Chapter 9—Heaven's Gate

BPOV

I don't know what is wrong with me… maybe I am dreaming. It feels like I am dreaming. I keep seeing flashes of Charlie and Renee and pieces of my childhood. Maybe this was heaven? I felt peaceful and warm. I keep hearing an angelic voice, I can't really make out what he is saying… every now and then I catch "I'm sorry" but other than that, his voice just sounds like a beautiful symphony to my ears.

I also keep having weird thoughts about Harry Potter. I never finished the series, but for some reason I kept envisioning myself at Hogwarts and possessing magically powers. This was truly a weird dream… unless this was in fact Heaven. I didn't know why God was so into Harry Potter, but I would make sure to ask him. No, this had to a dream… I am so confused.

I don't know how long I have been sleeping maybe a few hours, but instead of seeing flashes of Charlie and Renee I am seeing darker images… some of them are unfamiliar.

I see the accident that I was in with my parents, except this time it is like a third person view. I see my mother die, and the light fade from my father's eyes. I see them performing surgery on me at Seattle Grace, and a very nice surgeon named Meredith telling me that my parents didn't make it.

Now I see the funeral and the modest tombstones that I had to buy because my parents didn't leave me much money. I barely got by to give them a proper funeral. I see the lawyers coming up to meet me at the house to tell me that I need to see it, seeing as I have no income, I will not be able to make payments on it.

I see Jake driving me to the park and pushing me on the swing… and him telling me that we couldn't be together anymore…

I see another accident. The car is silver, and a young boy next to me driving. He looks like he is in bad shape… that must be Edward. I hope he doesn't suffer. Hopefully he isn't seeing the darker images that I am. I am sure he will be fine, Edward never gives up. I see the blood all around his car. He doesn't look that cut up, where is all of the blood coming from? Is it coming from me?

I don't like seeing these images. It makes me sad. Why am I seeing these images? I thought this was heaven… I don't feel warm anymore, I feel very cold.

I have nothing else to fight for, my parents are dead… my boyfriend doesn't love me… I am struggling so much just to get by that maybe this fight—otherwise known as living—isn't worth it anymore.

Take me my sweet angel. You don't have to be sorry anymore. It's not your fault that I am unwanted. My parents don't need me on account of them being dead, Jake doesn't love me… My new college friends will get by fine without me. Alice is bubbly she will bounce back. Emmett is a a gentle soul, but he only knew me for two years, I am sure he will be fine.

Take me my sweet angel. Take me to somewhere where it is warm. Take me somewhere where I can be happy again. Take me my sweet angel, away from my own personal hell.

Take me my sweet angel. Take away the pain.