A/N: This again took too long for me to update. However, I went on a long holiday and the internet in Spain is crap. Also I finished most of the chapter and realised it needed something extra, just to keep the story moving. Now it's the first time I've done this in this story and I'd like some feed back on the slight change in the narrative structure. You won't see it right away; the change is about three quarters in.

Also, I'd like to say thank you to Cuzosu for her reviews. They never fail to make me smile. They're personal and filled with critique and it's wonderful to have someone who I know reads every chapter. And also to Seeing Sasha, who read this story recently and reviewed every chapter with care and diligence.

Anyways, read and review, and on with the story.

Rhea

Shuuhei and Rei were sat on the edge of the train platform, which had become their impromptu home for the last few months, with their legs dangling over the edge. Rei was absentmindedly swinging hers, occasionally smacking her heel into at wooden support beam behind her left foot. They'd been sitting in silence since they woken up. Rei had woken up when the grey light of the winter morning had started to shine into the darkness, underneath the platform.

"Do you know what today is?" Rei asked not looking at Shuuhei, but focusing on the opposite platform and the land beyond.

"No, what is it?"

"It's Christmas."

When Shuuhei looked confused she frowned but explained, "It's a festival they celebrate in American and Europe all over really. It's a Christian festival celebrating the birth of Jesus- their saviour. It happens on the 25th of December every year. I was eight when my dad came back from a business trip in England and told us about it. Obviously Daiki knew about it, but Aoi was only three and to us it sounded so amazing. They decorate trees and give presents, it's a bit like New Year in the sense of decorations and presents and praying. It was always important in our house, dad worked with the UK branch of the company and we were taught to respect other traditions, but Christmas was always good. We wouldn't do presents or anything like that we'd always have dinner together, ever after Daiki moved away, it was special, seems ironic that it's today when yesterday Daiki was here."

Shuuhei watched his friend for a few seconds and said simply, "That's the most I've ever heard you say at once. Or in a week."

Rei looked up at him and smiled.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Shuuhei looked at his smiling friend and couldn't help but grin back. She looked more relaxed than he'd ever seen her, as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. He could only guess that it was to do with her family, the specifics he couldn't quiet work out, but he could tell that was the general area.

He looked over his frail friend and saw where her coat was starting to hang off her shoulders. He frowned and tried not to focus on it. "Do you think that was why he came?"

She glanced over to him before focusing back on the distance, "Probably. Daiki was never one for coincidences. I on the other hand know he went out looking for me yesterday and just happened to stumble upon me. For all his searching and planning, I have no doubt it just happened."

They fell into an easy silence and Shuuhei was left to wonder about a lot of things. Rei and her life, his own life and where it was going to end up, however, like it always did when he was thinking his mind wandered back to Soul Society and his friends. Renji, Kira, Matsumoto and Momo. His thoughts went even further and he thought about Kensei, about the small grin's he'd give Shuuhei when they were doing paperwork, the subtle frown on his brow when he was thinking deeply, the sound of his laughter and the feel of his skin. The heat as they kissed and the warmth when he woke in Kensei's arms…

It saddened him to think he'd been away so long; but he couldn't go back, not yet. He'd finally found something to fill the hole and even if it was just surviving that filled it, he'd take that over the gaping emptiness he used to feel.

When he came too he found Rei watching him with an odd expression on her face.

"What?" he asked.

She shrugged, "You went really quiet and you started to smile, like I've never seen you smile. You were thinking about your home?"

Shuuhei tilted his head and wanted to ask how she knew that, but didn't bother. He'd come to accept that Rei could read people and instead said, "Yeah I was,"

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really?"

"Good cos I'd rather not talk about my home either, but we're both curious, so I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." Rei said, keeping her gaze ahead, across the opposite platform and towards the open space.

Shuuhei frowned for a minute, knowing it could be difficult trying to explain everything without mentioning being a Shinigami or Soul Society or anything else for that matter, but she was his friend and she deserved to know something, "Sounds fair to me, you first."

She laughed, "I knew I'd have to go first. That's just you isn't it?"

She giggled and looked out to the distance again. Shuuhei watched as a plethora of expressions crossed her face. A smile, sadness, fatigue and confusion all flew across her face before she settled for biting her lip. He knew better than to try and start the conversation for her. She would just ignore him or just close down all together.

After a while she said, "It wasn't too bad, home I mean. We didn't argue that much, we were well looked after, we always had money. To be honest the only difficult part was having siblings whose ages were so apart from my own. I was the middle child on my own little island and neither brother was particularly close to me. Daiki was like a parent and Aoi was just a pain if I'm honest. But I didn't have any reason to follow this route…"

She trailed off again and Shuuhei noticed her posture had changed; she'd started to close up. Her legs weren't swinging anymore; her arms were wrapped around her in a kind of protective cocoon. She wasn't even looking out at the sky; Rei's eyes were fixed on the train tracks.

He was unsure what to do, but eventually settled on placing a reassuring hand on her leg. This seemed to help, because she seemed to snap out of the trace she was in and looked at him.

"I ended up here because of a relationship. I was seventeen when I met him and he was twenty two. My parents weren't too enthusiastic about him, but they figured I'd just grown out of it. I was young, I was stupid and I never thought I'd end up here, doing what I'm doing. He took everything I had: my hopes, my dreams, opportunities, he convinced me to drop out of school. He took everything I had to give and just took what I wouldn't give willingly. I left home because of him. Mum and dad were furious when they found out I'd dropped out of school but they never pushed me to change my decision. He got me on the drugs. It was his hobby, his problem and he dragged me into it, it started out a line here and a line there on nights out and at parties, but then it just escalated until I couldn't control it anymore. It's why I left home, because I couldn't trust myself anymore. I needed it and I knew that there was only a very slim chance of me walking away from it so rather than forcing them to watch me follow this route; I left home and made sure they never knew what had happened. At least that way they could hope I'd come home. I can't ever go back though; I need it now, more than I did then and I'll need it even more tomorrow. The need for it's consumed me and there's nothing I can do about it. And in some ways there's nothing I want to do about it."

She paused again. Her posture had relaxed again and her gaze had returned to the distance. "I know it must sound odd, the idea that I don't want to get fixed, but it's the price I'm paying for the mistakes I've made and in all honesty, I think it's a little too late to turn back now. I know it's killing me. It's already started and it's not going to stop, but it's my choice. I like the rush, I like the high and I'm not sure I have the strength left in me to go back."

She sighed deeply and finished, "After I left home, I started begging for money, for the coke, but it wasn't enough so I found another option. It's not an ideal career choice, but it pays for drugs… and food sometimes too. I was happy living in my drug induced stupor, moving around every few months and just generally not caring. It changed though, I saw you looking sorry for yourself under that underpass and I saw me. I saw someone lost and lonely, who didn't have a clue what to do or where to go and I just couldn't leave you there. You changed everything, because you gave me a reason to live. You gave me a reason to stay still. You've given me someone to look after and you look after me, which in all honesty is what I need."

She met his eyes a smiled ever so slightly and Shuuhei knew she really did need him.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

As she smiled at him, Rei recognised the tiny smile he sent back to her, before she focused her attentions on the distance again and a cloud shaped like a dinosaur. She smiled at that, the little things that just remind you the world's not always a terrible place.

Shuuhei had been silent ever since she'd finished talking, but she knew he'd say something eventually. However, when he did speak it was unexpectedly early, "There's a lot to tell for this all to make sense so it's gonna take a while."

She looked at Shuuhei and smiled again, "I've got time, Shuu."

"I first met Kensei when I was a kid. He saved my life and ever since then, everything I've ever done is to prove that I've not wasted the life he saved. I had no money, no family, nothing that would make becoming someone easy, but I got lucky. I got offered a position at an academy… so I went there to train. While I was there I found out about Kensei, who he was and what I discovered wasn't exactly what I'd expected. He'd been sent away from the academy, with a few others. Everyone thought they'd betrayed us. What we stood for."

Rei thought about saying how much this sounded a little bit like the gang culture that roamed the streets but decided against it. If Shuuhei had wanted to be specific about it he would have.

"It turned out we were wrong. There was this other guy, Aizen who everyone thought was a good guy, he was the reason they had to leave; he was the one who'd betrayed us all. Aizen attacked us, with some help from two other people, one of whom I never liked and the other…" She furrowed her brow as Shuuhei paused, there was hurt and pain in his voice. Like the betrayal was deeper than just leaving their group and hurting his friends.

"The other was my mentor, Tousen. He'd looked out for me when I left the academy. He taught me everything I know. I thought he was my friend… they attacked us and nearly killed my friend Momo in the process, and a few others as well. It looked like we were well and truly screwed when Kensei and the others came back to help us. We beat Aizen and the others and tried to put everything back to normal, Kensei and Shinji, one of the others that had been sent away came back to us and that's how things started with me and Kensei. He took up the position Tousen had- which had been his originally before he'd been sent away. The reason I'm here now comes from that. I was so hurt by everything, by Tousen betraying me like that, he was my teacher, I owe him everything and yet he just left us. Took everything we thought we knew about him and tore it apart."

Rei could hear the anger in her friend voice flare up as he spoke, "I trusted him, I looked up to him, I listened to him talk about justice and how it should always be served, only for him to turn himself into a monster, who didn't understand justice at all. He was someone who only wanted revenge. In the end he saw only death and hatred and I fought him, trying to bring him back."

Shuuhei sobbed suddenly and Rei rested her hand on his knee gently, "I killed him Rei."

Rei let out and uncontrollable gasp, but didn't say anything.

"I stabbed him. I felt my sword go through his throat, even as his went through my stomach; I just kept pushing it through, wanting it to end. Wanting nothing more than to go back to the way things were. I wanted to leave, run away, but I couldn't I was fixed there. I stabbed the only person I had ever looked up to like an older brother and his blood covered my arms as he died."

Shuuhei had started to cry and Rei didn't know what to do. He'd been struggling to speak towards the end of his story, but he'd managed to keep going, but now, he was sat with his head in his hands sobbing uncontrollably. Looking around her she did the only thing she could think of, which was to hug her friend and hug him tight. She had to let him know she was there, because despite how horrified she was that her friend had killed someone, he also knew, he'd had no choice.

He couldn't have had a choice… could he?

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It was early afternoon when Shinji finished his paperwork and told his Lieutenant that he was going out and wouldn't back in the office until tomorrow. Shinji had a job to do, and that was to look after Kensei. Hisagi had been right in his letter, about everything. Shinji had been shocked upon receiving it and reading it, but the kid also knew that Kensei wouldn't cope to well, with his decision to just up and leave. The Visored had become withdrawn and almost empty immediately after Shuuhei's departure and the time that had passed had only heightened his friend's pain.

Shinji was well aware that Kensei missed his lover and missed him dearly. He was more vulnerable than he'd ever been and Shinji had a duty to perform. Hisagi had asked him to ensure that Kensei didn't fall too far into this depression and to make sure there was something for the stupid kid to come back to, and he would be damned if he'd let his friend turn into a ball of emptiness and pain. Not after everything they'd been through: Captaincy, becoming hollowfied, fleeing Soul Society, training and fighting Aizen.

They'd survived all that shit and made it back home; alive. Kensei had found someone he loved and Shinji, himself, had found himself in a relationship with another Shinigami, not a serious one by any means, but a relationship all the same. They were where they were supposed to be but Shinji knew he had to make sure Kensei didn't just collapse.

While thinking about this, Shinji had quickly shunpo'd to the Ninth Division's barracks and landed almost silently on the veranda outside of Kensei's office. He looked around and knocked gently on the door, hoping his friend would be there.

He wasn't. After a few moments of no reply, Shinji had opened the door to find the office undisturbed. It was evident from the large stack of papers of Kensei's desk; he hadn't entered his office for a few days at least. Upon closer inspection, Shinji also noticed a few fist holes in the dry walls. They were recent as the plaster still covered the floor directly beneath them. He furrowed his brow and, quickly shut the door, hurrying to Kensei and Shuuhei's living quarters.

Shinji felt it, before he was even close. Everything felt close, dark and as if there was no happiness left in the world. Shinji shuddered at the power of the Reiatsu in this area, Kensei was not well. This time he didn't even bother to knock, he just opened the door.

He took in the room in which his friend lay and over Kensei's form. This was not good…

Well...?