A/N: Sorry this has taken me so long to update. It's been written for a while, but real life (and shoddy health) got in the way. Hopefully the chapter is worth the wait. Please review. It would be nice to know what people think.

They didn't really have much of a chance to continue their conversation for a few more days. There always seemed to be something to do, a function to attend, a dinner to sit through, a dignitary that wanted to give their greeting to the Hero of Ferelden. It wasn't until the night before Lyna was due to return north that she found herself alone with the King.

"You still haven't told me why he doesn't trust you."

Lyna sighed as she sat in the same position as her first night, feet curled under her, a glass of wine in her hands, and staring at the fire. She could feel Alistair's eyes on her and she didn't know if she could meet his gaze.

"He caught me with somebody else." She finally admitted. She risked a glance at Alistair and he was looking truly shocked. She grimaced. "I had spent so long trying to build up his trust, get him to open up to me, and then I threw it all away because somebody else made a move on me and I gave in." She was back staring at the fire. "I tried to tell Nathaniel how I felt about him, but he said he couldn't trust me. He probably thinks I've spent every night in bed with you since I've been here." she couldn't hide the bitterness in her voice.

"What happened?" Alistair took one of her hands and stroked his thumb over her knuckles. Lyna glanced down at his hand and sighed.

"He is such a private person. He was so hurt by his father, betrayed. He idolised the man and to find out what he had turned in to, it hurt him so much."

"Pretty sure others were more hurt by Rendon Howe," Alistair muttered bitterly and Lyna glared at him.

"Alistair, how would you feel if you suddenly found out that Duncan had tortured people in his spare time?" she asked him and Alistair flinched as if he'd been hit. He opened his mouth to voice protest but then shut it again with a snap and nodded.

"Fair enough." He muttered, and Lyna gave him a grim smile.

"So I've been trying for so long to get him to open up and trust me. At first it was to save my skin. He wanted to kill me." Before Alistair could voice his obvious protest Lyna glared at him. "One word. Zevran." Alistair frowned and pouted a little, but he conceded her point. Lyna's smile was a bit warmer this time, but still barely touched her eyes.

She sipped her wine, back to watching the flames.

"Gradually I got to know him, and I found myself opening up to him." She smiled at the memory. "He was such a good listener, and he always seemed to know what questions to ask. I confided in him, and I started to feel relaxed, and cared for, and safe." She looked at Alistair. "I have missed feeling safe. It feels like it's been a life time since I felt safe."

The look on Alistair's face was heartbreaking.

"I'm sorry."

Lyna shook her head.

"Don't worry about it." She squeezed his hand. Then she considered her next words.

"We have another Grey Warden. Anders. You granted him immunity, he fled from the Circle about a dozen times or something ridiculous. You met him when you came to the Keep."

Alistair nodded in memory.

"Scruffy blond guy?" he asked and Lyna nodded.

"That pretty much sums him up." She smiled. "But he's a good man, and a brilliant healer. He is the one that Nathaniel caught me with." And her frown was back. She felt so sick with guilt.

"Tell me about it." Alistair encouraged, and she glanced over at him.

"You know, this is what I do with Nate," she admitted. "I see now why he got so upset about it."

Alistair pulled away, offended, and Lyna groaned as she realised what she had said.

"No," she pulled his hand back. "I mean, he would come and sit with me in my study of an evening and we would talk. He would talk about his life in the Free Marches, or when his father didn't seem such a bastard, and I would talk about, well I would talk about how much I loved you." She frowned. "No wonder he was so upset. I thought we were growing closer, but all I was doing was talking about a man he thought he could never replace."

"I'm nothing special." Alistair muttered, and Lyna rolled her eyes.

"You helped stop the Blight." She reminded him. "You saved your kingdom from civil war and…" She smirked. "You're damned good at licking lamp posts."

Alistair looked up in shock and then burst out laughing.

"Oh now why don't I have that announced at royal functions?" he teased. "It might make people more interested in what I have to say!"

Lyna laughed out loud, and just enjoyed the moment. Then the silence descended and she turned her gaze back to the fire.

"I think I'm too used to being loved." She said. "That sounds so arrogant, to be annoyed about that." She glanced at her companion and he looked so confused.

"You deserve to be loved." He insisted, and Lyna shook her head.

"I'm not so sure about that." She said. "Nate thinks that I love the idea of being loved. He thinks that you and Tamlen, and I have no idea who else, put me up on a pedestal and I'm so used to being adored that I don't realise how much I hurt people."

Alistair was ready to disagree, but Lyna looked at him.

"I think he's right Alistair. I told you, I've changed." And she was crying. Alistair took their wine glasses, put them down on the table, and then gathered her into his arms, letting her cry against his chest.

"Losing Tamlen hurt, but I was caught up in the Blight." She mumbled into his shirt. "Losing you almost killed me, and I swore I'd never let myself get so hurt. But it was never my fault, and now I have another chance, two more than most people seem to get, and I've ruined it because I'm an idiot."

"Oh hush," Alistair rubbed her back. "You're not an idiot. You're just a bit silly."

Lyna looked up at him, her eyes red, and she pouted at him.

"I thought you were meant to make me feel better." She sulked, and Alistair leaned down and kissed her on the nose.

"I would do whatever it took to make you feel better, if I thought it would actually work." He told her, and Lyna was so tempted. From the way Alistair's pupils dilated, it looked like he wouldn't need much encouragement either, but then he shook his head. "You were never like this Lyna, what happened to the strong and noble woman I fell in love with?"

Lyna pulled herself away from his embrace, and sat against the arm of the chair.

"I told you, I changed." She was still sulking, and she pulled her knees up to her chin. She looked so tiny, sitting there, and it was always hard to believe that this small creature had killed the archdemon.

"But why?" Alistair pried. "Why did you change? What happened?"

Lyna glared at Alistair.

"What? Losing the love of my life because I'm barren and a filthy knife ear isn't reason enough?"

Alistair half expected to see venom drip on to the floor.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "Do you want me to take it back?"

Lyna blinked.

"What?" She asked.

"Well," Alistair considered it. He'd just blurted it out, but now he considered it. "I mean, we could always adopt, something like that, lie about it? I don't know." He leaned forward towards her. "Do you want to come back to me? Be my queen?"