Title: Within, without

Fandom: Saiyuki

Pairing: 85, 39

Theme: #8 fairytales

Summary: Gojyo changes an ending. Hakkai is sceptical. And Goku always sees more than he says he does.

A/N: This one's for EoS, because she hasn't written anything 39 in a while and has thus forced me to out of sheer desperation . I have a fondness for this story for some reason, too. Hm. And present tense – something I don't like, but it seemed to fit Goku.

'The Beast,' Gojyo tells Goku loudly, 'never turned into a prince.'

Goku promptly hits him, because he just finished reading that story with Hakkai, and he may be naïve but he's not stupid.

There's a bit of a scuffle, and Hakkai looks up from the book of western folktales, amused. Sanzo fingers his fan pointedly, and he's close enough to hit them without moving more than his arm, since Goku's leaning against the side of his sofa and Gojyo's opposite his gun arm. They shut up.

'No, seriously,' Gojyo says, and under the joking there really is something, something dark and bitter and true, and Goku stills and watches him, waiting for the answer. 'Really, he never did. He couldn't have. Beasts don't become…unbeasts. That's just a part made up by the guy who told the story so the kids would feel everything was like it was before and nothing changed.'

'Really?' It is Hakkai who speaks, bright and glittery as broken glass, and Goku notices his fingers are white on the book's soft leather cover for a second before they relax very consciously. 'And I always imagined that there would be some reward for her love.'

Gojyo looks up, and their eyes meet. He looks slightly uneasy, but there's something furious in him, like Sanzo's anger, wound all tight and dangerous. It unsettles Goku a little; Gojyo's the only one he can rely on to be honest about his anger, and this isn't like him at all. 'No, he didn't,' he insists again and turns to face Hakkai, away from Goku and Sanzo.

'And why do you say that, Gojyo?' Hakkai asks, and that broken glass flies through his voice.

There's another tense moment, and then Gojyo leans back against the wall and his voice is all light again. ''Cause there's no way that could just happen, 'Kai. Heh, it wasn't even really his fault he got turned into a beast anyway – all he did was tell some old lady he didn't wanna love her. Which, no offence, I've done myself; when you're as hot as I am, you won't believe the weird people out there.'

Hakkai laughs, and Goku winces, because that laugh is a world of pain and because he knows exactly what that pain is, in a way Gojyo never, ever will.

Because it's true, all of it. Things don't just…get right, he knows that better than he wants to. The happy endings aren't always happy, endings are almost always unhappy, there's always bitterness and hate lying under smooth voices and placid faces, and blood never quite washes off, and bright smiles and pretty eyes don't stop the beast when it wants to come out.

'But the thing is,' Gojyo continues, 'that wasn't really what the story was about. Because it would have been all wrong if he turned into a prince, see, because it wasn't the prince that Beauty loved.'

There's a deadly sort of silence that envelopes the room. Even Sanzo is watching.

'But she never had the choice,' Hakkai says, and he's oddly quiet, and there's definitely something going on here that Goku doesn't know. 'Maybe the prince was better for her.'

'If it was a prince she wanted,' Gojyo said, 'she'd never have cared for the Beast.'

'It wasn't an easy curse,' Hakkai parries. 'Do you think he enjoyed being a beast? Full of blind instinct and claws that hungered for blood, and all the time all he wanted was to go back to having smooth nails and blunt teeth and soft hands and being h– the prince again?'

'So he wanted her just to break the curse, then he didn't love her, did he?'

'But he did,' Hakkai insisted. 'It was unselfish love. He let her go so she wouldn't have to stay with a beast.'

'No, he didn't; he let her go because he thought she'd never love him, because he thought she wanted a prince, not a beast. But it wasn't the prince Beauty came back to find, it was the Beast, right? So why would she want a prince?'

Hakkai is silent, incredibly intent. Gojyo doesn't seem remotely fazed.

'You know what I think?' he says. 'I think the Beast never turned into a prince, but that's fine, because she never knew the difference anyway.'

Hakkai breathes out, and it's loud in the room. They're both totally ignoring Goku now; it's like the only thing that exists is whatever subtle battle they were fighting, which just ended.

But there is a difference, Goku thinks, and the thought feels like something imploding inside him, there's a difference, there's so much difference, because he knows what it's like to be a beast, to lose himself, to relish blood and battle and horror, and who would want such a thing, and who wouldn't know that there was a difference? Anyone can see–

A hand, too rough to be tender, smelling of gunsmoke and tobacco, tangles itself warningly in his hair, at an angle which ensures that no one else in the room can see it, and it silences his thoughts as sharply as the fan silences his words. 'Shut up,' Sanzo says simply, too quietly for the others to hear – not that they're noticing anything except each other, Goku thinks through the pleasant haze of feeling as the hand brushes once over his diadem before moving away.

Gojyo abruptly rises, and his hands shake just a little as he lights up as he leaves the room.

Everything subsides into silence after that, and Hakkai retreats behind the safety of the book, though he doesn't turn a page for at least twenty minutes, and his eyes are completely shrouded behind hair and glass.

When he finally leaves, the pall of tension eases, and Goku, on some half-understood impulse, follows him at a discreet distance.

Gojyo's leaning against the door of his shabby hotel room; sprawling, actually, his insanely long legs almost cutting off the corridor, an upraised leg supporting one arm. 'Hey,' he says wearily, and Goku shrinks back into the shadows as Hakkai kneels by him.

'I presume you meant what you said,' Hakkai says.

Gojyo stubs his cigarette on the floor and doesn't say a word.

'Out of sheer curiosity,' Hakkai goes on, leaning close, 'I never did figure out which one of us you thought was the beast. I would have thought it was me, but…I know you, Gojyo. It would be just foolish enough of you to place yourself in his position instead.'

Gojyo smiles, and it's weak but growing stronger. 'Does it matter?'

There's a long silence, and then Hakkai shakes his head slowly. 'No,' he says. 'It doesn't.'

Goku leaves then, before he intrudes even further, satisfied that he's finally discovered what he needs to. He goes back to the common room of the suite they'd rented and curls up on the sofa next to Sanzo, like he used to when he was a child and Sanzo was the adult who knew everything; things were simpler then, divided only into What Sanzo Liked and What Sanzo Disliked and not complicated by all the things he wants now, and for a wonder Sanzo lets him put his head on his shoulder and an arm around his waist.

Anyone can see the difference, yes, and so he buries his head in warm gunsmoke, tobacco and spices, and relishes the presence of someone who doesn't care.