Chapter ten: I would go through hell for you.
Previously:
"Namine? I really need your help." Roxas said in a dark tone
"Roxas, whats going on?" I asked urgently.
My heart fell low when he sighed on the phone.
But it shattered when he spoke the following words.
"Y-You can tell me Roxas." I sounded strained and that wasn't the fact that I was clawing at my ohone with both of my hands either.
There was a long pause. "I don't know what to do...I-I sort of like this girl, and she likes me back, but then I also like this other girl."
"Who are you talking about?" I strained some more.
"I'm talking about Xion and Olette." Roxas breathed.
Why was I crying silently...why wasn't I one of those two... Why not me?
"Namine, you still there?" He asks.
"Y-Yeah." I struggle, swallowing hard.
"So, what should I do? They both asked me out. I don't know what to do." Roxas franticly exclaimed.
"Lets meet at the park." I tell him. "Now." I add and hang up the phone.
Letting my head fall in between my arms I quiver in pain of knowing that he doesn't even like me. It hurts more than I ever thought it would. If I just go away then I could stop the pain. I was only his best friend to him. Nothing more. But I felt like it was much more.
Taking my jeans jacket, I step out of the attic and into the halls. My parents were both gone, so this would be the perfect opportunity to leave.
And with my mother and father being gone, would mean that I wouldn't hear from them until next week from their little "Vacation spot", and yes, they sometimes just take off without a word.
I wished I would have worn something better than this, it started raining really hard and I had no hood, forcing the rain to soak my hair and my face. But either way, I couldn't blow Roxas off, so I still went to the park.
I saw his figure standing by the swings, he was early, but he did have a hood on from his sweat jacket.
"Hey." He says quietly.
"Hi." I answer and stand before him.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Roxas asked with his adorable smile that today, didn't look so happy anymore.
"Well, you like Xion and Olette, correct? And needless to say that they like you too." My voice was high pitched and staggering, so he could tell that something was very very wrong.
"Namine, you're going to get sick standing like that! Here." Roxas switched off topic and handed me his sweatshirt.
"I don't get sick easily Roxas," I lie. "But you, I have a feeling, that you'll need that." I smile sadly looking up at him.
He frowned, but either way accepted my decision. "What's going on?" He places his hand on my shoulder. I bet he could feel my bone already.
I coughed before I spoke down to the ground. "What if...what if I-" my voice staggered much more, I couldn't say it. I had to lie.
He looked down at me with his pale ever-on-going eyes. "Just say it."
That's easy for you to say! He's not about to confess to Xion or Olette or something. "I'm sorry for wasting your time." I shake my mind out of my confessing mood and stood stiff, eyes wide and fake smile plastered on my pale face.
"A-Are you sure?" He asks, furrowing his eyebrows.
His concern made me flutter, it made me want to take the feeling away. "Y-Y-Yes." I whisper, but in denial, a tear flooded down my face.
He said nothing. He didn't say a word, but he could see my embaressed red face, spilling my tears away.
"I'm okay." I tell him more lies, more wet tears falling down.
No words from him again. He stepped towards me, arms ready to hold me. He was going to hold me. Me.
"I'm sorry Roxas, I'm sorry it's not me." I almost shout before turning and running away.
What did I do?! How could I say that! I was acting so stupid! What am I going to do now? How am I going to speak to him, what if I made such a fool of myself he never wants to talk to me again?
If.
What.
If.
Those words never cured anything. They probably never will either.
- - - - - - -
"Namine! Namine! Hey! Over here!" Xion's voice cheered and waved me towards herself. Her face was bright pink and her big blue eyes wide in happiness. Her long legs shuffeling to me
In honesty, I didn't want to face her at all. But I still turned around and practiced my fake smile as best as I could.
"Yes?" I pitch my voice extra high just in case.
"Guess what!" I couldn't stand when people played the 'guess what?' game, they don't want you to answer anyways, so what was the point?
"What?" I played along with her because that is what she wanted me to do.
"Roxas and I are finally together!" She squealed towards me.
I don't approach her. Instead, I turn around to run into the bathroom.
Locking myself in one of the stalls, I start crying and sobbing.
I never wanted this to happen, I never wanted anything like this! Crying wouldn't help the situation but I knew that I couldn't do anything else.
Roxas-Roxas-Roxas. He likes someone else, he's with someone else.
I'm not in the picture anymore. They will soon only be together, and now I'll be stuck alone. They will forget all about me now.
"Namine-are you okay?" I heard her voice knocking on the stall door.
I edged farther from the stall door. Crawling up to push myself against the opposite side of the place she was at.
"It's me, Roxas and I are worried about you. Tell us whats going on." Xion tried saying again.
"Give me a reason to be happy." I mutter, not wanting her to hear that.
"Hmm, be happy to be alive!" She answers. She must have the ears of a bat!
"I'm going to die either way." I snap louder, meant for her to hear this time.
"My point, appreciate this time now."
"I want to wither away, maybe I can-lets try it out right here right now." I hiss with definate venom in my voice.
"Stop saying that you want to die! Don't make me go in there!" She warned like a mother would warn an 9 year old having a fit.
"There's no one waiting for me, you both are sooner or later going to leave me." I whine loudly.
"As much as it hurts me to say this name but- Kairi, and Riku will be there for you, they'll miss you. And Roxas and I would never leave you!" Xion was getting upset about this.
She gasped, loudly. Her voice stopped and I couldn't see her shadow anymore.
"X-Xion?" I ask quietly.
I reached towards the doors lock but instead it busted right open, I covered my ears, staring at the fallen door beside me. Then up to the person who was capable of doing this.
Roxas stared down at me with dark eyes. Balled up fists and all.
He heaved me up with ease and dragged me out of the girls bathroom that he invaded. Dragging me away from all of the staring kids in our way. It wasn't like I could resist, I was too weak-which I hated.
"Now!" Roxas almost shouted. "Tell me what the hell is going on!"
We were alone, behind the school, and I was scared. I bit my lip and was ready to turn around to walk away but Roxas pulled me back forcefuly.
"I am not patient with all of this 'silence' stuff." He groweled.
"Sorry for making you angry." I apoligize and try to turn time, he pushed me against the wall, holding me in place so I couldn't eyes darkened, although his lips were filled in a sad frown.
"I heard everything you told Xion back in there! What the hell?!"
"It was true." I say quietly, looking down to the floor, examining his tight grip on my shoulders.
"Damn it, Namine, what am I going to do with you?! You better not be pulling one of these 'have sympathy' for me tricks. It's god damn wrong! It's not helping if you don't talk to us!"
"Roxas, please let me go, it hurts." I cry, pushing against his force.
He didn't move. "You will answer me this I'll say it nice and clear, what-is-going-on!?" He shouted, making me flinch.
The tears filled in my eyes, not from the pain of being held here, but the pain of him being concerned of me, but I'm sure he'll distance from me if he knew the truth.
"Please." He lowered his voice. "You're my best friend, you have got to tell me this." He begged and pleaded.
His words were making me-making me..."I wish it were me. That's it. I wish it was me. ME! ME! ME! Why wasn't it ME?!" I scream at the top of my lungs, crying tears that wouldn't come out before.
"Namine, are you talking abo-" Roxas's hold on me losened and his arms fell to his side.
"YES! God damnit! I am!" I scream and run away before he could catch me again.
I can't do this, my love to him is like chasing Pavements. No use, it will end either way.