this is probably very easily the longest chapter by far and it took me on an emotional rollercoaster while writing it so hopefully its good.

Dave's POV

Monday morning. I fucking hate Mondays. I got up and started getting ready for school. I still haven't heard from Karkat or Kankri. Dirk was taking me to school so it wasn't all that early. I was signed to a bus, but I never had to ride it. It was a just in case thing. Just in case Dirk was out of town AND it was raining. I walked out of my room and straight into my bro.

"yo, I got to go out of town later."

"so you won't be picking me up?"

"and its supposed to drop down to the 30s by the time you get out."

"so you want me to ride the bus?"

"I think you should keep it in mind. I know you fair well with the cold, but it might be better not to walk today. I heard we may get ice and I heard we might not so yeah"

"I'll grab my jacket, then"

I grabbed my jacket and we left. Of course we stopped by the café Jake runs for me a coffee.

"can I get a hot chocolate instead?"

"sure, but you always get coffee"

"I just want to try something different"

"ok"

he walked back out with my hot chocolate and handed it to me. He took me to school and I went about the day rather awkwardly.

3rd period came around. I walked in 10 minutes late. My teacher didn't appreciate that too much. I looked around and didn't see Karkat, which was odd. He never missed school. I sat next to Terezi. I was really beginning to not like her.

The end of the day I walked onto the bus. I fell asleep and missed my stop. No one knew where I lived or who I was on the bus so no one woke me. I woke up by someone shaking me violently. That put me in a bad mood. I looked up to see John.

"what?"

"did you see Karkat today?"

"no did you?"

"no. I have to give him his homework though. Will you come with me? He kind of scares me"

"I guess"

John and I walked up the steps to a rather large house and knocked on the door. Kankri answered and told us to come in. he directed us to Karkat's room and John knocked on the door.

No answer. My stomach dropped. Something was wrong. He knocked on the door again. I faintly smelled blood. Something was seriously wrong. I tried the doorknob. Locked.

"Karkat I have your homework!" John was giving me a questioning look. I looked down at Kankri. He had his brows furrowed. Panic started to sink in. I slammed my shoulder into his door. It opened immediately. I darted in and saw a pile of Karkat; bloody and barely conscious. I pulled out my phone and called for an ambulance. I knelt down next to him and picked him up. His body was still warm. I couldn't hear anything. I didn't realize I was yelling. He was looking up at me with his gray eyes. I didn't even realize I had started crying. I don't know when my glasses got thrown off of my face. I didn't care. I don't even remember how I got to the hospital or where John went.

I sat in the waiting room. my bro was there. He was supposed to be out of town. Why was he here? I didn't talk to anyone. I waited for what seemed like years for a doctor to tell me I could see him. I needed to see him. Kankri was crying. Some greaser looking guy was with him and tried calming him down. Jake busted through the doors and ran up to me. He was trying to tell or ask me something but I couldn't comprehend it. I stared straight at the doors that they pushed Karkat through. Shit this was taking way too long.

I swear I sat there for another eight years before the doors opened with news about Karkat. I stared at him. I couldn't hear anything he was saying. What the hell? Suddenly Dirk and Jake were pulling me up. They led me through the doors. Nurses and doctors were moving quickly throughout the halls. In and out of rooms. We came close to a room and I could see Karkat. He was pale. His eyes were closed. I was beginning to hear.

I heard ringing of phones and voices saying my name and asking me if I was okay. I nodded and walked through the door. I walked by where he was. I put my hand in his. His eyes remained close.

"they said he wouldn't wake up for awhile" I looked up and saw the greaser leaning against the wall staring at me. "trust me I went through this with my brother"

"who's your brother?"

"Eridan" it wasn't his voice. The greaser smiled.

"hey chief. Back so soon?"

I looked back at Karkat. His eyes were open.

"hey Cronus" he looked up at me. "Dave? What's wrong?" his hand came up and wiped under my eye.

"you scared the fucking shit out of me"

"I'm sorry"

"no. don't apologize. I'M sorry"

"for what?"

"I didn't mean it the way I said it"

"I know." he pulled the blanket off his wrist. I looked down there were no fresh cuts except the one he did in the bathroom at my house and school. This wasn't making any sense.

"what happened?"

"I tried to sever the artery in my thighs"

"he didn't try. He did" I turned and looked at the doctor.

"what?"

"well, he grazed it. Its deeper in there than you think" she walked over to a little computer mounted to a moving pedestal on the wall. She typed some things and turned her attention back to us. "do you feel any pain?"

"to be honest I always feel pain"

"emotional or physical"

"both" she jotted down some notes.

"have you ever thought about suicide or attempted it before?"

"yes"

"which one?"

"both" she nodded at his answer and wrote down some more things.

"do you feel depressed often?"

"no" she looked up at him as if to explain more "I usually feel numb. Not depressed."

"so you cut to inflict some type of feeling?"

"yes" she nodded and wrote down some more things.

"what usually inflicts the feelings to cut?"

"different things.. conflicting feelings, the feeling of being trapped"

"what do you mean by trapped?"

"like emotionally disconnected and unable to detect how I feel"

"how does this make you feel trapped?"

"it just does I don't know how else to explain it"

she asked him a few more questions before pulling Kankri out of the room to talk to him. Karkat looked at me.

"they're going to put me in a psychiatric ward you know"

"I wont let them" I didn't want him to go. I could help him I think.

"it won't matter what you say. Its up to Kankri" I looked back behind me. Cronus nodded and walked out of the room. "he's my guardian." I looked back at Karkat. His eyes were brimmed with tears. "he'll let them take me"

"I doubt that"

"why? He doesn't care. He never did"

"he cried the whole time. He rode with you to this place. Cronus couldn't even calm him down" tears fell down Karkat's face. "he cares more than you think. It would be the end of his world if you died"

"I should have taken pills instead"

"what?"

"I would have been gone sooner" I felt my heart drop. I felt tears in my eyes. I looked away from him. I took my hand away from his and I walked to the doorway. "Dave? Where are you going?"

"to think. Maybe you think I don't care either, so I'm going to think" I walked out of the room. I heard him calling my name, but I kept walking. I walked out of the emergency care corridor. I walked out of the waiting room. I kept walking.

Maybe this was all a bad idea. Did he think I didn't care or something? I cared more about him than I had most other people. I stopped in front of a park. I walked to a bench and sat down. I cared too much to dump him. I cared too much to hear him talk about killing himself. I couldn't bear the thought that he wished he would have done it differently. I felt water hit my legs. I didn't realize I was crying. Why did I take what he said so personally?

I heard footsteps coming up to me.

"Dave?" I looked up to see Rose. "are you okay?" her purple scarf danced in the wind. We had two totally different lives for siblings. She lived in this area. I lived on the whole other side of town. She had a cat and I had a boyfriend.

"yeah, I'm fine"

"your body language says otherwise. What are you doing on this side of town?"

"Karkat's in the hospital"

"ah, yes your boyfriend. What for?"

"attempted suicide"

"then why are you here?"

"he said he wished he would have taken pills and died sooner"

"harsh. So you left him when he needs you most?"

"I didn't leave him"

"then why are you at the park rather than next to him?"

"I needed to think"

"about why he wanted to die sooner?"

"yes"

"did it occur to you it was because he felt like he didn't have anyone?"

"no"

"well you might want to go be the person he needs, rather than proving him right"

"how do you know that's how he feels?"

"because I feel the exact same way half the time" she pulled the zipper down on her jacket some and a cat head popped out "but then I remember I have my cat"

"that's kinda weird, sis"

"maybe so, but you're Karkat's cat. He feels like he has no one so you have to roll onto his keyboard in the most irritatingly cute way possible. Nuzzle his face and junk"

"shit in a box of dirt?"

"no, but I'm sure that's how he feels right now. Except that box of dirt was his heart. And you shat all over it and walked away" she pet the cat's head. "he feels like the cat that the kids wanted for their birthday or Christmas that got hurt and damaged and they kicked it out into the cold world to fend for itself." She pulled the cat out of her jacket and handed it to me. I took it; it had a cloudy eye, messed up ears, and three legs. "and someone else will take that damaged cat and give it the care it deserves. And love it because that's all that poor kitty needs" I looked up at her. "and guess what, brother"

"what?"

"that kitty will forget the ones who weren't there when he needed them most. That kitty will still have scars, but the emotional damage that kitty received will be gone forever. That kitty will see its old owners one day and treat them like strangers because that's what they became. That kitty will be loved by somebody who will cherish him" she took the cat from me. "don't become the old owner of Karkitty. Be the new owner. Show him nobody will care about him more than you do" she put the cat back inside of her jacket and zipped it up. "hypothetically of course. Unless he's into that. Trust me, Dave, he feels alone and cold. Make him feel warm and loved"

"thanks, Rose"

"anytime. But if I were you I'd run to him. Run to your damaged kitten and love him before someone else does" I stood and hugged her, thanked her again and ran back towards the hospital.

I ran into the waiting room, through the doors to the emergency care area, and into his room. everyone looked at me. Karkat was crying. He wiped away his tears when he saw me. I rushed over to him and pressed my lips to his. When we pulled apart I apologized.

"its okay"

"no it isn't. I left you when you needed me the most"

"you kinda did" I pulled away from him and looked at him. He was smiling. "but I forgive you" he chuckled.

The door opened and we all looked at the two blondes who walked in. Dirk shuffled awkwardly in his place. Rose walked up beside me and unzipped her jacket. The cat hopped out onto Karkat's bed. It hobbled up to Karkat and nuzzled his face, then hobbled back to Rose. She picked it up and put it back in her jacket.

Kankri and Cronus walked back into the room. Kankri's face was red. Cronus had a big smile on his face. I noticed Cronus had a hand on Kankri's hip. I didn't know Kankri could have a significant other. Wait a minute. Does that mean everyone in here except my mom is gay? I know Rose is doing a long distance thing with a girl. I'm with Karkat. Dirk is with Jake. From the looks of it Cronus is with Kankri. Holy shit, are we taking over the world? That's so badass.

"so, they're not taking me to a psychiatric ward?" Karkat's voice broke my train of thought.

"no, I advised against it"

"why?"

"because I felt it would make things worse" he scratched the back of his neck. "I feel like spending more time with Dave would help.. if you hadn't cut while there and you feel happier there by all means you have my permission to be there whenever. So long as his father is cool with it" I looked back at Dirk it was weird for him to be referred to as my father. I always referred to him as my bro because he was there for me like a brother rather than a father. He looked up and smiled.

"yeah its cool with me" Jake put his hand on Dirks shoulder and whispered to him. They walked out into the hallway. I turned my attention to my mom. She was looking at the doorway. She walked out and I heard her, Jake, and Dirk talking, but I couldn't make out what it was about.

"so, then that's settled. She's getting your discharge papers and a note for your P.E. class so the stitches don't get pulled out. That means nothing largely physically demanding" he looked up and glared at me. I tried not to smile. Karkat's hand came down on my arm.

"ow!"

"stop that!"

"stop what?"

"stop thinking dirty!"

"I'm never gonna stop doing that" he glared at me and Rose laughed.