INVADER POONCHY
Zim is in his front yard working on a mechanical monstrosity that looks very much like a huge cannon. Neighbors gawk, "Hurry up, GIR! I need those hydro-spanners so that I can prepare the new..." Zim shouts into the house before he notices the gawking neighbors. "...bird feeder" A camera flashes, Zim whirls to find Dib standing in the middle of the sidewalk with his camera. "DIB! I see through your disguise!" Zim shouts at the undisguised Dib. "I'm not in disguise. And if this...thing is supposed to be secret, you're doing a real bad job keeping it that way" Dib says as he takes a break from taking pictures. "SILENCE!" Zim shouts before he lunges after Dib, Dib holds his camera away.
Several minutes later Zim storms in carrying Dib's broken camera. GIR, in his dog suit, sits motionless against the couch. "That little spying weasel! Doesn't he have anything better to do than try to save his planet from me?" GIR hasn't moved. "You know GIR, you're supposed to be guarding the base against him!" ZIM pokes GIR to finish his point, but GIR just wobbles there. After a beat, the suit collapses, revealing it is filled with ground beef. "AAAGH! GIR!? GIIIR! They've turned you into ground beef! HOWW!? WHYY?!" The real GIR pops his head up from behind the couch.
"Fooooled you! Now there's two GIR's! That's BEEF GIR! LET'S EAT'IM!" Zim thinks about this insane comment for a few moments. "Why would you...WAITAMINUTE! A decoy. Your insane idea has given me a brilliant one. If Dib thinks there is another Irken on Earth, he won't have as much time to interfere in the creation of my SUPER WEAPON! But WHO will be my decoy?" GIR thinks about his masters plan for a moment, "I WISH I KNEW!"
A hoverscreen floats up from the floor, Gretchen's face appears on it. "No, Too normal looking" the picture changes to Zootch. "Hmmm... I DO like his hair..." Zim ponders before the shot changes to Morla, Zim just wretches. Finally it changes to Poonchy: Drinker of Hate. "Poonchy... Yesss..." Zim says in a spooky voice as his insane plan starts to gain momentum.
THE NEXT DAY
The Skool Bell rings and the door to Ms. Bitters' class opens and students pour out. Zim stealthily zips out and presses himself against the wall. When Poonchy walks out of the room, ZIM lurches forward and BUMPS into him, dropping a notebook as he does so. On the cover of the notebook is an Irken insignia and the word 'Poonchy'. Dib walks out of the class and steps over the notebook, Zim picks it up. "Oh, INVADER P-... uhhh... I mean, just regular skool child Poonchy, you have dropped your notebook" Zim says in a voice that suggests he is in dire need of acting lessons.
Dib looks back, irritated, Poonchy ignores Zim and simply walks away. Zim flips through the book, exposing Irken text and schematics. "Poonchy? An alien? Dib, that's crazy!" Zim suddenly turns and points accusingly at Dib. "What are you talking about, Zim?" Zim, oblivious of Dib's denial continues. "How dare you accuse that innocent non-alien child of being an IRKEN spy?" Dib looks as though he's not quite sure what's happening. "I'm not in the mood for jokes, Zim" Dib says, Zim is confused about his denial. "Heh?" and with that Dib turns and walks away, Zim looks frustrated.
SKOOL CAFETERIA
The cafeteria bustles with kids eating. Dib sits by himself eating a bag lunch. Across the cafeteria sits Poonchy with several of his friends. ZIM stands in the door, surveying the situation. Making his move Zim walks behind Poonchy and slaps an Irken backpack on him. The backpack fastens itself INTO Poonchy, who writhes and struggles. "Hello there, my Poonchy friend" Zim sits next to the dazed child. All Poonchy's friends see Poonchy sitting next to ZIM and they walk away in social horror. "Ew, I didn't know Poonchy and ZIM were friends. They even wear the same backpack! Let's go guuuuys"
Dib looks up at the commotion and runs over to investigate. "What're you doing to Poonchy, Zim?" Dib shouts, Zim feigns innocence. "What do you mean? What's wrong with his alien-style backpack?" Dib is confused by this comment, "I didn't say anything about backpacks..." behind the two arch nemesis Poonchy rubs his back and kind of stumbles away. "...My back hurts..." Poonchy says as Dib turns to follow him, but Zim grabs Dib and starts shouting. "All right, Dib, you win. I, ZIM, am merely a decoy, sent here to distract you from the real INVADER... INVADER POONCHY!" Zim turns to the wall and starts pounding on it. "Oh, I've failed you MASTER POONCHY!"
"Okay, now you're just being weird, Zim" Dib walks away, but Zim doesn't notice, he's still pounding. "Curse you Dib, you're too clever..." He looks up to see Dib's reaction and sees instead that the whole cafeteria stares at him. "Fine, Dib. Looks like it's time for more drastic measures..." Zim plots silently to himself.
Later that night Poonchy walks up the walkway of his house, the dark figure of Zim lurks around the corner. Poonchy rubs his new backpack and moans as he shuts the door behind him. Zim listens at the door, "Mom, skool was CRAZY. I'm gonna go to my room and wind down with some video games, ya know? Yahhh, YOU knowww. Yeah!" Poonchy runs up the stairs, Zim smiles for some and sneaks away.
Poonchy walks into his room, which is no longer his room. He is surrounded by Irken technology, there is a giant screen with what looks like video game controllers in front of it, "Coooool"
DIB'S LIVINGROOM
Dib sits watching TV. The Mysterious Mysteries theme song plays. Suddenly, the screen goes fuzzy and a shadowy form appears. It's Zim in a lumpy disguise, his idea of spooky. "What the- ?" Dib gasps as his show is interrupted. "Agent Dib. I am Agent...eh...Loonypants he he from the Swollen Meatball Network" Zim says in his attempt at a spooky voice. "Swollen Meatball Network? I've never heard of any Meatball-" Dib is interrupted by Agent Loonypants. "SILENCE! We need you to investigate some alien signals in your neighborhood" Loonypants says, Dib just sort of sits there not really knowing what to do. "Okayyy..."
"I dunno about this "Swollen Meatball". If tonight's Mysterious Mysteries wasn't a rerun I wouldn't even be here-" Dib says to himself as he scales the side of Poonchy's house. He peeks his head up to look into Poonchy's room. He is shocked to see Poonchy sitting amid all the Irken technology. From his POV, Dib can't see what's on the video game screen. From Poonchy's point of view the video game screen is in the foreground, with Dib peeking in the background. The screen is swarming with "alien enemies". From his vantage point, Dib can only see the back of the screen and Poonchy playing his game.
"I'll destroy them all!" Poonchy declares as he destroys a bunch of enimies. Dib's eyes go wide and he drops out of view, Poonchy somehow ignores the large thud. Outside Dib stares up at Poonchy's room, "Poonchy really is an alien! And he wants to destroy us all!" High above, ZIM hovers in his Voot Cruiser, watching. He can see Dib backing away from Poonchy's house. GIR sits next to him. ZIM chuckles to himself. "HAH! I spared no detail to make Poonchy look like a real Irken. Now I can work on my super weapon in peace" Back in Poonchy's room the Drinker of Hate spots a red button on his console, "What's this button do?"
The top of Poonchy's house opens up, revealing the weapon thing that Zim was working on in the opening scene. Dib backs away in awe, "I've got to find help" Back in the Voot Cruiser Zim is shocked as the weapon folds out. "Wow that really IS detailed. That looks just like my super weapon...hey wait. That IS MY SUPER WEAPON! GIR! GIRRR! Huh?! Huh?!" GIR says nothing. Zim pokes his head. Beef oozes out, "BEEEEEEEEF!" The cry is clearly audible in Poonchy's room, but the occupant is too occupied with the changing game screen. Zim's Voot Cruiser fills the frame and a target reticle closes in on it.
"I hope this game gets better..." Poonchy stares at the screen, already bored with the game. Outside, the laser cannon fires super lasers at the Voot. Zim shrieks and makes the Cruiser dodge the beams, the sudden movement jars beef GIR out of his seat. Beef GIR flops around inside the cabin as ZIM tries to control his ship. Later in a news studio a NewsCaster sits at a news desk. "THIS JUST IN! An evil alien has taken over a local home and is firing lasers all crazy like! Authorities have the location surrounded. Reporter Ted Slunchy has the story..." Ted Slunchy stands in front of Poonchy's house, holding a microphone. Dib stands next to him looking a little too excited for the situation. Bedlam reigns behind them as the laser shoots at the surrounding police cars and military vehicles.
"I'm here with Dib, the boy who reported the alien to the authorities. Dib, isn't it true that you have a history of making this kind of thing up?" Dib gives the reporter a perplexed look. "No" but the reporter does not appear to be listening in fact, he has already turned to a scientist looking type guy. "Very interesting. I'm also here with Doctor Spanky, laser specialist. Doctor, what do you have to say?" the reporter shoves his mic into Spanky's face. "What we have here is a high impact-" Suddenly, from behind them, someone shouts. "It's going into super deluxe attack mode! It could destroy the world!"
A light on top of the weapon DINGS from green to red. Ted pushes aside the expert and pandemonium breaks out. "You heard it here first folks. This impressive alien threat has "Super deluxe attack mode" technology! Possible worldwide destruction. RUUUUUN!" The reporter goes running as everything dissolves into chaos. The Cruiser hovers high above the madness. The inside of the ship is coated with meat, and Zim has the newscast on a monitor. "Poonchy? Impressive?! But that's MY weapon! I MUST save the earth from POONCHY! Only THEN can I... destroy The EARTH! Computer, activate self-destruct for Poonchy's fake base!"
"Base destruction sequence activated" the computer says without really caring. The cannon splits open and sparks start to shoot out of it, the crowd gasps. Dib yells at a General, who stands in front of a group of military mechs and tanks. "You're gonna have to destroy that house! You can't let the super cannon go off!" the General doesn't even take a second look at Dib before declaring, "The boy is right!" The noise level outside is intense as things explode, people scream and cars crash. For some reason, it's really quiet. Poonchy's Mom sits at the kitchen table. She nods off. Through the window, we can see all kinds of crazy stuff going on. Behind her, the microwave hums, after a beat, the microwave dings, She snaps awake
"POONCHY! DINNER'S READY!" she screams louder than is really necessary. Poonchy excitedly plays his game, he somehow ignores the self-destruct countdown in the corner of his screen. "Not now mom, I almost got the super weapon all charged up. Something cool's gonna happen just as soon as I-" suddenly, his mom's in his doorway. "I made fish sticks! Yum, yum yum yum yum"she says in an insanely cheery voice. "YAAHHH! FISH STICKS! Oooooooh!" he answers back in an equally insane happy voice. Poonchy unplugs the game, and runs off out of the room with his mom. The two of them happy about fish sticks.
The destruction countdown stops on Zim's monitor. "It's shut down! Now I won't have to blow up the base! Oh well. Woulda been neat" outside the cannon powers down and stops firing. "Look! I think he's surrendering!" Dib shouts, the general nods in half agreement. "You might be right. Let's send in the ground troops just to be safe!" a bunch of massive ground troops run up to the front door and after botching a three count they burst into the house. We hear Poonchy's mom scream, "Heyyy FISHSTICKS!" one of the ground troops exclaims before a bunch of fish stick munching sounds can be heard.
Later Ted Slunchy once again stands with microphone in front of Poonchy's house. "...And in the end, it was really just a video game belonging to a normal boy..." a picture of Poonchy fills the screen. "Who was falsely accused of being an alien by this boy..." horrible picture of Dib pops up. "... who was hauled away from the scene after accusing this woman..." picture of Poonchy's mom trying to pass out fishsticks to the groundtroops. "...of being an alien robot" a shot of Dib being pulled off of Poonchy's mom is shown. "Even more mysterious was the green boy yelling at a dog stuffed with beef!" a picture of Zim screaming at GIR is displayed. "They don't get any weirder than that!"
GIR, out of his costume and giggling, floats by Ted carrying a load of ground beef. Ted watches GIR fly off-screen, and is immediately hit in the face with a wad of meat. The image goes to static as another wad of meat impacts the camera. Later, Zim sits on the couch in front of his TV with his remote control in his hand. The room is covered in beef, "Well, with Dib in jail, he can't bug me for a while, so...I guess I win" a moment passes. "SUCCESS!" Zim shoves his fists in the air victoriously. Triumphant music swells until Zim is slammed hard by a monstrous blast of beef that sends him into the kitchen. GIR giggles.