Chapter Ten

His tongue slid into her mouth and tangled with hers as they battled for dominance. His hands instinctively wrapped around her waist and he pulled their bodies together. She gasped when he tore his lips from hers and they found their way to her jaw and down her neck. She could hardly believe what she was doing and that she had initiated it. Her mind screamed at her, BAD, BAD BUFFY. MUST STOP NOW. GETTING MARRIED NEXT WEEK. However, this sound of reason was muffled by their continuous gasps and moans. He backed her into the door slamming it shut and pinning her wrists above her head. He kissed her until they were both out of breath. Then, he kissed her again. Soon her clothes became an issue for him and her black sweater came off leaving her in a skimpy black tank top. He released his grip on her wrists and his hands began to work their way down until-

"Spike...can't...we...uh...wait...No...listen..."

"Buffy, I love you."

"No!" she yelled pushing him away from her hard.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

He sighed and left the room to grab a shirt and some pants. He walked back into the room as he finished buttoning his shirt and Buffy continued, "This was a mistake, Spike. I came over here to tell you that this will never work and to leave me alone."

"Oh, so is this how you usually tell people to leave you alone, Buffy? Because I have to say you're really not good at it love."

"No, I wasn't going to-"

"What? You weren't going to what?"

"Uh, I wasn't...I...I mean...this," she said pointing to him then back to herself, "was a mistake, Spike."

"A mistake? You really need to make up your mind, love. You kick me out of your apartment saying you love Angel. Then, you come over to my apartment and kiss me! You said you loved Angelus. Was it a lie? Do you?"

"I-"

But she didn't know what to say. She knew it had been a lie. She didn't love him. She loved the idea of him. It was something she had never felt before. It was the feeling of being wanted and loved and knowing that no matter what, she would have someone to take care of her for the rest of her life. She wouldn't be alone. She had always felt so alone. She should just tell him she loved Angel. A relationship with Spike would never work. The words relationship and Spike shouldn't even be in the same sentence, she thought. But the way he was looking at her was terrifying her. His eyes were filled with desire, uncertainty and anger.

"You don't even know do you?" he stated more than questioned, as if he could see what she was thinking."

"Ugh, I hate you so much."

"No, you don't." He began moving towards her slowly until his body was pressed back up against hers. "You hate that you want me."

"That's ridiculous!"

"You like that I'm not like Angel; that everything I do doesn't have to be planned and fitted into a perfect little schedule. You like that I can see the real you so much better than he can and that I'd actually be around once in a while. You know, there's things you don't know about your dear Angel, love. I know who he really is. Did he ever tell you that he was married before? Did you know that, love?"

"Don't call me love," she said through clenched teeth as she tried to push him away, but he held her tight. Angry tears filled her eyes and threatened to fall, but she held them back and kept her cold, icy glare.

"Did you know she left him because he cheated on her? How about that? Did you know that? How do you know he's not going to do the same thing to you? He didn't even tell you he was married, did he? Buffy I would never-"

"I'm sure he had a reason-

"Stop defending him. Buffy I would never do that to you. I-"

"Just stop."

"I love you."

"Spike please-" she pleaded, tears now pouring down her cheeks.

"Buffy, I love you."

"You don't even know me."

"Yes, I do."

His hands moved to cup her face and he wiped the tears from her face. He kissed her. Her lips were barely touching his and he whispered against them, "I love you, I love you."

She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She could only feel. And when he took her hand and led her to his bedroom. She didn't refuse.