This chapter includes some lines from the pilot episode, some of which have been changed slightly to accommodate the inclusion of Heidi in the family. Apologies if this annoys anyone. Reviews welcome.
Adam brought Hannah home three weeks after Guthrie and I turned 12. Up until he brought her home as his wife, I have no memory of Adam ever bringing any other women home or even having a girlfriend. The others told me that one summer Adam did have a fling with a pretty blonde woman called PJ who has since been to the house for dinner when she visited the area but I was very young so I don´t really recall it. Sometimes women would flirt with him whenever we were out but he seemed kind of oblivious to their intention or maybe he just wasn´t that interested in them. Brian on the other hand was known to date frequently but he never brought any of them home although it wasn´t unusual for him to stagger in in the early hours of the morning looking a bit worse for wear but generally quite pleased with himself. When Crane was in college, he had had a serious girlfriend for about two years called Beth who he had brought home quite a few times and who I remember being fascinated with. She was from a relatively wealthy family and wore cashmere sweaters and had very soft, fine, blonde hair which I couldn´t stop looking at or reaching out to touch until Adam grabbed my hand and told me to stop, apologizing for me. She hadn´t seemed to mind and I was sad when Crane told me that they were not together anymore one time when he was home. The point is that bar teachers or my friend´s mothers, I had very little experience with grown up women.
On the morning that Hannah arrived in our lives, my brothers minus Guthrie and Crane arrived back from rounding up the cattle on our land. Guthrie and I were deemed too young to go even though Guthrie was desperate to because Adam thought we would slow them down as they would have to look after us and this time, Crane stayed home to look after us and also keep an eye on the house and stock at home. Adam had left the house soon after he had arrived back looking decidedly purposeful and better dressed and groomed than was customary on a Saturday morning. All of us had wondered where he was going but none of us could have imagined he had gone to propose to a woman we didn´t even know existed.
It was late afternoon and I was hanging around sitting on the table in the kitchen chatting to Brian while he made supper.
"Here, taste this," Brian said to me, passing me the wooden spoon with some ground beef on it. "Tell me if it needs more hot sauce."
I put up my hand to push it away and smiled at him. "Nice try, Brian."
He rolled his eyes, "I still can´t believe you still don´t eat meat," he grumbled.
True to my word, for a few months after facing off with Brian over eating meat, I had taken a bite of the meat in each meal, swallowing it to appease him. When a few months had passed and I still was showing no sign of giving up wanting to be a vegetarian, Brian had conceded and given up trying to get me to change my mind. He still made meat dishes for the family but despite being adamant that he would under no circumstances prepare different meals for me, he had caved and always made sure there were enough other dishes I could eat. That didn´t stop him from trying to trick me into eating it again in the hope I would change my mind.
"What can I say?" I said grinning at him. "I´m committed!"
We were interrupted by Guthrie bursting through the front door as though he were being chased by a bull yelling at the top of his voice, "Brian! Guess what? Adam got married!"
Brian shook his head, "C´mon Guthrie, get outta here."
"I´m serious!" Guthrie exclaimed and Brian and I looked at each other.
By this time, his yelling had caught the attention of the others in the house and me, Brian, Guthrie and Ford came filing out the door in order to see for ourselves, standing on the verandah at the front of the house. Daniel came round from where he was working at the back of the house and Evan rode up on Diablo. Crane stood a little to one side near Adam, a rake in his hands.
Standing with Adam on the front lawn was a very pretty woman with dark hair wearing a white mid-length dress and a black and white knit wool coat of sorts.
Adam gestured round encompassing all of us. "These are my brothers and my sister," he said and then as if adding an afterthought said, "I think I might have mentioned them."
Hannah nodded. "I believe you did say you had a family."
"Yea. Guys," Adam said, addressing all of us, "This is Hannah.
Hannah smiled at us. "Nice to meet ya. Do y´all live around here, some place?"
Crane looked at Adam incredulously. Guthrie and I exchanged looks with Daniel who laughed lightly. Ford and Evan exchanged an amused glance. No one said anything until Brian who was tapping a wooden spoon in his hand and looking none too pleased said dryly, "Not around. Here…"
Hannah just looked at Adam in alarm who in turn looked extremely uncomfortable. He grabbed her hand and pulled her up in the front steps and into the house. We all filed into the house surrounding the two of them, Hannah slowly eyeing the place and all of us. I had never seen Adam look so nervous and out of his depth.
"Uh, this here´s the living room," he began.
Ford gave Hannah a small shrug, "It´s kinda a mess," he said shyly.
Hannah gave a slow nod. "I guess you could say that," she said and I could feel Brian next to me bristle.
Adam took Hannah´s coat from her and passed it to Brian who unceremoniously threw it behind him.
"So, it´s me, Adam," he began before introducing all of us individually in order of age. When he got to me, he said, "And this is my little sister, Heidi. She and Guthrie are twins."
I gave her a small smile, still too shocked to be able to respond properly.
"Listen, the easiest way to remember all our names is to do it alphabetically, our parents named us-"
"Parents?" Hannah interrupted looking even more anxious. "You got them too?"
"Oh no," Adam said, stumbling over his words, "They died around 10 years ago." He gestured to Brian, "Brian and me, we raised these guys by ourselves… Want me to run that by you one more time so that you can get it?"
Hannah held up a hand. "No, no, it´s ok… I´ll catch on in time," she said, still looking around her as though in shock.
Adam grabbed Hannah´s hand again and pulled her away, "Let me show you the rest of the house…"
Guthrie followed them and Brian went back to cooking but I sat down on one of the living room chairs in shock, pulling my legs up to my chest in a protective pose. I don´t know why, but I felt a bit scared.
"And course we´re back to the livin´room! Let me show you upstairs," I heard Adam say before they swept by me again and he whisked her away.
Daniel and Ford exchanged looks and Crane flopped down next to me on the couch putting his feet up on the coffee table. No one really said much and for some reason I felt like being on my own so I went up to my room until supper.
That night at supper, my brothers carried on as they normally would, all of them talking to each other wildly and grabbing and passing food. On any other day, I would be joining in but today I just watched Hannah, fascinated that we had a beautiful woman sitting at the table. Hannah kept trying to get the guys´ attention to pass her some food but their manners had gone awol and they ignored her. Guthrie was on one side of her and I was on the other this time. She looked at me and I have her a small smile.
"Is it always like this?" she asked me.
I shrugged my shoulders. I knew from going to eat supper at friends´ houses that this was not the norm at other people´s houses and that usually one person talked whilst the others listened. I also knew though, that if they had wanted to, or had the awareness, my brothers could behave properly.
I gave her a sheepish smile. "You get used to it," I told her shyly.
A plate of vegetarian sausages was passed to me and I took a couple and offered one to her.
"They don´t have meat," I told her. "I´m a vegetarian."
Hannah raised her eyebrows at me. "You´re a vegetarian on a cattle ranch?" she asked me, looking surprised and I realized that this must add to the impression that we were even weirder.
"Just her!" Guthrie added. "The rest of us eat real food."
I wanted to talk more to her but I didn´t know what to say and she looked so uncomfortable. I wondered if Adam really knew what he had done or if Hannah was having second thoughts.
After supper my brothers talked about what Crane had been doing whilst they had been away on round up and Hannah disappeared outside. I went to stand by the window and I saw her leaning against a beam on the porch. It was evident that she was crying but I didn´t feel comfortable going outside to comfort her, being that we had just met.
I started to feel really afraid. What if Hannah decided that she didn´t want to be here anymore? Would Adam leave us and go with her? I knew rationally that Adam would never abandon us but a small part of me still considered it. What if she just left? I didn´t know much about love, but I did know that if Adam had done something this rash, this completely out of character, he must really love her.
I heard the door slam and Adam stepped outside to talk to her. I wanted to watch them but Daniel came up behind me and took my hand. "Come on, little sister, give them some privacy." He led me to one of the chairs and then my brothers started playing music and singing. I closed my eyes like I always did when I was listening to music so I could feel it better.
The next time I got to speak to Hannah was close to midnight. The two of us were the only ones left in the house as the calves had got out and all my brothers were out dealing with it. Even Guthrie had been drafted in to help. Hannah was sitting on one of the sofas, with her dressing gown on and a blanket wrapped around her.
"I could make you a drink?" I offered her.
She shook her head but smiled at me. "No thanks, Heidi. I´m ok." She got up and crossed to the window peering out. "How long do you think they´ll be?" she asked me.
"Probably a few hours yet. They have to round up all the calves and it's the middle of the night so it´s harder. We can´t really afford to let the cattle scatter just after round up."
She nodded. "So…is Adam, sort of like, your father?" she asked me curiously.
I was cautious about saying too much because I didn´t know how much Adam had told her and I didn´t want to scare her even more than she had been last night.
"Kind of…" I said. "I don´t remember my mom and dad. Adam and Brian have looked after me my whole life. Guthrie too. And Ford, Evan and Daniel too though they were older when my mom and dad died. Crane is somewhere in between."
Hannah looked thoughtful.
"I´m sorry for the way the guys treated you tonight," I added. "It´s just… well… we´re all quite set in our ways. They don´t mean to be rude…"
"That´s what Adam said," she replied.
"Just… well… I know we´re a lot…you probably didn´t think you´d have to take on loads of kids. But just give us a chance ok…?
Hannah gave me a soft smile and I knew she understood what I was trying to say.
"I think I´ll go to bed now," she said making her way up the stairs. "What about you?"
"I´ll go in a minute," I told her and watched her climb the stairs and disappear into Adam´s room shutting the door softly behind her.
The next day at lunch, I watched Hannah try to get the guys attention to no avail. She seemed to be considering something and then I saw her face set. She stood up and grabbing the table, tipping it to one side so that all the dishes went flying off the table, toppling Crane, Evan and Brian to the floor in the process. Everyone stopped talking. I looked at her wide-eyed, a little scared but mostly mightily impressed.
"Could I make an announcement. Please," she said, emphasizing the last word.
Crane turned to Evan, "She´s got my attention, how about you?" and he nodded fervently.
"Look. I´m not going to sit here night after night while you guys ignore me and I starve to death. I don´t know how you were raised, but where I come from, the dinner table is a place where people talk to each other. I will not be shut out and I won´t be treated like I don´t exist." She looked around at all of us. "So you guys had better figure out a way to get along with me. Or we are going to tangle bad."
There was a silence for a second. "And questions?" she asked.
"Yea!" Guthrie piped up without missing a beat. "What´s for dessert?"
Hannah´s face cracked into a small smile and before we knew it the whole table had dissolved into laughter. Adam looked at Hannah lovingly and I looked at her in absolute awe. Here was a woman who had managed to silence every single one of my loud, rowdy, opinionated brothers in one foul swoop.
It was at that moment that I stopped worrying and knew would fit in and was here to stay.
That evening Adam was doing his customary bed check of Guthrie and me to make sure we were in bed and actually going to sleep. I had a tendency to read all night if no one stopped me which would make me tired and grumpy the next day. He knocked lightly and then poked his head round the door.
"Enough reading, time for lights out," he said, walking into my room.
I finished my sentence and folded over the page, laying the book on my nightstand and scooting further down under the cover. Adam pulled the covers over me tighter and reached for the night lamp to turn it out. Just before he did, I spoke to him.
"Adam?"
"That´s my name!"
I gigged. "You really love Hannah, don´t you?"
Adam looked at me in surprise. He was silent for a moment and then he sat on the edge of bed. "I do," he replied quietly. "Why do you ask?"
"I don´t know…"
Neither of us said anything for a moment. Then I said, "I really like her, Adam."
Adam reached out and ran a hand over my hair and cupped one side of my face in his hand. "I´m glad." Then he winked at me. "I think she´s pretty great too."
I smiled at him and he reached over and switched off the lamp properly this time. He kissed my forehead and tucked the covers round me one more time before leaving the room.
It was Hannah who helped me through my first period. I didn´t even realize it was coming when it did, 2 months after my 13th birthday. Adam says it´s like someone flipped a switch inside me when I turned 13 and I turned from a sunny, almost always giggling child to a moody, sullen teenager and although I think he´s exaggerating, there is some truth in it. Guthrie hasn´t really reached that point yet, he´s still pretty even tempered although he can get fired up if he feels strongly about something.
It felt like I was in a perpetually bad mood for almost two weeks before it actually came; everything my brothers did felt like a personal attack. When I was a toddler, apparently I had epic tantrums and screamed myself hoarse but as a kid it took a lot to make me cry. Not now, now I was crying at the drop of a hat. Evan and Ford got the brunt of it one day at supper when they teased me about a new hairstyle I was trying out and I bit their heads off and burst into tears.
"Geez," Ford exclaimed, looking around wide-eyed, ´we´re only teasin´ ya," followed by Evan´s comment of "When did you get so sensitive," shaking his head.
Crane who was sitting next to me handed me a tissue and then patted my leg, "Hush and eat your supper," he said mildly and then directed Ford and Evan who were still eying me incredulously to do the same adding, "You two also had your moments when you were 13."
Four days before it came, I woke up feeling particularly out of sorts. My stomach hurt a bit and I felt bone wearingly tired. During breakfast I suddenly felt a bit panicked about the prospect of going to school. I´m a very good student and I generally like going to school so this was very out of character for me but I am known in my family for being a bit melodramatic.
"Adam," I said looking over at him, "I don´t feel good; can I stay off school today?"
"You look fine to me!" Evan offered and I shot him a dirty look.
"Nobody asked you!"
Evan shrugged and Adam looked at me over the top of his coffee cup. "What you feeling?"
"My stomach hurts… I can´t explain! I just don´t feel good." I whined even though I know my brothers´ pet hate is whining.
Daniel who was sitting next to me put hand on forehead and held it there for a couple of moments until I shook him off. "You don´t have a fever," he announced.
I ignored him and implored Adam again. "Please, Adam. You know I´m ahead anyway. I´ll catch up on the work I´ve missed!" I whined again.
"Can the whining, Heidi," Brian instructed and I promptly burst into noisy tears covering my face with my hands. He blew some air out his mouth in exasperation.
"For goodness sake!" I heard him mutter.
Everyone was staring at me now and Crane turned to Evan, Ford and Guthrie. "Guys, go on now and catch the bus, one of us will get Heidi there ourselves."
"No fair! If Heidi gets to stay off, then I want to too!" Guthrie demanded, his face wrinkling up like it does when he´s settling in for an argument.
Brian got up and went to stand in front of him. "I do not have time for this nonsense this morning," he growled at him, crossing his arms and towering over him.
Guthrie looked up at him and I could see he was debating whether to take this further but after looking into Brian´s face, I guess he decided this was a not a battle he wanted to fight because he sighed and turned around to follow the others.
"Hey, Guthrie, don´t forget your lunch!" Hannah called after him and he swung back into the kitchen to grab it. She ran a hand over his hair. "You have a good day, you hear?" she said to him and he nodded before running out the back door.
Meanwhile I sobbed into my cereal feeling pitiful and extremely sorry for myself. Adam hadn´t moved from his place at the table, Brian had sat back down next to me and Crane and Hannah were standing by the stove and warming oven, all of them looking at me.
"Please, Adam! Please don´t make me go to school," I cried frantically through my tears, becoming slightly hysterical. "I´ll go tomorrow! I just need a day at home!" At that moment it seemed to me the most important thing in the world that I stayed home.
Brian moved my chair so it was facing his slightly. "Stop pitchin´ a fit right now, Heidi or we´ll deal with this the same way we did when you were a little kid."
That made me sob even harder and I recognized the beginnings of a headache from crying so hard. "I´m not pitchin´ a fit!" I cried through my tears but because I was sobbing so hard it was unintelligible and it just came out sounding like a series of high pitched noises.
Brian sighed in exasperation and looked at Crane who shrugged his shoulders.
Adam looked highly irritated and he opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but he was interrupted by Hannah. "Hey, guys! Can we have a word? In the living room?"
Adam and Brian scraped their chairs back and followed Hannah into the living room. Crane walked around the back of chair running his hand over my hair before following them.
I couldn´t hear much over the sound of myself crying heavily but I did hear snippets of the conversation between the four of them, things like Adam telling Hannah firmly, "We don´t let the kids hold us hostage by throwing tantrums" and Hannah´s voice oscillating in volume, "… not a regular tantrum… teenage girl… stay with me today…"
It was a couple of minutes later when I heard the sound of Brian grumbling and then the front door opening and closing. Hannah, Adam and Crane walked back into the kitchen and Crane started clearing the plates off the table. Adam stood across from me and Hannah sat next to me and put her arm around me pulling me to her. "How about you and me spend the day together?" she said.
I looked up at Adam hopefully, tears still springing from my eyes and me hiccupping as I tried to get myself under control. He nodded at me. "But don't start thinking this is a regular occurrence. This is a one-off thing!" he told me sternly.
"Thanks, Adam", I managed to croak out. He nodded and then signed.
"I´ll go call the school," he said.
Once everyone was out the house I helped Hannah with the dishes and then she suggested we bake some pies for later on. Whilst we were making the pastry at the table she asked me, "Heidi, is there anything wrong at school at the moment? Anything that would mean you don´t want to go?
"No, Hannah, everything is ok," I told her. "Phew, this is hard work!" I didn´t really like to bake or to cook and so I didn´t do it every often. I was only doing it to keep Hannah company because she had gotten me out going to school.
"No teachers that are giving you a hard time? And things with your friends are ok?"
"Everything´s ok, Hannah. I promise. I just… I can´t explain. I just need a day at home today."
Hannah looked at me kindly and then patted my arm. "I understand," she said. "Sometimes, we have days like these. I remember having a few of them myself when I was your age."
I thanked god once again for Hannah´s arrival in my life.
Hannah let me sleep for the rest of the day and I had another cry on Adam and Hannah´s bed that afternoon while Hannah lay down with me and rubbed my back. By the time everyone else came home, I felt a bit better but the next morning I was teary again. I knew it wouldn´t fly with the guys to stay at home again and so somehow, I managed to get through the day and the ones after that.
It was a couple of days after that on the Saturday when my period actually came. My stomach had been lightly cramping all night and I felt bloated but I thought perhaps it was a reaction to Evan´s cooking the day before, which frankly I felt left a lot to be desired. When I went to the bathroom after breakfast there was spotting in my underwear. Since I had grown up on a ranch I knew all about the facts of life and we had also had health lessons in school so I knew what was happening. But it still felt a bit weird. Like a momentous occasion somehow.
I exited the bathroom and went flying down the stairs looking for Hannah yelling for her at the top of my lungs and ran smack into Daniel at the foot of the stairs.
"Hey, hold up little sister, where´s the fire?"
"Oops, sorry Daniel," I called, scooting round him and running into the kitchen. "HANNAH! HAAANNNAAAHH!"
Hannah was in the kitchen with Adam who had his arms around her. Crane was sitting at the table with his glasses on looking through accounts, probably ranch accounts and Ford was at the sink washing dishes.
They all looked at me when I flew into the kitchen breathlessly. "Hannah! I have to talk to you!" I told her a bit frantically.
"Sure, what´s the matter, Heidi?"
"In private!" I said, willing her with my eyes to understand that this was important. The last thing I wanted to do was to announce to the family that I was now, biologically much more of a grown woman.
Crane looked amused and took off his glasses. "Why can´t you talk to Hannah here?" he asked me.
"Because! I just can´t ok! It´s private!" I went to stand next to Hannah and took her arm. "Please, Hannah!" I pleaded.
Hannah must have been able to see I was really serious because she dislodged herself from Adam´s arms with a kiss, and led me up to her and Adam´s bedroom, shutting the door behind her. "What´s the big emergency, Heidi?"
"I got my period!" I whispered.
A smile spread across Hannah´s face and she hugged me and then pulled back. "Well, congratulations, honey."
"Urgh! I don´t feel like this is something to celebrate… what should I do?" I asked her nervously, wringing my hands.
Hannah looked confused for a minute. "What do you mean, what should you do?"
"How can I… you know… protect myself? Against leaking and stuff?" I told her. I had heard awful stories at school of girls not having strong enough protection and then staining their trousers and I thought I would just die if that happened to me.
Hannah looked at me kindly and then she turned to the dresser and rummaged through her top drawer. She pulled out a packet of sanitary towels and a box of tampons and then sat on the bed, patting the spot next to her. "Come sit here by me."
When I did she explained all about the different products and showed me how to use them adding at the end, "I know this can be a bit overwhelming sweetie. But you´ll soon get used to it." She pushed my hair back. "Do you feel ok?"
"I´m a bit crampy," I said, "But I don´t feel too terrible. I guess that explains my bad moods this week, huh?" I asked her with a small smile.
She nodded and then winked at me. "It´s highly likely."
"Hannah?"
"What?"
"Please don´t tell the family about this. I´m really embarrassed." I pleaded with her quietly.
She was quiet for a moment and she looked to be considering. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about Heidi. This is a natural part of growing up. But I can understand that you don´t want the entire brigade commenting. How about I just tell Adam, and ask him to keep it to himself? Or you can tell him if you like."
"But why does he even have to know?" I asked her, pleadingly.
Hannah took my hand in hers. "Because he´s your guardian, sweetie and he should know what´s going on with you. Besides, once a girl gets their periods, certain implications are involved."
"Like what?"
"Like the fact that biologically you could get pregnant and have a child, for one."
I looked at her in alarm. "I don´t think that´s going to be a possibility any time soon! I´ve only ever kissed a boy!" I told her.
Hannah nodded and looked amused. "All the same, I don´t think it´s right to keep it from him."
I sighed. "Ok then. But please can you tell him? I just don´t even want to have that discussion with him and besides, he´s never alone! One of the other guys is always milling around."
Hannah patted my hand. "Ok, then."
Later that day I was outside by myself, giving the horses treats and stroking their noses absent mindedly when a voice interrupted my thoughts.
"Mind if I join you?"
I turned and saw Adam standing behind me. He was holding his leather gloves in one hand and kind of tapping them on his other hand.
I nodded my consent and he came up and leaned on the coral beside me.
There was a couple of moments of silence before Adam broke it. "Hannah told me that, uh, well, that you got your period."
I looked at him and he looked a little uncomfortable. It would have been funny had I not been embarrassed and a bit sensitive myself.
I nodded. "Yea," I replied quietly, still looking at the horses.
"Hannah says it´s kind of a big deal for a girl."
I didn´t really know what to say, so I didn´t say anything.
"You feeling ok?" he asked me.
"A little sore… but I´m ok."
He nodded. "Seems like not too long ago you were just a baby, toddling and followin´ me round. You were really cute," he said smiling at a little at the memory and shaking his head.
"And now?" I teased him, starting to feel a little bit more comfortable.
"Well… now you´re still cute. When you´re not back talkin´ or pitchin´a fit," he said teasingly, poking me in the side.
"You know," I said playfully, side eying him, "Technically I´m a woman now. So I kinda think that means I should be able to stay out later and do more things."
Adam laughed putting his gloves in his back pocket. "Nice try." He looked at me a moment and then he put his arm around me and drew me into his side while we watched the horses.
"You´re definitely growing up," he affirmed, "but you´ll always be little to me."
I lay my head on his shoulder and we stood there for a while in silence just watching the horses.
I was scared when Adam brought Hannah home that it would mean our lives would change irreversibly for the worst but it´s like she arrived at exactly the right time. It was Hannah to helped me through my first date and my first kiss, Hannah who I went to if I was feeling sick, Hannah who I talked to if I was having troubles with my friends. And it was Hannah who told Adam and Brian that my recent behavior was more than just teenage rebellion and that I needed someone to talk to.
When the sheriff brought me back home after disappearing for 24 hours that fateful day, my brothers were fit to kill, their fear turning to anger now that I was home and safe.
Brian had reached me first and grabbed me pulling me into a fierce bear hug and then set me on feet, his face clouding over. He grabbed my arm and then swatted my behind, hard with his hand.
"Where have you been, huh?" he shouted. "Have you ANY idea of how worried all of us have been? I´ve damn nearly had a heart attack." He moved to swat me again but Hannah swooped in before he or anyone else could get to me.
She enveloped me in a huge hug and I buried my face into her shoulder. Her voice was at my ear. "You´ve worried us all sick, Heidi and me hugging you like this does not mean I´m not mad at you. I am so mad at you for making all of us worry like that over the past 24 hours. I don´t know what´s got into you lately or what´s going on with you but I think you need someone in your corner right now, so that´s going to be me. I´m going to be the person on your side…"