A/N ~ ...um...I can explain.

This anon has been requesting this particular scenario on several different blogs on tumblr, and I said I'd write the thing for them because, why not, it's funny, and it was XD There's no excuse I have for this pure crackiness of a fic, but I have no regrets XD

I OWN NOTHING!

Enjoy!

Who Let the Chopper's Out?

"Sanji, can I have one of those sweet apples please?"

The cook couldn't hold back the smile that crossed his face at the beloved voice of their little doctor, their youngest crew mate, and he turned from washing the dishes to the reindeer in question. "Knock yourself out, buddy," he said, and the way the kid's face lit up like a sky full of fireworks warmed Sanji's heart as he plucked an apple from the fruit bowl and handed it to Chopper.

"Thanks, Sanji!" Chopper giggled, already crunching on the apple as he trotted out of the kitchen, his satisfied munching fading as he shut the door behind him. Sanji smiled in that direction for a time before returning to the kitchen, plunging his hands into the soapy waters to finish of the last few dishes left from breakfast.

As much as he griped and bitched about the amount of noise and mess the idiot trio were prone to make on a daily basis, not even Sanji was immune to the childlike innocence and kindness of their reindeer doctor (and all of them were infinitely blessed to know that hadn't changed much even after two years apart), and more often than not he would treat the kid almost as good as he treated the lovely ladies of the crew – almost. He wasn't sure if it was the big brown eyes that did or the fact that he was just that much younger than the rest of them that he couldn't help it. Chopper was a lot like Luffy in that regard…

"Hiya, Sanji!"

Sanji blinked, perplexed, and turned to look down as Chopper entered the kitchen again. The little guy was beaming up at him with all the warmth in the world, hooves behind his back, the picture of innocence. Oddly enough there was no trace of the apple he'd taken, and those were the sweet apples; Chopper loved sweet things, liked taking his time with them, and to see it gone so quickly was a little odd.

Hm. Oh well, Chopper was probably peckish, needed to peel his sweet tooth a little before lunch. Sanji didn't mind, as long as he didn't make himself sick in doing so.

"Hey, Chopper. You're back quick," Sanji said, drying his hands on the towel he'd placed on the counter beside his growing pile of clean dishes. "You need something else, bud?"

Chopper tilted his head, fuzzy brow raised. "'Something else'?" he repeated. "I haven't been in here since breakfast."

Sanji's brows furrowed. "…you were literally just here, like, three seconds ago."

Chopper blinked. "I was? Oh, that's strange. I don't remember coming in here..." he trailed off, eyes darting to the side in thought.

Sanji frowned, just as confused as his little friend but for, apparently, vastly different reasons. "Well, you were. You feeling okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah I'm fine!" Chopper replied, back to his chipper self in an instant as he rocked back and forth on his hooves. "It's nothing, probably just one of those things where you walk into a room and forget what you were gonna do, right?"

Still a little mystified but glad nothing was wrong, serious or no, Sanji chuckled and smiled. "Yeah, I hear you. You want another apple then? You finished the last one pretty quickly."

At that, Chopper's eyes lit up like one of Franky's radical beams. "Oh yesyesyesyes, please!" he squeaked, and Sanji couldn't fight the grin as he handed the furry bouncing ball of joy another apple. The reindeer munched on it happily, trotting back out the door with a wave and a "Thanks Sanji!" before disappearing from the galley again. Sanji watched him go and shook his head fondly.

Chopper was a weird one – hell all of them were weird, like captain like crew after all – but Sanji knew they would never get enough of him.

He'd just turned back to the counter to put away the dishes when the doors of the galley burst open, cracking against the wall and making Sanji nearly jump and drop a whole stack of plates – thank god for his incredible reflexes. He opened his mouth to shout at the rude intrusion but stopped short when he looked down to find –

Chopper was back. Again.

This time however, the teen was panting fiercely, eyes wide and electrified with anxiety as his arms flapped wildly at his sides. "Sanji, Sanji I gotta ask you something, something really important!"

Sanji blinked again, slowly setting the plates down safely. Now he was worried. "What is it, Chopper? You finally remember what you came for? You've been in and out of here, like, twice already."

Chopper froze mid flap and he blanched, his mouth falling open. "I –I was…here…already?" he stammered, a hoof slowly rising to hover over his mouth in what looked like growing horror. "Was – Was I really here a few seconds ago?"

Completely and hopelessly confused beyond hope, Sanji looked Chopper straight in the eye, and nodded very slowly. "Yes. Yes you were. Twice."

A high-pitched squeak escaped the reindeer, and his eyes enlarged to an almost humorous degree. "Oooohh nooooo," he wailed quietly, and to Sanji's horror his eyes started pooling with tears. "What have I doooone ~?"

"Chopper," Sanji knelt down in front of Chopper, hands gently grasping the kid's shoulders. "What's wrong? What did you do?"

Chopper sniffed, and he well and truly looked like he was about to start sobbing and Sanji wasn't entirely confident he could deal with a sobbing Chopper right now. "I…I-I…I was w-working on m-my r-rumble balls a-again, a-a-and there w-was an explosion and I…and I –"

"SANJI GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Both the doctor and the chef jumped in fright at Usopp's frantic call from the galley's doorway. Said sniper was out of breath, sweating, his hat askew and his thick, black mane of hair free from its band, fingers gripping the doorway enough to almost splinter the wood. "W-we've – we've got a situation here!" he cried. "It's – it's crazy, it's impossible and I barely escaped with my life –"

"I'm kind of in the middle of a situation right here, Usopp!" Sanji barked with a nod down to Chopper, still sniffling under Sanji's hands. "Unless it's a raid or something what could you possibly need me for –?"

"There's an army of Choppers outside!"

Sanji stared at Usopp. Usopp, still panting a little and pale as a dead man, stared back.

Sanji's eyes drifted down to the Chopper he held, lingered for a moment, and then returned to Usopp.

"You're kidding."

Usopp shook his head, swallowing thickly. "I'm really not. There is a freaking Chopper Army out on the deck right now and Sanji I physically cannot deal with this –"

Scooping up a tearful Chopper – one, apparently, out of many – Sanji bolted to the door, nearly knocking Usopp over in the process, and the cook charged to the deck praying to every god out there that Usopp was pulling his leg…

Only to skid to and unsteady stop seconds later, his visible eye popping from its socket and his jaw slack as a flat tire. He stared. And stared. And stared.

"What. The. Hell."

Sanji couldn't believe what he was seeing, didn't want to believe it and yet there it was, clear as daylight and sure as the sky was blue and the ocean was wet.

There were at least twenty-nine Choppers milling about the deck. Twenty-nine Choppers, not including the one Sanji had tucked in his arms against his chest blubbering about 'explosions' and 'chemicals gone screwy' and 'I'm so sorry I messed up', which meant in total, there were Thirty Choppers on board the Thousand Sunny.

Luffy had gathered a good few of them together, ten at least, and was crying with laughter as they pounced and bounced and attacked him with hugs and affectionate nuzzles; the captain was writhing on the grass with mirth, so unbelievably happy under the masses of Chopper clones that the sight was almost cute if not for the fact that there was more than one Chopper.

Franky was surrounded by at least three of them, climbing all over his armored self and crowing with excitement over the 'super' robot guy; said guy was grinning madly, striking his signature pose.

Nami was surrounded by five Choppers nearby the figure head, all of them bouncing and pleading with Nami to give them some of her tangerines or show them some tricks with her Clima-Tact, and the poor young woman was clueless as to what the hell she was supposed to do, looked downright disturbed, and she looked every which way to find someone to back her up.

With their combined efforts, Brook and Robin managed to put six of them to sleep – Brook was playing a soothing version of Bink's Brew on his violin, and Robin sang along, using her angelic voice to put the reindeer clones under within seconds; she held two of them on her lap, the others piled around her feet like kittens, and the raven-haired archaeologist didn't seem all that fazed by the whole ordeal.

And then there was the moss-head, sleeping under the shade of the tree, surrounded by the last few Chopper clones; one of them dozed peacefully on Zoro's lap, another on his head, leaving the others to either doodle on his face with Usopp's painting set or read a book beside him. Sanji noticed two of them were eating apples.

Sanji stared at the scene laid out before him, various Chopper sounds – be it laughter or excited shrieks or snoring or otherwise – reaching his ears, and the only thing he could say, the only words he could physically conceive to describe the sheer insanity that had happened upon their ship in the middle of nowhere on the seas of the New World was –

"I'm gonna need more sweet apples."

A/N ~ Like I said, pure crack! XD XD XD XD I hope you enjoyed that, and more are on the way :)

...and the next one may or may not include a certain blond brother of Luffy's *ahem*Saboisamazing*ahem*