Last time on Boy Meets World:

The gang ended up meeting a strange part of Jimmy's past. Pete, Chloe and Kara decided to leave for the chapter, only to be thrown back in. While Clark, Lois, Lana and Jimmy take their chances with the holiday house from hell. Some how they all miss vital clues that one of them will be taken over by the soul of Emily Rose.

It turned out to be Lois…

Of course.

And now it seems like Clark is dead.

…While Jimmy and Lana run for their lives.

Jesus, looking back on this, I'm a terrible person for doing this to such treasured characters. Some, I may add, are over 70 years old.

But then again, Al & Miles have done worst…

Lois and Clark look good considering, hey?

Chapter 9.2: Wack-a-Evil!Lois

Her sobs from her tired body came out in tiny explosions. Her legs pumped faster then they had ever before. She was running from something, what, she didn't know. Wait, no she did know but she pretended she didn't. It worked every other time.

Not so good intentioned sounds had come from the room next to hers. And she, originating from Smallville, went into survival mode AKA secret squirrel round up. She had done what her metamorphosis' name implied.

Lana Lang scurried for the hills.

(But really she just went to the staircase down the hall.)

Her petite form slid around the corner sharply. The woman may be dense, she may be blind, she may cling to any life form that moves in her vicinity; but deaf the woman was not. Lana had heard Clark trying to get through to Lois and to her better judgement. But by the sounds that followed his speaking, he had fallen down the spiral staircase.

'Or he was pushed' Lana after thought.

So now running from a crazed Evil!Lois, who could be anywhere in the house, Lana whimpered. So far this trip sucked. Major ass.

She had lost count how many times her face had been deformed in some way. She had lost count how many times she had been embarrassed and humiliated. And now her ex was apparently dead. Killed by his other, other (possessed) best friend.

With her thoughts becoming more muddled, her eyes closed. It had been a new and often used reflex of hers. Close your eyes and the world will be sparkling with bright suns and charming bunnies. Oh, and diamonds really were a girl's best friend.

Unfortunately in the real world it meant you had no idea were you were going, because heck, your eyes were closed. Lana's feet tripped over the bunched up rug in the middle of the hall. Her body curled ungracefully in the air like some uncivilized Gymnast, she landed with a thud into a cold room she had not found before.

Lana sighed as her face was squished into the cool cement beneath her. The face was scrapped, she could feel it rubbing raw. Lana's jaw clenched and her eyes closed once more.

Inhale…Exhale….Inhale…

"AAAHHHHH, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Lana screamed "My FACE! Again with the face! And it's BLEEDING damn it!"

BANG!

She jumped and twisted herself to look at the door she had fallen through. Open no longer it was. Quickly she picked herself up and tried to turn the doorknob.

Nothing.

She jiggled it again.

Nothing.

She scrapped her nails at the steel.

Nothing.

She banged on the door with all her secret squirrel might.

Nothing.

A cruel voice came seeping in from the other side. "Have fun in the cellar Princess, AAHHHAAA!!! Say hi to Jimmy's Aunt for me." And just like that Evil!Lois was gone.

And Lana was left in the locked cellar. The cellar in which Jimmy's Aunt Fran took her victims before she killed them with a butcher knife. Lana slid down the steel door pathetically.

"Well…Shit." Biting her lip, she inhaled again. "JIMMY!"

"Guys did you hear that?" Pete asked. "God damn it! See I said they were going to get murdered, but nooo, don't listen to the guy who left Smallville… Man I said, nay I stated, that I would not be in the scary chapter. Look where I am: The scary chapter!"

Chloe pursed her lips. "Ah, chill Pete. You only did that in the deleted scene, so it doesn't count. Go fish."

Kara picked up a card, before shuffling it in with her others. "Who do you think went crazy this time?"

Chloe shrugged, not caring. "Meh got me. Got a 6?"

"Damn." Kara passed her the card. "I think it's my cousin. Really, it was only a matter of time before the boy snapped. Do you have a king?"

"Here. No way, it's got to be Lois. My cuz has been begging to do the crazy dance since the good old high school days of 2004. Please have a 7."

"Sorry, Go fish." Kara smirked.

Chloe gave her a look "Ha, You are not."

Kara smiled cheekily. "You're right I'm not. Hey Sullivan, remember the time when they both went crazy?"

Chloe put her cards down. "Hey yeah, that was when they were making that thing right? When you just moved into the farm."

"Yep."

Pete bent down. "Wait, what?"

-

(Flashback)

"OKAY! NO ONE MOVES!!!"

Lois and Clark burst into the 24/7 store like a charged up supernova. Both of their left eyes were twitching and blinking at the sight of the inside of the store. They sprinted over to the counter, Clark pushing over a girl and her friends in the process.

Lois slammed her palms down hard onto the counter. "Where's your fruit and veg section?" She snapped in sickly sweet voice to the pimply guy currently serving them, not that he had a choice serving them of course.

"Um…O-over…"

"Where is it junior? I don't have all day."

He nodded to the left of the store "There."

"Where?"

"There!"

"Where?!"

"There!!!"

Lois whipped her head around in circles. "Where?!!!"

"Th-"

Clark suddenly lifted the teen up by his shirt. "DO YOU HAVE RHUBARB!!?!!"

"Oh God! Don't kill me."

"Answer…"

"It's in the back corner, BACK CORNER!!!!"

Knowing the kid had just wet himself, but not really in a caring mood, Clark plopped him as gently as he could to the ground and ran behind Lois to the back corner of the store.

Lois not noticing the stares she was getting, jumped into the selection of fresh vegetables and fruit. As she scurried in the leaves of the lettuce and juices of the squished mangos Clark's body was bouncy and twitching like mad. "Lois hurry up!"

"I AM Smallville!"

"Hurry faster!"

"Don't you yell at me!"

"I'm not yelling!!!"

"Yes you ARE!!!!"

"No you're YELLING AT ME!!"

"I'll show YOU who's…SUCCESS! Smallville pull me out, quick!"

With both strong hands on her hips Clark easily pulled her out of the Cabbage patch. In her own hands, was a deep red-ish looking Rhubarb fit for a king. "Go, go, go!" Lois ordered.

Carrying her over his shoulder in caveman style, the Kryptonian ran them over to the counter.

"How much?" Lois asked breathlessly.

The young man looked ready to faint. "We'd h-have to…Um…weigh it…" He gulped.

"What…?" Lois asked coolly.

"Um…"

Clark turned quickly; swing Lois around, to look at the boy himself. "HERE!" He slapped a note onto the hard wood and ran to the exit as fast as he could without hurting Lois or revealing his secret.

Back in the store the young man looked at the note. "But sir, they're on sale… they're only like, cheap…You gave me a $100 bill…"

(End Flashback)

Pete whistled in awe as he had never heard that story before. "What were they making, a nuclear bomb made of the stuff?"

Chloe and Kara looked at each other, then at Pete. "No." They said together.

"They were making Apricot and Apple Pie."

Jimmy glanced around the corner of the kitchen. He needed a weapon, like a baseball bat or a golf club or a…

"Spatula!" He picked it up and looked at it thoughtfully. He then shook his head with a frown. "Nah" He tossed it over his shoulder and continued looking through the many utensils in the kitchen.

"JIMMY"

He twisted his head. "Hello?" He whispered.

"JIMMY I'M LOCKED IN THE CELLAR"

Jimmy looked spooked. "Aunt Fran…?"

"JIMMY GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!"

His eyes hardened. "That is not Aunty Fran." He sighed and began pacing. "What do I do? Someone could be dieing in there. But then again it could be a trap. But then again someone could be dieing in there." He sighed again. "What would Jesus do?"

Stopping and nodding, he picked up the nearest thing in his line of vision and ran out quietly towards the cellar.

Stepping carefully Jimmy made sure to not make the floor boards creak under his weight. He already knew Lois was gone. She had chosen room 666 after all. Thinking about it now, he really should've told her about that picky number. Slowing his pace as he came closer to the cellar door, he gripped the object in his hands harder. Either Aunt Fran's soul was in there, Evil!Lois was in there or some random.

Jimmy was kinda hoping for the random.

Slowly he reached out to the door knob with a shaky hand. He gulped once, twice and placed his hand onto the cool metal. Tears started to go down his cheeks. "Who am I kidding? Jesus would've run out to the van."

Turing the knob carefully, he flung opened the door…

"AHHH!"

"AHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!"

"AHH- Wait, Jimmy what are you screaming at?" Lana asked cautiously.

Breathing hard, he wiped his tears away. "Wait, what were YOU screaming at?" he shot back.

Lana rolled her eyes. "Jimmy, I though you were Lois. You were holding a damn knife towards my throat!" She pointed to the object Jimmy had picked up from the kitchen.

He looked at it and then back at her, then back to the knife. Dropping his arm he smiled sheepishly. "My bad. But I thought you were Lois as well. I had to be careful."

Lana walked pass him to get into the hallway. "Oh, that's what you were screaming at." She started to slowly walk away from the cellar.

Jimmy followed her carefully. "No." He whispered. "I was screaming 'Cos you look like Freddy Kruger with your face scrapped like that."

Lana glared at him. "Gee thanks Jimmy."

"No Prob- Lana what's that?" Jimmy nodded over to something on the floor a bit away from them.

Lana squinted at the dark figure. "I don't know. Listen, you keep a look out, I'll go check it out."

Jimmy nodded. "But I keep the knife."

Lana nodded back. "It's ok, I know some sort of kung fu. Just don't ask me to name it."

Creeping over to the silent figure on the floor Lana gasped, once she had rolled it over. "Oh my God." She locked gazes with Jimmy. "It's Clark, I think he's dead."

Inhale…Exhale…

Inhale…Exhale…

Inhale…

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Come on, as if you did not hear that one!" Pete begged the other two.

Sighing Kara got up. "He's right; I can't concentrate with all that going on in the background anyway."

Chloe did likewise. "I guess this is the bit in the chapter where we three defeat the Evil!Cousin."

Walking around to the boot of the van Chloe started to pull out different parts of strange look equipment.

Pete gave her a double look. "Hey, how'd you open the van?" he asked incredulously.

Chloe gave a single 'Ha'. "Pete, the boot doesn't have a lock, and yes you could've climbed through it to get into the back seat to snuggle with Schnitzel."

Pete looked at her blankly. "You mean I…This whole time…I…It…"

Kara walked from behind him and placed a soft hand onto his shoulder. "It's ok." She said softly. "You didn't know."

Chloe stepped towards them. Strapped around her was what looked to be an exact replica of the Ghostbuster's guns. Next to her were two more for Kara and Pete. "Who's ready to kick Jason Voorhees's butt!"

Pete, who's disappointment vanished upon seeing the guns, squealed. "Oh, I do!"

Kara pulled the vacuum-like machine onto her back. "Hey, these things are light. Who knew?"

Pete turned to Chloe. "Not that I don't think these are super-duper-OMG-awesome or anything, but why do you have these?"

"Because Pete, if there's one thing I've learnt from living in Smallville it's this: Always be prepared!"

Kara stood to one side of Chloe. "Yeah, CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"

Pete also took his rightful place on Chloe's other side, completing their holy trinity. Abruptly the sound of bored men talking about a local dispute with their council broke the moment. Pete smiled over at his 'team mates'. "Hey, it has a radio!" His smile turned into a frown instantly. "And its AM Talk Back Radio…NOOOOO!!!!!!"

With a crooked smile and a gleam in her eyes, Evil!Lois watched the three tinker with their weapons. 'Oh this is going to be delicious' She thought. She flew up into the air and cackled loudly "So!" She screamed at them "You think you can defeat me? With cleaning equipment no less, FOOLS!"

The 'Holy' Trinity stood unfaltering in front of their enemy. Pete bit his lip and leaned over to Chloe. "Say can Lois do that normally?"

Chloe rolled her eyes. "No Pete, she can't fly normally" She said dryly.

"Cos' that's so kick ass." Pete approved.

Kara slapped him in the arm. "Hey I can do that any day of the week!"

Pete shrugged. "Yeah, but it's just not the same. You're not human."

Kara pursed her lips. "Jerk." She muttered.

"Um guys can we get back to, you know, getting the evil soul out of my cousin? Yeah thanks." Chloe said over her shoulder.

By the time the three of them had look back at their enemy, Evil!Lois had crossed her arms over her chest and started counting the stars that could be seen through the dark clouds. "Um, we're finished now…" Chloe called up.

Evil!Lois looked down. "Huh? Not! You don't have your trusty vacuums on idiots! AHHHAAAA!" Suddenly she flew up higher, did a U-turn and became a possessed human missile.

"Sullivan, how DO you turn them on?" Kara hissed in panic.

"I, uh, I don't know." Chloe whispered back.

"WHAT?!"

Pete licked his lips as he pressed random buttons. "Hey I got something!"

The girls looked hopefully at Pete as Evil!Lois was a foot away from them.

"And we would like to hear your opinions on the state of the west river. Should the council do anything about it and waste the tax payer's dollars or should…"

"AAAAHHHHHHAAAAAA!!! NOOOOO!! AM RADIO!!!" Evil!Lois shrieked in pain. She dropped to the ground and withered in the dirt.

"Pete you did it!" Chloe hugged him, while Kara gave him a hi-five. "Turn it up louder!"

"NOOOO!!!!" Lois began to glow and shake violently. The light got to a point where she became too bright even for Kara's eyes and the three had to shield themselves from the harshness.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Lois' scream shook the trees around them making the crows nesting to fly off.

BOOM!!

The force of Emily Rose rejecting Lois' body made the others soar into the air and land at the foot of the van. Hard.

And then all was quiet.

"Are you guys okay?" Chloe asked gingerly.

"Yeah." Kara muttered sitting up slowly

"I believe so, when I can get up without wincing" Pete said.

Chloe smiled. "I think your fine Pete." She looked over to her cousin's un-moving form. "Lois!" She ran shakily over to her. "Cuz' you alright?"

"C-Chlo?"

"Yeah?" Chloe slowly pull Lois up.

"Did you get the number plate of that truck?" Lois asked as she rubbed her neck.

Chloe laughed loudly and hugged her cousin tightly. "Sorry. I was too busy trying to stop a possessed cousin of mine from dive bombing us."

"What a bitch, huh?" Lois smirked.

"Do you remember much?" Kara asked as she and Pete walked over to the hugging cousins.

"Only a little. Did I really fly?"

Pete punched the air. "Oh hell yes!"

Lois smiled thoughtfully, then; "Kick ass."

"GUYS!" Lana and Jimmy come over to the four with Clark wrapped around their shoulders.

"Oh God, Smallville? What have I done?" Lois asked as she helped them with their burden. "We need to get him to a hospital."

"No." Kara said, taking Clark off of Jimmy's shoulder. "We need the sun."

Lois looked at her. "Did I hit you hard on the head too? Why would he need a sun and not a hospital?"

Chloe, Kara, Pete and Lana looked at one another and burst out with answers at the same time.

"Photosynthesis"

"The heat rays will help."

"Just 'Cos Lois"

"It's pretty?"

They stopped and looked at each other again.

"Trust me Lois'"

"Suns are nice this time of year. It'd be good for my cousin."

"Lois, my best friend is like a flower…"

"Heat + Wounds Happy."

Jimmy and Lois dryly looked at the four making excuses. Jimmy leaned over to whisper to Lois. "You must've done a real number on those guys."

"Whatever, we're taking him SOMEWHERE! Or he's gonna die people!!"

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Ka-BANG.

"Lois I say it once, I say it again: This van sucks. Oh, and Jimmy stop beeping the horn!"

The trusty mustard coloured van with no heating finally drove out from under the deep black and gray clouds. The sun pored into the windows of the vehicle. Jimmy was once again driving cheerfully to the music inside his head. Chloe, who was next to him, made a giant 'X' onto the map.

"Never going there again. Ever." She mumbled.

In the middle seats Lana was talking to Pete and Kara. It seemed that Kara gave Lana some credit for helping her 'little' cousin back at the mansion.

Lois leaned over from the back. "Does this mean you actually like Lana now?" She asked Kara quietly, smirking.

Kara smirked as well. "Oh, hell no!" And turned back to listen to Pete.

Lois smiled and eased herself back into her seat. She looked over at the person next to her. Clark was busy munching down on a burger the size of both his hands. He boyishly grinned at her before taking another bite.

She shook her head good naturedly, before something occurred to her. "Hey Smallville?"

Clark gulped down his food. "Yeah, Lois?"

"Didn't I kinda kill you? Or at least injure you critically?"

Clark shook his head. "Oh no, see I haven't been technically in the story since the bathroom scene with you and Lana last chapter." He took another bite.

The group turned to look at him. Jimmy glanced at him via rear view mirror. "What?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah." Clark answered with half his mouth full. "The person who did the whole sausage roll down the spiral staircase was Dave, my stunt double." He licked his fingers, finishing his burger. "Poor guy. See I went out to get some Pizza for us all and by the time I'd ordered I realised I wouldn't have made it back in time. So I called Dave to do it for me. Hmm, man he got to do the roll and everything!"

"But the guy died!" Pete told Clark.

"No" Clark smiled. "He's alright…" But it dimmed "At least I think he is."

Lois laughed at him before slapping him playfully in the arm. "You are such a dork. You skipped out on us for Pizza!"

Clark smiled sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Hey guys." Chloe called "Who wants to go to the Mall of America OR a little R&R at a place with a brothel next?"

The group then collectively went: "Um…"

A/N: Well Yikes! There's another chapter. Sorry about the whole not getting it here on time, my bad. Anyway as a sort of 'Sorry gift' to you all, you get to choose where they go next. The Mall of America OR a little town with a brothel (You all know something's gonna go down there)

Until then cheers guys!