Chapter Ten – What now
"Do me a favour, would ya, and get out of my sight until you're ready to take this seriously!" Saibara roared at his grandson over an hour before they were supposed to stop for the day. "You're a damn mess! Get your shit together before you come back here tomorrow!"
"I got a lot on my mind, alright old man?!" Gray bellowed back, frustrated at his grandfather's lack of understanding.
"Old man?!" Saibara growled back, his face turning the colour of the fire they used to smelt metal. Gray suddenly regretted his comments. "GET OUT! NOW!" The elder howled as Gray ran from the shop, a brick of copper following after him and just barely missing his head.
Once Gray felt he was far enough away, he sighed and roughly racked his hands over his face and hair in frustration. He couldn't help but feel as if he couldn't do anything right. He felt like a terrible blacksmith now on top of everything else that was happening with Claire.
"Claire…" His thoughts drifted back to last night when she looked so small and fragile in the aftermath of the news. Gray looked towards the road that lead to the farm and began to walk, his body feeling heavier with each step. What was he going to say? Step. What were they going to do? Step. What would Claire want? What would everyone else think? Step. What would Mary Think?
After much inner turmoil Gray found himself once again on Claire's doorstep. Wasting no more time Gray knocked softly on the door then entered. He was surprised to find Claire sitting on her bed eating tomato slices in his band tee, her long blond hair twisted into some kind of messy bun.
The farmer blushed slightly at being caught off guard. "You know, you could at least wait for a reply when you knock…" Claire grumbled as Gray sighed softly and sat down next to her bed. "What if I had been naked?"
The blacksmith flushed a little and tried to shake the image from his head. "So what's up with the tomatoes? Forget the rest of your salad or something?" Gray asked trying to change the conversation topic as he fiddled with his hat.
Claire picked up a thin slice and popped it into her mouth. "It's all your kid likes alright?" She looked down at her stomach, unimpressed. "It's the only thing I have been able to stomach all day…"
Now Gray felt worse, which he didn't really think was possible until now. He reached over and gently rubbed Claire's back. "Sorry to hear that..." He spoke softly. Claire found her heart speed at Gray's touch and blushed a little more.
"You don't have to be sorry… " Claire placed the plate on her night stand then pulled her knees to her chest. She didn't know what else to say to him and even though she hadn't done any of her own farm work she felt beyond exhausted. Oh, how she wished she could go to bed and wake up to it all being just a dream.
Gray shifted uncomfortably on the bed, feeling much the same way even though neither had communicated it. Gray felt something crinkle beneath him and reached beneath the cover to pull out a ripped blue wrapper that Gray recognized right away. He felt his chest tighten as if he were swimming in cold water before Claire, clearly embarrassed, grabbed the wrapper and tossed it in the waste basket.
The nervousness in Claire's stomach turned to nausea and she wanted just crawl under the covers and never come out. In the moment sleeping with Rick seemed so right, but now Claire just felt sick about everything. Why was she such as mess?
"Are you going to try and tell him it's his?" Gray asked after what felt like an eternity of unbearably heavy silence. Gray felt sickened at the thought. That was the last thing he wanted: Rick raising his kid.
Claire felt tears burn her eyes and acid burn her throat when Gray spoke. "No Gray. Goddess! What do you take me for?" Claire's heart felt heavy that Gray could think so little of her. "The thought didn't even cross my mind. It just happened..."
Gray dragged a hand through his hair, knocking off his hat in the process, frustrated again. Of course Claire hadn't thought of that. She and Rick were dating after all; he shouldn't have been so surprised they had sex. It was what couples did. "I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I did…Sorry." Gray apologized as Claire looked away and tried to nonchalantly wipe her eyes.
The two sat in silence for a little while longer, Gray rubbing his forehead and internally scolding himself for being an idiot, while Claire tried to calm herself and her stomach. Apparently the baby hated being upset almost as much as it hated food…
"Claire…" Gray spoke finally. "What are we going to do?" He was afraid to look at Claire so he stared at his rough hands, still a little dirty from his day at work. He felt like a little boy again, one who knew he was in trouble.
Gray took a deep breath and forced himself to look at Claire since she hadn't answered. She was still sitting with her knees to her chest, her blue eyes looking straight ahead, not daring to meet Gray's. She was busy thinking, running scenario after scenario through her mind.
"well…" Gray sighed, a little frustrated at Claire's lack of response. "Do you at least have any idea if you want to keep it or-"
"yes." The reply was swift and firm. The farmer was now looking at the blacksmith, her face looking rather surprised by she own curt response. Claire had realized in those few quick seconds that none of the scenarios she had imagined involved getting rid of the fetus. "They're part of me… I can feel them and… I think I love them already."
Gray couldn't help smile a little when he noticed that Claire was embarrassed about her reasoning. He hesitantly placed his hand on her stomach and was surprised to notice that it wasn't quite as flat as it had been when he saw it at the start of summer. "Has it started moving or anything yet?" He asked, gently rubbing her stomach.
The farmer shook her head. "Not yet. One of the pamphlets Ellie gave me said that happens in the second semester." Claire placed her hand on top of Gray's. "You don't mind right? That I want to keep them?"
Shocked, Grey shook his head. "I would have gone along with whatever you wanted." He said honestly.
Claire climbed onto Gray's lap and nuzzled her head into his shoulder. "Thank you." She whispered.
This decision only led to more decisions. What were they going to tell people? Claire didn't want Gray to be dragged down into the dirt along with her. She knew that her fall from grace in the eyes' of Mineral Town was inevitable, but Claire didn't want to take anyone else down with her if she didn't have to. "Gray…" She spoke quietly. "I could tell everyone that the baby is my ex's if you wanted. I went to visit my parents in the city in the spring and I could say it happened then."
Claire pulled herself back and looked into Gray's blue eyes and was surprised to see he looked hurt. "I really don't want that…" He said in a hushed voice.
Gently, Claire placed a hand on the side of Gray's face. "I didn't mean to upset you, but the town is going to turn against us when this gets out Gray." Claire's voice was very matter of fact. "We aren't together in any way, we're seeing other people. Mineral Town has old fashion values and this is not going to end well! You have to know that…"
By the end of her speech Claire was crying and Gray's heart was filled with anguish. The blacksmith gently wrapped his arms around the farmer and held her close to his chest. "I don't know what to do Gray." Claire sobbed into his shirt. She just wanted everything to be okay. She wanted to keep working on her farm and hanging out with Gray and Rick and Kai, but things would never be that easy again. Claire realized as she explained the situation that keeping the baby ultimately meant letting go of Rick.
Gray wrapped his arms around Claire, giving her a gentle squeeze in an attempt to comfort her. He rested his head against hers and stoked her back as he searched his mind for what to say to her, but he couldn't think of anything. Gray spent most of his days hammering away at metal, not dealing with people and it was moments like this one that made him all too aware of his deficit when it came to dealing with emotion.
"L-Listen Claire," He whispered to her. "We don't have to figure all this out today, alright? You made one big decision today and that's enough." Claire took a deep breath in and muttered an 'alright' against his chest. Since it seemed to be working at least a little, Gray continued to stoke the farmer's back. "Everything will be okay Claire." Gray told her when he felt her tears seep through his shirt. "For now we'll just keep it between us until we figure it all out. Just don't worry; it's not good for you or the baby."