Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles
It was silent.
It had been for a while. Two whole days in fact. Never once did Raph imagine he'd ever miss Mikey's annoying voice, his antics, shell even his pranks. Staring at his youngest brother's sickly form struggling to just breathe and burning with fever, Raph would take every shell annoying thing Mikey did instead of this agony. Raph felt hallow inside.
Raph didn't want to admit it but he never relized how much Mikey did for them in a situation like this, when one of them was barely hanging onto life by a thread. Usually when someone in their family was barely hanging on Mikey was there, being ever hopful. It was always one of them in trouble, not Mikey. This time though Mikey was the one slipping away slowly and no one seemed to have any optimism left. The stress and desperation of the whole situation weighed on all of them heavily. Only now did Raph relize the one who always took some of the weight off their shoulders was Mikey. He always managed to keep things light even in the darkest of times.
Now though, Mikey wasn't here to tell them it would be alright. He was off in his own fevered nightmares trying to escape the strengthening pull of death. He wasn't there to calm them down when it became to much and they would crash from stress.
Donnie was the closest to crashing already. He barely slept between trying to treat Mikey and researching pnemonia. His patience was wearing thin and several times Raph had caught sight of Don with tears in his eyes. Don was so close to breaking down. Raph knew they were pushing him too much. Donnie was a genius but he didn't know everything; they expected too much out of him.
From the outside Leo seemed to be handling the situation well but Raph could see the shattered look in his eyes when he looked at Mikey. He was constently meditating; his way of reliving stress. In fact that was probably what he was doing right now.
The night before, Raph had overheard a conversation between Leo, Splinter, Casey, and April. They were thinking of moving Mikey out to the farmhouse. It would be a while before Mikey was better and there was no way they could stay in April's apartment.
If he got better.
All of them were probably sitting beside him quietly in the dead of the night, watching him just to make sure he was breathing. Just to make sure he was still there; that he wouldn't slip away without them knowing.
And Raph? He was currently ripping up anything he saw in sight.
"Aaagh!" He yelled out knocking a trash can to the ground. It clanged and rattled and in the back of his mind something told Raph to be quiet but he ignored it.
He felt something warm and wet run down his face and he rubbed it away fercily with the back of his hand. 'Pull yourself together Raphael.' He told himself. Finally relizing how late it was Raph headed back to April's.
Leo was waiting for him in the kitchen at the head of the table. He was silent as Raph got a glass of water and sat at the other end of the table.
"It's late." Leo stated.
Raph took a sip of water.
"Past one o'clock actually."
Raph glared at his brother. "I don't want to hear it Leo."
Leo scowled at him. "You could have at least told one of us you were leaving!"
"So what?" Raph snarled."You could track me? Whatever big speech you have planned about being more resposible, forget it because I ain't listenin' to any of your crap Leo." Raph stood to leave.
Leo stood, his chair sliding out from underneath him against the floor with an ekk. He pounded his hands on the table.
"No, you listen to me! " Leo growled. " And listen to me good! It's bad enough I have to deal with Mikey being so sick, I don't need to be worried if you'll come home drunk or beaten up or…" Leo trailed off, sighing. His eyes caught Raph's, pleading. "Raph… I need you here. Donnie needs you here. Most of all though, Mikey needs you here. We need to help him, but I need you here to do that."
Raph felt guilt and shame build up in him. Leo was right. He only caused more problems running off, but still…
"I just needed some space Leo." Raph said quietly.
Leo relaxed. "Next time just tell me. Okay?"
Raph nodded.
It was silent for a moment.
"How's Mikey?" Raph whispered.
"Same." Leo answered tiredly.
It was silent again.
"We're going to the farmhouse tommarow." Leo stated. "Casey and April talked to Master Splinter and he said it'd be best for Mikey. Somewhere quiet, where we don't have to worry about people seeing us." He said.
Raph looked away from Leo. He wanted to block out everything. All he could hear was Mikey's raspy breathing. He was going to be okay. Mikey just needed to breathe, just breathe, just-
"-Raph." He heard Leo's voice again and looked up.
Leo's gaze softened when he met Raph's eyes. Raph was suddenly aware of the dropplets of water running down his face and he turned away from Leo. Shame rippled through him.
Raph felt his brother walk over and he stopped in front of him. Raph closed his eyes not wanting to look at Leo.
"Raph look at me." Leo said quietly. "Please."
He refused. He wouldn't let Leo see the pain and fear in his eyes. Raph felt that if he looked at Leo he would fall apart. He would shatter.
Suddenly, Leo's arms were wrapped around him. "He'll be okay Raph. He'll get better and then we'll go home and then things will be back to normal." Leo whispered.
Leo made it sound so simple but Raph knew.
It was much more complicated.