I DONT OWN TWILIGHT

Bella's Point Of View

Alice grumbled as she folded her arms across her chest. "Mud! Frickin' mud!"

"You didn't seem to mind before." Carlisle smiled at her as he threw a bag into the boot.

"Before," She sneered. "I wouldn't of gotten my shoes muddy!"

"So?"

"Do you know how hard these were to find?"

He smiled smugly. "Not very. Your Alice."

"Shut up." She snapped, folding her arms across her chest. "I'm human now. I wont exactly be able to run to France and get a new pair!"

Carlisle sighed. "Now you know how the rest of the world feels."

"No one in the rest of the world feels hate like this."

"Change into another pair."

Alice walked back into the house grumbling about it not being fair. I frowned looking up at Edward with pleading eyes.

"Not. A. Chance." He smirked.

I pouted. "Pleaseeee." I frowned, "do you really want me to end up killing myself?"

"Bella. Be serious."

"It's what will happen."

"And how would you go about that?"

"They'll be a hungry bear... and he'll just so decide he likes to eat on people called Bella with brown eyes and brown hair and-"

"Tell the bears to bring it. I'll take them on."

I wrapped my arms around his waist, and looked up at him innocently. "There'll be a lot of sex in it for you."

Edward closed his eyes, placing his forearms on my shoulders. "We can have sex in the woods if we feel like it."

"I won't." I assured him.

He opened his eyes, amused, cocking his head to the side. "And if we do?"

"We wont."

I folded my arms across my chest as he leaned forwards, running his nose against my jaw line. "I love you." He whispered.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breathe, before pushing him back a bit, and looking him in the eye. "Edward, I'm serious." I begged. "Please."

"Just once Bella. Please? For me?" He smiled. "I've never been camping before."

"But this is a man thing!" I exclaimed. "It's what you men should be doing to bond!"

He wrapped his arms around my waist, and bent his head down to my neck and began rubbing his head against it affectionately. "Please," He whispered. "I never got to have this human experience with my parents."

I felt a little bad. I sighed, and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Fine." I sighed quietly.

He leant back straightening up, before giving me a kiss. "God I love you woman!"

"There's a fine line between love and hate." I smirked to him jokingly.

He rolled his eyes pecking me on the lips. "You won't regret this, promise."

Alice came running outside, and pulled on Carlisles sleeve. "Daddddddy" She smiled sweetly, Carlisle turned around to face her. "I'm pregnant."

He sighed heavily. "Congratulations. Now can I have your bag?"

"I can't come if I'm pregnant, I might go into early labour."

"I know your lying."

"I'M NOT!" Alice turned to Jasper who was standing there with an amused expression on his face. She pulled out a white stick. "Look, little red plus sign."

"You drew that yourself."

"No I never."
"The lines all wobbly."

"Fucking Emmett." She hissed under her breathe, then looked back at Carlisle pleadingly. "Please dadddy?" She smiled sweetly, tilting her head to the side.

Carlisle lifted his finger getting her to lean closer towards him. "The answer's no."

Alice stomped her foot like a little girl having a tantrum. "And I thought you were nice!" She shouted, giving up and getting into the car and folding her arms across her chest angrily.

"I am." Carlisle smiled.

"I can see this is going to end badly already." Alice muttered. "Especially that big oaf."

"Where is he?"

"Fucking Rosalie."

"Language Alice." Carlisle sighed. "Just like a little four year old, honestly." He turned to us smiling.

"I HEARD THAT." She shouted, putting her earphones on and scrunching her nose up at Carlisle.

We all chuckled.

"Get in you three, I'll get Esme and Em and Rose."

Jasper got in next to Alice in Edward's Volvo in the back seat, as Edward went to the front seat and me in the passenger seat.

"Bellaaaaaaaaaaaa," Alice whined, "can you come and sit next to me, I don't think this man deserves to sit here."

I sighed rolling my eyes and swapping seats with Jasper so he was now in the front. Emmett, Rose, Esme and Carlisle came out of the house a little while after, and getting into the Jeep. Carlisle came over giving Edward various directions before tapping the bonnet of Edward's car.

"DON'T HURT MY BABY!" Edward shouted out his window at Carlisle's retreating figure. I could almost hear Carlisle's eyes rolling.

Alice and I both sniggered, then she pulled out a magazine and chatting to me, whilst I tuned it all out...

"Bella would you stop it?" Edward asked.

"Stop what?" I smiled innocently, before going back to

"Pulling faces."

"Your the one looking in the mirror."

"Of course I'm looking in the mirror my beautiful lady is in the back." I snorted, and stuck my tongue out at him. "Very mature." He muttered, rolling his eyes at me in the mirror with a smirk playing on his lips. I scowled.

Alice smirked evily at me and kicked Edward's seat. "Don't mess with my bitch." She kicked his chair again.

"What the hell!" Edward shouted, and Alice kicked it again giggling. He turned to Jasper. "Can you tell your midget of a wife to stop kicking my chair?"

Jasper smiled peacefully. "Alice dear, give him an extra kick from me."

Edward sighed heavily. "Great, a stupid pixie kicking my chair, and no sex for an entire weekend." He muttered, but still loud enough for all of us to hear. Alice giggled, taunting him.

I rolled my eyes looking out the window.

"I'd rather be fishing with Charlie." I admitted.

Everyone turned to face me, all smiling slyly, till Edward turned his facial expression into an upset one. "What about spending time with me?"

"No, I didn't mean that..." I stuttered, whilst amusment danced in his eyes. "You know this isn't my thing Edward, I'm going to end up killing myself."

"I wont let you hurt yourself." He winked, "You can make it up in sexual favours if you want."

"No way." I scowled, pointing a finger at him. "And get your eyes back on the road mister."

"Yes Ma'am" He mocked turning back to the front.

"Anyway, there's no chance in hell I'm going to have sex in the forest... you won't know who's watching."

Alice grinned slyly. "Actually, it could be quite fun."

"Of course." I muttered sarcastically.

"We have the privacy of our tent." Edward said almost too innocently.

"I don't care! When I say no sex, no sex." I scowled at the back of his head.

"Jazz and I are going to do it up a tree." Alice commented.

Edward sighed. "Not fair." He said like a little boy, punching Jasper on the shoulder. "How comes he always gets what he wants."

"Maybe you should join them then." I snapped.

He sighed heavily. I growled in frustration and began scratching at the fabric that was covering my knees.

"I think everyone just needs to take a deep breathe. We're all just too overwhelmed with the possibilities of having sex, and someone in the family walking in."

Alice scowled, reaching her little legs over to the back of his seat, and gave him a thump in the back of it. "Shut the hell up."

He slouched in his seat. "All I'm saying is maybe we should pull over to give you and Bella a breather, Alice."

"We don't need a breather." She snapped back.

He sighed heavily.

"AND DON'T GIVE EDWARD THAT LOOK."

"Don't know what your talking about honey." Jasper mocked.

I gave Jasper a kick in the back of his chair, Alice and I both giving each other a hi-five after. "I'm not speaking to you two." Alice said as her head appeared between Edward and Jasper.

"Good. Maybe I'll get the chance to get your annoying three year old voice out of my head, and get rid of the constant headache you give me." Edward snapped, his face bright red as he kept his eyes on the road.

"DON'T TALK TO MY WIFE LIKE THAT! YOU ARROGANT PRICK." Jasper shouted at Edward, him turning a bright red too.

"Do you want me to pull over and knock you out into next week?" Edward shouted back at him. "I'LL USE YOUR DEAD CORPSE AS A HOOD ORNIMENT."

I giggled, whilst Alice glared, wagging a finger at me. "Don't you dare encourage that oaf of a douche."

I smiled. "He's Edward, of course I'm going to."

He turned to smile at me. "That's my girl, I love you."

"Shut up, I'm not talking to you." Edward sighed, and I felt a little guilty at snapping at him like that. Before I could respond, Jasper cut in.

"Well Alice, looks like we're the only couple who don't offend each other."

Alice gave him a dirty look and looked out the window, sticking her finger up at him.

"Ouch." I smirked at Jasper, and promised myself I'd apologise to Edward soon. In private.

The rest of the car ride was silent, no one making a sound or trying to talk to anyone else.

Esme's Point Of View

I smiled at my youngest son as he got out of his car, but gave him a questioning look when I noticed the expression on it.

"We all had a bit of an... argument." He replied meekly as he came over and gave me a hug.

I rubbed his back. "You'll forgive each other soon enough." I assured as he walked off to go retrieve our camping bags out of the car.

I could just tell this wasn't going to end well. I gave Carlisle a concerned look, him returned one of confusion. I sighed heavily. Maybe it'd better for him to learn from his mistakes.

Edward's Point Of View

Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle set up the tents whilst I was forced with Alice to go and find some wood for a fire.

I frowned at Bella as I watched her looking at her hands in her lap, fiddling with them looking worried and guilty. I started walking over to her before getting a something itchy rubbed along my arm. I turned to see Alice with a stinging nettle in hand grinning.

"OW!" I yelled. "What the hell Alice?" I scowled at her as I noticed the white bumps beginning to emerge on my arm. I whimpered in pain, pissed at how much it stung.

She giggled and skipped off.

I scowled at her before picking up a rock. I felt a hand close around my fist.

"Edward." Carlisle said from behind me.

"Hi dad...." I said sheepishly turning around.

"A rock Edward? Honestly. You should know better."

"SHE STARTED IT! And now I'm all itchy because of that idiot."

"You could of caused some serious damage Edward." Carlisle rolled his eyes dragging me to sit down on a log so he could put some ointment crap on it.

I scowled at the little pixie who I could see hiding in a bush she stuck her tongue at me as I itched.

"Keep still."

I bit my lip trying to not act like a baby.

"You OK?" Bella asked quietly as she came to sit next to me after Carlisle left.

"Yeah." I replied, placing my hand gently on top of hers. I stroked the side of it.

Bella ran a hand through my hair gently. "I'm sorry."

I wrapped my arms around her waist, nuzzling the hair on her shoulder away with my face so I could place a kiss on her neck. "My fault. I'm sorry too."

She melted into me. I smiled against my neck.

"I love you." I breathed against her neck.

Bella grabbed my hand pulling me out of sight of anyone else.

"Edward" She smiled as she slipped her hands under my shirt and began to trail her hands up my chest. Before she brought them back out again fumbling with my buttons as she pushed me up against a tree.

I bent my head so I could capture her lips with mine. I moaned as she slipped off my shirt.

Alice's Point Of View

"NO!" I shouted. "YOU JUMP OVER THAT FIRE JASPER WHITLOCK, AND I'LL MAKE SURE EDWARD DOES KNOCK YOU OUT INTO NEXT WEEK."

"Ch-chick-chick-chickennnnnn!" Emmett teased, then got up and began making chicken arms.

"I'll call Carlisle." I said simply.

Both of them shut up. I smiled smugly folding my arms across my chest.

"I'm going to bed, you coming with me Jazz?"

"Yes dear." He replied, whilst Emmett laughed at him.

"Can I come too honey dearest?" Emmett teased.

Before I knew it, Jasper had picked up a stick and threw it at Emmett's head. "I dare you to jump over it."

Emmett shrugged, taking a step back and doing a run up before doing a total Bella and tripping slightly. Jasper breathed a sigh of relief. I looked down at the bottom of Emmett's jogging pants calmly.

The bottom had caught alight. "Emmett... your kind of on fire." I said lamely not really giving a damn.

Emmett shrieked rolling around on the floor whilst Jasper laughed hysterically at him, Emmett was still rolling around when the fire had gone. "This isn't over, bitch." he shouted pointing a finger at Jasper. I giggled as I pulled him into our tent.

Rosalie's Point Of View

I could feel Emmett running his hands down my body as I began to wake up. "Hey baby." He smiled, getting on top of me and resting on his elbows.

I scowled, shifting uncomfortably. "This floor's hard."

He winked. "So am I."

I pushed his chest, him rolling over onto the space next to me. "Pig." I muttered. "I look gross, I feel gross, don't even think about it." I snapped, pointing a finger at his chest. "I'm going back to sleep." I muttered, rolling over so he couldn't see my face and settling back to sleep again.

Emmett's Point Of View

I scowled at Rose's head, and stalked off out of the tent and into the forest looking for something remotely interesting to do. I bet even Bella and Edward are having sex. I thought, then began cursing them.

There was no way either of them would deny each other anything. So unfair. Sometimes it was like Rosalie had the dick in our relationship. I cupped my dick, making sure it was still there, now paranoid it might vanish from my sudden epiphany. Rosalie does own my dick, she could do anything to it. I shuddered at the cruel things that women could do to me.

I grumbled to myself before catching a beautiful brown colour I missed since I'd been changed. I grinned wickedly, roaring as I jumped behind the beast, grabbing it into a headlock. How I missed this....

Carlisle's Point Of View

I smiled at my wife as she sat in our sleeping bag next to me whilst drinking her coffee by the fire. We'd gotten up early to watch the sunrise, and it had been unexpectedly quiet.

"Jazz just stay calm." I heard Alice order as rustling made its way towards us. I frowned, till I noticed Jasper walking into the circle where we'd set up.

He was soaking wet and covered head to toe in leeches. I grabbed the nearest stick moving closer to him.

Jasper threw his hands up in the air in horror. "Dude, chill!"

I rolled my eyes. "Honestly." I muttered as I flicked them off with the stick, and threw the stick out into a nearby bush. I grabbed my medical kit as I cleaned the wounds and bandaged them up, whilst Jasper fussed and made noises from the pain.

"You've got to be the worst patient I've ever had." I commented looking up at him as I finished bandaging him up.

"I'm sensitive." He muttered. Alice shot me a dirty look and came straight over to Jasper rubbing his back comfortingly. Rosalie came out of her tent, frowning at Jasper, then Alice launching into the story for all of us to hear.

Half an hour later a very blotchy and red looking Bella and Edward came out of the woods, both scratching themselves. "Stop scratching Bella your making it worse than it already is."

"No. You stop scratching!"

"Bella, just stop scratching."

"I can't help it!" She whined.

Bellas eyes locked with mine and she smiled hugely, looking relived.

"Carlisleeeee..."

I rolled my eyes getting up, and taking my bottle of calamine lotion with me. "Who's first." I muttered. Bella squealed in happiness, something I'm sure all of had never heard before.

"Bella."

I sighed as I got to work trying to relieve the pain.

"Try and relax" I ordered.

I sighed heavily as I sat back down and rested my head in Esme's lap whilst she stroked my hair.

"What happened anyway?"

Bella and Edward both turned a darker pink. I decided not to question it any further. I'd just be awkward for all of us.

"Woooooooooooooooooooo!" Emmett cheered from behind a tree, as he came running around in a circle before going back out and walking back in again. I shot up straight as Esme began to rub up and down my arms to comfort me. Couldn't we just have a simple relaxing break?

"Oh my," Esme gasped as he came into view, now not just a blur running around.

"Emmett? What happened to you?" I asked as I saw my eldest son come out of the woods

Emmett grinned. "The bears decided to put up a good fight this morning is was happened." He grinned at me. "It was so much fun."

"Your a human. You shouldn't be doing this. This is how you nearly died before." I ordered Emmett to sit down on his little folding up stool. "Begin packing, we're going home."

Everyone's faces managed to brighten at the five simple words. I sighed. What a great camping trip this turned out to be, God I miss the emergency room.

REVIEW FOR MORE!

A/N I apologise... profusely, Ive just been so busy with all this shit going on that I don't have much time for this.... I've been sick all week and too tired to come on here and write, but I wasn't that sick today so I managed to write something.

I know this isn't funny or all that good either.

I've begun a few more stories so check those out.

Anyway, free curtains for anyone who reviews ;)!