A/N: Wow! Over 20 reviews in less than 3 days! I get that with TOBITF several times but this is a first for CBTM! Thanks so much everyone! This story has much less favourites and responses than any of my other stories that I thought I was doing a poor job on it and was feeling bad since I wrote it for Shaydoe and she's so special to me. But reading all the wonderful reviews with so many kind words made me feel much better!
Puffgirl1952: LOL. You didn't answer my question, how many happy faces are the 6 out of? After all, 6 out 5 is great but 6 out of 10 is only average! ;) Adoore: LOL. You really don't think I've made Darien suffer enough? Well, I can definitely accommodate you on that as there will be more suffering for him. As for another guy to show him how to treat her right, I'm afraid there won't be any in this fic. But there are a few S/Alan and S/Seiya scenes and more coming up in TOBITF. I'm afraid the next S/D moment in CBTM would only come in the last chapter (2 chapters away). I think the wait would be worth it though! I also have an idea for an Epilogue where Serena will get her 'sort of' pay back! ;) trish1573: Oh! I'm so glad! I think Raye's chapter may push you back into not liking Darien but I'm determined to make you forgive him! ;) I know I should rest a bit and I will, but yup, I really do feel guilty thinking of my readers when I don't write for too long. You're the sweetest friend! :) kera69love: Of course you may! Here you go! ;) LoveInTheBattleField: Thanks! Here it comes! ;) alPhha: Thanks! I'm glad you thought so! I thought it was common ground between Lita/D and used it to my advantage. :) PrincessAnnastacia: Thanks! I'm glad! LOL. Read on and find out! ;) Moonprincess998: Wow! Thank you! S&D will get back together after Amy's chapter. Not too long now! :) l1s44p: Yeay! And yes, GO Lita! :) SerenityShield: Wow! I was trying to get Darien's POV in because I think that the anime didn't do him justice. I'm glad you agreed with me. :) Such high praises! Thank you! naughtygirl: LOL. Well, I'm glad you decided to read anyway! There will be a happy ending. In fact, it's already written! ;) Emily: Yes, Mars will lead with passion and Mercury will lead with calm logic. You're most welcome. Thank you so much for such a lovely review! It's the best compliment to a writer when their writing touched someone's heart. :) Rose: Your reviews always leave me smiling! Such an amazing show of support and faith in little old me! I can't thank you enough! ;) Starrlight1812: Welcome to CBTM! Thank you for the words of encouragement, they mean a lot! I'm not sure I'm worthy of the compliment, but I'll try my best to live up to it! ;) Jen A: Thank you for making an exception and for reviewing this story! I really appreciate the thought and your kind words. I'll definitely finish all my stories! It's the when that might be the problem. But I'll give it my best shot. ;) kbtjmandy: A familiar name! Welcome to CBTM! I hope you'll enjoy it as much as you do TOBITF. ;) Loca8892: Oh, thank goodness! I thought I might disappoint you! I'm glad you approve and hope Raye's chapter won't disappoint either. Raye (in the anime) annoys me too, sometimes. ;) Pheonix Evans: I'm really glad you found this story! Welcome! And you're welcome! :) Nibs98: LOL. First time someone said I'm good at making them cry! But in this context, I'll take that as a compliment, a beautiful compliment. Thanks for your show of support and I hope you'll stick with this story to the very end! ;) SailorMoonForever: Hahaha! You can't ask me to rest with kitty eyes and then ask me to write! One would contradict the other! But oh, I do love you and your reviews! ;) Amydali86: Thank you! I'm glad. ;) Nich31: Oh no! I'm not quitting. I just seem to have lost my drive. So, I kind of have to force myself to write. I promised my readers that I'll finish all my stories and I always keep my word. But without the drive, the writing slows down. I won't stop though. Promise! ;)
Thanks so much everyone! All of you above, those who favourite, followed and even those of you who took the time to read without reviewing. Thanks! ;)
Alright then, on with the third part of Avenging Guardians and I hope it lives up to everyone's expectation!
Thoughts are in Italics.
(Standard disclaimer: I do not own any of the Sailor Moon characters. All characters belong to Naoko Takeuchi.)
Come Back to Me (Part 5(c): Avenging Guardians: Raye's Regret)
As soon as he was alone, Darien plopped down onto the sofa and remained seated dejectedly, staring off into space. He heard Andrew's incoming footsteps, and immediately felt his temples throb at the prospect of having to deal with his best friend. He even imagined sneaking out like a thief and making a run for his apartment.
Andrew entered his 'sort of' office and seeing the state that Darien was in, he rushed towards his best friend, annoyance forgotten, "What on earth did she do to you?" he gasped.
"You mean besides punching me in the face a few times?"
"Your shirt is torn! And what did she do to your shoulder?"
Darien cursed silently. The argument with Lita had him more frazzled than he thought. He had completely forgotten about his torn shirt. He got up and went back to Andrew's open locker and answered his friend tersely, "Nothing. She's not responsible for my shoulder," as he changed into Andrew's spare shirt.
"Are you going to explain that?" Andrew demanded.
"No, not really," Darien answered in a mild tone that belied the gleam in his eyes.
"So that's it then? You're not going to tell me anything?" Fuelled by frustration, fury flooded through the usually amiable Andrew, gushing through his blood, "I love Rena. And I haven't seen her in ages. I feel like a traitor, and you're not going to tell me anything? At all?"
Because he could see the misery underlying the temper and because Andrew was his best friend, Darien relented, "It's not something I can tell you, Drew. And at least you do get to see her. Hear her voice. Wasn't she just here a moment ago?" Envy tinged his voice.
Andrew sighed. He felt so torn, so frustrated and he hurt for his two friends. Running his fingers through his hair, he kept his eyes on Darien's, "Sit down. I'm going to get you an ice pack and some coffee. Your eyes are starting to swell and there's a bruise forming on your jaw."
"I'm going home."
"Sit down."
Resigned, Darien sat back on the sofa. When Andrew came back, he placed the ice pack into Darien's hand and the cup of coffee on the table in front of his friend and made himself comfortable, preparing to give his best friend a long overdue talking to.
Darien's hands shook slightly when he lifted his coffee cup. Watching Serena and seeing what the break up had done to her had left him feeling hopeless, helpless and useless. He detested the emptiness and the helplessness that lurked inside of him that made him want to raise his fist and pummel. He could feel temper eating at the misery now, like a hot bite. He wanted desperately to pull himself back from the violence raging inside of him. He needed the calm and reason to be able to sort through the problem and yet he wanted so badly to heave the cup against the wall, to break it, break everything he could reach. Beat them. Smash them. Later, he promised himself, later he'd find a way to vent at least a part of this terrible rage clawing inside him.
Over at the shrine, Raye sat in front of the sacred fire. Serena's words played in her mind. "I was wrong about him loving me. Maybe you were wrong about him not loving you. You should go for it, for him. He's lonely Raye. He needs someone to be there for him. If it can't be me, maybe it can be you. At the very least Raye, you'll know for sure. There'll be no regrets, no 'what ifs'," her princess had said.
How the hell am I supposed to deal with that? And how could I possibly ignore it? She scrubbed her hand hard over her face and prepared to meditate. Please Sacred Fire, show me where he is.
She opened her eyes to the sight of Tuxedo Mask leaping between buildings and finally headed to a remote area surrounded by huge trees in the park.
The rage he had managed to chain down while with Andrew was threatening to snap free. He wanted to use his fists on something. Pound them until his arms screamed for rest. Riding on rage, Darien detransformed and attacked the nearest tree.
His fists were fast and brutal. With each punch, his anger grew, spreading through him like cancer. The tree became the source of his misery, the unknown enemy. He battered at it with a concentrated rage that bloomed into hate. Each time his fist hit the target and the power of the collision sang up his arm, he felt nothing but dark, deadly satisfaction. He pounded and pounded as the black haze of hate narrowed his vision. He kept on pounding even as his knuckles went raw and dripped with blood.
When Sailor Mars found him, Darien was standing alone in the dark, his head tipped back, as if looking up at the sky. More than a few trees surrounding him were battered.
Raye detransformed and watched him silently, trying to think where to begin when all she wanted to do was fling herself into his arms to soothe the tension radiating out of him. She had rehearsed a dozen approaches, a dozen opening lines, all of them designed to let her share his troubles with him. She had thought of demanding, of reasoning, of pleading. It had disgusted her that she had even considered using tears to weaken his resistance. But now that the moment was finally upon her, she didn't know where to begin.
She took a step out of the dark and saw him stiffen the instance she spoke. "Darien." He didn't even turn his head to look at her, just kept on staring at the lacklustre moon, a sure sign his princess was hurting. Rage had passed, leaving him raw and empty.
Raye finally couldn't stand the silence anymore.
"What are you doing Darien?"
"I owe you no explanation."
As he turned to her, he saw her face, the ripple of hurt that had her flinching as if he had slapped her before she shut it down so that her eyes went flat as she stood and studied him. And still he felt no remorse. He felt nothing.
Raye's heart clogged in her throat when she saw the state he was in, bloodied hands, bloodied sweaty shirt, slight swelling and blackening around both eyes and a bruise on his jaw. Taking a deep bracing breath, she remarked as casually as she could, "You look awful."
"Thanks for the bulletin."
No smile, she noted, not even a sarcastic one. No glimmer of warmth or anger, not even irritation. Just nothing at all.
Her chin angled in a challenge. "You may not owe me an explanation, but you owe her one."
He simply lifted an eyebrow and stared coolly, "Last I checked, you're not her."
"Have you seen her? Do you have any idea what you've done to her?"
A hard ball of ice dropped in his belly. Where for Raye there was nothing, for Serena there was too much of everything, regret, sorrow, longing and pain, so much pain and remorse.
He stepped towards her, intending on nudging her aside. She shoved him back.
"Careful, Raye," temper licked around the edges of his warning.
"Or what? You'll fight me?" she shifted her stance, crooked her finger, "Come on then."
"I don't have time to waste on you."
"No time to waste on me?" Her colour drained and her body went still, "I love you and you have no time to waste on me?"
Darien looked at Raye incredulously, "Love me?" he dubiously asked.
Her knees were buckling. To steady herself, she drew in air. Whatever the humiliation, she would say what she came to say. "I'm in love with you, Darien."
"How can you, when you don't even know me?"
His response, given so offhandedly caused a quick and nasty slice in her heart.
"Of course I know you! I know you as well as Serena does!"
"No Raye. You've known me almost as long as Serena has. Nobody knows me as well as Serena does, not even Andrew and he had known me longer than anyone, in this life time anyway." It stole her breath away, the light disgust in his voice, the disinterest in his eyes.
She swiped down at tears she had just realised streamed down her cheeks. Frustration flickered over the tension in her face. Desperation scraped at her. So she lashed out instead, "Fine! I've known you almost as long as Serena has but all the two of you ever did before you got your memories of the Silver Millennium back was argue. You and I had conversations! We went out before you got your memories back! How can you say that I don't know you? If I don't, then neither does she!"
"It takes two interested parties, both talking and listening, to have a real conversation. With us, it was you talking and asking questions and I answered when I had to. It was the polite thing to do. Serena and I may have been yelling at one another, but I promise you, I heard every word she said and I'll bet my life that she heard every word I said. When Serena and I argue with each other, I learned how to push her over the edge, how to get her to back down, how to cheer her up, how to distract her from her problems, what made her laugh and what made her cry. I also learned what her favourite things were and what caused her to be disgruntled. I learned what mattered most to her, her dreams, her fears and her insecurities. I even learned her daily routines from our daily arguments. And she learned the same about me." Raye was struck dumb, for there was scorn underlying Darien's even gaze, a depth of scorn that made her feel flayed.
"Do you know what my dreams and fears are, Raye? What makes me laugh or what brings me down?" Darien asked, almost derisively.
The hurt was so sharp, so sudden, she couldn't even gasp. Raye had an errant thought that it would be only too easy to hate Serena if she didn't love her so much. And then she remembered. There were times when she did hate Serena and they were all over this man standing in front of her, breaking her heart like she was nothing, breaking Serena's heart like she was nothing.
"You and I went out before you got your memories back! The two of you only started getting along after you both got your memories back! After you found out that she's the Moon Princess!" The anger in her tone, contrasted with the calm in his, and made her feel foolish.
Darien decided that full disclosure was in order, "We didn't 'went out' together, Raye. Not on 'dates', at least not as far as I was concerned. I only knew you considered our 'outings' to be 'dates' after Andrew teased me about it. But the truth is I thought you asked me as a favour or as a friend and I only said yes because you were Serena's friend and you seemed lonely. I didn't want to hurt your feelings because you mattered to her and she mattered to me. And I guess I also said yes to get a rise out of her. There wasn't much I wouldn't do to get her attention. I don't feel that way about you, Raye. I never have and I never will. It's only her I love. Always have been and always will be. Only her," he said simply.
The Senshi of Fire suddenly felt so cold, so cold that it penetrated her bones. Hurt, unbelievably hurt, she mopped at tears with her fingers.
Looking at Raye's horror stricken face, a slight sympathy stirred his conscience. "You may think you love me, but you don't. You can't really love someone you don't know. What you feel for me is no more than an infatuation. You don't know the real me. You loved an image of me that you had in your head, almost the same way a fan love a movie star."
"But she knows you. And she loves you." Raye said desperately, not quite sure herself whether she was stating the fact or asking him if that was his point.
"Yes, she does," Darien answered dejectedly.
"Well then, she has a right to you, doesn't she?"
"No. She doesn't have a right to me. She has every right to me. I belong to her, Raye, in every way. If you had spoken to Mina, she would tell you about the silver threads that joined soul mates. Serena is my soul mate. My other half. She completes me."
Raye gasped. "But your soul bond has been broken! Serena hasn't been able to sense you. Not since the break up! You hadn't been able to sense her either! If you had been able to, you'd know she was in trouble during that battle with Hypnotica."
"She hasn't been able to sense me because I had blocked her just prior to breaking up with her. It was the only way I could be sure that she'd believe me when I lied and told her that I don't love her anymore. I'm not able to sense her because she did the same. Blocked me, I imagined to keep me from sensing her pain, to keep me from feeling guilty and to set me free," Darien responded easily. And then tilting his head and studying her a moment, "Tell me, Raye. In her place, would you have done the same? Let me go because it's what I needed, without resentment? Forgive me despite everything I've done, and love me all the same?"
"I did let you go! I let you be with her! I gave you up and remained your friend!" It hurt. The sardonic look on his face caused a deep throbbing ache in the pit of her stomach, a slow twisting twinge in her heart.
"Ah, but was it all for me? Or was it more for yourself? To stay invulnerable, to keep your pride? The arguments I used to have with her, was my way of not letting her get too close. I didn't want to be vulnerable. And then later, I didn't tell her how I felt because I was afraid of her rejection. You saw me with her and your pride wouldn't risk the rejection, your heart won't accept being vulnerable or you would've told me how you felt because you're not as selfless as she is. You didn't let go, Raye. Instead, you lashed out at her, hurt her and put her down. And she took it. She took it because she loved you and she took it because no one is as selfless as she," Darien said cruelly but truthfully, "That's another reason we wouldn't have worked out. You and I, we are too much alike. We would end up destroying each other in the end. Serena? She saved us both. She's my salvation. Tell me she isn't yours."
"She is." The fact that she wanted to weep, to just curl up in a ball and wail, appalled her. Any show of sympathy, one kind word from him would break her. So she raised her head and stared defiantly at him. "If she is to you all that you said she is, what the hell are you doing, Darien? Breaking her heart over something you saw in a dream?"
"How did you find me, Raye?"
Startled by the change of topic, "What does it matter?" she asked.
"How did you find me?" He repeated.
"The Sacred Fire showed me."
"And you believed it?"
"Of course I believed it!"
"Do you ever choose which vision the Sacred Fire gave you to believe and which to discard?"
Completely flabbergasted, "Of course not! The visions are up to interpretation. But the fire doesn't lie."
"So you came to find me here because of a vision you saw in a fire?"
Raye spluttered. "It's not the same! It's the Sacred Fire! Reading it is my gift!"
"And I have psychometric abilities. Extrasensory perception and reading dreams are my gifts."
Understanding dawned and Raye hurt for him, for her best friend and for herself.
"One dream led me to her before. How can I ignore one warning of her demise? I'm trying to keep her safe."
"You should have come to us. Amy could have helped with her minicomputer. Artemis and Luna may have invaluable insights and I would have consulted the Sacred Fire for you," Raye said quietly and turned to go. Her emotions already too raw and her control too strained, she strode away, had to force herself not to run.
"Lita punched me in the face earlier today, several times. Mina called me selfish and a coward to my face just over the weekend. Yet I can't fault either of them, for loving her, for standing up for her. I'm glad she has them. I thought she has you too. But minutes ago, there you were, one of her guardians, one of her best friends, taking advantage of her pain." Darien said quietly to her retreating back.
Raye felt her stomach tied in knots and all she could think about was Darien was right, she had done a terrible thing. Serena's heart is shattered. Her best friend is broken and here she was taking advantage of the situation, doing something that would no doubt crush Serena further.
She told me to give it a shot. She said its better that we both know. Yet even through her inner monologue, even as her mind was rationalising her actions, her heart knew that she would never forget what she had done. Nor would she ever forgive herself. Serena would, her heart whispered, and knowing that to be true, shame washed up Raye's toes to the top of her head.
Darien stood with his battered hands in his pockets. He didn't feel guilt nor did he feel any pain. Perhaps it was because he told the truth. But more so, it felt right. It was the right thing to do. And Raye isn't Serena. Any pain he caused his love, always bounded back on him ten-fold. Hurting Serena, even inadvertently or jokingly so or even for her own good, always ended up bruising his heart. But Raye isn't Serena and he felt neither guilt nor pain. The headache and unsteady stomach that his temper had caused began to ease.
Posted on fanfiction: 16 July 2013
A/N: Andrew actually gave Darien something at the arcade and there was supposed to be a few more lines/paragraphs, ending this chapter with Darien on the floor as sorrow drowned him. But I'm too tired already and I thought I'd give both Darien and myself a break and save the scene for the next chapter. I really hope that I haven't ruined this chapter by doing so.
I'll be honest and say that while your reviews did cheer me up, I still don't feel much like writing. But this story is almost over and I promise I'll finish it. In fact I aim to finish it this month or at the latest by the middle of next month.
So, next up will be the last part of Avenging Guardians, titled Amy's Advice which will be followed by the last chapter which has already been written. I'm glad I wrote it before I got all moody and I think it's one of my most intense piece ;)
For the record, my initial A/N and responses to your reviews were written on the 12th whilst this chapter itself was partly written then and partly written today. No, I'm not bipolar, even if I sometimes give that impression! ;)