-san said… can't move or talk… for few hours…" I try a bit harder. It hurts my throat as I force out those words. I cringe at the sound of my raspy voice.
"Shiki-san," I hear Shizuo mutter. He lets go of me.
He gets off the bed and…
He starts to leave!
No… no way!
Wait! Why? Is telling the truth the wrong move? Why is he leaving me?
"Wait!" I shout desperately and grab the sleeves of his shirt before he gets off the bed completely and out of reach.
He looks back at me surprised.
My hold on him tightens.
Because I remember… I remember how it feels to wake up alone in the morning after he left that day. My heart still aches just thinking about it.
I don't think I can take it if he left me a second time.
"S… stay," I stutter the word I've been too scare to utter before. I know this is taking a big chance but I have to try.
I've thrown away my ego and pride. All I want is for him to stay.
To stay with me.
Even if I'm a wretched, cowardly, pitiful excuse of a human who clings, cries, lies, schemes, snarks, sneers, hides, and does everything I can to make his life miserable… and even if I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world… I…
I…
He stares at me with his mouth slightly parted, not saying anything. He covers his mouth with his hand though his eyes seem to be… dancing with smiles.
I look at him puzzled. I just poured my heart out with that one word of confession dammit! Don't laugh at-
When he removes his hand, he reveals a smile.
A dazzling one… one I've never seen before. It's enough to take my breath away.
"I was just going to get you some water..." he continues to chuckle lightly.
Oh.
Well I'll be damned.
I let go and look away. I'm pretty sure my face is burning red.
I feel his lips on my forehead and I look up at him, a bit surprised. This man never ceases to be unpredictable.
"I'll be right back," his words and his kiss reassures me as I watch him leave.
With a deep sigh I lie back down on the bed, covering my flaming red face with my arms.
Now I really did want to die. I'm more than humiliated and mortified.
This is degrading! I can't believe I've just…
Ugh….!
Orihara Izaya, you really suck at reading people. Shizu-chan may be a monster but still!
I think I really need to re-read my books and go back to studying and observing more humans. I know emotional attachments can obscure judgment but this is just…!
I hear the door open. Hoping that the pinkness in my face has subsided by now, I lower my arms, still not facing him.
He taps and offers the glass of water. "Here," he says as he sits back on the edge of the bed.
I take a large gulp. The cool water is refreshing but the nasty taste of the fake blood is mixed with it.
I cough it back out into the glass. I cringe at the disgusting taste that still loiters in my mouth. I can see him cringing at the sight as well as the water in the glass is now pinkish.
"Are you going to stay here tonight or do you want to go home?"
I think about it. My body can't move but it will be even more uncomfortable if I stay here.
"…home," I decide after much thought.
"Well then let's see how well you can move." Shizuo stands back up and offers his hand to me.
… it's kind of embarrassing to take his hand… it's not like I'm some princess or a damsel in …
Ah forget it.
I take his hand and slowly pull myself off the bed.
My legs immediately give in and I crumble to the floor.
… I'm so beyond being mortified with all sorts of humiliation accumulating from left and right, I don't even feel the heat in my cheeks anymore.
He kneels down next to me like I'm some child to meet eye level. "Shinra told me you probably wouldn't have too much feeling yet. Are you alright? I really wasn't expecting you to just flop down like that." Shizu-chan's eyes are bemused, obviously laughing at my pitiful state.
"I'm fine!" I growl back.
"Really?" he says looking even more amused. Then he adds "Then what are you waiting for? Go on home."
I stare at him with my mouth open.
Okay, forget everything that happened today and forget everything I've said today. I am not in love with this man! No way!
Biting my lower lips, I puff up my chest.
"Well it's none of your business. I think I'll stay here after all. The floor's not so bad all things considered!"
… wait, hey. I was able to say everything just now without stuttering! My mouth still feels numb but…
At least that means my tongue's back so I can put it to good use.
Shizu-chan snorts. "It is my business, and I'm not leaving you on the floor. But I don't think you'll find the idea of me carrying you like a princess again very appealing"
"Who says I'm even allowing you to carry me back in such a humiliating manner?" I fight back my urge to snarl as my lips scrunch up again.
He sighs, sitting on the floor and leaning against the bed, "Well, if you're not coming with me, I guess I'll be on the floor all night too. Unless you changed your mind?"
… huh? He'll… stay with me on the floor all night?
…
Oh wait, I told him to stay didn't I…
Another wave of flush washes over my face.
I give up. I dub today as the most humiliating and shameful day of my life.
"I… I'll come with you," I manage to mumble, looking down at my feet.
Damn, I really don't want to be carried like that again though.
He shifts over as he helps me up stand and grins. "Think you could get on my back instead?"
I blink at his proposal.
Well both are humiliating… I guess getting on his back is the lesser humiliation.
Leaning back against the bed to support myself, I nod. I don't have the courage to voice my approval of this shameful decision I'm making.
I slide my body on top of his back. Though I don't have a good grip on him it's not necessary as he holds me firmly.
Burying my face on his shoulders, I hear Shinra greet us almost cheerfully. I bet he's laughing at my pathetic state. I'm so going to make him miserable the next time I see him for laughing at me. But for now, I'm glad this is over with and I can go home.
With Shizu-chan.
After a quick nod in acknowledgment and goodbye, we head out.
He walks in silence as the sun starts to set. I stay silent too as I ride on his back.
I think I should be worried about our relationship or what's going to happen next but my mind is blank. I'm probably just too tired. Instead of thinking, I feel.
Feelings slowly return to my body as my arms wrap around him. Laying my head on his shoulder I try to hear his heartbeat.
I half wonder if I can lean my head against his neck when he speaks up and breaks the silence.
"... can you tell me what happened now?"
Ah… that's right. Shizu-chan still doesn't know the whole story.
Where do I even begin?
He… isn't going to suddenly drop me and leave right?
I'm still worried that he'll leave me despite everything that's happened so far. There isn't much I have to offer. Shizu-chan doesn't care about mundane things. Shizu-chan doesn't need money. He doesn't need dirts on other people. He's also hellava good looking guy so if he really wanted to, he can probably go find a hot chick now that he's learned to control his power in bed a bit.
… only thing I have to offer is just lust.
At one point in my life, that was my hook to bait him.
Now it's a double edged sword turned against me.
Ah, oops. I've been silent for too long. I can tell he's a bit agitated.
How do I even begin?
"What do you want to know?"
"Who this Shiki-san guy is would be a good start," he replies.
Hmm… Shiki-san. Shizu-chan doesn't know him at all huh. Granted he's the one tricked both of us and pretended to shoot me and give him a phone call in the middle of the night… I guess Shizu-chan would be curious.
"He's an Awakusu-kai executive. He rose to power at a fairly young age due to his capabilities in management as well as his charismatic leadership. His salary ranges from-"
Shizu-chan cuts me off sharply. "I don't want to hear his life story! What's his relationship with you?"
I pause in surprise. Oh, right. Shizu-chan really won't care about that sort of thing.
"You don't even want to know his weakness? For a stern guy, he idolizes Ruri-chan you know," I smirk. I find it kinda cute that Shizu-chan only wanted to know my relationship with him.
"Ok then, let's go at this a different angle." Looks like I hit a nerve, Shizu-chan's voice sounds forced and quite agitated, "Why did he threaten me to stay away from you?"
"Oh… that…"
Oh great, how do I explain that one.
Well I am an informant to the core. I won't change the truth even if I might hide a few parts of it. This time though, I don't plan to cover up anything.
This is difficult.
"I'm not quite sure what he told you Shizu-chan so I can't answer properly but…"
I can actually imagine veins popping out due to his impatience. Haha… oh man…
"… but he did tell me he called you because at first he wanted to steal me away from you for not being able to protect me that night."
Showing my weak side bare open like this really, really hurts. He hasn't even hurt me yet but I can feel the dread as my heart beats faster.
Trying to cover up my embarrassment, I quickly add, "He and I aren't in any relationship but business."
… I'm still not sure if I should tell him that he confessed to me though.
"Then why-?" Shizu-chan cuts off and takes a deep breath, shaking his head a bit, "... protect you?"
Too bad I can't see his face. I wonder if he's frowning or angry. Or just confused.
And again I wonder to myself, how much I can tell him… or should tell him.
At least he isn't pressing me about why he called him that night. Maybe he'll forget it if I divert his attention with a different subject.
But this is another subject I've wanted to avoid answering.
I sigh again.
"After you and I… had a fight… the next night I…"
This really is difficult!
"I…"
What the heck do I say? I almost got raped? I failed picking up a guy? I tried to make you angry? All of the above?
"Well, you accused me of cheating. Not… that we're in any relationship to begin with so it's not even cheating haa…"
I'm rambling now. I stumble on my own words as I try to make sense of all this.
"So that night I went to a bar to pick up some guys. I wanted to…"
It really hurts to admit these things to yourself. Not to mention to Shizu-chan of all people.
"I wanted to hurt you… by sleeping with other people since… you've accused that of me anyway. It didn't work as planned though."
Shizu-chan's pace slows, while my heart rate beats faster. Is he… angry that I confessed that I wanted to hurt him?
Did I say too much?
"... what happened?" he finally asks.
Huh? Why did I want to hurt him? Didn't I answer him already?
Oh wait… he means why my plans fell through… I think.
… I really don't want to tell him but… at this point I think my ego's been crushed beyond repair.
"… well… instead of getting laid… I almost got raped."
I guess that's blunt enough.
Shizu-chan stops abruptly, my body lunges forward with him.
… maybe that was too blunt.
"What! Almost..." turning his head to look at me for the first time since I've been on his back. He looks startled for a brief moment until a realization dawns on him and his eyes widen, "Wait, those marks on your chest...?"
I kind of wish I could cower away from his gaze.
"The… plan… was too good, it backfired." I mumble and look away. His piercing stare only makes me feel even more exposed with all my failures and blemishes laid out in front.
"Are you done with questions now?" I'm trying to end this interrogation.
"The fuck I am!" He starts walking again, practically stomping.
Ah, I knew it. He is angry at me… maybe I shouldn't have told him the tr-
"Do you know this bastard's name? Face? Because I'd love to pay him a little visit and..."
Ah?
Huh?
Wait, he's not angry at me?
He continues to mutter and I can feel Shizu-chan sag beneath me.
"Shizu-chan? Are you-"
"Sorry," he says, surprising me even more.
He pauses before continuing, "I just assumed..." another pause, then he lets out a long sigh, "Sorry."
I'm… kind of confused again.
He's not angry at me.
You have no idea how relieved I am though I'm still a bit apprehensive. I mean, even if I failed, I did try to… do it… with other men…
To hurt him.
I'm so conditioned to having him get angry at me, I'm confused when he's not.
"How... far did he get with you?" he asks in a low mutter. I almost don't hear him.
"How far? As in… him touching me?"
"Yes," his voice sounds testy.
I fidget a bit. This is definitely going towards the dangerous zone.
"Well… he kissed… me…" I think I feel him wince.
"…then he grinded against me…" being reminded of that sickens me.
"Oh, and some other guy grabbed my crotch… inside my boxers…" my voice become smaller and smaller. This is really embarrassing.
"Then after drugging me he… took me to some alley and…" I sigh. I don't like remembering this part.
"…started taking off my clothes, left some dirty marks on me, started fingering me, shoved his dick inside my mouth and-"
"ENOUGH." I stop startled at the sudden yell. His arms and hands grip down on my legs, the tightening growing uncomfortable. I'm uneasy as he growls, "Did you get a fucking name?"
"Ah… no. I didn't care to ask." I smirk a bit. "Are you planning to avenge me?"
"I'll tear him limb from limb if I ever find out who the sick scum is," Shizu-chan growls. It's kind of endearing.
"Well no need really. Akabayashi-san found me, and before you ask, he's the other executive of Awakusu-kai by the way, and he and Shiki-san took care of the scum just the way I wanted. It was kind of nice." I purr at the thought.
"... so that guy helped you?" Shizu-chan asks, shaking his head, "He doesn't seem like 'just a business partner' to me, Izaya. Especially not if he wanted to, quote, 'steal you away' from me."
"Ah… that…" I look away with a strained smile which he can't see of course.
"Well, he has his own reasons…" I trail off.
"Don't give me that," Shizu-chan replies, glancing back at me again. He looks pissed.
"You obviously know something that I don't, and it's pissing me off. How does that guy even know about…." He falters as he turns to face forward, "…us?"
… good question. I really don't want to answer him.
"He helped because… "
But I have to answer him properly.
I sigh.
"… because he said he's in love with me."
There. I said it. I lean my head against his back, suddenly feeling very tired.
"He first wanted to steal me away since you suck at protecting me, though I can't really blame you. You didn't know what I was doing that night… then he decided to play one devil of a cupid and pulled this stunt to get us back together because he…"
I can say this right?
I can say this now… and it wouldn't backfire on me right?
"… because he said he was sick of seeing me heartbroken."
There's silence and I feel more apprehensive. I am sort of hoping for some reciprocation here… considering he did confess before.
He didn't take it back yet right?
After a long aggravating pause, I hear Shizu-chan ask cautiously, "H... heartbroken?" His voice nearly cracks somewhere in the middle.
I hide a giggle. No more masks, but I think for my own survival, I shouldn't laugh at him right now.
Instead my heart swells up fully, happy and appreciated in knowing that my small confession has made a small dent in his heart.
"Yes Shizu-chan, don't make me say it twice now," I say playfully. I lean forward and teasingly nibble on his ear tip because I know it's his most sensitive spot. I give him my breathy whisper,
"I love you Shizu-chan."
He pauses abruptly. At first I think it's because he's about to say or do something. However, looking up I realize we're in front of the entrance to my building.
Without speaking, he lowers me back on to the ground. I tentatively balance my footing. It's weak.
Before I could frown at my frailness, Shizu-chan fully turns around to face me, his hands holding my shoulders as our eyes lock into a deep stare.
"One more question?" as he stares at me intently. His hands shake a bit as he holds me up.
"I know I haven't been very trusting of you, but however you answer this next question, I swear I'll believe it. Were you telling me the truth when you said I'm your only one?"
His eyes search me as I stare deeply back at those warm chocolate colored eyes.
His face tells me that he too has his pride on the line for this one moment.
Here and right now, I can crush him so easily.
Easier than stepping on an ant.
Ever since I've met him, I've been working towards that goal. If I can't use him, I'll kill him.
And now that the opportunity is given to me, I don't hesitate.
All those years of hatred.
I let it go.
"Yes," I breathe lightly and smile. "You are the only one."
RukawaGF
centurylm: ROFL i like your little omake story!
Izaya Orihara: Shiki's the best troll there is pffff... even trolled shizuo + izaya AND the readers woot
Junjou-is-pureheart: oh dear rofl... i'm so sorry i neglected "Filled to the Brim" on ff net .; im very bad at updating anything on ff net since i still feel like a noob here. (i only updated here coz my friends kept pestering me to) If you mean by the updates on the kinkmeme, now that I've just massively updated PD, i'm planning to massively update on my other fics. Starting with FTTB of course. Thank you for loving it (hugz)
MistressKiko
I'm so glad we shocked so many of you xD! And then Ruka just decided to be a really nice person and give you this HUGE chapter.. I think she's spoiling you guys -cough. But this was just so adorable, I can forgive.
centurylm: Hahaha, the first thing my eyes were drawn to in your review was Ashton Kutcher and I was like "Why the heck is Ashton Kutcher's name in a review for a Durarara fanfic?" and then I laughed out loud when I read it all :D
MeLoNnAiSE: :o Well I'm really glad you think so, because action scenes are always so difficult for me!
To all: Like always, we love your comments~~~