A week after Zelena was unmasked
While she's secretly turning her new plan into reality, Zelena can't help loneliness to wash over her again. It's a feeling she grew up with, but she'd managed to put it aside and almost forget about it for the last few weeks. She tries to focus on her task, but eventually, loses the fight against her traitorous mind, the images assaulting her and hitting her hard.
Although she's not a fan of Robin's way of life, she somehow enjoyed their time together. It felt good, being loved and taken care of.
Oh, she's no fool. She didn't fall for the man, she never could have. Love is weakness, the reason she got to her sister this time. However, it was nice not to be hated, not to be seen as a monster but as a person, a woman. And yes, the sex was great! Of course, it wasn't her first time, but she'd never been treasured and cherished the way Robin did. It was a whole new experience, and the pleasure that usually comes with it had only been incredibly more intense.
Sometimes -most the time to be honest, she felt that something was bothering him, as if she wasn't quite the person he truly wanted to make love to. And she knew exactly who he wanted. That knowledge only increased her satisfaction. Robin was a handsome man, but she didn't care for him. Nor for his little brat so eager to call her mama and spend time with her.
She's never been the maternal type, has never been good with children. She only suffered the boy because he was a part of her plan.
Until that day, when things started to change.
Roland had spent his day following her around, everywhere, all the time. At first, she answered his need to be with her. But at some point, after hours of longing for some time alone, she had just lost it. She had found herself yelling at the boy, screaming that he let her be for at least five minutes, or better, a full hour! The cry baby started to sob, his lower lip trembling with the surprise of being scolded so vigorously, drawing the attention of Robin and some Merry Men who asked her why she was acting of the sort.
She had tried to apologize, give a coherent explanation, but Robin had just crouched in front of his son, cradling his small body in his arms, soothing him with sweet words and touch. He had just glared at her, and turned his back on her, ignoring her for the rest of the afternoon.
Later, that night, after Roland had been safely tucked in, Robin walked inside their tent where she stayed hidden the rest of the day, not quite sure how to handle the situation. After all, she's never been married before.
He was mad at her, that much was obvious. He had told her that there was no reason she would yelled at their son like that, that she couldn't reproach him to want to catch up on time they never had the opportunity to share. He had barely let her justify herself, finishing with a "I don't know who you've become, but I don't recognize you anymore. Sometimes I wonder if this" his hand had moved back and forth between them, "was not a mistake." that had her gut twist with fear. She had stepped out of the tent, claiming that she needed some air, and walked through the forest, straight to the storm cellar where she was keeping her sister.
Robin didn't need to pronounce her name. Zelena knew exactly to what and whom he was referring to when he spoke about making a mistake. Regina was still deeply rooted in his mind, and in Roland's too. Zelena had sometimes heard the boy asking his father why she wasn't around anymore. The pain on Robin's face in those moments was clear, and his explanations always vague.
No matter how hard Zelena had tried to be enough, her damn sister's ghost was still hanging upon her head, a constant reminder that Regina had always been blessed with more than what Zelena could ever hope for.
She never planned to be physically violent towards Regina, her only goal was to break her mind and destroy her every hope at a happy ending. But that night, all her jealousy, her frustration, all of those unspoken and hidden feelings Zelena experienced during her life, they screamed at her to make the responsible for her misery pay. And after half an hour of torturing her sister, she admitted that she was feeling much better.
So that was it. Her new outlet. She'd just found the perfect way to calm her bad mood and short temper, and no matter if she witness her sister weakening day after day. She was feeling much better, and if Regina had to pay the ultimate price for that, so be it.
Present
She awoke two weeks ago, yet her magic still hasn't returned fully. Regina is frustrated, wonders what is taking so much time, insists and tries to make it work, but she only managed the simplest spells for now.
Rumple came by one day, and when she asked him he simply replied that her body was probably still healing and the process was taking all her energy, so she didn't have any left to work on getting her magic back. But she needn't worry, it would come back, given time and rest.
So instead, Regina focuses on something else. Her physical recovery.
Two days after she had woken up, Whale gave Regina the clearance to get up. She was waiting for nothing more, couldn't wait to stretch her leg and get out of her bed. They were careful, too careful, she thought. They wanted her to take her time, claiming that she was still weak, but stubborn as she is, she didn't listen.
She nearly fell the first time, one of the nurses caught her just in time. Her legs were shaking, weak and throbbing under her weight. She barely remembered the last time she'd been walking. Hell, she barely remembered the last time she'd been standing! She spent so much time -5 weeks, they told her- sitting or laying down on the ground, and then another week in this damn hospital bed, it felt like a lifetime ago.
She had asked everyone to get out -Snow, Henry, Robin, Emma..., unwilling to let them see her like that, with a nurse on each side of her, holding her arms, guiding every step, congratulating her.
She rolled her eyes, struggling with the situation. She felt like she was back into her castle during her first years as Queen, when she could not even remove her clothes or brush her hair on her own. When there were servants and maids everywhere eager to help her doing the most basic acts of daily life.
But somehow, Regina knew the situation was different. And this time, she had to admit she needed their help. So she had let them. Gritted her teeth, but mouthed no word.
After three days, she was steadier, almost able to make a few steps on her own.
Now, a week later, she's not as solid as she wants to be, but she manages to walk for a small while with Robin or Snow in the hallway, always really early or late, when no one is there, when no one is watching.
Whale claims that she needs mostly to rest, but she's not the easiest patient, and she enjoys that small part of recovered freedom too much to really listen to his advices. Deep down, she knows he's right. Everytime she comes back to her bed after a walk, she's so exhausted she falls asleep almost instantly.
Her friends noticed how difficult it is for her to be confined inside the hospital, and they're still worried about Zelena trying to get to her sister while she's recovering. So they come in turns, making sure Regina is never alone, day and night. Robin and Henry are here every day, but she receives visits from Snow and baby Neal, David, Emma and Hook, Robin's men, even Ruby, after the two women silently decided to bury the hatchet. And despite he knowledge that it won't probably not be enough in front of Zelena, someone is constantly standing guard outside her room.
She even saw Roland yesterday! The boy was so shy that she had stopped herself from jumping off her bed and run to him. She needn't do that though, because his shyness lasted less than a minute, and soon, he was sitting on her lap, talking animatedly with her, asking a million questions, cuddling in her embrace under Robin's loving gaze.
Robin, who's been acting sheepishly, as if he needed to be forgiven for his actions.
He's been this way since she woke up, despite the smiles she was giving him, despite the lack of resentment in her behavior towards him.
It had gotten worse a week after she awoke.
They were alone, door closed, and just talking about their sons, and he wasn't on a chair but sitting on the bed by her side. At some point, slowly, waiting for her approval before moving closer, he leaned down, and kissed her. They had kissed before since she woke up from her coma, but it was always chaste and shy, none of them ready to state where they stood after the last months.
But this time was different. This time, he deepened the kiss, and she brought him closer, winding her arms around his neck, sighing contently against his mouth. She had missed him so much, it felt like heaven. His hand currently stroking her hip gently moved under her blouse, and he began to caress the soft skin of her belly, a gentle touch, a soft brush, soothing the still sensitive flesh with his fingers.
Regina knew it wouldn't lead to actual sex, it was still too soon, and they were not ready, it also wasn't the proper place. But as he kept moving up, up, up, an uncomfortable feeling began to settle inside her, growing stronger with every second and every inch of skin Robin was reaching. Images started to assault her, and she struggled to keep control over them. She tried not to squirm under his touch, instead focused on the goose bumps flaring all over her skin, the butterflies in her belly, on how much she wanted him to do just what he was doing, and even more.
But when he reached the cup of her breast, she stiffened, unable to bear this contradiction of feelings much longer, breaking the kiss and pushing away his hand gently, looking everywhere but at him, guilt, shame and embarrassment washing over her.
She awkwardly muttered that she was still feeling a bit sore, and tired, and maybe now wasn't a good time for that , and despite the pain and heartbreak she read in his blue eyes, he nodded, and never touched her this way again.
Regina felt guilty about hiding the truth from him, but no matter how much she wanted him, she wasn't ready yet. It wasn't until a few days later that the opportunity to have a real conversation about the situation occurred. This time, they did what they had both avoided since the beginning. They talked. They really talked.
She remembers as if it was yesterday.
3 days before
He's on a seat by her bed, wearing a weak and absent smile, his gaze empty, fixed on her hand that he's holding and stroking slightly, barely listening to what Emma is saying. At some point, the blonde woman notices, and excuses herself, claims that she has to check on the hospital security. However, her pointed glance at Robin on her way out was enough to make Regina understand the real reason behind her sudden departure.
"I think we should talk." Regina announces, breaking the silence and catching Robin's attention.
He snaps back from his thoughts, and his face falls, guilt and anxiety washing over it again, but Regina wants none of that. She brings a hand to his cheek, cups his chin to guide his look to hers, and smiles.
"I think you need to talk." she corrects. "What's going on, Robin? And don't tell me nothing!" she warns as he's about to protest. "You've been acting strange since the day I awoke from coma. Talk to me! Please!"
He sighs, squeezes her hand tighter, intertwining their fingers, bringing them to his mouth and kissing every one of her knuckles.
"I'm sorry." he breathes. She doesn't answer, her eyes an invitation to continue. "I failed you, Regina. Twice. Hell, even three times, when you think about it!"
With that he pulls suddenly, her hand falling flat on the mattress when he releases her, frustrated, angry at himself. Regina doesn't understand, so she cocks her head in question, looking at him in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"I let the Dark One take your heart, that day in the forest…" Robin begins but she cuts him by raising her hand.
"I never hold any grudge on you for that. Roland's life was at stake, you did the right thing."
"Maybe I did that day, but since…" He drops his head again, pinches his nose and Regina just waits, gives him the time he needs. "I was choosing her, Regina." he finally admits, looking up at her guiltily.
"On the day you disappeared, I tried to come to you to tell you that I was choosing her. And when I didn't find you, I... I was almost relieved, because I didn't need to confront you about it. But then, Henry came to find me, saying you left town, and he didn't believe it, he thought I was responsible for you hiding out somewhere in Storybrooke. He believed in you, Regina. He believed you didn't abandon him, us, me." he breathes, his voice breaking with every word, with every admission of his cowardice and mistakes. "When all I did was turning back to my life with Mar…" He stops then, finding himself incapable to pronounce her name.
Regina leans forward, grabbing his hands and bringing them to her lap, forcing him to look up at her, forcing him to move closer so she won't have to speak too loud and he won't be able to escape the conversation.
"I knew, Robin, that you would choose her."
He frowns, confused, and she smiles softly, eyes bright with unshed tears. She swallows hard, but keeps going. This has to come out if they want their relationship to ever go somewhere.
"You were in an impossible situation, and it was the right thing to do. I understand. I don't blame you for choosing…" She can't say it either, so she corrects. "For not choosing me."
She doesn't mention why. She doesn't explain that she thought everyone would be a better choice than her. It wouldn't help any of them, and given the recents events, Regina believes that there is someone worse than her.
"But I abandoned you." Robin argues. "I never searched you. Everything you went through…" he shakes his head. "I mean, I don't even know what you endured, but I could have done something. I could have stopped her."
"And facing her on your own would have put you and Roland in danger! Robin…"
It's Regina's turn to sigh, wincing as the pain of staying sit on her own starts to make itself remember. He reaches for her but she shakes her head to stop him.
"I won't lie to you. Even after we defeated her -because we will !" she adds, looking at him with so much determination in her eyes she reminds him of the Queen he met back in the Enchanted Forest. "I'm not sure things will get back to the way they were between us" Hurt flashes in his eyes so she hurries to continue. "At first!"
And now he looks so confused that Regina decides she owes him an explanation, though she didn't plan to tell him and she's very well aware that this might hurt him more than comfort him right now.
She takes a deep breath, stares at their linked hands, and starts.
"While she kept me prisoner, Zelena made sure that I witnessed how everyone was letting me down, how you. Henry, Snow, Emma and everyone else, were living your lives as if I had never existed. In order to do that, she hanged a magical mirror on a wall, and sometimes, it was turning on, showing me happy moments you all spent without me. I know she was carefully choosing the ones to show me. I know because…"
She pauses, watches him tense as he seems to understand where this is going. "She made a point to show me every moment the two of you were spending together. Every moment." She repeats, tugging at the word and his hand.
Robin's eyes widen in horror and he pulls back, breaking physical contact, getting up and turning his back on her, a hand over his face.
Regina doesn't speak, she just leans back against the cushions, fighting her exhaustion as well as giving him time to process the revelation. This is a lot to take in, but voicing it has actually lessened the weigh on her chest. Plus, she needs Robin to understand why the last time he tried to touch her, she couldn't bare it, and once this hell will be over and they will be together, alone, and will want to move forward, she'll need some time.
Robin turns towards her, as if about to speak, then stops, finally looks up at her, then down again and she notices a tear rolling down his cheek. She holds her hand for him, and he stares at it hesitatingly, finally grabs it, lets her guide him to take a place on the bed next to her.
"I'm sorry, Robin. I didn't want you to feel bad about it. I just... I just needed you to…"
"Is this why you…" he interrupts slowly, brow still furrowed and gaze fixed on the mattress. "The other day, when you pushed me away, was it-"
"Yes." she cuts softly, just admitting the truth. "I…"
He doesn't let her time to finish, just pulls her in an embrace, his face buried in her neck. Her free hand lands in his hair, and she tries to soothe his pain as she feels him clutch to her like his life depended on it.
When he finally calms down, she lets him pull back, looking at him softly, nothing but kindness and understanding in her eyes, while his are filled with pain, guilt and unshed tears.
"I'm so sorry, Regina."
"It wasn't your fault."
"But-"
"It wasn't your fault, Robin!" she insists, firmly but gently. "I'm still here, and…" She pauses, makes sure to never break eye-contact when she admits. "I want to be with you." His whole face lights up, relief as well as astonishment washing over it. "That is, if you still want to be with me." she breathes shyly, looking away.
He catches her chin and tilts it up. "Of course I do! There's nothing I want more than being with you, Regina!" he assures.
She smiles sheepishly, unable to suppress some of the joy and relief his admission triggered in her. But then she clears her throat, her voice still low as her tone grows more serious.
"I just wanted you to know that, for some time, I'm not sure I will be able to be…" she struggles with the word, then finally lets out. " intimate with you."
He acknowledges and accepts her admission with a silent nod.
"I tried," Regina continues, "and I really wanted to but... I think I need to get rid of those images first." she snorts, looking away again, missing his winces.
"Can we just…" Robin stops, wait until her eyes meet his again. "not talk about it, anymore? If that's okay with you of course."
"Believe me, it's more than okay." she replies with a bitter chuckle.
"Good. I think I'll need time to forget too." he admits.
Realization dawns upon her, and Regina brings a hand to cup his cheek.
"I'm sorry." He raises an eyebrow in question, so Regina explains. "Sometimes, I forget that she hurt you too."
He looks at her with nothing but love in his eyes, before leaning forward, pressing a sweet and slow kiss to her lips, lingering without asking for more, a hand settling behind her head to bring her closer while she tugs at his shirt, answering his kiss with a low moan. He pulls back just enough to press his forehead to hers, and confesses, "I missed you."
She smiles. A bright smile that reaches her eyes.
"I missed you too."
They kiss again, then fall silent. Robin lies beside her in her bed, and she snuggles in his arms. He holds her for a while, rubbing her back as she lets the strong beat of his heart lull her to sleep.
No matter what Zelena did to break them, they're still here. They're still fighting. It will take time, but they will find their way back to each other. In some twisted way, what her sister did brought them closer, raised their relationship to another level, made them understand what they were not aware of, and aren't ready to voice just yet.
It takes Regina a few minutes to let go, but safely tucked in Robin's embrace, despite the nerve wracking conversation they just had, she drifts into sleep quite easily.
Back to present
As she remembers this, a few days later, Regina gives a warm smile to the man currently talking with Killian, before turning her attention to Henry, her son telling them how Neal's cries in the middle of the night prevent everyone from sleeping more than two hours in a row.
Here's the big OQ talk... I hope you liked what I did with it. I couldn't let myself separate them over what happened with Zelena and Robin's bad choices, but I didn't want Regina to completely go unmarked by it. So she will need time, but now they're really back together.
As for Zelena... I wanted to show how she felt those weeks with Robin and Roland. They never talked about it in the show, maybe they will in S5, but even if I'm sure Robin was just a mean to an end for her, I'm also pretty certain she enjoyed a small part of being with him (like sex, yeah I know, it's awful but that's the truth, who wouldn't ? I mean, it's RH, he's hot !). And I also wanted to explain why suddenly she became violent toward her sister, because for me, it was a radical change in this story.
Coming next : Zelena's plan is about to be revealed. She's almost done, and you will get a glimpse of it but it will mostly be developped in the next two chapters.
And Regina will have another talk with another main character... Snow. What comes out of it might surprise our dear Queen...
EvilRegalPanda : Thanks for sticking with me, and until the end ;-) Mwah ! Hope I won't disappoint you.
Clau23 : Here's your amor ;-) No shining armor, but a loving heart. Thank you for your long review. I loved writing the Henry-Regina's talk in the previous chapter. It's sad it always takes desperate situations for Henry to realize how much he loves Regina, but I'm glad he did. And the title of this story is actually coming from what he says to her through the mansion's front door in 402. This fic is mostly about them, though yeah, OQ is a large part of it too. And I made Zelena an awful person (BUT I would never make her pregnant with Robin's child, I'm not that sadistic nor masochist), but I'd never expected someone to be afraid of her. Maybe I did a better job than I thought XD
Your secret love (or my secret love, right darling ;-) ) : Thanks for reviewing this chapter on line and on twitter this time 3 You know I'm trying to keep the strong Regina we know. I'm not fan of the whining people crying over their fate, and she's never been that person, so she won't start now, at least not with me. I hope I did her justice in her talk with Robin, I know you've been looking forward to it.
Guest : Okay uh XD... If this was your reaction to the previous chapter, that was a slow and nice one for me, I can't wait to see how you will react to the next chapters. Because I have a few cliffhangers coming...
So again, thanks for the reviews, fav and follows. There won't be any update this week-end, I'm attending a wedding and won't have the time neither the internet connection to post. But I think monday should be possible ;-)