Once at the house, Harry pulled off his coat and heard squealing coming from the basement playroom. He headed downstairs, hoping to find everyone down there. He wasn't disappointed; Luna and Ron were trying to figure out how to play air hockey as Hermione supervised a fingerpainting station.
"Hey there, Teddy bear. Nice painting!" Harry said as he squatted down next to the tiny tot. He got a face full of paint as his reward.
"No fair, little buddy!"
"Na na." Teddy giggled and ran as Hermione tried to wipe off his hands.
"So, Harry, plans for the day?" She looked up after Teddy's hands were clean and paint smock had been taken off.
Harry smiled. "Well, I thought I'd spend some time with my Godson, if that's all right with you, Hermione." He picked up a large dump truck and began stacking blocks in the back, and Teddy came to help.
Hermione grinned at their teamwork. "It is. In fact, I have some work I need to do, so I can get caught up. You wouldn't mind, would you?"
"No, not at all. Just… maybe might need some help when it comes to diapers and lunch."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'm sure Ron can help you with the diapers. Everything else, I can handle."
"Thanks Herms."
She left the two of them in the basement as she climbed the stairs to work in the library. Her mind couldn't focus on work, however, after an hour of filling out boring forms. She heated a cup of tea and leaned back in her chair to think.
Sure, Harry looked happier and was nice to Teddy. She was happy he'd be in her godson's life, as she felt he needed as much family as he could get. But what exactly was it that was drawing her to Harry? She didn't think she could still be in love with him and she was fairly sure he would never return those feelings, even if - just perhaps - they were true. He liked girls with beauty, with quick wit. And as much as she hated to admit it, he'd never be a true parent to Teddy if he didn't try to change a diaper or even feed the child. He would be like a fun uncle, a happy person to see but not a parent.
She sighed. Maybe she didn't love him. She was a mum now, and if the person she loved couldn't take her for better or worse, in sickness and in health, mum or no, then it occurred to her that she had to get over that person. The thought hurt her more for Teddy than it did for herself; if Teddy ever found out she loved Harry and maybe he had even loved her, but wouldn't be with her because of fear of being a parent, then he would feel very guilty and blame himself. Not the kind of life she wanted for him.
Flipping through the endless stacks of paperwork sent from her boss, Hermione felt as though she saw things clearly. It wouldn't do to love Harry, and that was that. She loved Teddy more, and he needed her. She made up her mind to try to forget Harry as anything but a friend after this.
She heard the group coming up the stairs, and nearly spilled her tea in surprise. How long had she been thinking? Grumbling to herself as she scrambled to get a last bit of work done before lunch, she heard the door creak open and Teddy's voice appear. "Mama!"
"Okay, Teddy. Time for lunch." She'd just have to finish it later, Teddy came first.
Later that night, after putting Teddy to sleep for the evening, Hermione snuck back down to the Library to get more work done. A part of her knew she was doing it to avoid Harry ,and that once she spoke with Luna, that Luna and Ron would understand, but she couldn't help it. On top of that, if she didn't send back some of this work soon, she was likely to be fired.
She settled into reading a file and checking more records against it. At some point, she leaned closer to the desk, but the next thing she knew, she was dreaming about flying over London on a hippogriff, and someone was shaking her.
She groggily cracked open an eye to find Luna sitting next to her. "Oh Hermione, I'm sorry to wake you, I just didn't think you'd want to sleep amongst your work."
Hermione gave her a small smile. "Right, Luna, thank you." She wiped her sleepy eyes, then started stacking the papers on her desk. "Anything I can do for you?"
"Actually, yes, Hermione; I know you never took care of a small baby, but do you happen to have a list of all the things we'll need? Ron and I cannot agree on what baby items are essential." Luna gave her a hopeful look as Hermione dug into a diaper bag.
She pulled out a worn piece of parchment. "This was my original list, but I'd have to amend it because most of this stuff is never used!" Luna gave her a bright smile.
"Can you amend it downstairs? I don't like the library in this house, it feels as though Melatraps are hiding behind the books," whispered Luna, in her usual dreamy-yet-mysterious voice.
"Of course." The two went downstairs, Hermione grabbing a muggle pen along the way to make it easier to write, and saw the boys battling in a game of pool.
She crossed through many things on her list and added a few. She handed the list to Luna. "I got most of these things in Diagon Alley or in muggle London, I'd be more than happy to go with you to find them sometime." She looked around the basement. "Well, whenever we can leave this place, that is."
Luna smiled as she read the neat list. "Of course. I think that would be lovely!" Luna babbled on about baby names and their meanings as Ron and Harry finished up their game.
"Oi, Luna, we're not naming our son Finleaf!"
"Of course not, Ronald. Finleaf is for a girl." Luna smiled brightly and grabbed Ron's hand. "Let's chat upstairs, I don't think that Harry and Hermione want to hear our name arguments." Hermione wanted to ask them to stay, but felt it would be too transparent. Harry would be on to her discomfort.
He grabbed a drink off the bar, and slid into the chair across from her seat on the couch. "So, Herms, caught up on work?"
"Not yet." She fiddled with the pen.
"Sorry to hear that. So, er, we could play a game if you want."
"Oh, no thank you, Harry. I was thinking about reading."
He smiled. "Always reading, always learning, that's you, Hermione."
For a reason she couldn't quite describe, she felt a bit offended. "Yes, I do read to learn, so what?"
"I didn't mean anything by it. Sorry." He looked a bit sheepish. "Maybe we could work out the best time for me to see Teddy, then? I mean, when we're back in the real world."
She hesitated. She was irritated with the fact that it would still be so easy for him to be a part time godfather even though she had to be there every day. "Look, Harry, I might have… that might not be best."
"What do you mean?" A look of confusion and anger swept over his face. She braced herself.
"I mean, it's so easy for you to waltz back in and tell me that you can be a good godfather, but really, are you any sort of father? Being with a kid for one day a week and not taking care of him, letting his godmum do all the work, is that really an equivalent?" Her voice had a weary quality to it, but he was too angry to notice.
"I wasn't aware that it was up to you when I got to see him."
"It became up to me the moment you didn't sign a custody form." She shot him a pointed look.
"That's what all this is about, isn't it? You are never going to let it go, that I didn't choose him right away because I was bloody poisoned by a crazy ex-girlfriend?" His uncontrolled magic shattered a glass but she didn't even wince.
"That's not it. How would you feel if you took care of a child twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for five months as a single parent, then have someone waltz in and pretend to be a parent, the fun parent, for one day a week and make you feel like a bloody fool? I know what I look like to people outside the situation, Harry. I made a choice best for Teddy and I will never regret it, but exactly how many dates do you think I get? How many men want to be with a woman who has full custody rights of a child without thinking, bloody hell, she must want a ring? Not very bloody many, I'll tell you that." Hermione's rage was quietly filling every word, every moment of silence. "Ginny could have been tough to deal with, but you know nothing of the hardships of being a parent, alone."
"So this is about what's best for you, then." He felt like had her there. She let a few moments pass and then the rage boiled over.
"You should be grateful that it's me that took him! You would have never had a chance to see him, ever again, once you gave him up if I hadn't been named. You can't just decide on a whim what is good for him, even though you have no legal standing for that? I don't think so, Harry! Not everything in life has to be best for him, it just has to be good enough for both he and I, since we are a family." She let these words hang in the air as she carefully arranged her files into their boxes.
Harry, meanwhile, was thinking. If her last words had been just slightly more pointed, they would have drawn blood on Harry. His anger had subsided during the silence as he slowly realized that maybe she had a point. "Hermione, I really didn't mean to-"
"Save it." She interrupted him. "I don't need pity, I don't need apologies. I'll just go on, being the girl that manages everything, just like always." She walked up the stairs and he heard the door click shut behind her at the top.
She's right, he thought. I should have been there from the beginning. We're supposed to be a family. We're parents. He sighed and let his head rest in his hands, leaning forward and hoping he'd figure out a way to make it up to Hermione.