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Chapter X

Of Hands and Red Herring

For a second, all was silent. Lucario was the one to break it. Well, he said, I don't know about you guys, but I think that any man who offers a million anything to solve a crime that hasn't been committed yet isn't exactly playing with a full deck, if you know what I mean.

"So, now we're just waiting around to be killed by a mad ax-man?" asked Olimar, wringing his hands nervously. "I told you not to tempt fate, Captain!"

"You tempted fate?" Wolf stood, shouting. "I don't even care which captain you're talking about, you're gonna die, Fox!" He started moving towards where Fox was sitting. Captain Falcon made no moves whatsoever to stop him.

"Hold up!" Yoshi said. "Does anyone think something's a little weird here?"

"Hey," the Ice Climbers said, "the butler hasn't come back yet!"

"Toon, go check on the hand," Link said.

"Okay, Link!" Toon said, and, without thinking, jumped up and moved towards the door to the hallway between the kitchen and the dining room.

"Wait! Stop!" Red called out. "Stop him, Pikachu!"

Pikachu summoned a bolt of lightning that blocked Toon Link, but somehow didn't hurt the house.

"What is it, Red?" Meta Knight asked.

"No one can leave this room!"

"Why not?" Peach asked, looking surprised.

"I get it," Samus said. "Mr. Game-and-Watch said that the victim was sitting at this table. If none of us leave this room, the murderer can't kill anyone without us seeing, right?"

"No, I just don't want to lose any potential human shields," Red said, leaning back again.

"No, Samus is right," Falcon said. "If no one leaves, the murderer will have to do the killing in front of us!"

"I'm not leaving!" Olimar said instantly, sitting down at his chair.

"Well, I guess-a we won't either," Mario said, as he and his guests sat down.

Eventually, they all decided to stay. "Hold hands, everyone!" Peach called out. "The links are stronger-"

"How many Links are there?" Toon Link asked, looking confused.

"The links are stronger," Peach continued, like she hadn't heard this, "when the chain's unbroken."

Everyone held hands with the people next to them, some with more reluctance than others.

They sat in silence for a while. Finally, the Ice Climbers started chanting, and one by one, others started in too. "Ommm... ommm... ommm..."

Suddenly, Ness looked up and said, "Bop-bopidy-bop."

"Ommm... ommm... ommm..."

"Bop-bopidy-bop."

"Ommm... ommm... ommm..."

"Bop-bop-idy-bop."

"Ommm... ommm... ommm..."

"Bop-bopidy-bop."

Finally, Meta Knight snapped. "WILL YOU STOP IT?" he shouted.

Five minutes later...

"Stop it," said Snake, who was holding hands with Sonic and Lucas. A couple seconds passed. "Stop it, I said," he repeated, looking at Lucas weirdly.

"What's going on?" Pit asked.

"The spazzo keeps trying to start a thumb war."

"That's kind of... random," Ness said, holding Lucas's other hand. "Best two out of three?"

Five more minutes later...

"Does anybody have a sudden ominous feeling?" Yoshi asked.

"Yeah, I feel it too," Pikachu said, looking around.

"Oh, what's the worst that could-" Ganondorf started, but was cut off by the door to the hall burst open. R.O.B. came bursting out of it, making wild motions with his hands, unable to speak but obviously terrified.

"What is it?" Sonic asked, standing and looking at the horrified robot.

"Is something wrong in the kitchen?" Peach asked, joining the guests surrounding the robot.

"With dinner?" Yoshi asked, jumping up with a sudden sense of urgency.

"Hold on," Wolf said, realizing something. "I think this thing can't talk."

"How do you know-a?" Luigi asked.

"It says on this letter he just gave me," Wolf said, holding it up. "Hold on, I think it says something else." He looked closer and read out:

It's the hand in the kitchen. I think he's dead. There were a couple seconds of silence, then Wolf read on. My name is R.O.B. I don't work on weekends.

"Well-a," Mario said, realizing something, "We have to a-leave the room now-a, to investigate this-a."

"I agree," said Samus. "Okay, Red, Ness, Yoshi and I will go."

"Alright!" Red said, jumping up. "Finally, something's happening! Come on, Pikachu!"

"Come on, Lucas!" Ness said, trying to convince his friend to leave his chair.

"Are we coming?" the Ice Climbers asked Yoshi.

"Of course you are!" the dragon said. "You came with me, now you're doing it again!"

"Pit?" Samus said, looking at the angel, who was already standing up. "Okay, let's go."

One by one, the ten of them went through the door. They turned a corner and saw the kitchen door. "Okay," Red said, "we've got to be careful. In every movie I've seen, it's the ones at the front who get it first."

"Are you sure?" Yoshi asked. "In all the horrors I've ever seen, it's the ones in the back who cop it first, so the ones in the front are blissfully unaware of the danger creeping up from behind."

"I'll be in the middle," Red said, moving into the center.

"Don't touch anything," Pikachu whispered. "There might be fingerprints."

"You've got it," Samus said, and, using her gloves, she opened the door to the kitchen. They walked in and saw that the robot had been right: Crazy was lying with his wrist on a chair and his palm and fingers on the table. He wasn't moving at all.

"Is he dead?" Lucas asked, cowering slightly.

"One way to find out," Pit said. "Someone's got to check him."

"And not touch him with fingers," Ness added.

"That's you!" Lucas said, pushing the Ice Climbers forward. They looked nervous, but picked up one of the insane hands fingers. They lifted it a little, then let it drop. Crazy didn't respond at all.

"He's dead alright," Red said, moving forward, much more keen to get in on the hero act now that he knew the hand wouldn't start spazzing out on them.

"How did the Crazy Hand die?" Samus wondered, stepping forward.

Yoshi was sniffing around. "Well, he wasn't shot or stabbed," he said. "There aren't any marks on him."

Pikachu jumped onto the table and saw an empty glass of hot chocolate. "Look at this," he said, bending down to inspect it.

"Poison!" Ness said. "Poor guy. Must have accidentally put some in his own cup."

"Or it could be the murder Game-and-Watch was talking about!" Pit said. "I guess we don't have to worry anymore."

"Hold on," Lucas said. "I thought Game-and-Watch said that the victim was at the table. Crazy wasn't."

They all looked up, realizing that he was right. Suddenly, Samus noticed something. "Look over there!" she said, jumping over to the other side of the room, where the knives were kept. "There's one missing," she said, pointing. "The butcher's one, I think."

At this point, the Ice Climbers and Lucas were shivering, though it was nothing compared to what Red was doing. "What time is it?" he said, holding onto a chair for support.

Samus checked her watch. "11:19 and 55 seconds. 56, 57," she looked up for a second. "Let me know when to stop," she said quickly, looking at Yoshi, "58, 59, 11:20."

"Stop!" Yoshi said. "It's 40 minutes to the murder. Crazy must have just been a red herring to distract us. We've got to head back to the dining room."

"Hold on!" Pit said, finding something. They looked to see him holding a scrap of paper.

"What's that?" Ness asked curiously.

"A bill," he said, looking a little weird at it. "Everything here's been rented for tonight: the food, the robot, the hand, everything like that."

"You don't mean..." Lucas said, biting his nails.

"You can't mean..." Popo and Nana said, chewing each others nails... through their gloves.

"Yes," Pit said. "This entire murders been... catered!" he announced dramatically.

"Well, let's head back," Pikachu said. They headed down the hall to the door to the dining room. Samus reached out and tried to turn the knob.

"It's locked," she said, turning back. "I can't open it."

"Well, whoever in there had the idea to lock the door to keep the killer out had a good idea," Red said nervously. "Though I wish they'd waited for us to come back."

"Hey, Pit," Samus said, putting her hand on the angel's shoulder, "do you mind going back and getting the key from the dead hand's pocket?"

"You don't really have to point out that he's dead," Pit said, looking resigned, "I already have to put my hand in his pocket."

So, the angel headed back to the kitchen to get the key. He opened the door, took one look inside, and fainted on the spot.

Oh, no, what could it be? Well, you'll find out... Please R&R, constructive criticism is fine, flames are bad, Gamer4 out.