Chapter 10: A Night of Responsibilities
(PLEASE READ A/N THE END THANKS!)
Maybe it was the distant sound of rumbling laughter, or the cool whisk of night-time air from the open balcony doors that made my heart do somersaults in my chest. The dress I was wearing was fitted perfectly, courtesy of Isabelle and a fussing mother. It wasn't the ballgown full of fluff and glitter that I had seen ladies with powdered hair and dazzling jewels had worn at court. Silk that might have been pulled from the covers of my bed, was shaped so that it hugged the little curves I had and dipped to the floor, a slit open to reveal my skin and the black heels that did wonders to my height situation. The top, however, made me weary. Shaped like a V and revealing glimpses of cleavage-but, thank the angels, nothing too much. It was really nothing like a fairytale princess, but the elegance of simplicity and realness that it radiated made me feel every bit the part. Izzy had picked well. Emerald green always was my color, mother had said.
I had been staring at the mirror, a mixture of nerves and anxiousness at my reflection that everyone would see descend the steps. With heels on and seeing the fabric draped across the floor only made me even more nervous to walk down those stairs. I fidgeted in my shoes. To think, for someone who almost always wore heels, I should be used to it. My toes were aching from the shape not exactly fitting my feet correctly and I clenched them and winced. Perhaps I should change?
But then a hand-Abigail-grabbed mine and I was off to the entry.
Rumbling laughter sounded the split of the door. Tinted blue shadows sprinkled at my feet, a reflection of the moon shining through the holed out windows of the night. It was all so calm, so quiet, except for the faint noise that would grow thunderous once my name would be announced and I had to step down those wretched stairs in these wretched heels.
Everyone I knew would be waited at the bottom, looking at me along with all the guests. This party was important. It would be the first time the public would see Jace and I, the chance they get to form opinions and gossip. We were monarchs and that was part of the job: public displays equal public trust. Mom always told me that by having the world see us, we were inviting them into our lives. But how much do I want them in mine?
"Miss, it's time." Abigail called, stepping next to me. I had almost forgotten she was there.
I nodded but then turned when I heard her footsteps retreating. "Abigail," I called, causing her to turn around. "Aren't you coming?"
She looked at me funny. "To the party, Highness? Certainly not!" Abigail smiled, more for me than for herself. "There are things to do around here. A party like this has no room for me."
Her tone was not sad as she curtsied. My eyes followed the clicking of her footsteps as she crept down the hallway and twinge of something poked at my heart. Trumpets blared, a bit muffled from where I was standing but enough to snap my attention back to its previous state.
Distantly my name was called and the doors opened. Golden lights flooded me, and I had to blink to take it all in. I wanted to look around but nausea came over me as I could not meet one eye. There were too many people. I had forgotten how to breathe. I wanted to go back-I needed to go back. To shut door and curl up into a ball and block all the sound out. Something was different about tonight. I love parties, you love the people. So why why why why, did I feel like three boulders had been dropped on my shoulder and I was ready to collapse?
No more voices. Because they had all stopped their conversations. Because they were all staring at me. Somewhere inside, I grasped for an anchor. And when my eyes searched frantically and landed on faces I recognized, I reached it for it. First was my family-Mom, Dad, Jon-and my friends-Izzy, Simon...and Alec, standing next to a certain warlock I adored. And amongst the expectant faces, there was Jace.
Golden hair neat, suit gleaming and smile that worked the entire room. His eyes pierced into mine, as if urging me to keep looking, keep staring, hold onto his eyes. Those golden irises followed me as I felt my legs move step after step down the stairs. They steadied me. Jace didn't falter, he didn't move. I couldn't tell if either of us had blinked. I had not realized that my feet had touched the marble floor until applause erupted in the room and my eyes finally left the moment I grabbed and tried to stay in.
It was a night of responsibilities.
People bowed and they smiled and I nodded and threw out the polite commentary I had been taught since birth. I felt fine now, but my mind kept racing back to what happened on the stairs. I had been dumbstruck and nearly embarrassed myself. But now? It came easily to me. The dignified laughs and the names of the nobles, the fawning over dresses I didn't care for and answering questions for people who expected an answer they already knew, it all flowed out of me like the melody of a song I had to recite each day. But earlier, it was like I was a different person.
I was making conversation with a man and his towering wife when a voice interrupted.
"I hope you don't mind me stealing the Princess away," Izzy said, her tone indicating that she was by no means asking as she whisked me away next to a small corner next to a chocolate fountain.
My mother and father were entertaining the guest, so not many people noticed. I sighed in grateful relief. I looked up to see Izzy staring across the room. I followed her gaze and a small laugh escaped my lips. It was Simon, my best friend who was the only vampire in the room, which meant he could not blush, but the expression on his face was as easily read as a toddler. His fingers fiddled, I could see him stammer and muster up sloppy smiles meant for pre-teen boys. There was a group of men surrounding him, no doubt asking blunt questions that he had no idea how to answer. He caught my eye and mouthed 'help'.
I just shook my head.
"Isabelle?" She was still staring. "Izzy?"
Her attention landed back on me. "Hmm?"
"You were staring."
Her eyes widened a fraction and her arms crossed. "I was not."
"You were." I taunted almost quizzically. "Anyways, thanks for the save."
It took her a moment to realize what I meant. "Oh yes, that. I could tell you needed some help and I thought it was the right time. By the way," she said. "what the hell are you doing?"
I glanced around to make sure no one was looking. "What are you talking about?" I fired in a rash whisper. She rolled her eyes.
"What I mean is, you're avoiding the whole point of this party! You and Jace haven't spoken a word-well, if you don't count that steamy eye-sex you had on the stairs."
"Oh." I paused. "Eye-sex?"
Izzy huffed. "Just go find him."
I dipped a finger in the chocolate fountain and brought it to my lips. Conveniently, there was food table set up right next to it filled with berries and pastries and the most drool-worthy desserts. I scanned for a plate but Izzy swatted me. I clutched my shoulder.
"OW!" Some people turned. Isabelle flashed them an award-winning smile and that was that.
"Go," she urged and practically pushed me into the crowd.
Men asked to dance with me which I respectfully declined, woman did their best not to bump into me but did and sent a flurry of apologizes in which I had to hush. It was a whirlwind of stiffness and polite shoving, searching for locks of honey-blonde. It took awhile for me to give up my pointless quest and scour to a little corner where no one would notice. Part of my heart deflated. It was an obligation to find him but standing here, looking at people laugh and dance I couldn't help but feel a bit hopeless. Simon and Izzy were nowhere in sight, Jon was flirting with a brunette by the piano and the parents had to entertain everyone. For reasons I could not make sense of, not having the annoying arse here was unsettling.
Knowing the staff, even the corner was polished without an inch of dust catching the fabric of my dress. A few feet away was the doors to the large balcony, which I knew would give me a view I'd find far prettier than a suffocating ballroom. Mood slightly lifted, I picked up my dress and slipped into the the cool blanket of the night.
It was beautiful. The sky was wrapped in a blue of the darkest shade and shimmered with the slightest specks of light that all scrambled together to create a scene that would make any artist swoon. My fingers itched for a paintbrush. The moon, a crescent in the darkness had the color of white, but not pure white. It could surely be recreated by one bottles of paint that Jon had gotten me last christmas. My fingers danced with my mind as I leaned over the balcony, sketching and painting in my head.
"This is my hiding spot," a voice startled me. Hidden in the depths of the shadows was the owner of the voice I had been so accustomed to hearing. His face glimmered in the moonlight, his eyes shining that my paintbrush had lost focus and found a new muse. None other than Jace Herondale.
My hands clutched the stone and I stood straighter. "This is my home," I challenged.
Something changed in his eyes, something almost sad. Part of me wanted to ask but my mouth remained shut. Instead of talking, we just stayed there in a comfortable silence. No longer looking at each other but at the masterpiece above us. It was nice, the quiet. Through the doors, I could still hear the music echoing and sound of clapping and loud voices. But it was all muffled out and drowned by a breeze. Stolen moments like this is the only way to survive at these kinds of parties. A few seconds by myself, before making an entrance. Sneaking outside when no one notices. Eating strawberries in the corner when everyone is too busy laughing to care. My mind went back to how similar this felt, when I was on my room balcony and Jace was right below. My face heated at the thought and the silence felt less natural now.
I cleared my throat. "Are you enjoying the party?"
The tone I used shifted to the polite mellowness of my 'princess' voice, and he noticed because the corner of his mouth lifted at it.
"I suppose," he said. "And you?"
"It's nice."
He grinned. "You always were a bad liar."
"I was not!" I fired, my arms crossed and my chin tipped up. My hands were balled at my chest and looking up at him required some effort on my part.
Jace took a lock of my hair and curled it around his finger. Before I could swat him away, he leaned in and whispered so quietly, it might've been carried away into the night, "Beautiful."
I reeled back so fast that my heel caught onto my dress and I was tumbling backwards into strong hands. His body shook with quiet laughter as he slid closer and held me upright. I stepped away quickly and ran a hand over the emerald silk.
"It seems that I'm always catching you." He smirked, his typical Jace Herondale smirk and I wanted to slap his face and my leaping heart senselessly.
I grumbled. He sighed and looked as if he was about to give up on restless child.
"What?" I snapped.
He blinked. "Nothing, it's just that usually works."
I stared at him expectedly.
"Well, I caught you, twice, both in the most romantic way possible." he hesitantly spoke.
I rolled my eyes. "The first time was to avoid possible death."
He ignored me. "I take you out on a date-"
"-Actually I took you-"
"-You walk in on me half-dressed, which should have been better than any charming lie a man could think of. Oh, and I didn't force you to draw for me-" I made a disagreeable noise. He relented. "-okay, maybe that one was off. But I've been much more civil than you have."
That part was true. He had been. I never stopped to think about how this might have been like for Jace. He was taken away from his home and forced to...date me. A prince who had a number of women, as disgusting as it was, in his bed had to suddenly start a relationship with me. Maybe it was just as difficult for him as it is for me. This wasn't what either of us planned.
Jace tugged at his shirt collar and gave me the most boyish grin I had ever seen from him. "And here I am, in a suit, looking at only you. What more can I do?"
He didn't have to explain because I already knew what he meant. While Jace was trying in his own twisted way to make this relationship work, all I was doing was pushing him away. What more could he do?
I kept quiet.
"I even gave you my signature smirk, the one-"
I cut him off. "-the one that you give every woman before she drops into bed with you?"
It was his turn to keep quiet. "I'm not a prize to be won over, Jace." It was the first time I had said his name out loud tonight and it felt like ice coming out of my mouth.
He rubbed his head looked down. "I know."
"But it's not exactly fair of me to be upset," I admitted with a long sigh. "You've been the only one trying to make this work a-and it must be harder with me acting like this."
"I know you don't want this Clary," he said quietly. "But it's our reality. Royals don't always have the luxury of marrying for love. Our parents just got lucky."
I nodded. "It's all planned out. Our relationship, our future engagement, marriage...there's no point in fighting this. It's my duty."
"Oh, don't say it like that. Surely being forced to hang around me can't be that bad?" We both laughed.
The quietness of outside made our voices hushed, like we were having a secret conversation that no one would ever know about.
I fiddled nervously with my finger, knowing there'd be a ring there someday.
"But I'd like to try," I bit my lip, awaiting his reaction. "I'd like give us a chance."
The moment seemed dragged on forever and every second of Jace's face being unfazed was a grip on my heart. But then he smiled, a different smile I had never seen. One that was reserved for me. A secret.
"I'd like that." A beat of hesitation passed before he slid his thumb to my cheek and I closed my eyes. "We can try friends first."
"Friends." I echoed.
I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry for no updates. It's been almost a year since I've left this story and I don't want to make excuses. One of the major problems I had and wanted to fix was writer's block. If you guys are still willing to read, then I am still willing to write. I don't actually know how this works, if you guys can message me someway? If someone can explain that, I'd be very grateful. I think having a way to talk to my readers will really help me with moving this story along.
...ON A BETTER NOTE, LET'S MOVE ON TO THE Q & A!
Q: (sophiecampbellbower) what was that with Jace tells Clary that Simon should go demon hunting with them? I thought Jace would try to keep Si away from Clary... Why the sudden change?
A: I know that wasn't as clear in the previous chapter, but here you can kind of see that Jace was more accepting of their predicament than Clary was. It was his way of making an effort!
Q: (xCx) Who wants clary dead?
A: Oh, you can wait ;)
Q: (aysha 09) Can you write at least one or two chapters from jace's point of view? I'm just curios as to how he really feels about clary, what his thoughts are around her etc.
A: I had actually been debating doing that since the beginning of this story! The only problem I seem to have with switching POVs is having a clear difference in tone and voice. It's something I will definitely try.
Also, I think I want to ask a question for myself? I don't know if I can stick to a specific schedule but summer IS coming up...what day would you guys like weekly updates? :)
Thank you everyone, who's been loyal with this story. I adore youuuu 3 Don't forget to review, follow, favorite and leave your questions, suggestions & requests for next time!
xo,
H